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INCHY’S SPORTING FAILURES
Football for Oil Drum Lane Athletic,
They soon discovered I was pathetic…
I’d like to have tried something aquabatic,
But if I go near water, I panic,
Whist; for my partners, this was tragic!
They threw me out, but I was apologetic,
Weight lifting? 1st session, I looked cadaveric!
Angling Club had no wins, but I was the bus comic,
Darts, I played better, avoiding the gin & tonic,
Mt teammates christened me ‘The Dipshit’!
At that, I found I was even more chronic!
Now, at squash, I was doing well, almost dynamic,
Of course, I didn’t win any games, dammit!
Archery, not strong enough or ergonomic…
Parachuting, I did one; it was too frenetic!
Bungee Jumping, I did one, and it was fantastic!
Second go, that was something of a classic,
I ended up in the hospital when the platform split,
Gave me a skrik, it left me spasmatic,
On a machine, I think it was electrotherapeutic,
On to my time being sportingly pugilistic,
I may have been nervous, but I went ballistic…
I was too small. That was my sitch…
The first punch I took, I was kayoed out of it!
The reasons above for this ode reading are so threnodic!
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Yet again, it was a night of broken sleep. A little different, though, this time. The usual trend lately is for me to wake with a jump or jerk, as if someone had prodded me awake. Most of Saturday night’s last night’s disturbances were almost calm and serene. But there were far more of them this time. I was having the odd mini-seizure now and then, most times after waking. Working out the time was surprisingly difficult… did you ask 
why? Then I’ll tell yers. I first went into the land of bliss as I was watching TV, and… unbeknownst to me, I moved into the hospital bed. When I decided to get up, I wondered what the heck was happening. (Thinking that I was in the recliner) I looked at the clock and saw the wall about 4 inches from my nose! Hehehe!
I tried to stand up to remove the nocturnal catheter pouch off. For a few moments, I was baffled by the situation. As I turned and hit my head on the anti-fall bar, I realised where I was and could not find the clock.
Extracting my flabby body from the bed went great! Because both Cartilage Chloe and Carole were painless. Arthur Itis’s stiffness was letting me know about it. Once I sat on the side of 
the bed, I checked the clock; it was 05:10hrs. I got the bag off of the catheter. There was not much urine in it, and it was of a top-rating colour on the card.
I wanted a mug of tea, so I went into the kitchen, checked taps, etc. and took two photos of the morning view, and it was fogless for the first time in three days.
So, the pictures looked semi-decent compared to the foggy ones taken over the last few days. I decided the next job would be to get the 
done.
I utilised the Porcelain Throne first… well, I meant to. But Constipation Conrad prevented any motions from starting.
I realised I’d not got the tackle needed. So I fetched the bath towel and Kagoule, Kaftan, Thobe, Longshirt, or whatever you call it, from the hallway. Returned to the wet room, and showered, and shaved.
Apart from a little difficulty getting the fresh Protection Pants on, all went so well that I thought it might be a last treat from the almighty before the Grim Reaper arrives. Haha!
Also, it took only 1 hour 30 minutes from start to finish! 
!
All fresh, clean, and in a good mood, given how well the ablutions had gone, I went to the kitchen to make the mug of Glengettie that I’d failed to make earlier. I got the kettle on again… The innards warned me to get back to the Porcelain Throne post haste! So, I did… I cannot believe how things changed so much. At the first sitting, nothing would move, and 
as seen, I blamed Constipation Conrad.
But it was a 
performance this time. I have never been so close to a voluntary evacuation before without it happening!
So I think I had a bit of luck there, really.
I got the tea made and reset the retro 1970s-style clock calendar. Then I got on the computer. Ten minutes later, I fumbled 
back as fast as possible to get to the Porcelain Throne again! Yet again, apart from Starmer, someone must have been watching over me. Because it was as close a job to things escaping as it was on the second visit! Phew! Can this good fortune last? Is it a trick by the devil to make me relax and get caught out on the next visit? I expect to have a few more yet. The innards started slowly churning again no sooner than when I sat back down on the computer. I’ll avoid starting to feel optimistic about the situation. My belief that things will finally turn around, only for another adverse event to happen, reinforces the idea that my bad luck is persistent. Well, it is! Tsk!
