Fiddlededee Inchy: Sunday 29th December 2024

30/12/2024 / Inchie / 9 Comments

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INCHY’S SPORTING FAILURES
Football for Oil Drum Lane Athletic,
They soon discovered I was pathetic…
I’d like to have tried something aquabatic,
But if I go near water, I panic,
Whist; for my partners, this was tragic!
They threw me out, but I was apologetic,
Weight lifting? 1st session, I looked cadaveric!
Angling Club had no wins, but I was the bus comic,
Darts, I played better, avoiding the gin & tonic,
Mt teammates christened me ‘The Dipshit’!
At that, I found I was even more chronic!
Now, at squash, I was doing well, almost dynamic,
Of course, I didn’t win any games, dammit!
Archery, not strong enough or ergonomic…
Parachuting, I did one; it was too frenetic!
Bungee Jumping, I did one, and it was fantastic!
Second go, that was something of a classic,
I ended up in the hospital when the platform split,
Gave me a skrik, it left me spasmatic,
On a machine, I think it was electrotherapeutic,
On to my time being sportingly pugilistic,
I may have been nervous, but I went ballistic…
I was too small. That was my sitch…
The first punch I took, I was kayoed out of it!
The reasons above for this ode reading are so threnodic!
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Yet again, it was a night of broken sleep. A little different, though, this time. The usual trend lately is for me to wake with a jump or jerk, as if someone had prodded me awake. Most of Saturday night’s last night’s disturbances were almost calm and serene. But there were far more of them this time. I was having the odd mini-seizure now and then, most times after waking. Working out the time was surprisingly difficult… did you ask why? Then I’ll tell yers. I first went into the land of bliss as I was watching TV, and… unbeknownst to me, I moved into the hospital bed. When I decided to get up, I wondered what the heck was happening. (Thinking that I was in the recliner) I looked at the clock and saw the wall about 4 inches from my nose! Hehehe!
I tried to stand up to remove the nocturnal catheter pouch off. For a few moments, I was baffled by the situation. As I turned and hit my head on the anti-fall bar, I realised where I was and could not find the clock.

Extracting my flabby body from the bed went great! Because both Cartilage Chloe and Carole were painless. Arthur Itis’s stiffness was letting me know about it. Once I sat on the side of the bed, I checked the clock; it was 05:10hrs. I got the bag off of the catheter. There was not much urine in it, and it was of a top-rating colour on the card.

I wanted a mug of tea, so I went into the kitchen, checked taps, etc. and took two photos of the morning view, and it was fogless for the first time in three days.
So, the pictures looked semi-decent compared to the foggy ones taken over the last few days. I decided the next job would be to get the done.

I utilised the Porcelain Throne first… well, I meant to. But Constipation Conrad prevented any motions from starting.
I realised I’d not got the tackle needed. So I fetched the bath towel and Kagoule, Kaftan, Thobe, Longshirt, or whatever you call it, from the hallway. Returned to the wet room, and showered, and shaved.
Apart from a little difficulty getting the fresh Protection Pants on, all went so well that I thought it might be a last treat from the almighty before the Grim Reaper arrives. Haha!
Also, it took only 1 hour 30 minutes from start to finish!

!
All fresh, clean, and in a good mood, given how well the ablutions had gone, I went to the kitchen to make the mug of Glengettie that I’d failed to make earlier. I got the kettle on again… The innards warned me to get back to the Porcelain Throne post haste! So, I did… I cannot believe how things changed so much. At the first sitting, nothing would move, and as seen, I blamed Constipation Conrad.
But it was a performance this time. I have never been so close to a voluntary evacuation before without it happening!
So I think I had a bit of luck there, really.

I got the tea made and reset the retro 1970s-style clock calendar. Then I got on the computer. Ten minutes later, I fumbled back as fast as possible to get to the Porcelain Throne again! Yet again, apart from Starmer, someone must have been watching over me. Because it was as close a job to things escaping as it was on the second visit! Phew! Can this good fortune last? Is it a trick by the devil to make me relax and get caught out on the next visit? I expect to have a few more yet. The innards started slowly churning again no sooner than when I sat back down on the computer. I’ll avoid starting to feel optimistic about the situation. My belief that things will finally turn around, only for another adverse event to happen, reinforces the idea that my bad luck is persistent. Well, it is! Tsk!

Carer Kimberly arrived; I’ve not started on any blog work yet. I forgot to ask her to put my diabetic socks on for me. What a turd I am! Sometimes, the Carers remember, but not today. Not that I blame them. Just wish I could remember to ask.

