Approached creating this ode quite guiltily… My ideas for it were whimsical, bonkers, delusionary… I pressed on all the same, but involuntarily… For Alto-Inchy was taking the piss at me, If it comes out passable, I’ll have to be lucky… So, I hope to avoid getting any vilipendency! Will it get boos? Or be received gladly? Here I go… I’ll have to wait and see…
Last night’s Porcelain Throne visit showed sanguinolency, I had to clean things quickly, with no time to dilly-dally. Cleaned, medicated the fungal lesion, piles, cuts, that’s three… Pain, medicating the lesion send me cranky, And Harold’s Haemorrhoids too, it took me a while, Good job that I’ve got many a mans-nappie!
It’s Alto Inchie writing this verse; Inchcock did insist!
But, things got nasty for Inchy, the lyricist…
Stubbed his toe and started to update his word list…
He spent many hours on it, needed a wee, but had to desist…
Went to hit the save icon, and I missed…
Lost the file, and he sank to his saddest…
He almost cried; it must have been hard to resist…
Then he sank further and got depressed!
I lost six hours trying to get back my lost writing… Couldn’t find it; I was confused, lost and dithering, My previous determination started withering… Duodenal Donald kicked off; it was appalling, The whole incident was depressing and galling! I believe that I was so low, beyond consoling… I wondered, what’s the next thing that’ll need bungling?
Alto Again: It was sad to see Inchy being nigglier,
His computer works are getting much messier…
He didn’t look well. He seemed to me pastier…
The outlook for him to finish this ode is murkier,
And even he’s not usually a shirker, but a worker…
I can see in his eyes that he’s getting lower…
No point in talking to him until he feels betterer,
Hello, his door chimes rang out, in came a Carer…
He turned sourly around to see who it was, looking peakier,
His face lit up, his smile radiated, for it was Carer Sarah!
I could tell that he’d immediately got feeling friskier!
It was Carer Sarah who came to do me today, This cheered me up, I have to say… I lost all signs of acting acidulously… Lovely gal, pretty and chatty, I began to feel once again, altruistically, I hope she comes again on Sunday!
Alto: Inchie knackered his computer and got in a shaking panic,
The idiot’s actions and bungled repairs were catastrophic,
He had trouble concentrating and was mnemic…
His moods all day were somewhat chameleonic.
Inchcock’s plans and thoughts were all semantic…
Yet he seemed to be taking it all phlegmatic…
In fact, he ended up feeling somewhat apathetic?
Then he found his legs had gone all phlebitic!
This is why some folks, quite rightly, consider him pilgarlic!.
Diary Saturday 14th May 2022
05:00hrs: I woke up with my bum half off of the £300, second-hand bought, c1968, nauseously beige-coloured, not-working, rusty, rickety, difficile, crumb-covered tatty recliner. The right leg on the floor, the left one on the arm of the recliner? A position that I could not physically get into on my own, even if someone offered me a million pounds to do it? Painfully I got my bum back up on the cushion, then tackled the left leg retrieval task! Have you seen that programme on the telly Truck Hell, where they have to retrieve HGVs after a crash? That’s like the task I had on.
I got it freed and the foot down on terra firma. Hehehe! It took me half an hour to achieve it.
Then, I noticed the right leg only had suffered a vein explosion. The first photo is of the front of the leg. I had a good look at it. There were no pains from the veins. Then I wondered about the back of the right leg. Got the Canon camera again and took a blind picture.
Aha, more veins showing through? On a closer look at the photograph, later on, it looked to me that last time, the surgeon who did them had left his name tattooed on the leg? Hehe! I’ll put this one on more prominent than usual to see what you think. It’s on the top right of the picture. Wonder what it is?
Ah, well, better get up; the Carer may be calling soon… and…
As I stood up to catch my balance, I knocked the camera off of the ottoman. I went into the bathroom to ready things for the ablutioning later on, and took this snap of the new marks on the face, this time! Then tried to take another snapshot of the morning view, but the camera didn’t have it. Sob!
It seemed to take the photo, but nothing was getting put on the SD card to view, other than this one and the legs? Miffed off, now! Another blog without many pictures, Humph!
I made up some waste bags, mashed a brew and got on the computer. And the morning carer appeared without ringing the buzzer and made me jump. Haha! Carer Sara was a pretty young thing, and she was sociable. ♥
On with the blog. I finished the update two hours later and posted it on Facebook. Went on Facebooking. Then the WP Reader, and comment reading and replying to.
The usual for the weekend. An increase in Herbert’s noise level. On and off all day, at times, I thought he must have hurt himself with the clanging and banging. At times, I could hurt him myself!
Got on with the Ode template for Saturday’s blog. But a disaster befell me…
I used two pages of saved words on Notepad and got on with selected suitable or better options. And the Peripheral Pete’s Neurotransmitters failed, as Shuddering Shoulder Shirley kicked in simultaneously. There was controlling my movements at all.
The arm shot across the keyboard with the left clicker pressed firmly down, hitting various keys as it went to my left, knocked the SD reader flying as the connector broke off, and it was all over in seconds, but it did a lot of damage, and worst of all, I lost all my words in the two files!
I then spent the following hours of the day trying to understand what the warning messages that came up meant and trying everything within my limited knowledge to find the missing files. No such luck! Photos not going on again.
Made a large meal and ate it all. Wee-wee. Carer Valerie called. Head down, but foolishly tried to watch a Dirty Harry film on the box… I did, in a way, but in about 25 episodes, I watched one each time I woke up and nodded off again!
It’s going to be a messy day, says my EQ… Most of the time, what says comes true, Ignore him, and Accifauxpas will be due, Whoopsiedangleplops, & tumbles, too… Not to mention frustration coming to you!
Below are the details of the day that did accrue… Although it is only a short, confusing review, Peripheral Neuropathy troubles, what can I do? A Facebook message from Timbuktu… Virgin Internet down again – Boo-boo!
My anger at the above, I must subdue… It got me in a pickle and nervous stew! My concentration flailed, then flew… I suppose, at least in the long view… Another cock-up, Accifauxpas, is due?
Diary Of Woe
I recovered consciousness at 06:00hrs. No messing about, I rose and caught my balance. I went to get the kettle on, sorted the waste bags, had a wee-wee, then a wash, dressed and made a brew of Glengettie.
So much I had planned to do as well. Bitterly disappointed! I sent painful death wishes through the ether for Herr Fries… well, I can hope! Why? Jealousy and not believing the scumball who cannot a Virgin Media internet signal to Nottingham. Thus, making my life so difficult. Here is what my research found out are the other reason I hate the git to bits: Michael Fries: The estimated Net Worth of Michael T Fries is at least 184 Million dollars as of 1 May 2022. Mr Fries owns over 215,799 units of Liberty Global plc stock worth over $38,181,312, and over the last 9 years, he sold LBTYK stock worth over $22,634,655. In addition, he makes $123,254,000 as Vice Chairman of the Board, President, and Chief Executive Officer at Liberty Global plc. So, you can see why I’m pissed off and jealous?
I pondered on Fries’ nature and outlook. His traits came to mind; Lucre, payoffs, smoke & mirrors, profit, gelt, money, and incapabilities to run Virgin Media with any reliability. A few others came to me… deception, flimflam, hocus-pocus. Illusion, legerdemain, and under-handed professional prestidigitation? I think I’m close.
I can’t load photos, save anything, update yesterday’s blog, or titivate the News Snippets blog. Grrr! If I get any later, I’ll try to get them on. Otherwise, they will have to wait for the pleasure of the computer and SD reader another day.
