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I’d like, just once again, to see the sea,
After the heart op, when things were dodgy…
I went with Brother-in-law, Petey,
Years later, with a resident’s party…
We got there, and they all abandoned me,
Well, they had their family with them, you see,
Walked for 6-hours, feeling a midge lonely,
I’d sooner have a mental & physical amnesty,
But that’s impossible, as you see,
Early this morning, l meandered amiably,
Shelled the peas, losing about twenty!
But I did recover two or three,
Then things sank, suddenly miserably,
Depression uncloaked, unavoidably,
Off went my limited mental agility,
Back came my situational acceptancy,
Started this ode hoping & believingly,
To fight off the depression, incredulously,
I coped with Peripheral Neuropathy…
Cartilage and Catheter pains, agony,
Earache Erasmus & Toothache Tiffany,
Sandra’s Seizures, Diabetic Polyneuropathy.
Dracula Depressions got the better of me!
Life is just a Whigmaleerie!
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I stirred into an unwanted imitation existence around 05:00 hrs. It was not the usual bursting awake this time. It was more of a gradual, reluctant acceptance of whatever the day ahead held for me, but not with any hopes or expectancy for anything I would really like or want. That was a bad start, emotionally.
The nocturnal and the day bag pouch it attached to were almost empty. Jiggling the large night bag and spinning it around before throwing it away from me onto the carpet did the trick. A deluge of wee-wee came through from the bladder, through the day and into the night bag. But there was not a lot of it. With flowing so quickly, I thought it would be much fuller. I also thought I could sense some flow-back. But of course, what do I know.
I pottered about, unhurriedly getting out of bed and in a semi-upright position. Off to the kitchen to check that the taps and cooker had not been left on
Then, I took this snap of the morning view without my usual enthusiasm. I think my EQ was trying to tell me something. I was not in a depressed state, just a little low, perhaps.
Had lost his total control. Yet the pain was still there throughout the evacuational activity. Also, it was a mess to clean up on me and the porcelain bowl. This took me some time. I was not bothered; my interest in anything was slowly evaporating. I just wasn’t concerned, and that’s not me. I thought I was moving onto a new level, degree or platform in life, the next stage.
Moments after this, I was doing the ablutions, having a stand-up wash and shave… and singing away to myself? Frank Ifields, ‘She Taught Me to Yodel’
I put my feet in a bowl of water with some Dettol and stood in it while I brushed my teeth and shaved. Only one was unseen; it was cut in the neck hole at the back. I dropped the shaving foam, which landed in the bowl and hit the ingrowing toenail on my right foot. I laughed it off, honestly! I freshened up the wet room before leaving.
I removed the reserve camera, with which I took most of today’s shots, from the new extension thingamabob in the hallway. It worked a treat. Also, I could use the clothes airer at the same time now to dry my towels. I felt around the plastic to see if anything had heated up overnight, but they all seemed cool.
There was an almost cheery period, then for an hour or so, during which I reverted to worrying about things but ignored any signs of depression. I think it was lurking, ready for a comeback, but I would not let it do so then! I got a large waste bag made up from the other three bins and popped it near the front door.
Carer Precious arrived. I showed him the scars from Cathy Catheters’ Contraption, with the small bag and extra-large hose that meant the release valve now hangs down to my right foot! Humph! I asked him if he would take a photo of the affected area of the catheter. 
He took an unintended photo of his own foot first. Hehehe!
I’m growing two eyes, a nose and a mouth on my catheter-injured leg.
Pareidoliaing, again. Haha!
I took a terrible photo halfway through shelling the last of the gorgeous fresh garden peas. I managed to drop no end, but I got three escapees back.
Gulp-Swallow!
I put the peas into a basin ready to cook later. While I was doing these, there were no signs of Dark Dank Depression Duncan.
I forgot to ask Carer Precious to take the waste bag with him. I added a small one with some clothes no longer needed, I can’t get into them nowadays, to the other near the front door. Well, I’ve not got a back door in the flat. Har-har!
did the midday call. No meds were needed.
I did some work on this blog, and I feel better now. (Why do I say things like that? (It’s tempting fate!) After a laugh and someone to talk to.
Dizzy Dennis attacked as I got down to empty the tiny, so long, low-day pouch. Down I went. As tumbles go, it was not too bad a one. But foolish me, though, even after banging the knees and upsetting Arthur Itis and Cartilage Carole, that I could get up again easily enough. HUH!
Oh, no, not me. I saw the accumulated mess underneath the c1962 counter. I thought it would be a good idea while I was 
down there on the floor to clear some out. So, I grabbed the bigger picker-upperer. I started to try to remove some of the detritus hidden from normal view. What a Mistaker to Maker!
