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As days go by, I would not have missed this one had it disappeared into the ether. Cock-ups, confusion, worry, semi-panics, depressions, frustrations, apprehensions, fears, dejections, rejections, vexations, and complications. Making it even worse, self-pity visited a few times. More killings and stabbings. A 
, 
and the persistent today 
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Still, it could always be worse.
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Woke around 06:30hrs: Having slept, albeit a broken sleep, for over 6 hours! Dark urine again.
Topped up the freebie thank you drinks shelves. Much more choice for the Carers & Nurses.
Put the waste bags in one.
A hard work getting the motion to start.
The Asda order arrived.
It took me some time to get all the bags into the kitchenette. In doing so, I suffered a little bit of a 
. I caught my ankle ulcer against something sharp in the bag I was carrying.
I brushed the bag against it, but it was no bother. I didn’t howl, wince, swear, or anything of that nature. I laughed it all off and merrily carried on carrying the bags in. 
Instant mash with cheese, pork pie, bacon off-cuts, Lactofree milk and some haddock goujons. Never tried these before in a light batter; it might just suit my taste buds, but 
…When I was taking them with the other fresh foods to the refrigerator, I dropped some stuff and then 
. 
And proceeded to tread on the goujon packet, and the pack burst open, distributing the crushed fish bit around the kitchen floor! This time, I did howl, wince, and swear a bit. Got some antiseptic cream on the wound, and carried on sorting the food out.
A selection of naughty but nice desserts, seasoned potato slices and mash, tomatoes, pasties & a packet of coffee bags for the carers to make and drink in their restroom. The 
tomatoes were Dutch and delightful!
Milk Roll soft sliced bread. Brown French baguettes, cheap kitchen 
towels.
I think that the fridge has never been fuller.
I’ve still got the pasta packets to use up. I think, just maybe, I am a little nervous from when I 
scalded my hand months ago.
The Freezer is also fuller than ever. I will not receive any more food deliveries until next week. I even had to throw away some dated stuff to make room for the bread and baguettes, which now will fit into the freezer drawers. Carer Kara later took them with the other bags to the chute for me. ♥
Concentrating on blogging for ages and ages, I suddenly noticed that it was light now. Thought I’d take a picture of the view on offer. Such a gorgeous sky. I also realised that I’d been up for a long time, and it was now 11:00hrs… and no morning carer had been – or had they?
I knew I’d had a earlier this morning and was toying with my head. Uncertainty, doubtfulness, and an unreliable trust in my own memory.
Had someone been or not? That is the question at hand now. Surely someone had been by now? I could not get anything from my memory box about one. Not that this is unusual. The first clue of any positivity was that I had not got the diabetic socks on. (But this has happened often before, when I forget to ask the Carer to take them off at night or to put them on in the morning). In fact, I had wrapped a throw around my legs to keep warm while on the computer – doubts still lingered, and I didn’t want to ring about it for fear of being told that I was talking rubbish again. A lingering doubt in question… was could I be certain or not? I still couldn’t decide. I was too nervous to ring to check. I’ll 
wait until the midday Carer calls and check with her/him. I was baffling myself. Battling a battered brain and unreliable, failing memory-blank is not easy. I’d say the words to use are ‘Frustrating’, ‘Embarrassing’, ‘Annoying’ and ‘Hopeless! If only the social and medical helpers would read this blog, they would learn more about the problems that I will no doubt forget about within days. Humph!
That’s something else that concerns me about my memory, well, more like amazes me. Sometimes, when writing the blog, I am able to press on, but once I am interrupted or waylaid by the door chime, a phone call, having to empty the catheter bag, the need to check if I’d left the taps running, a visit to the 
, cooker on, fridge door open, etc., getting back into it is a real struggle.
I’m still not certain that a Carer did not call! Doubts linger on, and an awareness that things are not going to get any easier worry me now. Although, if (when) I do get worse, I may not be aware and stop fretting over the situation? I’m becoming a bag of nerves and fears. But only part-time, now and again?
I waffled on a bit there, sorry.
I’m back on with the blogging. And shortly arrived. I was still in a state of semi-confusion when Kara came. I mentioned my doubts to her. She checked something on the mobile and then looked at the record log. (I wish I’d done that earlier, Tsk!).
Kara gave me the early morning medications and got my socks me legs. She has no time now, but she’ll try to help me tomorrow with the confusing emails that I’ve received. She took the bags with her and did the Safety checks on the taps, doors, and stove were not left on. Thank you ♥!