Having to make a start on this blog using the Windows Notepad. Which does not have formatting to use, so when… silly me… IF the pathetic Liberty-Global Internet ever comes back on, it will take three times as long to get the post from here to the blog – cause it will need formatting again once in there. I’ve just sent another wish through the ether, urging Herr Fries testicles to rot and go gradually, inchmeal, agonisingly putrid.
Half an hour later, I tried to save again, feeling that it would be a waste of time… but I tried it; The New Post button clicked, and Oh, so slowly, the pixelating page came on… I’ll try again… Aha! Well done, Virgin Media, it’s back on… no idea how long for… Back to updating the last diary.
Carer Richard arrived as I was making a brew of Extra Strong tea. I was in the kitchen and did not hear the door chime? And I’d put some olive oil in the ears earlier? The lad looked shattered, and he had another visit to make yet. So I didn’t keep him for too long. I forewent the chatting. Gave him some bits to take home, adding a Tango iced lolly as he left; he likes them. He’s got to start a shift again tonight, as well.
The photos are loaded! Why suddenly? I know not, but I’m just glad they did. (Later, it froze again, so pictures will be missing, Grumph!) I got those that got on into the hard drive. Took a while and a lot of hassle.
As I was putting the SD card back in the camera, I realised that dying neurotransmitters that come with Peripheral Neuropathy had taken over the fingers in my right hand.
Blogging away and the door-chime rang out. It was Amazon with the Distilled vinegar. It’s been that long now; I’d forgotten I’d ordered it.
Got the second blog finished and posted. The time is flashing by now. Blogging on…
I called Warden Deana and asked about the TV licence and door key, which were paid for and ordered three weeks ago. She said she’d be up to see me later.
Blogging, it is getting harder to concentrate now. Herbert was on form again with his noise making.
I blogged on slowly now… Went to make a brew, and Warden Deana arrived. She had the receipt for the TV licence. She texted someone about the lack of the new spare key arriving. No reply. She’ll try again later and let me know.
I took a break from blogging and opened the box with the 5litre plastic bottle of distilled vinegar. The cardboard on the box was covered in plastic tape. I’m glad nobody was listening to me as I did it… There was a little cursing taking place. Hehe! I think it might have taken half a tree to make that box. It took me over an hour to dismantle it. It came close to a cut finger or knuckle a few times, but I managed it without losing any blood… got a few bruises, mind.
Blogging again and trying to get the photos loaded… Huh!
Blimus! It’s 17:25hrs already! I’ll turn off the computer and let it cool down while I make something to eat. Then, all being well, I’ll try to load the photographs again… but I may fall asleep instead… possibly burning the meal as well…
Got the nosh eaten, well I say nosh… I was so uptight and tired; I had two little cakes and an iced lolly. Tsk! Then tried to upload the photos again… Nope! Hopefully, they’ll get into tomorrow’s blog; of course, I’ll have forgotten where, why, and when most of them were taken.
Carer Valerie arrived as I washed the pots, cups, and plastic plates. Hehe! Had a mini-natter, but it was hard work with my eyes and ears so bad. She was treated to nibbles of her choice, and off she went with my thanks.
Had a wash and got stripped off and onto the second-hand, £300, charity shop-bought, gungy beige coloured, not-working, c1968 recliner, in search of sleep.
But, would it come? No! Despite my body ‘leaving much to be desired,’ mind telling me I needed to sleep! It was not to be! Even the trick of putting on the TV, which usually assures me of nodding off during the advert break, failed to help. I did have a couple of dropping-off’s, but they were only for a few seconds, followed by disturbing jumps awake to find myself talking? I can’t say that I’ve noticed that before?
After the last of the springing awakes and mutterings, I noticed that the news was showing on the telly. The eleven o’clock news, and thought, well, I’ll watch this. And Zzzz!
A simple question, no need to gerrall upset abarght it, me old fruit…
Oh, frug-off! I don’t know where you’ve been, but the last three days have been heaven without you! Wherever you’ve been, can’t yer sod-off back to it…
No, no, no… I’ve been visiting the Morlocks, and I am the first Alto-Ego to do so!
Ah! Yer see, you really don’t know who the Morlocks are then, do you?
I told you I couldn’t give a rats arse about who they are; why do you want me to know about them, whoever they are? I think…
Ah, but yer doesn’t think, that’s why you’re missing out so much… No! Let me finish…
Oh, go on then… let’s have it…
Well, you smarty-pants know-nothing. The Morlocks inhabit the earth’s inner and underside… and have done for longer than any tellurian life forms have, even before…
Is this going to take long? Only I can feel the need for a crap coming on… which will mean I’ll have had two loads of crap today… Hahaha!
Look Dumbo! This is important; I’m not kidding either. This could benefit both of us, and we can have a lifetime of fame… Well, fair enough, not you, you’re about to snuff it anytime now, at least I’ll be the most famous Alto-Ego ever…
I’m not interested nor bothered about dying – that’s cause you, yer foul-breathed bully Alto, have made me this way. With yer constant putting me down, decrying me, making me so depressed, frustrated and angry, fed-up with failures, this never happened before I found you lurking in my body and mind!
Well, that’s so nice of you to say so, and admit it too! I may have misread you a little. To know that you appreciate all my efforts to maintain your grumpiness, self-hatred and demoralised at all times – I think I
I’ve got to admit it; you’ve done a cracking job. So, go on, tell me about visiting the Morlocks then…
They told me how I could gain some visibility to humans! The Morlocks could see me clearly all the time… but I didn’t like that. I couldn’t sneak upon them, and they knew where I was all the while. No, I shan’t be returning to see them again. Thank heavens, tellurians don’t have this ability! But this gaining part-visibility is excellent! Again, I have supreme and individual capabilities that no other Alto-Ego has! Meaning I can scare the living daylights out of my current human, that’s you, of course. And learn to go fully visible with a bit of training. Of course, your time is nearly up, so I might go a little easy on you cause we’ve been pals for a long time now, and…
‘Ode on mush! Let me get a hold of this. You’re using me as a guinea-pig to practice yer visibility training? After telling me how much yer appreciate my help? You’ll likely give me a heart attack, and my limited time will be shorter…
Oh, yes, did you not see the outlines of weapons on me when I arrived? You should have; I’m a little disappointed that you didn’t, cause I wanted…
Screw you! You scumball! How would you feel of you had a limited life span? You’ve destroyed my self-confidence and frustrated and depressed me; I wouldn’t be surprised if you weren’t responsible for giving me Vascular Dementia… Ah! You were laughing at me, you horrible Alto-Ego! I just got a glimpse of an outline of the form you’ve taken…
Keep it cool, man! Well, I say man… Hehehe! No need to start getting new abilities now. You’ve got little time left to use ’em anyway! Why gerrupset? At long last, you’ve worked out that Alto-Egos distribute such ailments… Hold on, yer going red in the face now, that’ll do yer no good, Inchcock!
Why the pluck do you want to give innocent humans a mind-crippling thing like dementia? Are you telling me that you Altos are responsible for the ailment?
Of course, we are, Blunderbrain! It’s the easiest thing for us to inflict on humans – that’s why so many of you get it. Gawd, you’re thick! I mean, it’s not exactly easy, cause when we pass it on to you, we’ve got to wait twenty years before we find out if it has been successful or not, so you must appreciate, we have done it for our own good, yer see…
Gragnangles! How does yer work that out then?
Oh, Inchcock, you are so sad. You cannot see what’s happening at all, can yer?
