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I seem to have acquired more blameworthiness,
Does this come from my apparent guiltworthiness?
Or possibly, from my innocence & guiltlessness?
May it be due to my banal gullibleness?
It could be from my gutlessness or gutsiness,
My seizure episodes that bring gormlessness?
My life lived with no moments of being gregarious?
Or my periods of excessive garrulousness?
A lifetime of receiving sideways glances?
Undoubtedly, my depression and gloominess?
Or my lack of confidence, which is ginormous?
My infected brain has a certain grotesqueness,
My ageing body shows signs of ghostliness,
Mind & body decaying, it’s getting grievous,
As I mentioned earlier, always the guiltiness,
My search for painlessness was gainlessness,
Surviving life’s been a stab in the dark, a guess!
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Not the best of days.
At least I got some good sleep. It was broken, of course, but I reckon I still enjoyed a whopping seven hours. Nice!
The nocturnal pouch clour was another 4 on the NHS scale. With the Health Checks doing so well, I was well-pleased, to say the least.
A morning of mini-seizures. I’m not surprised; I was notified of a change in living circumstances late in the day. My own fault; only me or Doreen Dementia is to blame.
The seizures didn’t help. I struggled with the odeing and spent far too much time (Over four hours) trying to flow right. I’m not all that sure I improved it.
No confidence today. Plenty of the ankles sending electric shocks up the ankle, and the seizures, albeit they were short ones, I think, handicapped my brainpower.
A morning shot of the kitchenette view.
Adjusted the calendar clock.
And the biggest, well, most prolonged Seizure ever visited me.
I cannot recall much; the blanks were long.
In the late afternoon, I got the letter hand-delivered informing me about the upcoming changes.
Oh, I’ve not put the delivery photos on yet. So, I will.
Some of my favourite eats were delivered.
But I was not in the mood to feel cheerful
about anything.
The Natoora tomatoes were a bit soft, but I used them in the meal later. They were tasty!
Chessy-topped cobs.
I’ll have two of them tonight.
The fridge was looking fuller now.
Now it’s Nosh Time.
Battered onion rings were done in the oven.
The mini Spanish tomatoes were thrown away; they tasted terribly bitter. All else was eaten.
In my depression, I forgot to score the taste.
And cannot remember what I gave it.
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Cheerio Each!
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The Kodak camera had taken only two of the pictures! The first one had gone into the ether.
Flared up. My confidence faded, my depression got more profound, and the roaming chest pains settled in for about a solid five hours this afternoon, well into the early evening.
the bleeding from the groin par, put the mockers on Monday. Tuesday and the Kodak broke my heart by packing up on me. And 
Wunderbar!!!
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I removed the nocturnal catheter pouch. This is one of them I had to buy cause of the mess up and lack of help with my ordering. Some do have a drainage clip that has no drainage tube. Took it to the WC and used scissors to cut and drain the pouch. Still, it was no bother 
and went okay. As I got to the kitchen to get the kettle on, the innards grumbled and rumbled; in response, I returned hastily to the Porcelain Throne.
I got the ablutions, a stand-up shave, teggies, body scrub, oiled the earholes, and drops in the eyes. Germoloided Harold’s Haemorrhoids, Barrier Creamed the Acne & Eczema. Then Porpain Gelled Arthur Itis’s and Cartilage Carol & Chloe’s knees, the underbelly lesions & underarms. I couldn’t reach Phorpain Gel Back Pain Brenda; I 
was going to ask someone, a Carer, when they came next. But of course, I forgot all about it, even when she was playing me up! I’m forgetting more each 
day! 
Not up to even my low standards.
photograph failers ever. No idea what I did wrong, but Surely I must have done something wrong to get this terrible result on the right?
order.
Spent a lot of cash this time! Mushrooms for pickling later on. Jamaica patties, a lamb and a beef one. Pork Pie, no-butter butter, Cornish Pasties, tomatoes, cream cake treats, and some horrendously pricey 
garden peas from Nigeria. I love these! Marmite Rice cakes, cheesy-topped rolls, a bag of sea salt & cider crisps and Marmite crisps.
A bottle of mulled wine. Reduced to clear after Christmas. A large bottle, cans of Sainsbury’s cider, and a bottle of washing-up liquid.
I took this snap of myself inside the main junk room, looking through the balcony doors and blowing my nose. Then took the photo below as the day slowly 
dawned, and turned brighter.
 
it gave way to me, and I walked into the foyer door frame. I believe I said, “Well, fancy that!” 
