Inchcocks Monday’s Mental Meanderings

Mr Unfair

With him, you’ll not be able to communicate…
At any time disaster, Accifauxpas, you have to wait…
He’ll hit you anytime or where your life he can decimate!
His murderous, clever skills, I’d like to cremate…
But he’s not real, so he’ll carry on brutally, as usual, mate!

He’ll get at you if you feeling on a high, or unwell,
He ignores it when you scream, beg and yell!
What will he bring you next? You can never tell…
Coronavirus, measles, arthritis? You cannot foretell,
In making you cringe and frightened, he can excel!
If you’re a victim, you can expect the death knell,
It’s better than this painful life in ‘Mr Unfair’s’ hell!
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‘Odds & Sods…’

One moment I’d be thinking of 1966, at Wembley,
Where did I put my book Contraband, by Dennis Wheatley?
Ogle out of the window, a kid’s playing with a frisbee,
Rushing like to be on time to take a wee-wee…
Grumps! A clean-up, Little Inchy leaked rather untimely!
What was important to remember… Ah, today Sainsbury’s!
Carer Richard arrived late, in a rush, but we had some repartee!
Crap on the gogglebox, nothing for me…
I was slightly tempted to watch Old Mother Riley,
Until I was reminded what rubbish it was in 1953!
Mind you, in those days, Inchcock had a coal fire and settee,
He gorrit from Wigfalls, 2/6d a week, and deposit 12/3d,
Ah, the time when Inchie swore at a football referee…
His first time in a Black Maria, after ‘match, he was set free!
He never dreamed of having loadsamoney…
Just as well, life ain’t been all milk and honey,
But he still tries to be witty and funny…
He gets it all wrong, of course, lucks has been his biggest absentee!
Still, he’s stopped smoking and drinking, Yessiree!
Now no one talks to him nowadays, you see!

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Grizelda

Inchcock’s had to cope with many a grievance,
Well, injustices, wrongdoings, and many disagreements,
He learnt boxing so as to boost his confidence,
100% record, he lost every bout, but kept his effervescence!

He’d try to make people laugh, so’s not to upset them,
But this only caused further thumping and mayhem…
They could be brutal, but not very often,
Then a day came when he was smitten!
Grizelda a German gal, big solid; but with Inchie, a kitten…
6ft – 4in, with biceps like tungsten!
Inchcock’s passions she did enliven…
He was so glad he enlightened…
Never again, was Inchcock frightened!

Part Of The Inchcock Make Them Laugh, In Ode Series

Inchcocks Ode In Memory Of Grizelda ♥

Sunday 7th November 2021

My thought drifted to back, Grizelda, so jovial,
She was tall, hairy, and rampantly ever-sexual…
Her visit to England was most beneficial,
To me, although at times it was ethereal…
I even thought of things matrimonial,
Her sex appeal oozed from her, unanalysable,
She was forceful, but not unsurmountable,
Many would call Grizelda gladiatorial…
I’d call her, thank heavens, indefatigable!

Part Of The Nottingham Lads Make Them Laugh Ode Series

Inchcock Today: Launderette Lust? – 24/02/15

Tuesday 24th February 2015

Managed some kip last night.

I realised I’d missed last nights medications. I saw the pot there at the side of me, still full – huh!

WC’d, things getting a little loose again. The rumbling and grumbling was persisting just when I thought they were abating too.

The knees were well bad this morning, and when I put in me hearing-aids heard them cracking away like crisps being crushed when I moved.

Even Anne Gyna was painful. However the back passage-piles were okay with no bleeding. The ulcer was as good as gold. The front teggies gave only a bit of pain (Must get to the dentist), then again I’m not eating at the moment.

Laptop on, Coreldraw9 crashed immediately when I chose the import option. Rebooted tried again and gave up.

Tried to do the work on Serif Draw x6, but didn’t know how to import to get the original size of graphics. I have to drag-t0-size on import?

Gave up again and got a good wash and brush up and got the things ready for the launderette, the gals nibbles, soap tablets, softener, drier balls and a choc bar for myself to nibble.

Set off to the launderette in the high gusty winds, fed some pigeons clandestinely en-route.

0203aGrizWell, all the machines were in use bar one – the one that folk don’t like to use because it doesn’t spin fast and it takes more money in the drier. As I resigned meself to another expensive day I spotted Grizelda at the back and that cheered me up somewhat.

She smiled at me and waved and parts of my anatomy were girded into movements unknown in months.

I realise that nothing could come of these fantasies wot I have over her – she is about a foot taller than I, years younger and yet still I yearn… Will I ever learn?

Got the machine going and Big John came in laughing because four of the machines had his washing in them – then he started flirting with Grizelda, who has taken a fancy to him – Huh cobblers and Tsk! It didn’t bother me at all, I WWarnLie wasn’t jealous, oh no…

0203GrizGrizelda came towards me and my heart pounded, despite being part metal and plastic… she smiled and said: “Would you like tea?” in her wonderful deep voiced yet delicate Polish accent. I think I mumbled ‘Yes please…’

I then started fretting, thinking I might have left the tap running in the bathroom. Unable to get the feeling out of me mind I walked back to the dump to check it out. Of course the taps were not running… but I had left the laptop on, so I closed it down.

0203bcarOn the way back I bought a newspaper to read and then back to the launderette.

An interesting article:

‘This is the astonishing moment a group of frustrated Nottingham tram passengers picked up and moved a Mini off the road after its driver blocked two trams when she parked across the tracks.

The fed-up bystanders shifted the car after the trams were delayed for 15 minutes. Incredibly the female driver had left her motor illegally parked on double yellow lines in Nottingham at 11.1oam yesterday.

The red-faced driver eventually returned from a nearby coffee shop to find her car moved and a penalty ticket waiting from a Nottingham Community Protection Officer.

Adding to her growing misery, the driver was then serenaded by ironic whoops and cheers from the swelling crowds as she quickly performed an illegal U-turn and drove off.

0204AsdEventually got the washing dried and packed up and BJ offered me a lift to Asda.

When we arrived I was surprised at the queues for the petrol station – are we due price rise or something?

Please advise me if you should know owt like?

0205beefBig John came with me to the microwaves in store and I carefully selected the most appurtenant and suitable model for my particular requirements. (The cheapest). We split to do our shopping, I didn’t get much: Microwave, Feasters beefburgers (Very tasty), bleach, Bread thins and a pack of mini Swiss rolls.

BJ ran me back to the flea-pit, I thanked him and he shot off.

I put me washing away and then the shopping.

Made a cuppa, laptop on and no internet connection – I realised I’d turned off the hub earlier, so went down and turned it back on. Had a dizzy spell coming back up the stairs… not a back un, only lasted for a few seconds and then dissipated. I think it might be due to me low Warfarin INR level? It don’t help when I miss me doses – what a plonker!

Updated this diary to here, then did a bit of work on another post entitled (As of now anyway) ‘Things nobody says to me any more’.

Used up three and a bit hours there no problem. Tsk!

Many WC visits later I made a cuppa ready to take me evening medications and found the INR report and dosage record had been delivered.

Level up to 2.4, so going the right way at last – they had made another appointment for this Thursday. It’s all go innit?

No rest fer the wicked. (If that’s true, how come the politicians haven’t all collapsed? – Just a thought like.)