Look at your ailment graphic above, and that’s not got the Kathleen Cataracts, Glaucoma Gladys, or Doreen Dementia on it yet, has it?
Listen, what’s yer worst worry, not counting being deaf, and can’t see much? Go on; I’ll wait while you muse over it…
Erm, not counting being deaf and can’t see much?…
That’s what I said, no rush, take yer time Inchcock; not too long, cause yer ain’t got a lot of time left, have you?
I’m trying to think here; I don’t need you confusing me more…
Exactly my point!
I’ll keep quiet; let you work it out then…
Ponders: Erm, Duodenal Donald and Bladder Belinda have been bad today… Cathies Cartilage and Peripheral Pete have been playing up for a day or two… Dizzy Dennis and Sock Glide Brenda have had me over at the weekend…
Then, I scratched my head in the wet room, and it bled a lot… but I’ve since found out the Warfarin INR blood count was a little out of range; they’ve changed the dosages now. Summat happened on Friday, what was it? Oh, yes, The blood pressure sys went up to SYS 205 and DIA 88, and the Pulse had gone up to 97 bpm. I remember that. And having in the right eye (red-eye) subconjunctival haemorrhaging, which cleared up after two three-a-day days of eye drops? Ah, that’s summat I’d forgotten about. I must ask for some more of the eye drops. Colin Cramps has visited me for the last five nights, Little Inchies Fungal Lesion has been bleeding… and wee-weeing is painful, and sprinkle at the moment. A good job is that I’ve got a large stock of PPs (Protection Pants) in-store in the wet room to use. But Harold’s Haemorrhoids are stinging more lately but not bleeding as often as they usually do… Although the change in the INR level might be causing the bleeding on the arm after a blood taking session?
Even so, forgetting things is mayhaps the worst thing, so it’s Dementia, Doreen?
Yes, Alto, are you still there?
Aye, I’m waiting for you to tell me that it’s Dementia Doreen; that is the worst worry you have!
Well, pickle-my-walnuts! How did you know that?
All part of Alto-Inchie plan and design matey! By giving you Doreen to keep you worried, see how all the other ailments fade into the background?
I’m not sure… I suppose there might be summat in wot you say…
Even my being here, like it or not, takes your mind off of the ailments a smidgeon!
Yea… but we always end up disagreeing, which is not good, is it?
Or, is it indeed?
Anyway, hours ago, I asked you why you had a weapon with you. Well, why?
Just showing off what I learned from the Morlocks, Inchcock. Don’t fret; they are not real weapons. I don’t need them…
Har-Har! What you mean is you cannot fire them… you do not have the capability or physical skills needed to shoot them, innit?
No need to get sarkie with me, mate! It’ll only get me going making you feel tiny, a fool, an idiot, incapable of manual sex, mini-cocked, bald, socially unacceptable, pot-bellied, uncouth, smelly, repugnant, despondent, uneducated, lonely, miserable, uncouth, ugly, uncultured, underprivileged, scatterbrained, and pestiferous. Deserving of condemnation or execration… a totally pathetically inept old, repugnant fart, unwanted and uncared for, a coffin-seeking has been, who…
Has yer finished yet?
For now, yer!
Oh, good. I shall not return the insults, just suggest you go forth and multiply. Hopefully, with you never returning again…
Hahaha! The only reason I’ll not come again will be when you are dead, so keep on wishing, dumbo!
Oh! See yer anon then; in the morning, Alto?
A much confused Inchcock got ready for bed, did his ablutionalisationing, and climbed into his £300, second-hand bought, c1968, nauseously beige-coloured, not-working, rusty, rickety, crumb-holder of a recliner. And once again sensed the presence of Alto-Inchie, watching him ready for a verbal attack… As if prearranged, they started on a rhyme-a-line verbal battle…
Oh, you back again, come to lickspittle?
See that, no welcome again. Is your nastiness congenital?
Worrever yer want, be quick, cause I need a pittle…
Why can’t you be a little more angelical?
Cause I’m trying to sleep, and along comes you with your prattle…
Oh, that’s nice, to cheer you up I call twice…
Pig-off Alto, you’re the nasty one. Not nice!
Well, me helping you must come at a price!
Sod-off, I’d sooner be visited by lice!
I only came to tell you what day it was, Christ!
I think you are definitely agathokakological!
Your wording is anti-logical…
Tommyrot, you know that I’m sociological…
More like demonological!
Do you know what the words mean you are using?
Well, not all of ’em, but I find it amusing…
Amusing? I cannot allow you any of that, or contentment, entertaining, or smiling!!!
Was not? I’m just asking…
You nitwit, it’s the reason for my being, to cause you pain, confusion and much inconveniencing…
You do that alright, with your constant word-mincing…
Doreen Dementia has got to you again; you’re word misplacing and mispronouncing!
You horrible Alto-Ego, I wish I could give you a trouncing!
Well, that’d be better than us kissing…
Can’t we just calm down and start pleasantly talking?
Nae, you’d only start grumping, moaning and trumping…
That my unwanted, human-hating antisocial Alto would be due to your tormenting!
Well, I have no morals or body, like you who are in a state of decay…
Hey, hey, hey! You’re having a dig at me again. Oh, lackaday!
A? Are you referring to my doomsday!
Yea! When you snuff it into the ether, your body and mind will stray…
No salvation, just nothing forever and a day…
You might try to pray…
But you’re faithless, right or wrong, who is to say?
Your end is nigh, and it makes me sigh; you could be dead by midday! Hahaha!
At least your fatty body will waste away…
Oy, Alto, You are betting sarky and bitchy!
Yes, thank you, it’s just my way…
I suppose I’ve led my life abstemiously…
That’s the spirit; at least your painful, pathetic, sad, pointless existence was led altruistically…
Altruistically? I’ll check that on the online dictionary…
Don’t waste your time Inchcock; your lack of education left you with a mental block…
And what about forgetting things, losing time, dates, days, keys, codes and the odd-sock?
You’ve not had a lot of luck, have yer? Remember when you were conned by the financial Shylock?
Aye, and being shot twice, made redundant three times, heart failure, Mother running away, ending up in the dock?
Duodenal Donald, going deaf, poisoned, being treated with lice, Shock after shock…
There’s a lot of my history you seem to know, Alto? Have you always had access to my memory box?
Oh, yea! From the go, mate. The first word I heard on this assignment was your Mam’s when she said to the midwife, “I don’t want it; throw it in the Trent!”
Cor, you heard it all, so it was true then, but that’s no consolement.
Aye, I saw it all, the fights twixt yer parents, the police collecting Mam for trial and imprisonment…
Oh, and the tin bath hanging outside on the wall in the yard, outside coal house and toilet, you getting bullied at school… yer life then wasn’t exactly suent!
You having your heart broken by Grizelda, playing truant…
Your fumbling attempts with Mavis from the end house when drunk…
Alright! Enough! Imperfect as my memory is, there are some things I’d like to forget, many a stunt…
Now, here you are 70 odd years later, done-in, pissed off, disabled, and languescent…
I remember the happy times when I lived in digs on Wilford Crescent; my life was incandescent!
Me too; I had a bit of a fling with another Alto…
Ah, but yer couldn’t have sex together, though?
Too true, but it was bliss, till she had to go… so sad though…
Why? Let your story flow…
Do you remember a geordie in the digs by the name of Joe?
I certainly do; that was sad. Heart attack, Joe died as he laid a double-six domino…
. Well, my affair of sorts was with Joe’s Alto-Ego…
She was transferred and assigned to another human called Domingo.