Carer Kimberly arrived; I’ve not started on any blog work yet. I forgot to ask her to put my diabetic socks on for me. What a turd I am! Sometimes, the Carers remember, but not today. Not that I blame them. Just wish I could remember to ask.
When Kimberly left, I thought about what to have for nosh tonight. I had a look at the food available in the kitchen, fridge, cupboards and freezer
I put some spuds into the slow cooker. Then, what did I do after seeing the morning view getting more blue? I took a photo; in fact, I took two. I’ll blow this 
second one up.
Can you tell what the things in the sky are? None in the first shot, just the close-up one? Thanks!
Of course, it could be some gunk on the lens? I’ll see what the next one looks like.
I’ll have some Golonkowa later on the meal. I love pork knuckle. This Polish can of it usually have plenty of pork jelly included. Very nice! I’ve got the memory of the taste coming back now.
I was tempted to nibble at the LU Cookies, my new favourite biscuit nowadays. If I open the packet, I may be tempted to eat a few, spoiling the dinner later. So, I resisted the temptation. It’s easy when you are as determined as I am to do the right thing. Alright, I only ate
two of them! 
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The blog work is getting slower and slower and becoming more mistake-ridden. I am determined to get it together and to concentrate. Then Carer Selina arrived. I’ve not seen her for weeks. She has been off for a while with a broken foot! I forgot to ask her to put the socks on again. We were having a little natter… I went into what (Selina thinks were two) 
mid-conversation.This time, it seemed I just looked like I’d fallen asleep, but I was muttering. I can recall nothing of it while I was out of it. Then, according to Selina, I started carrying on from our conversation… after a few words, I drifted off again. I think it was good that someone had seen it as it happened. But she said it frit her a bit.
After she left, 
blurred my vision, and I had to give up on the blog. I’m unsure if it was in the report, as I couldn’t read the writing. Not that anyone reads them.
I think I took this photo earlier in the day. But midst the seizures, I managed to miss it off then. I do that a lot, you know… miss things off.
These I took when I went to the fifth mug of tea of the day. I did manage to drink one of them… I think I did. I’m all over the place mentally now.
Ah, I just saw the circle I put on this one on the left. Same snap as the one on the right above. I’ve blown it up. I’m hoping that someone can determine what it is. Well, I know not what it is. Is it a bird? Is it an alien? Is it an Angel? Or is another freebie donation being delivered to Starmer as a backhander?
A Day of Mysteries, Today.
Ah, well, I’ll get summat to eat then.
Golonkowa, pickled beetroot & water chestnuts, cheesy no-butter, buttered bread rolls, and some tasteless potatoes that need the sauce to flavour them. The biggest disappointment? The crap, bland, going soft tomatoes!
But I ate it all… bar some of the spuds.
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Have a Fantastic Day!
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Really, the only ailments that ruled the day were in the first place:
, she was well in the lead. She must have given way at least ten times up to now. Second came:
. But the rather expensive pain spray did keep her partially under control. But, it may have broken the heart of the Bank Manager. I’m expecting more emails and texts from him. And thirdly: 
She enjoyed a rare day and night-long ball with some of her best efforts to date. Not all of them were really bothersome. She would cunningly, repeatedly give me between 3 to 6 mini strikes up to the knee from the ankle, then drop a cracker that would reach up as far as my groin! 
I fell asleep again.
missed. As I emptied the catheter nocturnal pouch, the need for the 
The new to me, ancient clock was adjusted,
Late morning shot.
An hour or so later, I took another.
The £599.00 /100 ml Toothache pain 
The clouds began to clear.
Carer Joanne (or was it Carer Shaq or Perfect?) put on my socks for me after I’d done the ablutions, at long last. I was still down, and the computer was not working correctly again, and my heart sank.
I was checking the two ready-made meals I hoped to have later on in the same dish. I snapped them. 
A bit of brightness getting through.
A delectable double-dinner!
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On the right here is an admirer of Mr Clough, ‘Cloughie’. It’s Inchy. Taken this morning… with him actually smiling! Yes! Well, very nearly, anyway. That’s a rarity to be seen nowadays for the old fart to be doing. I imagine the old man was either high on drugs or Dementia Doreen was toying with him. Either way, the poor sod did not know how the day was going to go, obviously. Had his EQ or Alto Ego Inchie warned him, there would have been no smile on his face! He may well have been spitting blood & crying, too. 
