Do you know… are you listening?
There were times today; I’m not kidding…
When I almost knew what I was doing!
Twelve goes at the Catheter irrigating,
There must be summat else, it’s irritating…
So much I keep on forgetting,
Doreen Dementia’s inquinating…
My memory, she’s masticating…
The Doctor’s ready for cognoscing,
My concentration is cadencing,
I await good luck commencing,
My brain is beyond assubjugating.
I suppose all this should be heartbreaking?
But a chance of some little ameliorating…
I’ve got cheesy potatoes in the oven baking!
I can smell the cheese as it’s melting…
I bet this is going to taste belting!
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20:15hrs now. Another day flashes by. What I’ve done and why. Who’s been to see me? Can’t remember, can’t decree… Been a sad muddled day for me! So, some photos you can see, Feeling so confused, I could cry!
First Pouch emptying…
Before the mist descended.
Food order. Some treats for the Carers.
One of the afternoon pouch emptying. Amazing colour, healthy looking!
Nice parking today!
Mug of Glengettie, note-less notepad, and a nose bleed.
Blimus! This one filled up quickly.
Late Carer Josef called. Only needed some painkillers to ease the mild agony from the Catheter bag tube in Little Inchy. Argh!
The plan was to show a photo of the served-up nosh here. However: The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry!
No matter how carefully a project is planned, something may still go wrong with it. The saying is adapted from a line in “To a Mouse” by Robert Burns: “The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men / Gang aft a-gley.” Yes, Inchie forgot to put the SD card back in the camera again! So the evening shot and shot of the TV on, also, as Rabbi Burns said… “Gang aft a-gley “.
When I emptied night pouch, I did remember to put the car in first. Tsk!
Not a good colour.
When I was nodding off, I needed to utilise the. again. The visit took me half an hour or so overall. Sticky, gooey, messy. The actual evacuation maybe lasted a minute. The cleaning up & medicating… ages! Costly business nowadays. Last year the above cost me £2.19 – Now… £4.99! But it does a good job of easing .
On that rather sordid note, I’ll leave you now. (Fri Morning) And get this blog checked. (I’m bound to miss some mistakes, of course, I’m getting good at that recently) and sent off to WordPress.
I woke after what I believed was a six-hour dream, and the memory of the ‘Gone-Missing-Laundry’ came to mind; as I was getting depressed and morbid at the prospects of having no dressing gowns, spending a fortune to replace them and the throws that may turn up, or likely will never will, and the email from the bank asking for confirmation and why I have bought the same things that I~~ did three months ago…
Then the real worry came to me. Wearing trousers for the Brain Scan at the hospital which is going to produce at least agony to poor Little Inchy as the catheter tube pulls and tugs again his fungal lesion. Next, the thought of having no dressing gown to change into and get out of the pain-giving trews when I get home to relieve the pain hit me… Argh!
A Mild Depression Dawned!
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – When I forced my tormented body and mind to rise from the depths of the second-hand, £300, charity shop bought, crumb-retaining, microorganism-microbe producing, gungy, moth-eaten, beige-coloured, non-working, bacillus encouraging, incommodious, Haemorrhoid Harold testing, c1968 recliner, I found that the Catheter punch contents were…
. At the highest level of colouration on the chart. .
I think there may be a slight chance, remote possibility, hundred-to-one shot, that today may not be a good one. Then again, when was my last good day? was not too hopeful of finding my ‘taken-away-to-be-laundered clothing’. The chances, must be slim, but she did say she’d have another look around for me.
Found my laundry. But no throws in there.
Morning: CorelDraw not letting me add any photos. Trouble getting into WP. Mousee taking me left & right, not up and down? Fearing the worse here…
Not much gen today. It’s been another in-and-out-of-it day, up and down, and I fell asleep on the computer chair. Carer Carolynne, or Sam, or… came in and woke me, saying I? was slowly slipping floorwards… Hehe!
A smidge of bloody urine in the well-filled bag this morning.
Emptied the bag and bucket, washed and disinfected. Got the waste bags sorted. And called to the Porcelain Throne. Messy! Got the ablutions done, many cuts shaving, but nothing serious. Then… back on the Throne for the second session. Cleaned the floor.