Wilford Crescent was good for me, bad for you, but there you go…
Yes, I lost concentration while Alto-Ego Christine was around… my making you miserable and depressed was not so profound…
I never thought of you as being capable of loving anyone…
Yes, to me, from her backside, the sunshine shone!
I’ve given myself a challenge here… Where do I start? Well, I don’t want to sound like a worrywart… But you may like to put this guide on a wall chart, Get prepared, to wee-wee, bleed a lot, and fart? To the wet room, with ablutionalisationing, we’ll start…
Well, getting your clothes on and off, will be a work of art! The socks removal will hurt in every leg part! Pants and PPs, shirt and hat off, you’ll be knackered, By the time you start teeth cleaning, paddy-whacked! Then the toothpaste to extract… Peripheral Pete causing shaking hands, distances inexact… Toothpaste on your chin belly and feet… it’s a fact!
Nasal clearing, avoid catching the new pustulation…
And shaking hands, need careful manipulation…
Stabbing up the nose can cause a concussion!
Due to the dying nerve-ends neurotransmission!
Then the eyedrops, they miss each time, despite my best attention,
Evolve drips anywhere but the eyes; to the mouth, via obambulation,
Oh, while I think about it, you’ll have to have a fundoplication!
Shaving’s the next job, which always causes apprehension!
You’ll cut yourself several times, no need for overreaction… The Brut aftershave serves as a blood stopper medication! Mind you, it stings, you’ll swear in protestation, It’s just another necessary daily ritualisation!
Then comes, the dangerous part, of showering! It’s no good fearing, and cowering… It must be done, like an everyday thing! Dizzy Dennis arrives, you stop the soaping… Then drop the loofah, bend in retrieving… Hit your bonce on the powerbox, your heads now reeling… Loss of balance sometimes, a usual old folk feeling… Then you often find yourself falling… But getting back up is more appalling and galling, Usually, you’ll drop things again… But, to avoid any more pain,
You’ll kick it away, then you may start talcing?
Till you stub your toe, then start cursing!
But there are more things yet, that will be paining!
No mirrors in the wet room, I mention tactfully,
For fear, you’ll see your flabby midriff’s rotundity,
Which will bring on the depression, for a certainty,
You’ll find spotting your reflection, rather dismally,
Little Inchies Fungal Lesion will need ointmenting,
Especially if it’s been leaking and bleeding!
The certainty of agony needs acknowledging…
Some think this procedure, is bestiality, brutality…
I can tell yer, I don’t think about affectionately!
And I don’t tackle the job exactly bravely!
Arthur Itis knees to be Phorpained, to lessen rheumatically,
An easy enough task, although the limbs can get greasy…
It’s the Phorpain Gel, the box says it’s liable to flammability?
Still, a good massage and rubbing in seems to work easily.
The Germoloiding of Harold’s Haemorrhoids is a pleasure, Always effective, instant relief, this ointment is a treasure! But you can’t buy it when on a Special Offer… Full price, cause the makers, want to fill their coffer…
You’ll be able to get a cream on the NHS, Anusol, but it’s crap, And you’ll need to wear sunglasses and a hat… Use walking aids, hearing aids, spectacles, blind as a bat! Cataracts, Glaucoma and Saccades will be begat! I’m getting mixed up here, where was I at?
I named Accifauxpas, to such incidents as the above,
Having digits etc. bruised, and cut, you may not approve,
But incident rates will never improve…
As you grow decrepit and old, it’s the truth!
There is no way to make things accident-proof…
I named Accifauxpas, to such incidents as the above, Having digits etc. bruised, and cut, you may not approve, But incident rates will never improve… There is no to make things foolproof…
But there is a way, to ease them and help make them better! You don’t believe me? I can hear you mutter! But clean the wound, Give it a Germolene smother… As antiseptics go, there is none betterer… It soothes and cools wounds with no palaver… Keep a tube in the first aid box, it’s a good manoeuvre!
You’ll lose any skill you had at handcraftsmanship,
Sewing, darning, woodwork, sculpting, or need a replacement hip,
A new knee or two, a mechanical ticker, ready for the crypt…
So when things start to fail and collapse, don’t lose your grip!.
Don’t look back at the days when you were nonhandicapped! Or even when you could risk being back slapped, Or when you were capable of being able and schlepped… It’s important for you to be able to adapt!
You’ll only compare things, with now and then, Your mental and bodily decline, remembering girls like Gretchen? Your confidence, comparative memories, do not enrichen! In fact, they have been known to bring on depression! Recalling the romances, victories, how many were they, ten? Your first fumbling grope – can you remember who and when? The Auntie who always bathed you… you were happy then! But such days will never return again… Have you still got love letters, written with a pen? The name of your very first kitten? Or the first dog by which you were bitten?
When your life was considered to be sublime, Utopian… Some details will be embedded in your brain, unforgotten… But many of them inspire things you think were rotten! Actions and decisions that were taken by you; were you forgiven? Or like me; having Thought Storms of guilt and derision?
There is an ailment that can free you from making many a decision… Vascular Dementia Doreen, she’s good at memory suppression, Also, she jumbles up numbers and dates, like a statistician… Or mayhaps, more like a politician? That reminds me, the Dentist and Optician… Appointments to cancel, that’ll cause derision, Is it a pediatrican or maybe a metaphysician? I might be better off with a dietician or magician?
Cataract Surgery is my latest thing worrying, Two Phacoemulsification operations or something, Then Glaucoma operations in both eyes… Then there’s Saccades procedure right eye, But worrying about it is not very wise Seeing an assessor on 3rd May waited five months, irking,
So by the time you Whippersnappers get to my age, The NHS will be a memory, but you should manage… Unless there is a world war again, violence is savage! The private owners of the hospital will add a surcharge… £200 for a bandage, £30 to be unbandaged, if you haemorrhage… £50 a pint lost, and for cleaning up there’ll be an added charge… An entrance fee if you have to use the triage… Visitors will be charged, £35 an hour on average… £40 a cup of tea, £60 for coffee, £40, for other beverages… Medications, an Aspirin at £35, according to dosage… Visitors can have a variable-priced massage… Grizelda £45, William too, either-way Brenda, £200 with frottage!
All Inchies’ plans, hopes, desires get obliterable,
All of the wishes and prayers fade; it’s unfixable…
In a crowd, he’s always the one that’s unnoticeable,
Thought-Storms, wild ideas become pestilential…
His handwriting is now virtually untranslatable,
Voices, alarms, so many to Inchie are unhearable,
Problems are increasing… not many are solvable,
Friendships, chinwags are all uncultivatable,
As seeing lip-reading with Cataracts is not doable…
Vascular Dementia Doreen has ruined the potential…
To do anything that is enjoyable or cherishable!
Inchie should get a medal for being so confusable… He’s given up socialising, he’s no longer compatible, Inchies depressions are no longer confineable, Hell, they are not even logical or describable… He tries to talk seriously, his views are uninfluential, Inchies common sense is turning surreal, His neurotransmitters are no longer connectable… To the brain; so too falls and shakes he is liable… But hopes of a cure are almost non-existent… Sniffle!
Yet he can have hopes, some of them substantial, But why he bothers is just unanswerable… Will he feel better when his eyes are done; its arguable, Cataracts, Glaucoma Saccades, are treatable… But will Inchy love long enough? Life’s a raffle… For 25 years now, he’s been totally tea-total, He never thought he’d persist and be capable, See? Summat he got right is detectable!