As I stretched underneath, my already bruised right knee was scratched and bruised by an old tablet bottle that shattered with 
the weight of my leg. I’m not surprised by the size of the leg that was blown up in this photo. The patella has merged with the surrounding flash and can hardly be identified. Haha! So, after trying a few times, you can see why I could not get back up after all!
I pressed the wristlet alarm to ask for help getting on my feet. However, it took a while to get an answer, and by then, I was just in the last stage of getting over the pure agony of getting on my feet.
The legs and feet continued to be painful for ages, but nothing compared to testing the knees in getting up. The size of the right leg was astronomical! That would be either Peripheral Neuropathy or Diabetic Neuropathy. Either way, it still hurts.
Sympathy Seeking Again!
After getting a brew of Gleangettie, I wondered why old people often think a mug of tea is going to help. But it might have anyway. Twenty minutes later, the swelling of the leg stopped, and I could almost hear gurgling as it went down as quick as it went up. That reminds me of a Grizelda quote. It got better. Thirty minutes later, the leg had blown up again!
I went to put the meat in the oven, make another mug of tea, and take this snap of the front car park. 
called, and I grabbed the nearest thing to keep my balance. 
Unfortunately, it was the near-boiling kettle! So, in a flash, I used my right hand on the hot oven door. This week, a selection of finger, knuckle and hand burns has been collated and collected.
I’m unsure which kneecap hurts most; it’s a close call. Oh, yes! Advantage Left Knee. Putting up with the crippling mini-bagged Catheter, the thick extra-long tube, and the flesh-cutting straps. A mention in despatches for Little Inchie.
Time to check on the meal’s progress.
The meal was a fine one. Photographed conscientiously, twice, to get a better one than the first. Eaten with great relish. creating such a satisfying feast cannot be imagined,
When it came time to put the photo on the SD card, there wasn’t one in the camera; I’d left it on the computer.
It’s not been a particularly good day at all.
Carer Ahyu arrived, medications were given, and I showed him my injured legs and knee.
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It was back on the computer after making another brew of Gengettie to go cold. The first severe bout of 
occurred.
It lasted about half an hour.
Not much blogging got done.
I’m going to get to bed now. Well, when Carer Ayhu has been.
I may have another nibble… oh, have I had a meal? Blow it, I have a snack. I got the oven on to warm up and make some chips. The Carer arrived, and I went into a mini-seizure as he came. Ayou, I think it was. No idea what took place.
Then, within seconds of his leaving, I banged my already battered knee against the cooker door. There’s a sub-storyline to this. I’d visited the kitchen to check on the oven’s heat and realised I had not even turned the oven on! In my bout of self-disgust, the door dropped and hit the poor knee from the fall. But it did knock of the scab, so that was good.
If I ever find that scab is open to discussion. It’ll be somewhere, probably snuggling up to the by now, dried solid dropped peas over the last few days… Hehe! Oh, and maybe one may have bounced into the disappeared bottle cap? I turned on the oven to the maximum to heat it up quickly. I returned to the computer, intending to save all the work on CorelDraw, MS Word, Excel and WordPress and turn it off.
It’s not been a particularly good day at all.
I heard a clattering noise from, I assumed, the kitchenette. Hobbled back hastily, in a Sherlock Holmesian mode, to investigate. Oh, dearie,
the stack of washing from the main meal had fallen from the draining board rack onto and all over the floor! All the bending to retrieve them was too painful, so I fetched the long picker-upperer to use.
At last, I came across the missing bottle cap and two more dried-like ball bearings peas.
Then I rewashed the fallen basin, plate, and cutlery.
It’s been a long, trying day.
The chips were undercooked, and the beetroot was harder than the ball-bearing peas on the kitchen floor. The eggs and yoghourt were okay.
Once again, I washed up. I’m fed up with this, Hehe! It’s a little harder now that the carer has attached the nocturnal catheter bag. One tends to carry the night bag on its elongated tube and put it down when two hands are needed, as when washing and drying the pots. Then you walk to do something else, forgetting the 5-foot tubing and bag of your urine that you are dragging along the floor behind you.
Inevitably: 
The bag catches against something, and you carry on hobbling… until the pain from poor Little 
gets sent to your brain. You feel
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You usually curse a little as you get some kitchen towelling to stem the flow of the red stuff. Then, make your way as hastily as possible to the wet room before the Protection Pants overflow. This is what I did! But things were worse this time.
The bleed was a smidge stronger than expected. So, after cleaning up my lower regions, I checked that the tube had not come out or worked loose of Little Inchy. It’s all okay!
Then you see that some blood had run all down your leg and partly covered the daddy urine bag, which by now was resting on top of your left foot! I used a whole kitchen roll and the picker-upperer to clean things. I was too tired to even think of using the shower, and it was far too early in the morning to disturb the other residents with the noise of the shower. I cleaned up as best I could under the circumstances.