I didn’t get around to this blog until 17:20hrs.
A little lighter today?
The most frustrating evacuation of the week!
cream was clearly visible in the almost black escaped mass. 
, followed within seconds b
It was only for a few seconds; it was as if I’d blinked and woken to find the pink spray bottle lying on the floor and leaking! Not a good start to the day! Then again, I should be used to them by now! But for some reason, I was riled by this Accifauxpas. Even more rileder after all that bending down had got 
misty morning. I stayed that way all day. However, I took this unintentional picture of the window ledge first. Clever that, how I didn’t realise. Ha-ha!
take the morning view.
Carer Maryham arrived and tried to ring the Community Nurses to order more day and night bags for me. But I’d given her the wrong number. She’d run out of time then, so she had to scoot off. She said she would ring them later and let me know how it went. I haven’t heard anything. She may be doing it tomorrow because I did tell her I had some left to use, but I’d like to keep the stocks up now that Kara is not calling. That was good of her.♥ She noticed me holding my arm and looked at it, taking a photo of it. More about that later.
I got back to the blog work. There was a massive cock-up, which began then!
I supposed they were triggered by the tension I felt. I couldn’t continue with the manual clear-out. After each seizure, I was lost, confused as to what I was up to or had already done. 
Evening photo.
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They are busy, thought this might cheer them up!
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T
Gorrit, this time.
I used the ready-made mini pot of gravy for the meal. It saved a lot of time in preparing real gravy. Shake the pot rigorously, then microwave for one minute, wait 30 seconds and heat for another minute. What could be easier?
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I went to the wet room for a good shave and shower, only to find that the hot water faucet had run cold! I remembered putting last night’s dishes in the sink to soak—then that, you know, sort of tightness of realisation in the stomach hit me en route to check to see if I’d left the hot tap running. I Had!
…serves me
photos on CorelDraw to save them to file… and I know this sounds impossible – But CorelDraw Crashed!
It is Sunday morning now, and I am still well behind with this blog, with a lot of catching up to do. But, first, I had difficulty forcing myself to get up. After a terrible night of broken sleep. On with the blogging photographs…
Dark again.
Beautiful tree copse and bottom field,
Treats packed up.
Say no more…
Later kitchen window view.
JS order arrived.
Got the stuff away.
Ready-made meals and fresh garden peas.
Low Cost Food order.
Thompson’s Punjana brew.
Hours & hours lost with MS Windows, computer and CorelDraw difficulties. Deep Dank, Dark Depressions!
Ah, a nice shot here.
I started shelling some pod peas to go in with the ready meal of Cottage pie.
Got on a slow boil-simmer.
Went to get the fodder served up.
Baked potatoes are on the left of the tray, and gorgeously tasty Flora No-Butter, butter, and podded peas are added.
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spouted out with a flourish of thick, deep red fluids when the nurse took off the sealing pad. She was not pleased with that. She noticed the bruise on my chin, and I explained my Non-Epilectic Seizure and told her how I could not recall going into the wetroom and did not even know I’d taken a tumble or if I’d passed out or not. I just came around mangled in the shower chair with a bleeding gum, broken tooth, sore chin and a headache. She said for me to ring my doctor and her. I’ve gone out of sync again. 
!!!
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For some reason, as I was cooking, my mind went back to Rationing. Many years ago, when I was on a fishing holiday with Bill, Malcolm and Jock, we had just arr
ived at Lockerbie in Scotland. I was backing the van into the car park, and Bill, a butcher, said out of the blue, “I wish they would bring rationing back; I made a fortune with all the fiddles…” 
I forgot to add the garden peas. The potatoes were grand, but the vegan pie was not so good, although the gravy was absolutely delicious!
I’ve had since they started three months or so ago
had returned with a certain degree of nastiness and persistence. 
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02:30hrs: Better shade.
High morning sky.
Lower down.
Wonky, wobbly view.
First…
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It gets better! Hehe!
Made a brew of Glengettie. Of course, I started writing a blog post and forgot all about tea. Huh!
Where’s it coming from?