On past City & QMC visits, he became reflectable, Hoping those he awaits will not be fatal… He’s waiting on dates of five procedures at the hospital, Will soon come about and be arrangeable, But he’s not too hopeful and not getting flappable… He’s more worried about the logistics; will he be able… Which can do him no good and be detrimental… That’s another thing he needs, treatment dental!
He fears arranging things transportational… A carer to stay with him, which’d be pleasurable, After the 3 procedures, stay for 24hrs – is this possible? What’s the procedure: is it cost credible? I don’t know why I wrote this; it’s grammatically unpublishable?
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Tues 5th April 2022
03:30hrs: The now, usual for the last four mornings anyway, jumping awake to the tormenting sounds of the Thought-Storms, driving me into instant confusion, began.
I reckon the storm lasted for about three minutes, then faded fast. No idea why, but happy about it!
Even getting out of the c1966 recliner and up to catch my balance was easy-peasy! Three-limps with Metal Mickey to the NWWB (Nocturnal-Wee-Wee Bucket) and took another reluctant wee-wee. Without any PM (Pre-Micturitional) or CM (Cessational Micturitional) dribbling. Things looked hopeful to me for a better day in the offing? Until…
I soon learnt that Peripheral Neuropathy Pete had replaced the Thought-Storm as the primary ailment. Although, right Cartilage Cathy was assisting in making hobbling a smidge difficult. But I’m not complaining; this knee pain and wobbling leg were a pleasure to put up with compared to yesterday morning’s Dracula Depression. Yes, I was feeling much better already!
Emptied, cleaned and disinfected the bucket and had a wash of sorts. Then, returned the NWWB to its handily placed position. Just in case things change with the bladder, off to the kitchen.
The view from the kitchenette window was very similar to yesterday’s beautiful picture.
I took this photograph. Even if it looked like yesterday.
As I opened the window, the wind caught me out. I moved a little with the camera and knocked over the knife block! I managed to catch it without any harm or injury, and only one knife fell out of the block! I was trying not to get into a Smug-Mode, as history has taught me that doing that can prove almost fatal! At minimal a foretaster of something else going wrong, at least! I made up two waste bags and placed them near the door. Got the kettle on and made a brew of JS Extra Strong tea. And off to get the computer going.
I kept getting messages telling me to put a disc in the F: drive, which had been there all along. The SD card reader refused to react again. So I left the card in to see if it would later on. I occasionally responded by giving the SD card a soft jingle – but it made no difference. Hey-ho!
Carer Richard arrived. He soon got me sorted with the medications, alarm-alert battery checks and looked at the supply of drugs in the drawer. He had to shoot off. He gave me a bit of a natter, though, bless him. He didn’t look too good this morning. Hope he’s going to be alright.
After updating yesterday’s blog for a while, I made another brew. Glengettie this time, and I tried the new ‘Just Milk’ in it again.
I’ve no idea if anything in it is different to normal semi-skimmed milk; the writing is too tiny for Cataract Kathleen to make it out. But I have to say that it lets the flavour of the tea come through without masking it, better than any other milk I’ve tried. As I got back to updating the blog…
The need for the Porcelain Throne interrupted me. As I casually got up and grabbed Metal-Mickey, the urgency of the need snowballed, and it ended up with just making it in time, after a panic, rush and quick hobble! Hahaha!
Not exactly as smooth as silk, and it was accompanied by different pains areas this time, despite the evacuation being semi-soft. All over in about a minute! No bleeding, stinging or hurting from Harold’s Haemorrhoids either. As I was cleaning up after the event. I realised that it may well be my having a second vegetable meal in three days that made things uncomfortable and nearly caught me out? Back to chips and a pastie with tomatoes tonight!
Made another brew, Thompsons Punjana this time. Oh, I am spoilt for choices with great tasting teas! My best four are, from the top: Glengettie, Thompsons Punjana, Co-op 99 and JS Extra Strong Brown Label. But there is little between them. All great!
Made a restart on the updating of yesterday’s blog. At long last, I got it done and posted it off to WordPress.
Sphygmomanometerisationing began. The Boots machine returned slightly better figures this morning. The SYS has gone down from 169, 161, 159 and now to 157. My blood pressure is going in the right direction! And the body temperature is so very nearly on target again, at 34.8°c. Good!
Back to the wet room, no waiting this time, first songs and I was off. Hehe! Bubbly is one word to describe the evacuation this time. Almost frothy? Not a lot, no bleeding and no pain!
I replied to some Emails… well, the one. Hehe! I did some Facebooking catch-up. Starting the WP Reader viewing and…
Mr Nice, from the flat above, launched into some clanging about.
I spent a long time trying to get this post started. The concentration did a runner, and so many mistakes were made and had to be found and corrected. I imagine I’ve missed some; there were that many! The top Ode cost me a few hours of disheartening faffling about.
It was well into the afternoon when I got up to here with the scripturising. I like that word; I expected Grammarly to tell me it was spelt wrong. Oh, sod it, it just told me belatedly!
Better get some nosh sorted out then.
Took a photo of the Chestnut Way end car park. Just to see how red-van-man had parked.
Even with the Cataracts, it caught my eye that the popularity of car colours on the front spaces. Grey, black and white seems to be in fashion here at the towers. Disabled ones, perhaps?
I got the nosh all sorted out. Fishcakes with mushy peas in them, imitation fish sticks, tomatoes and some reasonably decent chips. Dessert and milk roll bread. Rating: 7/10.
Fell asleep watching something or other on the TV. Two hours or so later, ♫ Oh, Susan ♫ chirped from the door chime, and the evening carer arrived. An obviously experienced young chap, not seen him before. Good at the job, sorted the medications and came up with a solution to dropping the tablets and regurgitating without noticing. The Carer suggested taking them one at a time. Good idea, I’ll try that! Thanked him, and off he went.
As I checked around to make sure no taps or lights had been left on and all was safe – I saw the view from the kitchenette window. It was beautiful; I got the Canon and took this photo.
Then, a programme, well, two consecutive ones, were shown on the same channel. I fancied watching them both and got myself settled with a bottle of spring water, the wee-wee bucket nearby, feet up on the chair in readiness to enjoy them. I fell asleep at the first set of adverts and woke up two hours later to catch the finishing credits for the second documentary! Hey-Ho!
I’d like to start with an embarrassment. Last night Caring Carer Julie came to sort me out. Julie, being the kind soul who got my pamphlets sent to HRH & Billum, in America all done for me. It wasn’t until the gal had left that a terrible, sickening thought came to me…
Old Photo of an old Nottinghamian
I can’t recall paying her for the packages and postage! Guilt runs through me, now. After all the time and efforts she’s spent helping me out as well. I tested my Vascular Dementia affected memory… I fear the worst and am pretty confident I have not paid my dues to Julie. If she might read this… Please, forgive me, and please remind me on the next call… Please! Sorry! ♥
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Photographicalisations From Yesterday
Morning Chest Way Car Park
I can’t remember when I took either picture,
It’s light, must have been late morning, I gather…
Off to the Porcelain Throne, I did jaunter…
All went well, no mess or blood to encounter,
Realised I’d left the walking stick in the shower,
The wet room I did reenter…
Went back… the funk I’d made I did encounter!.
I did take a photo of the car park, but as regularly occurs, for some reason: It didn’t make it onto the SD disc? As with the photograph I took of meal yesterday.
See the photo on the left? A fine example of when Inchcock fumbles about trying to put eye drops in.
