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All my life I’ve refused to accept disorder…
I’ve never committed a crime or misdemeanour,
My upbringing? High-quality, premier,
Excellent, I couldn’t have been luckier!
With the girls, this made me ultra popular,
Scored 100 goals a season in school soccer,
Had the best sex ever with Grizelda,
Came top of my class at school: Grammar,
Postgraduate certificate & level 8 diploma,
BSc, MSc, PhD, then a Senior Scientific Researcher,
Went to Australia, became a cattle drover,
Millionaire at 30, 4 Rolls-Royces owner,
Had a marriage proposal from Elizabeth Taylor,
Affairs with Diana Rigg, Judi Dench, & Jane Asher,
Gave advice on the moon landing to NASA,
Helped find the Titanic as a saturation diver,
Retired, & went crocodile hunting in Toowoomba,
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Once again, I was so reluctant to get out of bed.
I lay there, discovering that Little Inchies’ fungal lesion had bled… The ontercom burst into life at the thought of getting out of bed, and to the panel in time; Dark, Dank, Depressing Darius was with me.
I didn’t make it in time, and the Carer called again. I mumble some sort of half-hearted apology, and I admitted him into the prison… no, the building.
I was not with it at all. The first minutes of the Carers call were a jumbled mix of memories.
The Carer issued the medications, and after taking them, I was slightly more compos mentis with things.
The lad talked me through what I needed to make my Bombay potatoes taste better, then left me a confused Inchie, as we said our farewells. I don’t think he is doing any more calls on me today.
Depression Darius was making up for his absence yesterday. I found it hard to instil any interest in things at all this morning. I reckon that Mind-Mangling-Malcolm was present for the majority of the day.
I had a chat with myself, self-lambasted me for a while, asking why I am in this mood? I got no answer.
I sort of went through the motions for most of the morning. The usual drifting off whatever I was doing, ended up with five or so plans started, none getting completed. And I’m angrier with myself.
I did get some photos done, though.
Stupidly, I went out onto the balcony to take my regular shot of the end-of-the-road car park. I took it through the window, so it came out pretty awful.
I got back inside as quickly as I could, by gawd, it was so cold out there.
Tripping over the door runners and clouting my right shoulder on the doorframe. A couple of curse words later, I closed the door and trapped my finger as it slid closed. I added a couple of stronger words, and Darius deepened his 
grip. Why? Yesterday was such a pleasure, too.
Irritable with myself and probably the world as well, I went into the kitchen to take a window view. That came out a little better.
I got the computer started, and took a snap of it for some reason, I left the flash on and caught it on the photograph. This would not have bothered me in the slightest bit if it had happened yesterday. But it wrangles me, and although impossible, I know, cause he’s not real. He is in my neurologically-affected mind, but I imagined that 
was mocking and laughing at me.
“Bonkersness is not essential for survival, but I do think it helps sometimes.” Inchies’ Words of Wisdom.
I can’t believe the change in my attitude today.
I’m getting irked, nettled, piqued, narked, and even disturbed at the slightest thing that goes, or to be precise, that I do wrong. 
S The going and doing wrong is a daily practice for me, it has been for a year or more now. Yesterday was the best day of the year for me. I was calm… maybe not in control, but let’s not ask for miracles, eh? I’ll be wanting world peace next!
The first day of the year that fooled me, caught me on the hop, and rekindled a hope long unused. That things might be getting better for me… 
I took another snap from the window. To my right, that didn’t cheer me up either. The state of the poor tree copse, the jobboes have been at it again.
About midday, I got the computer on. And a Carer called as I took this snap, hearing aids and batteries, vaseline, heart-failure shot if needed, olive oil for the ears, drops for the eyes, Toothache Tiffany spray, and with the ‘Cool’ clock-calendar on view.
The Carer, Dilan, asked me for Codeine, Peptac and Paracetamol. He then asked me if I needed Paracetamol, Peptac or Codeine. We still find it hard to understand each other. I asked him for an effervescent Paracetamol. I broke open the capsule, added it to my spring water bottle, and took the Codeine with it. Then helped myself by grabbing the Peptac bottle and taking a guzzle of it. Off Dilan went on his round.