I struggled to communicate with Chloe, yet I always seemed to be waffling and losing track. Then, my beloved Nurse Hristina arrived while Chloe was hoovering the hallway for me. 
I managed about five minutes on the blog, and the landline chimed up. The call was from Sister Jane. Not heard from her for a while. All the best for the new year sort of thing. But had a good chat. Jane & Pete are going to the pantomime shortly. She was sorting the food, and Pete the booze. Hehehe!
Then, back to have another go at this blog. 
in-the-bog!
I returned to the computer again and finished about 15 minutes of work. The door chime chimed out! En route to the door, this time, Cartilage Carole gave way. I opened the door, and to my delight, the postman was working late and delivering my eBay-bought nocturnal catheters! We had a chinwag, as we both have catheters, but he has the latest ones, which look so painless to wear; I was jealous when he told me the other week about it. He is being sent supplies that have built up, and he has too many! Another twitch of jealousy crept in; Hahaha! He kindly told me that if I was ever running so low again, I was to put a note on the door, ‘Barry, I’m short on night catheters’. He even checked on my catheter to ensure the tubing was the same size. What a kind, thoughtful gentleman he is!
I gathered the items needed to make the pickled mushrooms. got the mushroom in the slow cooker, on a high heat,
Going to take a photo of the evening sky, this time it was 
. The Catheter Day pouch took a good hit but surprisingly did not split open. Even more amazingly, as I was about to get back into the main junk room and the recliner to get back up again, I grabbed the sink side and got up; painfully, but I got up! 
Art Decko?
A bit of both?
Well, what can I say?
.
Ah, well, I did my best!
Ah, better get the mushrooms into the pickle jar. I would have a pastie, peas and chips for my morning meal. But I’m too worn out to bother now.
But I ate it all!
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As of this moment (15:35hrs), I’ve been clear of any Accifauxpas, serious Whoopsiedangleplops, and even free of Electric Shocking Sherida! But the day has brought some terrible back pains. I assume this was caused by
Way too deep!
Nice late-morning shot.
Wet Room Duties.
First Carer called.
Left, ahead & to the right, kitchen window.
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While serving up the nosh.
I’m not sure if it was the food or me, but I was not armoured by the taste or flavour of this effort. Sham
The lights were from the Goose Fair, about a mile away to the left of the window.
A different shade and colour?
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shop, recliner. I Christened it Recliner Roger today). My balance was all over the place. But I took my time and visited 
the wet room to remove the nocturnal pouch and utilise the Porcelain Throne.
was any possibility of getting the brain going. I made up some needed bladder water drinks, putting some bi-carbonated soda in with added lime juice. Thinking it 
might perk me up a bit.
As I said, I was much more with it.
with the actions of the computer.
I prepped and served the meal, ate it, had a bag of Frazzles afterwards, washed the pots, and manoeuvred my way into bed. About two hours later, I was still lying there praying, pleading and asked Mr G if he would be kind enough to let me get to sleep and if he could please stop 
lambasting me, raising my patheticness, historic cock-up-reminding and the pointless, fruitless future I face. An hour later, I gave up and got out of bed into the c1968, tatty, scruffy, unkempt, uncomfortable, virus, microorganism, bug, bacterium, bacillus, germ, parasite producing, and disease-fermenting second-hand, eyesorely-horrendously grungy beige-coloured, £300, charity shop bought, crumb-retaining, moth-eaten, non-working, itch-encouraging, incommodious, Haemorrhoid Harold 
testing, catheter tube yanking, recliner, and turned the TV on… but it didn’t come on, only a floating balloon telling me ‘No Connection Available’. Harrumph! Thank you, Liberty-Global Virgin Media!
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order arriving between 06:00 & 07:00hrs! 
delivery, and I couldn’t hear the door chime in the wet room. No new pants were on, so I left the old ones on and got a fresh dressing gown. 
I took a snap of the view and checked the weather. I can hear the buzzer in there. 
some more in the night. I know that because I nipped onto the balcony to check the mudslide situation in the car park.
As I came back in, I confirmed that Doreen Dementia had me by the goolies. I realised that the time now was 05:45hrs!!! I’ll change the battery on the 
clock letter. Humph!
PPs on, and the lesion bleeding. Haha! 
not for me. No, really! 
The peas are Nigerian. I’m hoping things go well today so I can make a good nosh of small roast potatoes, some 
peas, and bacon before midnight. But it didn’t work out. I’ve had computer problems all day long. It’s already 21:25hrs, and I’m only up to here. To say all I’ve had come, the fridge didn’t look overfull.