I’ve found the missing snap of Sunday’s lunch though…or was it Mondays? Erm, yes, Monday’s! I’m nearly positive it was… I’ve taken to the Iceland beef pasties, a few onions and potatoes in it too.
Sunset photos, again of the beautiful blue-purple hue. There is something about this type of sky that makes me remember from about 1665, I’ll try that again, 1965. Hehe! TA manoeuvres on Exmoor. Each night then, the skies looked like these do. Nothing remarkable or exciting happened, but I did adore the view… Oh, no, we were needed (RAMC field unit) once, to dig out a fragment splinter from a Norwegian squaddies belly. Har-har!
I worked diligently on the blogging. Making more mistakes and losing aeons of time in finding out what I’d done wrong and fumbling bumbling about to correct things. I still don’t know how I kept getting into a pickle, or how I got out of them.
Vascular Dementia Doris and Peripheral Neuropathy Pete, I imagine. Well, I know it was them. Hehe!
Esther arrived to do the washing
And I got an ear-bashing…
For wearing the wrong slippers, not hearing…
Buying things I don’t need, that she is cleaning,
Talking to me she walks away in a twinkling…
I hear her talking… babble not the words, so enraging!
She demanded a mug of tea, so I got brewing…
Esther rarely stopped still, to do her chinwagging,
She checked the kitchen drawers, foraging…
Her criticisms were ever-burgeoning…
The constant talking was very confusing,
Words muttered from the other room, absquatulating,
I got a few words in… well, I was attempting…
She even spoke through the door, as I was urinating!
Even when at times my mind was raging and racing…
Struggling to understand her, patience shortening…
Yet she’s such a character, I do find her engaging,
Never bored when is aboard, I’m not complaining…
It’s just that she sets my mind trampolining!
Sunsetting shots from the kitchen window
This is the new TV remote, that Esther sorted out for, and told me to order from Amazon. Why do I put this in the blog? I’ve lost the old one again, which I found after getting this one! Sad, innit?
Evening Carer Julie arrived, full details near the top of this page (photo). This is the first picture I took of my American gem, Julie. As you can see, I was a bit shaky at the time. Shaking Shaun! But Julies attention made everything feel so much betterer! ♥
I thought I’d update you are my mission to get three of the green house icons in the YourArea magazine. I’ve never got more than one, in months of doing them daily. Ah, well!
Off in Search in Sweet Morpheus…
After five nights of forever waking up, but fortunately nodding off pretty quickly again… but not for long, the waking has been so often, regular, at times five minutes between them! I’m even thinking of seeing the Doctor about it… What am I saying… see the Doctor… Hahaha! I can’t even remember what she looks like, it’s been that long since I saw… erm… what is her name now? It’ll come to me… or not.
I nodded off quickly tonight. Although the waking ups were there all the time once more, however, there was a lengthier time in between them. I reckon I only stirred about five or six times. Which sounds bad enough, but was far less than the preceding few evenings. I am expecting now I’ve said that something else will take over in annoying me… it usually does!
Up like a lark, 25 press-ups, a bit of shadow boxing, ten minutes on the weights, lifted…
Well, alright then. I woke and needed a wee-wee, as I got up to catch my balance, I ended up on my bum on the floor! This released the urine, burst some of Harold’s Haemorrhoids, and the jammie-bottoms pulled against Little Inchies fungal lesion, and the blood flowed! Not a good start to the day at all! But did it bother me? Yes, it did! Krugnangles! The next two hours or so I spent cursing, spitting, feeling sorry for myself, fed-up, medicationalisationing, cleaning things up, and generally at a low ebb!
I’m just so glad there is no CCTV in the flat. Because my limping to the wet room and medical box, walking as if I’d mucked myself, to hold in the blood and pee, was most embarrassing. I shouldn’t really tell you of these things, but it is a fine example of what may happen to the whippersnappers in later life, and how to contend with it? I’ll tell you how…
After the natural first reaction, as with me this morning; you can always find that something is going to temporarily improve your outlook, and often does.
Tips, Warnings & Advice For Whippersnappers
In my case, after medicating things, I had a shave… with zero nicks or cuts! Which hasn’t happened for months since the stroke. A positive there! Please read these tips, or you’ll kick yourself for absorbing this advice in fifty years or so. Be prepared! Know what you might have to contend with; I wish someone had warned me!
Next, forget all about what has happened, and make a brew of Glengettie tea. (With Vascular Dementia Doris, I have no choice other than to forget things, so, another positive there, see?)
Of course later on something will remind you… Little Inchie may start bleeding again, Arthur Itis may turn nasty with your knees, or Little Inchies fungal lesion, or Harold’s Haemorrhoids, may start to bleed again? (As they did for me) Just bad luck, that is!
After treating whichever ailment is in need of it, the old memory will fade again… it’s got its advantages as long as you look at it in the right way… which you will have forgotten by now.
Leaving the hot water (faucet) tap running, forgetting food is cooking, dropping something when you get Shaking Shaun on the job, toe-stubbing and walking into doorframes due to saccades, glaucoma, cataracts and stupidity, seem to be the most popular with me, currently.
Forgetting appointments and deliveries or if you had made an order at all, will play havok with your supplies situation. Combined with the substitutions from the supplier, you could well end up with four bottles of bleach, twelve (minimum) unliked cans of various substituted food in the cupboard, and no milk or bread… then I’m afraid the substituted can of processed pea and the mangled can of mulligatawny soup will just have to be tackled!
The state of the feet and ankles fair cheered me up a bit. Much better!
It was just bad luck when I stubbed my toe leaving the wet room. Humph!
The veins in the legs seemed to be all calmed down as well. See? Cheery news from the depths of depression! Not all good mind, Arthur Itis’s knees, and Shaking Shaun were both playing up. See that? Another positive there! If you are lucky enough to have so many complaints, illnesses, ailments etc., you will never get bored. Now, will you?
Got a brew of Glengettie made, and took this picture of the morning sky from the kitchenette window.
Yes… alright, I trapped my finger closing the window! It didn’t hurt, no bleeding, no scratches or bruising. Yet another positive! I suppose it depends on which way you look at it? For some reason, despite the painful awakening kerfuffle and pain, I’m feeling in good form. (Which must go some way to explaining Doris Dementia?
On with blogging until Carer Richard arrived. Lovely to have someone who is not in the rush-in-don’t-converse and off again standard. Going to make some cheesy spuds today, I’ll make some extra for the lad to try.
I’ll make a start on them, times getting on…
Pictures; If they come out alright, on the next blog!
Change of plans – someone just called to tell me there is a parcel down in reception for me. I was sure I had not got anything ordered. I thanked the lady and hobbled down to collect my surprise delivery from the lobby.
When I got down, there wasn’t a parcel for me, but were for numbers 82 and 74. Bless the lady, I think she got confused with the numbers. Got back to the flat, and the baked cheesy potatoes were already cooked. Blimey, they will hopefully keep for Richard and not spoil. I can put some in foil for him, then he can either eat them here or take them home. I do hope they keep for a couple of hours. Can’t put them in the fridge until they have cooled properly.
I’ll get this finished and posted off now. I’ll use the late photographs in tomorrows world-famous Inchcock Today blog. I just hope my hoard of fans doesn’t mind. Still, they are both decent sorts.
After another ‘orrible night of ever waking up, and Thought-Storm attacks, with a few nocturnal hobbles to the NWWB (Nocturnal-Wee-Wee-Bucket), for painful, partly uncontrollable urinating; And having to clean and freshen up from the effects of the PMD (Pre-Micturition Dribbles), and CMD (Cessational Micturition Dribbling and splashes), all of varying nature.