Back to start on the computer. Launched CorelDraw, and began to upload piccies from Koak Tim 2’s SD card…
CorelDraw then disappeared from the screen, leaving the desktop showing. 
I handled this situation calmly…Well, I think I did. The normal expected first response expletive that rhymed with hollyhocks. But with the keyboard playing up, I felt confident I’d hit the wrong combination of keys, or one had stuck as I did it (Ctrl+I). I pressed the CorelDraw launch button, and it came back on.
Late afternoon.
I’m not sure if it is the sun or its reflection from over the thingamajig, the whaddocallit, erm the owsyerfather… Horizon!
I made another brew of Extra-strong Typhoo tea.
I thought about having a packet of the Bombay Potatoes for nosh tonight.
Changed my mind later.
18:00hrs: I just had an epiphany… I’m sitting here doing the blog, and the realisation that I am free… he’s gone has disappeared!
A lightness came over me. The fear of his return, of course, is present whenever he isn’t with me.
I’m now singing aloud. Currently on Cliff’s ‘The Young Ones’. I know all the words to that one. Now, Frankie Vaughan’s ‘Green Door’… Hello, hello, hello… Carefree time, I hope, 
stays with me.
Nat King Cole, ‘Unforgettable’…
Aha, Carer Ejaz called this time. Great to have him to call too. He sorted the medications that he’d brought with him into the drawer. Also, the early night doses and Peptac were given.
I was pleased with the shot I took from the kitchen window. Came out well this time, for a change. About time I made a decent job of taking a snap.
I got the rushed, simple meal cooking, and decided to take another shot, this time of a different direction but lower 
down. Another reasonable shot. This effort turned out okay. Then, as I served it up, I decided to try for a third in a row decent photo of the meal.
So much for going for a hat-trick. What a horrible outcome for all my efforts.
A little disappointing, putting it mildly. Tsk!
Get the pots washed then.
The last Carer call of the day was Dilan.
I must get back on this site and catch up with WP reader and comments. So, I did!
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Came late, but he was precious!
My only defence against Darius.
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I’ve spent all day updating or recreating the lost Word files. Depression Darius paid a few cursory visits, and High-Mood Horis the odd call to put me in a couldn’t care less mode.
Not so many explosions this year, and what few that I could, against those I missed, indicate that my luck is not about to get any better. Haha!.
Kept missing the big ones. Humph!
Made a few artistic ones.
Not that I meant to.
Just caught one this time.
Not too bad.
Well…
Ayhup! Caught some!
Afternoon shot.
Half an hour later.
Half an hour later.
Close up that caught the
Perhaps the best one?
The last one of this session.
Part of the prepped food for mixing nosh.
As you can see, it was a good snap, even for me.
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Afternoon Delight.
A little later…
Sunset, Gorgeous!
Zoomed in a bit…
And another…
Then right out.
The third attempt produced this
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I took a snap of the view after Ejaz departed.
I’d left the hot tap running! Rang cold!
I meandered hobblingly, using some choice language at 
, but 
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I regret that things, although being far better than recently, had the hindrance of just not working, going, being or getting done right. 
! Or rather streaks, today.
Took complete control. I imagine in my warped mind that he was getting a bit miffed at Horis’ impudence. You think?
upper for most of the day, this downer seems so much worse. I’m out of time, the usual fatigue, eyesight and willpower fading fast. 
Didn’t get to bed tonight. Got carried away again with the missing word lists redoing, then realised nothing else had got done (much anyway).
No hot water, I left the tap running again.
I asked the Carer to apply a fresh plaster cast to the ankle. The toenails and under toes were nasty all day & night. Hobbling about a bit.
Got carried away with the word listings again.
Pulled myself belatedly back to blogging.
Late snap.
I’d only ordered an Asda delivery!
What’s going on in my head?
The person who spoke to me when I was last in hospital said she would arrange some help when I told her what I was doing with the food deliveries.