When Kimberly left, I thought about what to have for nosh tonight. I had a look at the food available in the kitchen, fridge, cupboards and freezer
I put some spuds into the slow cooker. Then, what did I do after seeing the morning view getting more blue? I took a photo; in fact, I took two. I’ll blow this second one up.
Can you tell what the things in the sky are? None in the first shot, just the close-up one? Thanks!
Of course, it could be some gunk on the lens? I’ll see what the next one looks like.
I’ll have some Golonkowa later on the meal. I love pork knuckle. This Polish can of it usually have plenty of pork jelly included. Very nice! I’ve got the memory of the taste coming back now.
I was tempted to nibble at the LU Cookies, my new favourite biscuit nowadays. If I open the packet, I may be tempted to eat a few, spoiling the dinner later. So, I resisted the temptation. It’s easy when you are as determined as I am to do the right thing. Alright, I only ate
two of them! .

The blog work is getting slower and slower and becoming more mistake-ridden. I am determined to get it together and to concentrate. Then Carer Selina arrived. I’ve not seen her for weeks. She has been off for a while with a broken foot! I forgot to ask her to put the socks on again. We were having a little natter… I went into what (Selina thinks were two) mid-conversation.This time, it seemed I just looked like I’d fallen asleep, but I was muttering. I can recall nothing of it while I was out of it. Then, according to Selina, I started carrying on from our conversation… after a few words, I drifted off again. I think it was good that someone had seen it as it happened. But she said it frit her a bit.

After she left, blurred my vision, and I had to give up on the blog. I’m unsure if it was in the report, as I couldn’t read the writing. Not that anyone reads them.

I think I took this photo earlier in the day. But midst the seizures, I managed to miss it off then. I do that a lot, you know… miss things off.
These I took when I went to the fifth mug of tea of the day. I did manage to drink one of them… I think I did. I’m all over the place mentally now.
Ah, I just saw the circle I put on this one on the left. Same snap as the one on the right above. I’ve blown it up. I’m hoping that someone can determine what it is. Well, I know not what it is. Is it a bird? Is it an alien? Is it an Angel? Or is another freebie donation being delivered to Starmer as a backhander?
A Day of Mysteries, Today.

Ah, well, I’ll get summat to eat then.
Golonkowa, pickled beetroot & water chestnuts, cheesy no-butter, buttered bread rolls, and some tasteless potatoes that need the sauce to flavour them. The biggest disappointment? The crap, bland, going soft tomatoes!
But I ate it all… bar some of the spuds.

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Have a Fantastic Day!
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Incapacity Inchy: Friday 5th July 2024

05/07/202406/07/2024 / Inchie / 9 Comments

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From here on, this blog will be sparse… very much so. For my eyesight and memory seemed to go off so much earlier today. Having less than 2 hours of sleep did not help. Finding no logical reason for this irked me a smidgeon. I slowly got a lot more tired earlier today. Then, the double vision started. Shame really. But the nurse came and rebandaged the leg and ankle. The wound on spouted out with a flourish of thick, deep red fluids when the nurse took off the sealing pad. She was not pleased with that. She noticed the bruise on my chin, and I explained my Non-Epilectic Seizure and told her how I could not recall going into the wetroom and did not even know I’d taken a tumble or if I’d passed out or not. I just came around mangled in the shower chair with a bleeding gum, broken tooth, sore chin and a headache. She said for me to ring my doctor and her. I’ve gone out of sync again.

I did not put the night pouch on last night, so heap-geep-coloured urine was in the nearly full-day day pouch.

My eyesight seemed pretty decent when I started writing the blog. But it faded quicker than usual.

Carer Maryham arrived, concerned about my looking so pale, and asked about the scar on my chin. I told her what had happened in my usual wit-interposed way. I got a good laugh back, which was my design. Hehehe! Maryham was concerned for me. Which was nice.

I watched a bit of TV for a while, including election results.

The trip to the wet room was a painful one. I thought yesterday’s was, but this was even worse.

!!!
The computer froze.

Then I got a message telling me things were being auto-mended. It was at it for two hours. I feared this was the end!

The District Nurse arrived. I was unhappy with the ulcer wound’s not healing at all. She also asked about the bruise on my chin, and I launched into a humorous explanation: ‘Ring your doctor!’

The computer was turned off because everything had frozen again. I was at a low ebb now.

Carer Kim came. We went through the same process, but I got a more significant response this time. Kim laughed so much.
‘Ring your doctor!’