Checked on the lack of food in the fridge. Hope the new bank card arrives soon… then I’ve got to get the details changed on all the sites… Oh, dear. Off to get the ablutions done. No showering; it is too early to disturb folks with the noise of the drain and pump. Had a stand-up job. But it still took me over two hours to finish everything, including Throne visits three and four. (Yes!) Snf that was without doing the teeth (I forgot, Humph!) And didn’t medicate Little Inchies Fungal Lesion, Harold’s Haemorrhoids or even put the eye drops in! I did the olive oil in both ear holes.
Had a mock clean-up in the kitchen. Then, much to my surprise, the Ocado delivery arrived. This was because Ocado takes your money as you ordered (before the card was cancelled) and then compensates you for any shortages within the next five working days, as I understand it.
The good news was that they had sent some Apache potatoes, and bread, lots of bread. I had a job to get it all in the freezer. I pondered on having a can of the minted pea soup with some potatoes this evening. Then realised it was afternoon already. Had I had another Mind-Blank?
Late afternoon, the first snow of the year descended. I tried to get some shots in, despite it being so dark already, with the hopes of catching some snow in them.
Got a few flakes in this one… And this one… And again… Not sure about this wider snap… The snow had stopped by the time I took this one. Carer Kara was here, and as she left, she handed me two letters that had been posted. One was the… The British Gas electricity bill… for £453!
Got some tomatoes seasoned to have some sausages with later. The peas & potatoes had lost favour!
No more snow, but looking glum.
Computer blogging and mistake making.
Oh, not so clear again.
Vegan Sausages… And they were Grrreat! Added the links to the tomatoes. Which were seasoned with sea salt, vinegar, basil, and some imitation soy bacon bits too! Sourdough bread to dunk in the tomatoes and dribbled all down the dressing gown. Finding its way between my legs vis the chest and mould of the stomach and onto poor Little Inchies Fungal Lesion. Not only that, but it got onto the tubing and other bits of So sleep was further delayed due to the need to clean up
myself, the chair and change clothes. During this, I managed to misplace my hearing aids. With , and all getting worse, there is no chance of reading the subtitles! So, no watching football on the telly. It took me until about 03:30 hours, but I eventually found the hearing aids. They had fallen and ended up underneath the 1963 Hopewells E-plan cabinet with the doors falling off.
I got the picker-upperer but had to get down on my knees. Why? Because right at the back against the wall, I spotted my missing wind-up torch… three various tablets… the missing ultra-black-ink pen, a letter from British Gas telling me I must update my cash card details,
Getting back up… Hah!
I got settled, took some painkillers, swore a bit and off in a search of around 04:40hrs!
I think I spent more time today out of it – than in? Problems with the bank (unsorted), WordPress (ongoing), CorelDraw (a night & daymare), Catheter Kathleen’s Accoutrements (Sorted by Carer Carole-Anne), the start of Trotsky Terence and the lurgy; a combined, concerted attack that was still in full flow this morning. (Wednesday). Multitudinous Memory Blanks and many periods for which I have not yet made a name to use for it. It’s hard to explain as well. But I’ll try;
❶: Over perhaps a four-hour period, during which two carers called, and several times I forgot what they had just said and what I was saying and going to say in reply. ❷: My mood went from euphoria to depression within seconds and kept alternating for a few minutes? (This has happened a couple of times over this last week, and this is the second session of it this week? ❸: The mind blanks and freezes can last for seconds or hours?. ❹: Sometimes I am so positive about something – certain, sure… Until five minutes, or hours, days later, and the doubts, dithering and then the oscillating begins. ❺: Questioning my own decisions. Loathing my actions sometimes… Momentarily engulfing bigger problems I have… ❻: Then, any stage or condition of mind may take over(worryingly). This can vary from a ‘Sod-Em-all’, ‘Why bother?’, ‘No one is bothered’, to a newish standard for me. ‘What can I say?’ ‘What can I do?… ❼: Which always turns into a self-loathing mode, frustration, or a hated, pathetic, dreaded Dracula-Depression.