One is like a torrent, belting out with no control over it and suffering from the splashback. The next, so painful and barely a trickle that somehow still managed to spray over my pyknic, wobbly, midriff more than found its way into the NWWB! Then I had to clean up, freshen up, and back down in the £300, second-hand, c1968, eyesorely-horrendously grungy beige coloured, haemorrhoid-testing, unfit-for-use, recliner.
I seemed to nod off again quickly enough each time, but sleep never lasted more than a few minutes – then it was shooting awake again, and back to the mess-making, to be cleaned up again, wee-weeing.
Around 04:10hrs, I gave up trying to prompt Sweet Morpheus. And decided to get the kettle on, take some photo’s of the dim view of the sky and end car park. I got the kettle on and required yet another wee-wee?
I took a photo with the Canon camera. It’s getting old and wrong now, just like me. (Hehe!) The spring on the SD card has gone, and Canon sometimes doesn’t recognise the card in the camera!
The shot I took of the end car park was far too dark to see much at all. So, I had to go on CorelDraw and adjust shadow, brightness, contrast and intensity to turn it into how it looks here on the right. Smug-Mode-Engaged!
This is the first time a car has not been parked on the yellow no parking zone! Well, while I’ve been taking the photos anyway.
It looks a little eerie if that’s the word I’m looking for. Nightmarish enough to be used as a ghost-themed book cover?
I couldn’t do enough work on the second shot of the view from the kitchen window. Sulk-Mode-Engaged
I made a belated brew of Glengettie, and I remembered that the Health Checks were supposed to be done again. So, I took a Cocodomal and Poo-Hardener, (Gooey last night, and messy! And tended to the Health Checks. I have the maximum SYS, Dia and Pulse figure safely put away; if they exceed them, I’ve got to call the paramedics. I put them safely away seems to have been lost to Vascular Dementia, Doris. Tsk! I started of with the checking. Took the BP and got these results, which I am confident, are well below the danger zones the nurse gave me.
All three readings were nuanced! It’s been a while since I was told I could stop doing the regular sphygmomanometerisationing. Since I started again, I’ve missed doing a few of them.
Then the temperature was taken. 34.9° c; I felt this was fine, but I checked on Dr Google anyway: “Mild +hypothermia (32–35 °C body temperature) is usually easy to treat. However, the risk of death increases as the core body temperature drops below 32 °c. Nae, bother methinks.
I made another brew and destroyed a banana. Made an Iceland order, then I took a stand-up shower at the sink.
A little early to use the noisy shower yet.
And it went jolly well… no, amazingly well! Fantastic, in fact! Here are a few things that pleased me greatly: Little Inchies fungal lesion had hardly bled at all! Shaving, one, I say ONE tiny nick only! Only two dropsies in the whole session! I had to use the Porcelain Throne while doing the ablutions… and it was smooth, bloodless, and not in the slightest bit messy or gooey! Double Smug-Mode Utilised! Only one walking into anything, the door as I left the wet room.
I had just one naughty that bothered me. A bad one; due to my hitting my ankle on the metal tray as I pulled my foot away. I stubbed my toe on the bucket that just had been cleaned and disinfected.
The state of the veins in the ankles and feet was not a pretty sight, but overall… Yippy!
I had a closer look at the vasculitis and venous thromboembolism veins on show. I think these are what the cancelled appointment at the QMC Anticoagulation and Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT) was about? However, at 3.5 last time, the Warfarin level was spot on!
The Carer arrived after I’d dressed and gone on the computer. The Carer was in a rush, missed checking my swallowing the tablets, and forgot to take the waste bag to the chute for me (again). But she was obviously in a hurry, bless her. Not an easy job for the gals to do, with different people having differing, altering needs.
I now find myself in a position to give you an updated taste report on the £3 mini box of the Marks & Spencers Marmite Dinky Cheese Pinwheels I got from Ocado. Tasteless, Crap! Having eaten some of them.
Made a start on this blog creating. During which, the wee-weeing has grown less frequent – Phew!
I came across last nights sunset photographs. Both from the kitchenette window. I’m not sure why I took two that were of the same area, basically? I should imagine that Peripheral Neuropathy Pete would be to blame, and the finger must have stuck unfeelingly to the button?
I went on the WordPress Reader to see what folk have posted. Then answered some WordPress comments. Then did some TFZer Facebooking until…
Time to get the fodder sorted out – Oh yea!
Got the Cornish Pastie into the fridge; set the times. Potatoes were already in the slow cooker, and peas were on a low light in the saucepan.
A sort of fumble-thud took place in the obese stomach area, making the flab wobble! A little belching and a few stabbing pains. On my way to the wet room, the rumbling began again. I tore off the trews and PP’s and unceremoniously plonked me botty on the Throne… the action started immediately!
All seemingly over and done, I had the sensation that it wasn’t yet. So, I had a go at the easy crossword puzzle book. And very nearly got four clues answered but made do with three. (Hehehe!)
After ten minutes or so, the backup evacuation came. I was so glad I stayed in situ for its possible arrival.
Then, having washed and cleaned things, I realised I could smell something like burning… I dropped the nail brush…
Panic, flap, heartbeat racing, I rushed out to get to the kitchenette to see what I’d done. Casually shoulder-charging the door frame again on my way – now having to contend with Shuddering-Shoulder-Shirley, I lunged my way into the kitchen, nose twitching and looking for signs of smoke from the oven… I did feel a dirty great Grade A, class one fool! It was the peas that had been burnt, as for the Cornish Pastie in the oven… I’d not even turned the thing on! So, Vascular Dementia Doris had got me bleeding, bruised, bashed about and going barmy. Left me with a right load of cleaning and sorting out; Trowing away the burnt peas, scrubbing the saucepan, getting some more on the boil, wet room to clean, PPs needed changing. I got the oven on again and reset the timer.
Then, as I was getting the tray and things out, I had another thud in the stomach – no, not the bowels or bladder this time – a sudden fear that I’d left the tap running in the wet room! I grabbed Metal Mickey and went with all haste to check. I believe I might have said something like, “You stupid fart of an old ♠ 6† f=ing idi⅛¬” Something along those lines! I could have cried with joy when I first found everything okay in the room… then I was coming out, I stubbed my toe against the stand-up drier radiator!
If There Is A Lord…
I’d like to ask him/her some questions; this’ll be awkward… If there is a God, un he finds I don’t believe, I could be buggered? Here goes: Why did you make me earthbound… With the minuscule willie wot I found? Girl or Boy problem? I’ll be bound!
My young life was cruel, but I was only semi-hard… Mam and Dad fighting, she left… I ate bread and lard! Or on the weekend sometimes an Oxo cube or a pilchard, Fast forward, why take Suzie from me? It made me hard! Memories, whatever you do, I’ll not discard!
My hair fell out at 20; others at 80 have plenty, tit! I tried to be a good man, my hearing went, have you heard? Then you stopped my heart, a mechanical one replaced it… Ulcer, being shot, hernias, life was haphazard… Even my already mini-willy further withered!
I pressed on, expecting things to improve, with disregard… Got shot again, and you sent me Stroke… Flashforward… Made me redundant at 62; you are a wizard! I survived that; Vascular Dementia to me, you catapulted! Rotten teeth, poverty causes that and being demented… The hearing gets worse, things are going downward… Now both eyes Cataract, Saccades and they’re Glaucoma’d…
The money is getting low, But of course, you’ll know… I’ll have to rob an apple orchard, Keeping tabs on your scoreboard? Now, black depressions on me, you bestow! The ailments make me fat when I should be like a scarecrow!