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Amazing clouds as I made a brew of tea.
Then, the eyes finally got too bad, and I was about to pack up and restart in the morning, and Carer Chris came.
He medicated me and had to nip off. He was busy but looked so tired. Bless him.
I got some potatoes in the oven and then closed down the computer. Boy, was I tired!
For some reason, as I was cooking, my mind went back to Rationing. Many years ago, when I was on a fishing holiday with Bill, Malcolm and Jock, we had just arrived at Lockerbie in Scotland. I was backing the van into the car park, and Bill, a butcher, said out of the blue, “I wish they would bring rationing back; I made a fortune with all the fiddles…” It’s funny how I can recall this clearly, but I’d forgotten what I had planned earlier to have for my meal tonight. I think it was lamb burgers, but I found a short-dated vegan pie and had that.
I forgot to add the garden peas. The potatoes were grand, but the vegan pie was not so good, although the gravy was absolutely delicious!

Cleaned the pots and back to the £300 second-hand shop bought, c1966 made. Moth-eaten, bedraggled, grotty, cringingly-beige-coloured, much-dilapidated, crumb-containing from my nocturnal nibblings, bug-ridden, itch-inspiring, not working recliner. And spotted the scene outside of the sunset.
I thought I’d nip onto the balcony and take a Kodak Tim of it, which I did. Lens blotches included.

It was well past midnight before he let me into his world, a world that I was forced torn from by one of the longest-ever leg climbing I’ve had since they started three months or so ago. After which the ulcer emitted short, sharp, shocks, every ten-minutes it felt like, for the rest of the night.
had returned with a certain degree of nastiness and persistence.

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Have a good day, Tatty Bye!

Incapacitated Inchy: Friday 28 June 2024 – Worra Odd Painful Day

29/06/2024 / Inchie / 6 Comments

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Eight seconds? Not long enough!
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I made a cock-up of this graphic – Sorry!
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Worra Day!
Afraid these events are out of sync chronologically. You’ll notice the part-shaved moustache. This is on here because… Wait for it!… Today, Carer Chris learnt how to access the Kodak Tim memory for me. He transferred the ‘lost’ photos to the SD card! So, some old/new Kodak Tim pictures will be added to the blog over the next few days. This is the first one. I took it as I was in mid-shaving cause I thought it was funny. Not bad for a selfie. As I recall, I got the dressing gown on to fetch Kodak Tim and took this snap without the SD card in it. So it was a while ago cause the memory had been packed for weeks. Hehehe!

The District Nurse arrived, doing a great job with the ankle and leg. Compression bandages (I think she put them on) help to stop the oedema fluid from flowing freely from your legs. She also warned me that they would get tight and may cause too much pain for Burnt Ulcer Ulrich and/or Lymphorrhea Leslie’s Leaking Leg. I was to ring them if it starts leaking through. The Nurse or another one will call on Tuesday to check things out. I was appreciative and well pleased with her care for me.

I was disappointed with getting the five cuts while shaving, but the good stuff far outweighed that. And I’ve not mentioned the late Accifauxpas yet. I’ll tell you later. A delivery of nibbles has just arrived, along with Carer Joanne bringing in a letter from the bank; that’s one for Carer Kara there.

05:00 hrs, I stirred. I got the night pouch detached, then bounded out of the bed, doing a double flip as I leapt over the c1966, £300 Oxfam charity shop bought, second-hand, wincingly grotty, beige-coloured, crumb-covered from my nocturnal nibblings, itch-making, uncomfortable, positively unhealthy & dangerous, no longer operational, virus-breeding, easy-to-fall-out-of, Catheter-tube-trapping, recliner, and disome toe-touches and press-ups… You’re not believing this, are you? I don’t blame you! I’ll start again…

05:00 hrs, I stirred. I got the night pouch detached. Then, I fumbled painfully out of bed, resistantly, uneagerly, slowly, and due to the need for the Porcelain Throne, thus, under compulsion of necessity. En route to the Porcelain Throne, I gleaned that both and her fellow ailment , were both building up to give me some terrible torture today. I was not wrong, as I discovered later. I on the wetroom door edge, going in. Then, the great wait began!
I had a go at the crossword book long enough to realise I would not get any further with this puzzle, so I moved to start another one. I couldn’t even get a start on this page. So, I counted the cracks on the wet room ceiling, 23 today, but I can’t be sure about the state of my eyesight. The painful part-extruding concrete torpedo seemed to have stopped, and I did not show any response to my frantic physical urging it to move on. I had another go at the original crossword and solved some clues. I may have discovered a way to do better with the daily crossword efforts; I seem to get a few when I’m in pain? Gobsmackingly and slowly, the motion moved, with minimal bleeding, considering the almost cube-shaped concrete lumps that had evacuated.
I only had a quick wash because the blog was calling to remind me how far behind I was on yesterday’s issue.