If the end is really, nigh… Why should I wonder why? My depression I’d like to transmogrify… My brain & logic, to reunify, Or would it be best to just die? My moustache, with indigo dye? Either way, would there be an outcry? Or, take some CBD or eat some nautili? I asked for help, do I get a reply? I’m losing it quicker as time goes by… No good luck, fortune or stimuli! Sleep: I’m not getting much shuteye, Failures, bad luck; no shortage have I! Should I eat Spinach, like Popeye? But no, in vitamin K it’s too high! Banned for me, like sprouts & broccoli… Cabbage, grapefruit, at least I know why, What can I do: Whatever I try… But I’ll not let myself sink, mope or cry… What to have to eat? (I give a sigh!) Worrying, my weight’s getting so high! Apache potatoes, & a lemon cream pie? My gluttony, I cannot rectify, The Catheter hangs down painfully from my thigh, Although, what the heck does that signify? We’ll never know… bye-bye.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Photos of the day with the odd bit of comment.
Crisp-coloured day pouch.
Not the foggiest idea now; why I took this one?
Nor this one, but there may have been a witty idea drifting about that I could use... but it escaped!
Aha! The Ocado order arrived. Marmite! Fullish cupboard? Been after trying this for ages. Spring Water stockpile? Apache potatoes. Good looking and tasting, too!
A smidge bloodier?
Afternoon clouds. Very nice… Absolutely gorgeous close-up! Do you see a duck’s or snake’s head?
Later… Could be from another planet. These three had another sun showing up on the photo? Or did they?
Reflection… or whatever you call it…
Dang it, I had to visit the Porcelain Throne Thus the flow started… nine more visits before midnight!. ARGH!
The last views of the Sundown…
Fare Thee Well!
I think Carers Choe, Anne=Mrie, Sam and erm... er… Charly did for me today. So many blanks in the memory.
Lots of hassle today – what about I cannot say yet. combined with Doreen Dementia’s and Sweet Morpheus’s ploy to ensure my getting very little sleep, a dark depression brought on by the day’s events that I will reveal later on in the week; I am at the lowest point in the contentment stakes that I’m been since, well many a year. Another cut-short thought circumstances beyond my control (I’m getting a lot of these days lately) in detail diary I fear.
According to my notepad, I got up at 04:00hrs, failing to sleep again. After getting the kitchen mopped and making a brew and Carer Richard arrived. Still looking a little under the weather; bless him. I hope he’ll be alright later on. I tried to cheer him up a smidgeon.
Took this shot of the foggy morning…
Stayed misty all day long.
Went to refill the one-litre water bottles from the cheaper 2-litre ones… Whoopsiedangleplop! The cat shot off of the bottles, hit me in the middle of my forehead, and generally soaked me and the floor as ~I dropped it, and it spun around on the floor, liberally distributing two litres of water.
Mopped the floor and put the togs in the laundry bag.
Had a visitor and got all agitated afterwards. On the Computer. Carer Sam arrived to do the checks and medications.
Then four lines of scribbled notes happened, and it said it was 13:30hrs. No idea what I wrote, but @I must have been stressed to write that bad, even for me. Hump!
Seems I took a picture of the Chestnut Way car parking. And somehow missed it?
I went back to the computer to get Sunday’s blog completed. Took the above shot through the sliding windows and balcony ones.
Says here that ~I was feeling drained again. Not sure if that meant tired or I emptied Cathy Catheter’s Pouch.
Remembered that the Blood ~pressure has to be taken four times a day now. I created the graph near the top and put it on here later in the evening when I felt so tired.
Had a nosey about what to eat, and I ended up with a Sweet & Sour Noodles pot. I’ll not try them again.
Carer Kara came to serve me. Medicines and safety checks. Nice to see her, she doesn’t come very often… well, as I’d like. Hehehe!
I was fighting off falling asleep – Marvellous, innit? Get yer head down, and you can’t sleep, give up, get up, and you try working on the blog, and you’ll fall asleep in the computer chair! Not only that, you knock a bottle of spring water off the shelf, and Back-Pain Brenda kicks off when you bend to retrieve it. Fed-up? Me?
Fed-up, I may have said that already, I went to put the kettle on, and what a moon was showing up in the early night sky – Grrreat
Just look at the two-tone colour of it!
The last two above were taken much laterer. Not so good, are they?
arrived as I was making a pan of stew… of sorts and dishing it out into a bowl. Richard kindly waited for me to finish this before , and gave the medications when the meal was readied. He left me with the tray balanced on my bulbous belly – checked the taps etc., and took the waste bag on his way out. I ate the rather sad as-it-turned-out meal. Got the pots washed, and with the four-pronged walking stick, Metal Mickey in my hands, I went to lock the front door… well, it’s the only external door. Hehe! ,
Back into the second-hand, £300, charity shop bought, crumb-retaining, microorganism-microbe producing, gungy, moth-eaten, beige-coloured, non-working, bacillus encouraging, incommodious, Haemorrhoid Harold testing, c1968 recliner.