Memory Blanks again.
I assume I took these shots at different times in the late afternoon. I’m pretty certain, but not sure, of the artistic clouds in the sky. The second shot down tempted my Pareidoliaising instincts. To my eyes and mind, it reminded me of all things, of the Red Dwarf spaceship? Not so much now after I’ve put it in and looked again though. Can anyone else see it? Or is it just me? Hehehe!
The well urine filled almost caught me out.
What a relief! Haha! The backflow pains gave me the nod that it needed emptying post-haste.
Carer Chris did the last two calls. Nibbles and a drinkie. Night pouch attached, diabetic socks removed. He left me nodding off. Hehe!
I nodded off as soon as the lad had gone and had the best sleep I’ve enjoyed for ages. It was a short but Shock-free session, and I was soon back up again at 02:10 hours, needing the Porcelain 
Throne. It was another Constipation Conrad session. So I stayed up and got some tidying up done, then onto the computer. I soon drifted off to sleep after Chris had gone. But burst back into life at 02:20hrs, in need of the Porcelain Throne, despite 
Doing her best to have me over. Stayed up and back on the computer… It’s a hard life, full of strife, no wife, mental confusion, physical ailments rife! Still, it might get better in the afterlife?
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Siriol!
Cheerio, in Welsh!
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sharp, but at least I’ve nodded off soon after each one… But Not Tonight! Oh, no! Once they started this time, they went on relentlessly for half an hour, non-stop! It was terribly painful and wearying. I then realised it may have been caused by my leaving the diabetic socks on. A new pair as well, and decided to do my best to get them off and see how that goes. What a farce! Just getting out of bed increased the hurt I was already suffering. 
to shave and shower. First, though, the use of the 
night bag. Then took a snap of the morning view, put the kettle on and gathered the ablutioning 
equipment needed. And off to the wetroom to 
utilise the 
myself of the splashes released. Huh!
water had drained away.
Raining a little now.
South? Yes, it was. And very windy with it. The tail of the Mini-Tornado?
Carer 
All bu got caught out again with the catheter day pouch suddenly filling up.
The last of the heavy rain descended. Shots from the balcony, through the window glass, left one to the right.
The second one was taken to the left.
chimed out.
Blogging, CorelDrawing and making the Ode.
pasty, which I opened 
were much less often, and although a broken sleep, I soon dosed back off after each stinging. 
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A little lighter colour this morning.
Morning sky shot
And… a ground shot!
Balcony doors.
Later on, a kitchen view.
End car park.
Kitchenette.
Midday gloom. It did brighten a bit later.
Nearly caught me out again!
I took this Kodak Tim shot.
I struggled to get stripped and clambered into the bed. In particular, 
gave forth pains, complaining as I got in and settled into the new second-hand bed. I struggled further, getting into a pain-free position for sleep.
I just got myself deeper into a mess again. Not being able to see or understand the controller 
did not help much. Within two minutes of my laying down in the snug bed, I’m afraid that 
was angry at all the leg lifting needed.
, at long last. I had turned on the TV, and the 16:00hrs News 
was starting, but I soon drifted off into a wonderful oblivion. Heavenly sleep! But it didn’t last long. Five minutes later, 
turned up, full of the joys of spring. Hahaha! He issued the medications, and I was in the chair for the entire visit, mumbling about needing sleep! Hehehe! He didn’t hang out and left me wishing I could get some sleep!
. Worran ‘orrible night!
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It took me ages to get to sleep again after the last Carer call for Christopher. When I did float off, I kept waking up repeatedly. Cragnangles!
and got the waste bags sorted for collection. 
Red ski in the morning, Shepherds Warning?
Back to the wet room and deposited myself on the Throne.
.
called on me. I remember all of this visit… I think. Kara booked the two hospital lifts for me. Ah, maybe I can’t recall all of it! I seem to believe that Kara rang the Doctors for me, but I have no idea why and am not sure she did. Things are not good in the head’s hard drive today, not that they have been for many months. 
I shot ominously dark clouds, which could be seen again, as last week, lurking about up in the sky.