Having to bend down so often scared me a bit after what happened with Dizzy Dennis earlier with the tumble.
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I managed 4hrs kip on the trot. But by then, it was time to get up
Which I, Oh, so reluctantly did.
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It’s not been a particularly good day at all.
TTFN
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Not a lot, but clear.
First view.
Guess where I went…
Not that I was too bothered; I’d sank a little.
Second photo.
While up, I got the pander peas podded.
I shelled them and put them in the pan with some demerara sugar, and this time, I used ordinary salt.
I was sorely tempted to start on the booze again.
I’ve no idea why I put this on? I took it weeks ago.
And stayed in there for about three hours!
The spuds were left for another hour and a half before I remembered about them!
The meal didn’t look attractive.
But it tasted good to me.
Looked a little like a water painting job.
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0:45hrs: Pretty yellow wee-wee. N
From the kitchen.
I got some clothes that no longer fit me and made two more bags. I don’t know how I can get them to the charity shop. I’m not putting the old stuff in it; they went in the waste bags.
The Morrison order arrived.
I think my feeling as depressed as I am may be worse than the frustration of not being able to pull out of it? 
So, everything else was backlighted.
.
I decided to get the ablutions tackled. And although something had to go wrong, it was chicken feed compared to my usual disasters.
my diabetic socks off! Then offing the straps from the pathetic new catheter contraption. Painfully, I
.
, who has not visited me for days now, took her opportunity at the optimum time to issue the maximum pain. As I was carrying the stick, towels, Alarm bracelet, and flannels to go in the laundry bag before I got dressed, she kicked off, and in the process, she shoulder-charged the bloody door frame!
Still, apart from this, I’d done well! As I emptied the pouch for the fifteenth time today, I saw how good the legs looked. Even the ankle ulcers seemed to be calmer. And incidentally, I’ve hardly had any of the expected lighting strikes from 
, either. Puzzling.
Took this snap of the clouds as I started getting the food prepared. 
I was happy with the result of the food prepping. 
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Something’s gone wrong with Cathy Cathere’s Contraption. A great colour, but so little urine in there? It was a terrible night’s sleep. I’d estimate I managed a maximum of around two hours. One or two minutes at a time, then bursting awake with either a tug at or pushing in of poor Little Inchie from the too-thick and too-long catheter tube. Or 
in unison, belting up the legs. Each time, the shadow of depression waiting to piss me off even more than getting little sleep did!
However, I was absolutely exasperated with and sick of hearing myself moan, feeling so melancholy, dejected, useless, and at the lowest point in my life. I made a concerted effort to spring myself out of this feeling of self-hatred and despondency, although I had no idea how to do that. 
. I went into a few separate but 
must have.
I sorted out what to have for my nosh. I decided on a sweet and sour vegetable ready-made meal. I added half a jar of sauce, with a can of peas thrown into the saucepan to add when the 
Chinese are cooked. Fingers crossed.
Can you see what this young, youthful, pareidoliaing addict can do in the snap on the left in the clouds? A double-headed creature of some sort? Also, some cat’s heads?
I came across this one on the right in the morning while updating.
Ah, I can recall with one with some pleasure. First, I’d put some chips in the oven. Later, I warmed up the sweet and sour vegetable ready-made meal in the microwave and added a tin of peas. I bundled it all in a dish and feasted away.
Got the dishes washed and tried but failed on the Porcelain Throne.
I settled down to watch two episodes of ‘Heartbeat’.
. I was a little miffed at all the waking-ups but even more unsettled for not recalling any details of the dreams. Suddenly, Carer Israel was back on his last visit. And I was in the same position as I was when he arrived for his previous visit… he told me. Hehehe! 
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Usual dark wee-wee.
Nice dark morning.
Bright lights.
He’s only just weakening!
Lighting up.
I selected another ready meal to have later.
back on. Yet, I was cleaning the kitchen sink. How the heck can that be? I found a photo that I can’t recall taking, and when I got back to the computer, what a mess I’d made. I uploaded the wrong day’s graphics and photos; I had to delete and rearrange them. Only to find I’d made the same error again!
Took this photo later. Eerie clouds, I liked it.
Forgot to take a photo of the meal until I was ¾ of the way through eating it. Not bad.
This last photo looked similar to the one this morning?
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crumb-containing, TV remote hiding, not working recliner. I nodded of quickly, waking
current that crawled up from the ankle to my crutch!
.
As I checked the nocturnal pouch, I discovered the urine looked murky, to say the least. Yet it was not such a deep colour today.
full of incomplete crosswords over the years. It still is
I didn’t find a single solution, and I had no success with the evacuation struggle. Then I washed and got the computer booted up. They don’t use that term much nowadays, do they? 
well for an end-of-shift call, bless him.
Then, I made another trip to the Porcelain Throne, hopes high, as the last visit was not so painful.