Oh, and why, with all the other crap, did you give me hammertoe? I really have tried to be a decent fellow… But bad luck seems to constantly flow… To the little-willied idiot that you know… The one with ever-increasing ailments, now it’s lumbago! And, from the fungal lesion, blood continues to flow, You even teased me last year with impetigo!
The funeral’s all paid for when I have to go… Sorry I cannot muster any faith or belief, though… I don’t believe in Christmas or Mistletoe… I’ll be leaving behind a few friends, but many more foe, Slowly I’m getting ready, feeling more mellow… I’d love to leave behind me an afterglow… Reincarnation? Oh, no, no, no! Is it yet time for me to go? Please let me know…
Finally got the meal sorted out, served up and feasted upon with great relish and satisfaction.
It took me no time at all to entirely consume this nosh.
The black tomatoes were as perfect as one can get, most beautiful tasting! Sob! Shame it’s the last of them.
Only the Cornish Pastie was below par, but not by a lot. The plate and tray were scrapped of crumbs as well, into my mouth! Hehe! A Flavour Rating of 8.4/10.
As I was doing the washing up, I took three snaps of the dying sunset in the darkness.
The first one was taken straight ahead from the kitchenette window.
The next one was taken to the left. Amazing sky colouring again, I thought.
As I was getting ready to take a shot of the car park on Chestnut Way…
I knocked over the kitchen towel holder, which took the clock, a tub of Citric Acid and my mirror with it, on the way down to the floor! Thundergrongles!
They made a clattering noise as they met with the floor. Which I didn’t mind, cause Herbert in the flat above has been banging away all day, on and off. I hope he heard it, but I felt bad for the folks below my flat. Fantastically, no breakages from the mirror; the acid did not break open either! Wondered if my prayer in ode above had worked? Hehehe!
I got the car park photo taken. Then I got the cleaning up sorted out from the Accifauxpa.
Carer Valerie arrived, which was nice and cheered me up. A Carer who cares is a Carer you want to manage for you. There are a few. Well, many, but one bad apple can upset the apple cart and start the depressions. Hahaha!
Searching for details on the Cataract operations, I don’t suppose I’ll need a paediatrician or rhetorician? The last operation I had, was done by an Abyssinian, The recovery was run by a pretty Australian… My dear carer, which helps me, is an Arizonian! Hope whoever does my eyes is not an anthropophaginian! The nurse thinks my stuttering could be aspergerian? Mmm!
I hope things go well, even more, that they happen… That on the operating table, I don’t need a crappen… They do both the eyes same day… could this be then? They say not; this is what reason was told to me… If you have another condition affecting your eyes, you see… Such as diabetes, saccades or glaucoma, trouble might be, You’ll still have limited vision, even after successful surgery! Well, that’s encouraging; I have all the above three! Plus, if there is any delay in operating – I’ll have to hold my wee-wee! Hehehe!
What I need with Meridian is communication,
No carer called, I could have been on the floor with a concussion,
Their failures so regular means no jollification…
For Inchcock, they say nowt, just fail to come = depression!
Fretting starts the jumping jerking in the neurotransmission!
How I feel now, I’ll have to show some suppression…
I feel so let down through Meridians transgression!
I now rate them as inadequate and feel great derision!
Time to get rid of them, I’ve made a decision!
Away with these worries and procrastination… Let’s face it, their undersupported, underfunded… So accepting their failures is the only solution… Is to up the costs… surely a fictionalisation? When they do not call, why are charges not refunded? Sad!
We pray, unbelievingly for reliability, an idealisation… Is someone involved, getting looked-after, backhanded? I think not… the ‘Caring’ industry shows imperfection, Sticking with the devil, you know, although cackhanded… It might be the best choice, on reflection! Humph!
Fodder fed furiously into my face,
♥ Angel Of Mercy Arrives! ♥
Carer Julia arrived; I had to stop myself shouting hurrays! Her care, helpfulness and empathy, they never strays… For this gal (who I fell in love with) deserves all my praise, I’ll ask her if she wants to adopt a grandad one of these days! She cared for me with patience, went beyond the mark… She contacted the Chemist; this freed my wark! I was soon as happy as an elderly skylark… Took my BP, Julia to the Healthline did remark… The resulting figures, a little high, but Julia set the wark…
I’m to check it in the morning, if high, to call an ambulance, And to agree to do so, in compliance… Within minutes I’d lost my stubborn defiance… Hatred of Meridian failings, thanks to Julia’s caring brilliance!
She was so careful and knowledgeable in who to contact and what to ask them about the dangers of my missing the morning medications. I felt so cared for suddenly, thanks, Julia! ♥
The gal had even packed and posted off the books for Lisa and Bill in the USofA for me; bless her Cotton Socks! ♥ She would not accept the money until she had brought the receipt with her on her next call. Soon, I hope. I thanked the gal and was almost sad when she left after giving me much time and care. ♥
But cheered when I remembered the TV was working again. And that was only due to Esther sorting things out, and I sent off the right TV remote that worked without any resettings.
HRH Lisa, Problem Sorter Outer, Ether-Carer to Inchcock, Electrician & Nurse (and a cracking looker) was at hand throughout the operation. First Aid box at the ready. Backing up professor Billum all the way. The electrics and life monitorings were handled by Alan.
Billum prepared for the removal of the brain. Amazingly, Inchcock felt not a single pain! He was put at rest, by HRH covering his head area in Phorpain, and giving him an iced lolly. The kindness showed by Billum, was gobsmacking. (They actually had to smack his gob to bring him round later, when refitting the brain and reattaching his head; but that’s for part two to come later.) Billum had thought of everything beforehand, he’d been planning this procedure for over two days, in his glasshouse laboratory. He explained that when the brain comes out, Inchcock may not notice any difference, but not to worry.
Because a false moustache, spectacles, hearing aids, a missing many teeth plastic mouth, and a BO spray would be adorned on the brain straight away; so that it would feel at home without Inchcocks mass of blubber and accoutrements surrounding it. He even supplied mini-walking sticks, crutches, and had the foresight to keep giving the brain a clout now and then, so, as he named him, Brian the Brain would not miss Inchcocks pains from tumbles, walking into things ad the desperate pain from the overactive bladder, Brilliant!
I’m afraid this will have to be caught up with later, because Inchcock’s eyes are too bad to continue, sorry. He may have to skip a blog or two, or just put a few words on. The poor old git is not too good at the moment. The eyes and bladder are the two main reasons.
Professor Billum started with Inchcock’s worst affected area, naturally the brain, but Billum had to take it out first.
Inchcock’s computer was doing odd things again,
Inchie knows it is doomed; he feels the pain,
Still, he’s got his other worries, Morphine and Lidocaine,
Everything nowadays confuses him; facts are so hard to retain!
His efforts to improve his memory have all been in vain,
But Inchies determination to survive remains unslain,
Then he stubbed his toe, lost his key, then a tumble again!
He set about making an imitation dinner…
Perseverant, dedicated to making this one tastier!
After a few meal failures lately, he’s getting jitterier…
Confidence gone, he tried, but this meal was crappier…
His language, as he turned into a self-hater…
He should have stuck with sausage and mashed potato!
Boy did he swear, spit, as his self-loathing went nuclear!
A good job that no one else was in the area!
Then pains from Duodenal Donald did appear…
The old codger is not having much luck, I fear!.