I missed this Kodak Tim shot earlier. Or did I? I’ll have a look now. Yes, I missed it off. It’s a pleasant-looking view of local homes near the flats. Three murder spots have been in view this year already. Two muggings were on the cut-through between the houses. I had no idea what happened last night, but I saw the blue flashings from the police cars and ambulance. It’s all clear this morning, though. I’ll keep an eye on the news
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Up and about at 05:50hrs:
was not good a good colour. 
photos, but apparently I did so.
First, a heavy-duty visit to the Throne was called for, so I sat on the Throne. It soon became apparent that 
was in 
full charge of this morning’s evacuation operation. I waited for what was obviously going to be a 
I could feel the solid torpedo as it crept agonisingly slowly and ever more painfully towards daylight. I got the crossword book and pencil from the floor cabinet and tried the puzzle. Blimey, I was doing well with it.
As I went to get the kettle on for my brew of tasty Glengettie tea, I took this snap of the morning clouds in view from the kitchen.
was engaged. Of course, I knew it would not last long, so I hastily got the computer on to write about my decision. Of course, now I have to prevent myself from looking a twit by actually cutting back on the thing I love doing! The thing that is keeping me going. This may not work, you know. 
. I imagine that after the lad had gone, I must have had a mind-blank or seizure because I had 
no idea what I was doing until 
arriving. I was back in the land of confusion. Those few early hours were so pleasant, clear, and translucently appreciated. Will I ever get another one like it? I pray so.
. Medications were given, and we had a little natter. 
As I sat there, I felt the need to return to the Porcelain Throne. Thinking there would be no rush, I didn’t exactly respond immediately. That was a 
mistake, and I should have been aware of it with my changing evacuation state. I did not make it to the WC tub in time!
two visits. Life can be such a bugger, can’t it, when one gets older.
cloud face in sky
Time to get some nosh. Vegetable soup will do me.
Another selection of late shots, that are without doubt an absolute Pareidolians Delight.
I put the potato chunks in the oven. They baked up well, nice and crispy, just as I like them. This added a crunch to the soup.
The soup. with its added can of garden peas.
It’s completely cold water now! 
arrived, medicated me and took off my socks. 
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Dark again.
Motionless.
Carer Christopher called. The little scallywag.
First view with Kodak Tim.
Whoops!
Oh, dear!
The clouds are even more beautiful now.
Later I took another shot of the kitchen sky view.
Still too dark.
Any idiot could work this one out…
Sorry about this…
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I’m unsure what or who to blame for today’s lunchtime disaster. 
, or maybe I had a 
visit? It was embarrassing, annoying, angering, and so frustrating. I felt worth about tuppence after Kara found the mess, and sorted it for me. I’ll explain about this cock-up come 
now, to get it out of the road that I was so humiliated with committing. Here goes, then…
, and I went with dread in my innards to the wet room.
And there, in the midst of the man-made lake, the floor drain is not working because the shower has to be working for the drain to start. Kara bless her, got stuck into mopping up the flood and tipping; I think she said eight buckets of collected water in the WC. I’d left the damned hot water tap running again!
Not that it was planned, but I got the kitchen floor cleaned by using the Speed-mop. I wouldn’t use the mop and bucket, so as to save the hot water from running too cool, for when I planned this afternoon to have a jolly good wash and shaving session. (What with the later flood the hot water now being colder than the cold water, this 
did not happen. Huh!) Both cartilages were playing me up again.
Nearly missed this Kodak Tim photo I took when I was mopping the floor earlier. It was a good effort, but still pretty.
Into the wet room to use the 
I gathered the waste bags into a large bag and placed them near the front door. Then, I went into the kitchen to see what I could 
have for a treat for tonight’s meal. Potato chunks, peas and lamb burgers seemed a good idea to me. Then again, me and good ideas don’t really go together, if you know what I’m saying. Cause I have the tremendous ability to misread, miss-see, and miss-hear at the same time. Not to mention having a seizure, mind-blank, or forgetting where, what, why or how I was doing anything at any time.
Carer Chris returned the laundry, and I hung it up. Not the towels, I forgot to put them in the bag.
I took this shot of the front car park, but with little interest, I’m afraid. I was feeling so low about flooding Julie’s and my wet room. I think I’ve said above that ‘Guilt’ is the overbearing sentiment.
It suddenly went dark outside. This photo was taken on 
, and minutes later, the sun was coming through again?
I started to get the things ready for making a meal.
I’d left the hot water tap running in the kitchen sink this time!