I took these three blotchy Kodak Tim photos of the morning view to the left, then the right, and ahead, but not in that order.

Then, I continued trying to catch up with the blogging.

Her persistent attention annoyed me, and the cartilages wanted to give way each time I moved, which was not very often.

Sorted out the three waste bags into one.

I got two potatoes out, intending to cook them early today. But my plans were scuppered when I forgot about the Nurse coming to do the leg and ankle today.
I got on with blogging, but it was a difficult time. Mind blanks, eyesight making things more demanding, and a couple of Seizures had me in the right state, confused!
I nipped to the kitchenette a few times to break the frustrations.

I took these three wonderful cloud views over maybe the next three hours. Very close and warm today.

I had a bag of seaweed crisps; they were tasty but costly.
I’m back blogging and feeling a little better.

I meandered into the wet room to get my belated ablutions tended to. I got the shaving done (2 tiny cuts) and a Body wash. I couldn’t have a shower with the leg being wrapped up.
It was the Midwife—no, I meant the District Nurse. I snapped the leg as it looked just before she got here. She saw me in the wet room and went to do someone else in the flats while I finished the medicationings and got some pants on. I thought that was a good idea.
I recall that the Nurse had been a lovely, well-built piece of the NHS—Haha! A lovely lady. As she was midway through sorting the leg out, Carers Chris and Ayu arrived. We all seemed to have a laugh and most pleasing chinwag as the Nurse did the job for me. Bless her.

Chris took a photo of the newly designed and tended-to leg and ankle and helped me get into the slippers.
The bleeding, spouting, bruised legs now have a ‘cap’ on the ulcer and lesion burn and a swath of padded compression bandages. Much more comfortable than the plaster pad thing was. This soon altered! And with
just haven’t stopped stinging at me. These ailments ruined my sleep again; I spent more time awake than asleep overnight.
Here are some of the recovered snaps that Carer Chris accessed for me.
These were from yesterday, I think. Carer Chris crept in while I was preparing the meal, cunningly grabbed Kodak and snapped all these shots of the flat’s chef (me, Haha!).
He got a little carried away when he was taking them.

He caught me well, as he took them without a flash, and I didn’t notice he was here. Thanks to Cataract Katie, Glaucoma Gladys, Deaf-Duncan, and Peripheral Neuropathy Pete, I was oblivious to Chris even being in the flat. I didn’t half-jump when I finally noticed him. Ha-ha!
Chris’s smug smile and laughter were worth seeing as he roared, ‘I Gotcha!’ He did, too! Chris said I looked like someone doing a brain operation and was concentrating hard as I sliced the potatoes and added them.
The above shows the resulting 8/10-rated meal. I was so in pain and tired I made do with baked spuds and vegan sausages. This is a retrieved snap from the Kodak Tim memory. I think it was Tuesday’s or Wednesday’s meal.

, , with to give me terrible hassle overnight pain-wise. I had to use two walking sticks in the morning, temporarily.

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TTFN

Inchy: Sun 15 Oct 23 – Worra Day!

16/10/2023 / Inchie / 2 Comments

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A day of vagueness, the brain full of wanderlust.
After staying up until the early hours of the morning hours to try and make some progress on blogging. I didn’t get up until the Carer woke me.
The ablutionalisationings took me well over two hours, and I could not shower either, or even wash the usual one foot now, with the new strapping over the compression sock, and on the masses of compression bandages on top of the woolly wrapping, I’m beginning to smell I think?
The day buzzed by, and no blogging was done at all.
And I nearly had a tumble and fall.
So forgive this catch-up for being small…
It’s Monday night now, as I type and scrawl,
Will I get any sleep at all?
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Straps and diabetic socks on the left…
both legs…
& ,
in both…
crippling .

Views from the balcony.
The Tree Copse, can no longer visit, sadly.
The mud-slide dwindling.
Straight ahead. Gloom!

But in the afternoon…
The cloudless sky did look wonderful.

Evening Nosh Preperationing…
Sorting out the dodgy Asda potatoes.
Then I cheered exponentially
(Is that the right word?).
Yes, I looked it up!
Flavour Rating: 7/10 – Decent nosh.

I felt I was just about to nod off, and a mob of,
happy-go-lucky, pot-smoking yobboes in the
bottom field got the Reggae music going.
Bless them!

TTFN Sorry it’s so late & short

Inchy: Thurs 12 Oct 2023 – A late cluster of mishaps!

