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I realise I’ve got many a fault & problem…
I even understand some of them.
My brain? Unkown voices & crepitation,
Telling me to go on a one-man demonstration,
Mind -rot seems to have accumulated,
No correlation, consultation, or construction
Diagnose them at the culmination,
But what gives me this conception,
I’ve broken my best picker-upperer,
My mindset forever changes,
I wanted to be an agriculturist,
To plant, grow and sell agrics,
This morning I took a few knocks,
Nimra took off my strapping & sock,
She said it’s bleeding, but not a lot,
Adding, no, it was Lymphoedema,
Fluid leaks from your weeping oedema,
She’ll phone later to inform the nurses,
Which I thought would be auspicious,
I can give them their pressies for Christmas!
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Up at 04:10hrs! I am a fool!
I was again disoriented, and thought I could taste the acidicness in the throat; I might have had a nocturnal seizure, but I could not be absolutely sure. So I recorded a question mark on the NHS Health Check graph. After taking off the night pouch, and when I stood up, went to work on me. He stayed for the duration of the hour-and-a-half-long ablution session. During which, both knees kicked off – Why? I’ll tell you. Hehe! gave way, and I clouted both knees as I went down to grab the sink to prevent a whole tumble. (I’m getting wise to these knee collapses now!) – . But was not happy, and as I was straightening up, I caught my
ankle against the edge of the bowl. Naturally, my  .

I went to the kitchen after abluting, medicating,  perfuming and dressing. Got the kettle on and took this shot through the kitchen window of the rain. Took me a while to work out what was what in this photo. The reflections with the flash showed more of what was behind me than of what was in front of me. Interesting detail. He says! Almost artistic, even if it was unintended. Haha!
Then I opened the window to try again. A close-up snap of the nearby houses, street lights, roads, and horison. The higher shot of the sky proved a bit less successful… but I’m used to not being successful. I’ve had Years of practice. Haha!

Computer on, and did the Health Checks, added them to the graph for Carer Nirma to check for me. Made a start on Tuesdays, updating, on and off from 07:00 to 22:00hrs! (Shattered, weary and tired out again, poor sausage, Hehe!).
And the intercom sounded. It was Carer Nirma. Up and into the flat she came, a smile on our greeting.
HC figures checked, two mistakes found. Tsk!
Nirma took thisshot of me, finally getting my first mug of tea of the day! Nirma took a good shot with Kodak Tim Two.
She then put on the undersocks and strappings back on my legs and feet. She put some foam on , as the tumble had scratched a bit, and I might get some lymphatic fluid leaking through the surface of the rough, alligator-skin-looking area. She said she’d check in again in the morning.

I handwashed a khagoule and the other pair of under-socks and hung them to dry in the wet room.

Then back to the computer, to find I was all over the place with it. Not that I remember with any clarity, but I feel as if I was going off-track, starting two or three things without getting any finished. I even did a bit of updating on the lost word replacement files. Until I became aware of what I was doing. By then, about four hours had floated by! It caught me off guard a bit. I can’t remember making an Asda order? I suppose I could blame ? Ejaz thinks I may have made it while in a seizure? I guess he’s right; he reminded me of the most prolonged seizure, as far as I know, that I’ve had. In August, I think. After I’d recuperated, I’d put the biggest load of verbal garbage in the blog, a right load of hogwash. I took a photo of it and showed it to the Warfarin DVT blood test nurse later, and it was an unreadable load of tommyrot – to quote her. Now there’s a thought; if I still use the computer while under the influence of a seizure, could I have made a food order and not known it? Just a thought.

The Asda order arrived!
This is something else I’m worried about. I don’t seem able to stop spending. The bank manager will be calling me soon, I’m sure.
Tomatoes, Lemon Fools, Sugar snap peas, Halal sausage, two gigantic Krakus Keilbasa (Smoked sausages), Pork Farms Pork Pie, Mini pork pies & pickle, tinned cheap Garden Peas, & sugar-snap peas. The bread I ordered (6 items) had 5 items unavailable. Humph! Did it bother me? Not in the slightest little iota, not a dot… 
I say suspected, but… Hehe!
The fridge was full. No butter butters, desserts, sugar-snap peas, Keilbasas, pork pies, etc. And treats for the nurses, cold coffees, nibbles, sweeties and choc bars. I do appreciate them coming. Later, Carer Ejaz checked the sell-by dates on everything in there. I can’t see them all. Two small items had to be thrown out. Again, I wasn’t bothered.

I put a potato in the cooker to warm up with my daily meal. Then returned to the computer to try again to concentrate on getting yesterday’s blog done!