The days started painfully – I needn’t have said that, had I? Hehehe!
The darned Lumix Camera was still not letting me take any photos!
Although, in the afternoon on what must have been close to the 12th.
try-to-get-the-bloody-thing-going; When I received some
official-looking brown envelopes mail, it did.
But it wasn’t bad news! & were with me on awakening… I’d be lost without their little morning greetings.
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The day of memory loss, disappointments, getting little done, , (Particularly her!), a few confusions of attacks via and a few bursts of feeling for no particular reason whatsoever. As per usual, made what should have been a better day worse. The Lumix playing up ruined any idea of a decent day’s photography. Yet apart from the odd depressions, which didn’t last long, but there were a good few of them, I seemed to press on regardless.
Arrived during one of my ‘up’ periods. Not that I can recall much. And why not? I’ve literally lost the notepad I’d been using for over half of the day. Likely thrown out later when I got the shock of the letters arriving. I reckon we had a natter and a laugh. I think he reminded me to ring Easy-Link to confirm the lift was arranged for Thursday’s visit to the Coppice Hospital… but that could have been yesterday.
Carers (I think) Sam called. Then Carer Charly. She took some photos of the Sunset. I tried the Lumix again, and it let me take one shot!!! I may have worn it out last night in taking so many shots of it? Hahaha!
The thicker envelope delivered was opened first.
Aha! An appointment for the first Brain CT scan had arrived. It’s for Friday, 24th February… I’ll just recheck; hang on… Yep, it’s for 2023. Luckily, Carer Sam, I think it was who collected the mail on her way in, read it for me. The print was a little small, and Cataract Katie is getting worse every day.
The picture of the CT machine,, was just like the one the QMC A&E took a scan of my bladders last month; it was just the circle bit…. or was it the month before?
I remember falling over in there, trying to get my leg up and over, so they could get to the bladder.
The map of where to go was even smaller in scale.
A long list of things that need ‘Special Attention’, included Diabetes and Neurological Conditions. Of which, I have.
I must remember to ask Richard if he can make a list of anything changed in my ways to take with me to the nurse at the Coppice Mental Hospital on Thursday. I keep forgetting to ask him. Or have I asked him yet? Worra-life!
I managed to get through the Easy-Link people and got the lady with the voice that suited my ear-holes. Checked and confirmed that I had booked a lift for Thursday at the Coppice and then made one for the 24th for the Brain Scan.
The other letter was telling me I had failed to attend the Doctor’s to have an INR Blood Test and had to do so urgently. I must contact the Doctor to book an appointment immediately. Well, being as they have been coming to my flat to take it for two years now, I assumed they were going to continue to! Also, as well as, besides that, No one told me anything? Does the nurse’s striking have any effect on this scenario?
Now, if I snuff it via a blood clot or stroke, heart attack, or bleeding to death… according to the unknown because it’s not been taken level of INR is too high or low – if anyone reading this can investigate for me, please.
Naturally, you may not find out cause I’ll be dead, won’t I? I’ll be busy at St Peter’s Gate logging into whichever department they send me to. I’m hoping St. Peter doesn’t want to send me back to try again? That would be horrendous… one lifetime of misery is enough for anyone. I shall refuse to go back, and if he doesn’t like it… well… I’ll sulk!Hehehe!
Better get some nosh sorted out, then.
Which I did – no photo, of course; the Fuji needs new batteries. Tsk!
I’D LIKE TO THANK A FEW PEOPLE FOR THEIR HELP TODAY No particular order, but I feel it right to mention them and their help. Which is in the brief diary below. I thank you! Carer Richard, Carer Sam, Carer Charly, Carer Jozeph. Lisa, from the Rehab & Falls Team. Oberstgrüppenfuhreress, Warden and Prima Ballerina, Warden Deana. Meridian’s Tina. The Engineer who fitted the flood and cooker arms for me. Neighbour Malcolm, he got the keyboard working again for me. Neighbour Jenny, a caring lady, it was she who donated the painkillers. And the Ocado driver for taking the food through to the kitchen for me.
And anyone I may have missed off the list.
I woke and checked the Catheter bag, which had been emptied about two hours earlier. so not much in it… but there was a fair percentage of blood in the urine again? A bit worrying.