Back on the computer again.
to change my catheter contraption. He was in a hurry. I diagnosed that straight away. But she did not rush me. It was I think, it was 
who came. She was the nurse who was called last visit when the other one could not get the tube back in Little Inchie. This time, it was the reverse; Sarah couldn’t get it back in. She lost even more time, needing around 20 minutes to get it in, but she did it. 🧡 She put in extra pain gel twice cause she realised how much it was hurting me. I suspect my howling, arghing, wincing & the tears running down my cheeks may have been a clue. Haha!
Off Sharon flew, and I got seated on the computer chair.
The leg straps had opened, causing the pouch to sink even lower down my leg. The exit tube is now resting and leaking again on the top of my foot!
Lamb meat (shredded) with extra-thick gravy, mint, and oven chips. Wholemeal Bread thins and a dessert pot.
As I washed the pots, Dizzy Dennis hit me and continued to do so for the rest of the night.
raided,
TTFN
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Slept for a full 3 uninterrupted hours. 03:00hrs to 06:00.
Getting out of the c1966, £300 charity shop bought, second-hand, wincingly grotty, beige coloured, not working, crumb-covered from the nocturnal nibblings, itch-making, uncomfortable, virus-breeding, easy-to-fall-out-of, recliner, was a lot easier than scrambling out of the hospital bed. But, more painful to fall back into when 
gave way as I stood up. The bed has a definite advantage to fall on; it’s so much higher!
Another long session was spent on the 
. The usual practices were carried out; a go at the crossword, but no answers were found this time. I counted 22 cracks in the ceiling. 
wind from the rear end! I put on a fresh gown, olive-oiled both of the earholes and took a Senna tablet in hopes of encouraging some movement from the rear end.
Next, I creamed and ointmentated various gargantuan-sized wobbly belly areas requiring the same treatments.
mugs-a-day ruling… is it too early? Will I want a third cup later tonight? Could I care less? I made one. And let it go cold after I’d started on the blog!
I wiped the mug and prepared it for the next brewing of tea later on. Then, I took this photo from the kitchen window. It doesn’t show well, but I saw some items 
on the bottom of the upward-trodden path. I zoomed in close to identify what they were
I was working on the ode of the day
created in the building up of mass in the solid matter. Hahaha!
I took even more of the anti 
the inserted instructions leaflets.
I was on CorelDraw and was alternating with this WordPress blog, and got blowback pains from the catheter tube stuck in Little Inchie. Had a look and, to my utter amazement, found the pouch so full, hard and heavy; it had tugged at Little Inchie, causing some bleeding again.
manually again. I’d hate to think I could and had had the darned 
on all this time and didn’t need it. What am I thinking and saying? As if anything would go right for me! 
time. I’m off to the Throne. And yet again, no evacuation!
Five minutes after getting back to 
of effort, struggles, and phenomenal pain, at last, the blood-covered, almost cube-shaped lumps of concrete passed! Ahhh
What an evening view I took from the kitchen window.
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Back to darker again.
I took a series of Kodak-2 shots from the kitchenette window.
Raining shots with the spare camera.
Another no evacuation evacuation.
A little more rain.
An early, tasty meal.
Did anything I miss happen today?
Ah, missed the sun on its way down.
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Constipation Conrad was still in full charge of the evacuations. I had to do the ablutions so late at night that I had to contain the urge to howl out with the pain! Before things started moving, I had a go at the crossword and got four answers. 👌 
into the WC!
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Oh, a much better colour!
I felt sorry for the poor birds out there trying to keep their nests in the trees and find food for their young.
Took this snap of three little dogs on their morning walkies.
Second attempt on the loo.
ARRGH!
Still awaiting the sun to come out to play.
Made a brew and got a visitor. Doing the carer’s assessment.
I mentioned the wind coming through the kitchen windows and vent, is was damned cold in there. Not thinking, of course. It’s nowt to do with Meridian. I bet he thought, “Hello, I’ve got the right one here!”
The clouds thickened a little, and the sun forced its way through minutes later.
Beautiful!
This thermometer was in the kitchen, leaning against the kettle, showing 58°f. Brrr!
Finally, a meal I could enjoy.
Night-night shots are taken within ten minutes of each other.
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to blame, as well
a few times
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were far less bothersome.
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Not good.
It took me ages to encourage it.
First view of the morning.
I enjoyed eating… no, podding the garden peas,
Oh, the moon is right high up in the sky. It must be earlier than I thought? I could see its surface, but the camera did not pick it up at all. Shame!
Computer on, first mug of tea.
This is the second and last mug of tea of the day. Not much has been added to my reminder notepad. Tsk!
Oh, it’s getting dark already.
I ate all the gorgeous fresh peas that had not been nibbled raw earlier in the day, as well as tomatoes, instant mash, and a vegetable pastie. All went down well!
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