– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
All my life I’ve refused to accept disorder…
I’ve never committed a crime or misdemeanour,
My upbringing? High-quality, premier,
Excellent, I couldn’t have been luckier!
With the girls, this made me ultra popular,
Scored 100 goals a season in school soccer,
Had the best sex ever with Grizelda,
Came top of my class at school: Grammar,
Postgraduate certificate & level 8 diploma,
BSc, MSc, PhD, then a Senior Scientific Researcher,
Went to Australia, became a cattle drover,
Millionaire at 30, 4 Rolls-Royces owner,
Had a marriage proposal from Elizabeth Taylor,
Affairs with Diana Rigg, Judi Dench, & Jane Asher,
Gave advice on the moon landing to NASA,
Helped find the Titanic as a saturation diver,
Retired, & went crocodile hunting in Toowoomba,
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Once again, I was so reluctant to get out of bed.
I lay there, discovering that Little Inchies’ fungal lesion had bled… The ontercom burst into life at the thought of getting out of bed, and to the panel in time; Dark, Dank, Depressing Darius was with me.
I didn’t make it in time, and the Carer called again. I mumble some sort of half-hearted apology, and I admitted him into the prison… no, the building.
I was not with it at all. The first minutes of the Carers call were a jumbled mix of memories.
The Carer issued the medications, and after taking them, I was slightly more compos mentis with things.
The lad talked me through what I needed to make my Bombay potatoes taste better, then left me a confused Inchie, as we said our farewells. I don’t think he is doing any more calls on me today.

Depression Darius was making up for his absence yesterday. I found it hard to instil any interest in things at all this morning. I reckon that Mind-Mangling-Malcolm was present for the majority of the day.
I had a chat with myself, self-lambasted me for a while, asking why I am in this mood? I got no answer.

I sort of went through the motions for most of the morning. The usual drifting off whatever I was doing, ended up with five or so plans started, none getting completed. And I’m angrier with myself.

I did get some photos done, though.
Stupidly, I went out onto the balcony to take my regular shot of the end-of-the-road car park. I took it through the window, so it came out pretty awful.
I got back inside as quickly as I could, by gawd, it was so cold out there.
Tripping over the door runners and clouting my right shoulder on the doorframe. A couple of curse words later, I closed the door and trapped my finger as it slid closed. I added a couple of stronger words, and Darius deepened his grip. Why? Yesterday was such a pleasure, too.
Irritable with myself and probably the world as well, I went into the kitchen to take a window view. That came out a little better.

I got the computer started, and took a snap of it for some reason, I left the flash on and caught it on the photograph. This would not have bothered me in the slightest bit if it had happened yesterday. But it wrangles me, and although impossible, I know, cause he’s not real. He is in my neurologically-affected mind, but I imagined that was mocking and laughing at me.
“Bonkersness is not essential for survival, but I do think it helps sometimes.” Inchies’ Words of Wisdom.
I can’t believe the change in my attitude today.

I’m getting irked, nettled, piqued, narked, and even disturbed at the slightest thing that goes, or to be precise, that I do wrong. S The going and doing wrong is a daily practice for me, it has been for a year or more now. Yesterday was the best day of the year for me. I was calm… maybe not in control, but let’s not ask for miracles, eh? I’ll be wanting world peace next!

The first day of the year that fooled me, caught me on the hop, and rekindled a hope long unused. That things might be getting better for me…

I took another snap from the window. To my right, that didn’t cheer me up either. The state of the poor tree copse, the jobboes have been at it again.
About midday, I got the computer on. And a Carer called as I took this snap, hearing aids and batteries, vaseline, heart-failure shot if needed, olive oil for the ears, drops for the eyes, Toothache Tiffany spray, and with the ‘Cool’ clock-calendar on view.

The Carer, Dilan, asked me for Codeine, Peptac and Paracetamol. He then asked me if I needed Paracetamol, Peptac or Codeine. We still find it hard to understand each other. I asked him for an effervescent Paracetamol. I broke open the capsule, added it to my spring water bottle, and took the Codeine with it. Then helped myself by grabbing the Peptac bottle and taking a guzzle of it. Off Dilan went on his round.

Back to start on the computer. Launched CorelDraw, and began to upload piccies from Koak Tim 2’s SD card…

CorelDraw then disappeared from the screen, leaving the desktop showing. I handled this situation calmly…Well, I think I did. The normal expected first response expletive that rhymed with hollyhocks. But with the keyboard playing up, I felt confident I’d hit the wrong combination of keys, or one had stuck as I did it (Ctrl+I). I pressed the CorelDraw launch button, and it came back on. 

Late afternoon.
I’m not sure if it is the sun or its reflection from over the thingamajig, the whaddocallit, erm the owsyerfather… Horizon!
I made another brew of Extra-strong Typhoo tea.
I thought about having a packet of the Bombay Potatoes for nosh tonight.
Changed my mind later.

18:00hrs: I just had an epiphany… I’m sitting here doing the blog, and the realisation that I am free… he’s gone  has disappeared!
A lightness came over me. The fear of his return, of course, is present whenever he isn’t with me.
I’m now singing aloud. Currently on Cliff’s ‘The Young Ones’. I know all the words to that one. Now, Frankie Vaughan’s ‘Green Door’… Hello, hello, hello… Carefree time, I hope, stays with me.
Nat King Cole, ‘Unforgettable’…

Aha, Carer Ejaz called this time. Great to have him to call too. He sorted the medications that he’d brought with him into the drawer. Also, the early night doses and Peptac were given.

I was pleased with the shot I took from the kitchen window. Came out well this time, for a change. About time I made a decent job of taking a snap.
I got the rushed, simple meal cooking, and decided to take another shot, this time of a different direction but lower down. Another reasonable shot. This effort turned out okay. Then, as I served it up, I decided to try for a third in a row decent photo of the meal.
So much for going for a hat-trick. What a horrible outcome for all my efforts.
A little disappointing, putting it mildly. Tsk!
Get the pots washed then.

The last Carer call of the day was Dilan.

I must get back on this site and catch up with WP reader and comments. So, I did!

=============================
Came late, but he was precious!
My only defence against Darius.
=============================

==================