. But, of course, this meant the water was cold again, and it ruined my hopes of getting the shower and shaving for tonight. I must get up early in the morning and get it done. My EQ just laughed at me when I wrote this? Wonder what are the odds of me getting up early? It will be 2½ days since I had a shower or shave. So I’m dirty bodily, struggling emotionally and mentally. 
I must get up as soon as I wake up… oh, the wet room might need more cleaning after using… I wish I 
I went to the wet room WC to empty the day pouch again. The urine smelt awful! What next should I moan and groan about?
But the potatoes let it down. They had been in the oven for longer that the 30 minutes it said on the wrapper, 40 minutes at least, but they were still undercooked. Disappointing! Everything else was great. With the help of sploshes of the ketchup, I did eat all of the potatoes… well, I was hungry!
I can’t even see it in the revealing photo?
I don’t want a day like this again!
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& 
, that only lasted seconds, and took it into the kitchen. 
joined in and I began falling to the floor, hitting my head on the wall as I did so. The pain from 
Dark urine again.
My first effort at shooting the morning view.
I did a better job on the second one.
The waste bags were amalgamated
The early morning J. Sainsbury order arrives. As explained above in the intro. I set about sorting the food delivered. But it was not easy.
Got the Carer & Nurses nibble box filled.
Tomatoes, milk, Leicester cheese, lemon-flavoured yoghourts, and some Jamaican Patties.
DVT nurse and the love of my life, Hristina, arrived and delicately took the blood samples.
Certain that I would not make the same mistakes this month, I pressed on. With just three days left to do, I almost discovered I’d got the wrong dates on three earlier sone ones
The catheter pouch had filled up again.
The afternoon sky.
The front car park.
Filled really quick this time.
Smashing!
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05:00hrs: What a hue to the morning view.
And flowed, and splattered…
, & 
were leaking the haemoglobin freely. 
By the time I’d finished shaving and got myself disentangled from the Dettol-watered bowel, the floor in the wet room was a bloody mess. It reminded me of that bloodied thingy movie in the shower. Psycho, was it called? I used the water in the bowl and tipped it on the floor to brush it down the shower drain on the floor. But I forgot to turn the shower power on to make the drain work
Galore! ensued
The first thing was to move the medical stuff away from the water. Naturally, the bending needed set off the final 
lesion and Harold’s Haemorrhoids bleeding again, just to add to the chaos, pain and increasing frustration that was building up inside me! 
Then I had to leave the wet room to get to the power switch to turn it on in the hallway… on exiting, I walked into the doorframe, which immediately brought Sweet 
to life.
Crying was considered as an option. As was spitting, cursing and banging my head against the wall. Maybe wailing out as loud as I could… I’m not certain I didn’t actually do that, anyway?
I switched on the power box and hobbled back into the wet room. Gawd Struth! The place looked like an even bigger mess than earlier. The blood was sinking into everything it came in contact with; I just could not move it with the shower spray. So, more pain, I had to use the mop and bucket with bleach and Dettol in the water. But I finally got it looking better. Not properly clean, though. But the domestic help, 
which was once a week, for 3 weeks. No show for three weeks now. Then, I medicated the delicate areas again. And getting into the protection pants was a smidgen difficult. 
fifth try, I got the leg in! I had to take a break to recover from the effort. Taking the photo here on the left. Phew! Then getting the left leg in, which was a lot easier in the pants
bad mood. Hehehe! 
. What a change!
I cleaned things up yet again. Then, carefully avoiding any shoulder charges on the doorframe, I meandered out to the kitchenette.
A thickish fog had descended all over Sherwood, probably further, too. Then I carefully limped to the 
main (other) room and to the balcony doors, to Kodak Tim the bog from there. It looked a little bit eerie with the blue hue.
tube inserted into poor 
, calmed down and was less bother for the rest of the day that it’s ever been? Puzzles me this; not complaining!
Sorted the bags out. 
Made a brew, and started at long last on the blog.
The usual fatigue dawned on me; I’d already got some lamb burgers in the oven. So, I closed down the 
computer and made myself a much-needed meal. So glad I opted for the lamb. 
kicked 
off as I settled. Then I worried that I’d left the tap running when I washed the pots, so I got up to check on them, now realising how early I’d settled in the bed; it was not even fully dark out there. So, I got the oven tray I’d missed doing earlier and started to wash it.
taps off? I went to investigate-Cragknangles!
Hard to believe, but I only managed to find two of them. Sad, innit! Hahaha!