Saved the work, closed the tabs, and ran CCleaner on the computer. As I closed it down, I smelt the aroma of the burning food coming from the oven!
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were in there that I needed to use, and kicked off doing the ablutionalising.
WAS NOT SO GOOD
barrier cream out, I creamed the man-breasts and genital periphery near the overhanging stomach. Tsk!
, a perfect hit
to retrieve it, but I couldn’t reach it safely to pick it up
I don’t need to tell you where it landed, do I? ARRRGH!
went on much more easily this time. I thought, Aha, my luck’s changing… I turned to get the Khagoule from the shower rail, and for the first time in many days, a crunch followed by a little pain came from 
. It sort of levelled things up a bit, really. Right foot with the toe and left with the knee. I used two walking sticks for the rest of the day.
this today. After Carer Ejaz had looked after me and departed, I went to take a snap of the same view as earlier. It was a little brighter now. I wish that I were. Hehehe! 
. 
!!! I fell, fortunately, forward into the trolley. Putting my free hand out to prevent me from tumbling… The hand got entangled in the rubbish in the bottom tray, screwdriver, scissors, and might need razors, etc, again. I might have a new bruise coming. Still, it’s all a part of being disabled. Ask those far worse off than I am. I was just pleased I hadn’t gone down. All that bother of getting help, people calling for an ambulance, overnight in the hospital, waiting 5 hours for a lift back. Oh, yes, I’m not complaining, just glad it didn’t happen.
It’s getting dark again. The mist is still there on the horizon. The lights are coming on, and you may be pleased to know that 
rather than my
.
Ejaz made the afternoon call. He seemed in a good mood. Bless him. In a rush, mind you. He’s got a schedule to keep.
From here on, until about eight P.M., is an utter mystery. Whether I had a prolonged seizure or fell asleep was hard to decide on. There was a very mild taste of acidity when I came out or woke up, which indicated a seizure. Yet the usual confusion, loss of balance, and out-of-itness were not there?
For how long?
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Seizure Mad Day.
The end car park. A scarcity of vehicles, but one still managed to park on the chevrons.
All the plastic fences had been knocked over again. 
The bottom field retained frost despite the rain. It’s a good job it didn’t freeze.
Now I could not concentrate on the tab-making, and after doing about a dozen more, found I’d put the wrong year on them all! I started cancelling actions to clear the bitmap back to .cdr, then ungrouping to amend the dates, but…
I ran out of memory and had to start all over from the beginning on nine of them.
I mixed up some seasoning as guided by notes that were written for me. No garlic, but I had most of the seasonings on the list, and it smelled nice. I put the bowl in the fridge to marinate for at least half an hour, as the recipe said.
Then I smelt the potatoes burning!
That’s all I ate. Every flavour-filled, dry potato.
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Oh, dear, I’d left the hot water tap running! I turned it off and needed to visit the. Boy, was that another Trotsky Terence messy, gooey, yet sticky affair. Yes, it was.
Bigmouth me – CorelDraw is sticking and occasionally unresponsive again. Grrr!
shot up my right leg, but no bother, because of the anticipated and welcome arrival of 
. There on the window ledge resting atop a bottle of mushroom ketchup was none other than my 
take a snap of the evening sun on its way down from the open window. 
Thanks to Jenny & Frank.
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I took snaps of the food; many items were unavailable, and all the cobs felt a little unfresh. But considering the day it was, I’m not complaining.
No caramelised onion chutney, Sweet pickle, Cashew nuts, Sliced bread, or beetroot, not that I’ll starve at all.
rolls, and various cooked meats. A pork pie, three lemon curd yoghourts.
h promptly split open the bag and scattered all over the floor. Ejaz cleaned it up later for me; he’s a good lad. He found some potatoes that had hidden themselves between a cabinet and the old cooker. Four baguettes went in as well, along with some iced Asda ice-cream cornets. Oh, I think I’ll have one now. I forgot about them in the fridge.
Carer D arrived in high spirits. Too early for him to issue any medications, 4 hours needed.
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Cael diwrnod da!
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