13/10/2023 / Inchie / 3 Comments

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Easy-Peasy! Well…
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A horrible day of ups & downs.
Although the ups were enjoyed.
I was doomed to have more downs.
Along with my having to put the right
leg up every four hours. And now suffer increased
pain when I return to my feet after each rest
session. I’m hoping the District nurse will return
today. The compression bandage has slipped down, returning to the constant, almost stabbing-like
pains whenever the flipping fluid flows out.
Which this morning, is getting oftener.
On two leg-up occurrences, up to now, I’ve
nodded off and lost even more time for to blog
and photographicalisationings.
Still, there are plenty of folk worse off than I.

Eerie morning view of the kitchen from the doorway.

Yet another not-so-good picture taken from the kitchenette window. Lots of lights on for 04:40hrs?

Made up a waste bag. (Exciting this innit? Hehe!)

Then, within about an hour, I had to utilise the wet room and , no less than 3-times! All were under the control of . But were different in about everything. Texture, pong etc…
.
Then…
Then…
porc ttt A good variety today?

Toes & legs improvement… well
at least I got the one remaining slipper on.
Then changed my mind
when I smelt the ping of urine floating up
into my nostrils. So I dished both slippers, along
with the three bags of waste, down the chute.

By the time that arrived, I’d been on the computer for about an hour and had just suffered…

Blogged away after he’d gone, for about half an hour…
.

returned, and I utilised the , and took his Health Checks.
Looking fine fettle, the lad is!

Then a major unanticipated kip of the day!
I had to give the leg a rest up on the chair. So, I got into the c1966, £300 charity shop bought, second-hand, wincingly grotty, beige coloured, not working, crumb-covered from the nocturnal nibblings, itch-making, uncomfortable, virus-breeding, easy-to-fall-out-of, recliner, to get some respite from the leg wounds.
I had a look at the Freeview schedule and expected that an episode of ‘Pie in the Sky’ was on for an hour. Well, I thought, that’ll do me, nicely for one of the four hours of leg-up time. Zzz! Nodded off at the first set of adverts, and woke up about five hours later!

Stirred, caught my balance and onto my feet, emptied the . Then I added some Christmas giveaway drinkies, and some AA batteries to the Asda order for next week.

I got some of the cheapo Asda Essential chips from the freezer, and I got them into the oven. Finished on the computer, I’d not even started this blog until the morning.
They looked nice when I got them in the dish and served up. They were the most disgusting, flavourless chips I’ve had in my life. And believe me, I must have had many thousands of them over the years. Urgh!
The soy pads were the same… the tomatoes were fine as were the garden peas… as for the strawberry dessert, which got knocked on the floor, and I crushed it with as I got up to retrieve it, and the jam squirted out, over my slipper and the carpet. Not the most successful mealtime I’ve had!

But worse was to follow! I was about to wash the pots and had to visit the wet room, for yet another visit.
Amazing! Just wind emitted? With the state of my innards and bladder, amazing is not the right word, is it?

As I took this photo of my feet and legs, I got a whiff of urine strongly? On investigation, I realised that the open-close valve on the day bag was indeed in the open position again! The left foot squelched as I took a step!
The last of the slippers was laid to rest (disinfected, wrapped up well, and thrown in the waste bag) amidst a silent chant from me, filled with F-words and various others of a derogatory & cursing nature. I think I may have spat in the WC as well… if I didn’t, I should have! I did get an odd moment of satisfaction as I lobbed it down the waste chute, and with a short funeral soliloquy… of five words. I then returned hobblingly, due to pain from to the flat… back to clean up the mess in the wet room, and then spat in the WC!
What can go wrong next, I asked myself…
I’ll tell you!
With all the hobbling I’d done, was now bleeding. So, I cleaned that up, got the cream on him, and had to change the PPs. Got the old ones off without any bother. With the assistance of , I got the fresh ones on with almost ease. Great! for a second…

You can laugh at this series of s. I know I did. What fun they were, they had me in tucks! Especially the last one, coming up now…
gave way instantly the moment I put my leg down. Naturally, the leg crumpled and being as I’d got at that time, , and with no stick, stick within grabbing range all day! It was hilarious! As the valve flipped open when the fragile hit the deck, with all the mass weight of my cumbersomely heavy body weight and the currently bloated, by compression bandages landed on top of the pouch. Hahaha! Cleaning things up was a pleasure, which I carried out while singing to myself, smiling and then whistling. It took me 40 minutes to do.

Then a dreadful, scary, shocking, blood-curdling thought entered my head… Had I left the taps (faucets) running in the kitchen when starting to do the pots, before having to abandon things to use the , and got distracted by all the , and farcicalness, from when I was washing up the pots?