I’ve got plenty of bladder juice, mind you. I’ve got some cordial, a lemon and a lime 
I then got some of the mini-potatoes to roast later on. I’m sure I’ll get time before the early morning hours. Tsk!
Photographicalisations of the changing sky views throughout the day. The sun came through for a while as if to just say ‘Hello’ to me. Hehe!
This snap is from this morning when I had my mug of Glengettie. No, it was Thompson’s Punjana tea and four dunked bikkies.
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the itch-creating, bruise-giving, catheter-tube-tugging, crumb-decorated from my nocturnal nibbling, God-awfully uncomfortable, cringingly grotty, no longer working, dirty beige, anti-sleep designed, c1966, second-hand bought for ÂŁ300 ten years ago from the charity shop, recliner. I got the pouch off, grabbed Wooden Walking Stick Willie, and needed to visit the Porcelain Throne.
I may have things out of order here, but they all took place. The food order arrived. A big one. I struggled to find room to store it all away. 
The one red onion I ordered was a bag of about nine big ones! Luckily, I got the Milk Roll loaves, a big bag of red potatoes, and some Norwegian-
cooked bacon. It looks horrible, but I’ve had it before, and it has a great flavour. I also got six bottles of long-life milk, bleach, yoghourts, and more.
near the window.
I’d done when she came on the domestic call. It saved her mopping the foot anyway. Hehe!
out from under the tiny plaster and a tiny bruise. That doesn’t happen usually, not for a year or more.
changeable throughout the afternoon. 
It felt like minutes later, I was on the balcony again with the Kodak taking… no, the cheapo camera, taking shots after the drizzle had stopped. 
I honestly cannot remember taking these pictures.
brightened, the clouds dissipated, and sunshine got through! 
After Carer Victor’s last call, I went to look at the vast choice of food I could have later.
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Something’s gone wrong with Cathy Cathere’s Contraption. A great colour, but so little urine in there? It was a terrible night’s sleep. I’d estimate I managed a maximum of around two hours. One or two minutes at a time, then bursting awake with either a tug at or pushing in of poor Little Inchie from the too-thick and too-long catheter tube. Or 
in unison, belting up the legs. Each time, the shadow of depression waiting to piss me off even more than getting little sleep did!
However, I was absolutely exasperated with and sick of hearing myself moan, feeling so melancholy, dejected, useless, and at the lowest point in my life. I made a concerted effort to spring myself out of this feeling of self-hatred and despondency, although I had no idea how to do that. 
. I went into a few separate but 
carried on
must have.
I sorted out what to have for my nosh. I decided on a sweet and sour vegetable ready-made meal. I added half a jar of sauce, with a can of peas thrown into the saucepan to add when the 
Chinese are cooked. Fingers crossed.
Can you see what this young, youthful, pareidoliaing addict can do in the snap on the left in the clouds? A double-headed creature of some sort? Also, some cat’s heads?
I came across this one on the right in the morning while updating.
Ah, I can recall with one with some pleasure. First, I’d put some chips in the oven. Later, I warmed up the sweet and sour vegetable ready-made meal in the microwave and added a tin of peas. I bundled it all in a dish and feasted away.
Got the dishes washed and tried but failed on the Porcelain Throne.
I settled down to watch two episodes of ‘Heartbeat’.
. I was a little miffed at all the waking-ups but even more unsettled for not recalling any details of the dreams. Suddenly, Carer Israel was back on his last visit. And I was in the same position as I was when he arrived for his previous visit… he told me. Hehehe! 
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Oh, a much better colour!
I felt sorry for the poor birds out there trying to keep their nests in the trees and find food for their young.
Then I felt sorry for myself.
Took this snap of three little dogs on their morning walkies.
Second attempt on the loo.
ARRGH!
Still awaiting the sun to come out to play.
Made a brew and got a visitor. Doing the carer’s assessment.
I mentioned the wind coming through the kitchen windows and vent, is was damned cold in there. Not thinking, of course. It’s nowt to do with Meridian. I bet he thought, “Hello, I’ve got the right one here!”
The clouds thickened a little, and the sun forced its way through minutes later.
Beautiful!
This thermometer was in the kitchen, leaning against the kettle, showing 58°f. Brrr!
Finally, a meal I could enjoy.
Night-night shots are taken within ten minutes of each other.
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