Hours later, and this was all that was in the pouch? I noticed some more clots of blood in there again.
Carer Richard, who sorted the heavy-medication doses for me. Checked the taps and stove. Gave me a minute or two chin-wagging. Carer Sam came to sort the mid-morning medications. Carer Charly in the afternoon.
Took this to catch the shadow of the flats.
The mist thickened later on.
Oberstgrüppenfuhreress, Warden and Prima Ballerina, Warden Deana and an engineer arrived. The chap, with a nice personality, soon had the flood and cooler alarms fitted and had to go to do some others. Thanks, mate.
Got a pot of porridge out and put it on the counter to remind me next time I make a cuppa, to have it for a late breakie. Hehe!
Took this shot of Chestnut Way.
Started getting the blog updated, and… What didn’t go wrong? The Internet went down. Little Inchies fungal lesion started pouring with blood! Took me ages to get it stopped and medicated. Then it must have been an hour to clean the wet room!. I thought, being as I was in there, I’d get the ablutions done… I then needed the Porcelain Throne… the door was open, so I heard the landline phone ringing in the other room… No way I could get to it in time… why? I’ll tell you… I was in mid-evacuation – tried to rush things best I could… Got a bit too keen on wiping the rear end… And caught Little Inchy, started him bleeding again! Wrapped toilet paper around him and was about to try and get to the phone in time, and realised the Catheter had filled up, had to empty it. The phone stopped ringing, of course, before I’d even got to the doorway. More attention to Little Inchie is needed. Cleaned up the rear end from the attempted emergency evacuation. And got the toothbrush into action. The broken tooth started bleeding, and ♫Oh, Susana♫ chimed from the front door. I assumed it was a carer, so just closed the wet room door… But it chimed again – I struggled into the dressing gown and got to the front door, opened it, and not a soul in sight – I was too late! What next is going to go wrong, I thought. I’ll tell yer!
I cut myself shaving and dropped my spectacles; they now have an adornment of sellotape on the frame joint. Then the expensive carbolic soap I was using shot out of my wet fingers and sploshed into the WC without touching the sides! I can’t believe what’s happening here, thought I – surely it can’t continue like? It’s madness! But it did! I tried to keep calm and carefully started the Hemerine medicationalisationings. Grumblegrobbledamn! The landline rang again, and I hastened to answer it; after all, it may have been about the cataract or Glaucoma operation… or the Coppice Hospital Brain scans… or the DVT vein-bleeding… or about the missing painkillers… or the missing ? But, No! It was a bloody scam call, pretending they were from Amazon, telling me my Prime Benefits had been Cancelled – Grrr! Back to the wet room, fumingly! On with the medicationings. Got sorted and dressed, and realised the phoo and ablutions, with all the farcicalisations and interruptions, had taken me over two hours, and that was without having a shower!
I exited the torture room and went to make a brew and eat the porridge.
. Then noticed that the urine had gone bloody again? When I emptied the pouch the previous two times, it was clear???
. The afternoon or near tea time now view was a miserable one.
Carer Charly arrived in a rush, but we managed a much-needed laugh.
Pressing on but not doing very well at it with the blog.
Carer Joseph arrived and got the new night bag attached to the catheter day bag in no time. He was eager to get off, but when I mentioned that I could not find my other dressing gowns in the laundry returned, we went to have a look, and he found them, then hung them up where I keep them in the front room on hangers. Bless him. I felt a bit guilty for delaying him. They all seem busy today. Bless them. Short-handed? Thanks to them all.
. I took this terrible but pretty all the same, photo of the view.
Little Inchy started reacting to the inserted tubing again, and I took an Ipobrufen and Paracetamol to try and ease the pain. Of course, the night bag would be pulling at it (Little Inchy) more now.
More haphazard, mistake-filled work on the blog.
. Went to get the nosh warmed up and took another shot of the evening view from the kitchenette.
The Chillie – will I keep awake to eat it, though? Hehehe!
What a treat this was! Chilli-Con-Carne (canned). Boiled some spuds earlier and added them, a can of garden peas, sliced some tomatoes, and BBQ sauce and added them to marinate with the meal for three hours, then tucked into it! Taste-Rating: 9.3.10! I ate most of it. Hahaha!
Sweet Morpheus was unkind to me in the extreme tonight