The day bag dropped down the leg, so I must have been drinking well enough while half out of it?
I did notice the nibble box had been well-raided. Haha!
And 
was bleeding.
Garden peas, potato cakes and caramelised little pork sausages. These were eaten with bits of the baguette wrapped around each one and dipped in the new Heinz tomato ketchup with pickle!
Got the bed ready to receive the mini-elephantine body and decided to have a bag of chip sticks to round off the meal. I checked the taps and heating and got down in the itch-creating, bruise-giving, catheter-tube-tugging, crumb-decorated from my nocturnal nibbling, God-awfully uncomfortable, cringingly-grotty, no longer working, dirty beige, anti-sleep designed, c1966, second-hand bought for £300, ten years ago from the charity shop, recliner, to eat the treats.
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Monday was so meddling,
I just thought these were worth mentioning.
done straight away, so I had the time to get them finished before any Carer arrived. The night sharing 
, and bursting-put Sneezes. I nodded off again every time, but it seemed minutes later, one or the other was back to wake me up. Tsk!
The Catheter night pouch didn’t have much content. However, it was a much better colour today.
I collected 
and hobbled off to the wet room.
Yet the innards seemed to be gurgling?
As I rose from the WC…
The legs looked a little misshapen, and I felt that 
and her lesions were creeping up the legs more today. The knees were both slightly bloated. But below them, that part of both legs had ballooned! (Out of picture)
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were much more virile than usual. As it seemed, was the postmarks, mini-boil, and drooping eyes. Hehe!
This photo left me bamboozled. I must have taken it in the wet room because it was on the SD card between the one above the face and the legs below.
I took this just before I put on my dressing gown to leave the wet room. Did they look more inflamed than earlier? I thought so. Both cartilages and knees’ were both carrying to much flesh for my liking. 
arrived. He looked a smidgeon better than the last time I saw him. He medicated me, but I forgot to ask him to put on the socks. He checked the prescription medical draw stock and recorded it. He took the laundry down for me; bless him.
Still dark out there, but the mist is lifting, methinks.
Brighter now.
She came. She had got the bug, or do they call it the Lurgi now? Poor gal was struggling. ♥ But she still put on my diabetic socks for me; bless her cotton socks. She gave me Peptac and painkillers. She needs some medications as well.
This came up on my computer…
Another problem now. Having gotten down on my knees to the box, I could not get back up on my feet again! The 
I got the Phorpain Gel out and rubbed some in both knee cartilages, and I took an extra Codeine painkiller. 
As I put the packet back, Shaking-Shoulder-Shirley kicked off, and the blister pack flew out of my hand as I grabbed the chair arm to steady myself. I’ve still not found where it went to yet!
The mood I was in, may have prevented me a little of enjoying the meal. But the bean stew and added baked smoked bacon. I was feeling a little sorry for myself with today’s run of bad luck… but I realised that it was nothing unusual for me.
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You… well, even I couldn’t believe the mess I got myself into with the computer today! I was so frustrated that a loathing of myself and a continually hounding at me with a horrendous amount of lousy luck flourished furiously. 
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Early nosh again.
Prepped.
Put the card in and took this effort of the red sky.
When the computer went down for the first time, I tried to photo some of the screens that filled the screen… But they went off as I took the shot… talk about bad luck. Not that anyone can help if they see it, all very technical with no signs of what I had to do!
Opened the internet, Google.
Late afternoon delight.
The bottom field, lovely looking weather, no one around, which I found out of the ordinary.
A later shot of the sky and clouds.
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were in harmony and became the main ailment aggressors for the day. For the second day. My mind was tormented like never before, and I thought Thursday was bad for concentration… today dwarfed the effects suffered yesterday. I was, well, still am, in another world almost. 
Dark.
I came out of it with me having peeled, and I am now cutting up some potatoes to go in the oven later for the meal. 
Served up and ate the off meal. I enjoyed it, I reckon, but not when I realised all the lost to-memory time. 
At least the TV was working.
Talk about losing it. I made another meal!
I did enjoy this one.
Considered getting the quilt and pillows on the bed tonight. Of course, of the Porcelain Throne and forgot all about doing it.
Got this in. Sand bucket handle on the bottom, when as we all remember, it should be on the top