After Ejaz’s evening call, I was all in. And closed everything down as the weariness fell to be joined by a seizure that I had no warning of coming.
I reckon it was of a decent length this time, because the acidity upsurge was less severe, but why it should be that way I can’t understand. Also, the disorientation after a mini-session is much worse than they are after the long ones.

I hadn’t closed the computer down, so I did. The dizziness and loss of balance are the same on a long or a short one. Weird or what?
And off to the kitchen to prepare my planned meal. But could I find the spud to put in the oven? No, not then. I searched around in the obvious places and silly-idea places… Then remembered. Tsk!

As it happens, I changed my mind about the tattie. I made a cold meal, plenty of it, and it made such a pleasant difference. I tucked into this one.
With a gastronomer’s vengeance. Har-har!
The last two wholemeal breadrolls, on which I lavished a load of no-butter butter.
What look like chips on the left of the tray are Marmite Cheese Puffs. A packet of pretend crab sticks, sugar-snap peas, & pork & pickle pork pies! It tasted Grrreat! A tub of lemon & lime yoghourt for dessert!

TTFNski, Have a great kip!

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Three on the right are from a video my Carer took of me enjoying a seizure…
I put them in the proper chronological order!
First one at the start of the seizure. And one minute later, in the middle of the seizure.
Apparently, I groaned and shook,
I took these from the video that Carer Nimra swiftly and kindly took.
The seizure? Length for 1 minute 50 seconds, I was out of it.
But somehow, I had bitten my lip?
Nimra said, “I was mumbling. I did not move my lips a bit?”
In the last one, I think I was looking a little shocked,
The memory of Nimra’s coming had been neurologically blocked,
The acid, foul-tasting upflux shooting up into my throat, nose, and mouth, I determined…
I just knew I was coming out of a seizure!
For nearly two minutes from the world of worries, pain, and confusion, was blissfully, happily excided,
Learning that Nirma had got it on video, I became excited! Said my eyes were open & closed
At last, we had a recording to email to the hospital and the Neurologist Doctor!
Thanks to Carer Nimra,
Bless her, bless her, bless her!
It took me well over an hour…
To get it into CorelDRAW,
My efforts at getting it on here…
Had to wait for success until the morning,
Got it on, but without any formatting,
And that was today, late on Tuesday morning,
It was all very annoying and frustrating,
Here is the unformatted recording… no, it’s not…

Oh, it’s centred at its own discretion?
How to email it, this needs consideration…
I could do with my own problem-eradicator,
The Doctor’s email, I now require!
But just seeing Nimra’s video capture,
High Mood Horis was today, much higher!
I’ll ask Ejaz on Wednesday to find a way,
To get the email address, & send it away,
Cause I’m suffering again with aprosexia,
Everything is taking so much longer…
But I’m definitely feeling less insecure…
Now the Doctor just may find a cure?
I’m relying of Carers more & more,
Ejaz & Nimra care, that’s for sure,
Short seizures are unpleasant, no, I mean after…
When the acidic taste comes up from the viscera,
Violent shaking in my right leg & shoulder,
This was pointed out by Carer Nimra,
No need for a seizure to get a shaking shoulder,
is rattling away now,
Will my luck be changing? But how?
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I spent so much time today trying to find the email of the Neurosurgeon Doctor. Then I gave up, I am sure tha Carer Ejaz will find it. He mayhap call them to get it for me on Wednesday?
Then help me get it in an email to send.
I’d be lost without the Carers.
Then I worked on Word listings. Got carried away without realising how late it was. Ejaz made his last call, and I returned to the Words.
By the time I gave up out of weariness, it was well gone midnight, and I made a meal.
I’ll show (If WP lets me), the few photos taken.

Early morning rain.

A little later, I went on the
balcony to put a bag into
the four-wheeled walker.
I spotted the classic car
parked at the end of the
car park. Two, I sa we now
have two cars parked on
the chevrons. They were put
there for the fire engines &
ambulances to have enough
room to turn around.

The gone-midnight feast!

Sorry, not much on, but I enjoyed
doing the Seizure Videod Ode.

Keep well, and all the bestest!

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After being thrown in the canal, back in 1953…
Fear & aquaphobia gripped me,
School swimming lessons every Wednesday…
I avoided them through fear, and cunningly…
Positioned myself at the back of the queue, 
We’d all walk to the baths, this is what I’d do,
Nip up an alleyway, and as the lads return, was due,
I’d rejoin them at the back of the queue,
As far as I’m aware, nobody ever knew!
I did this for a full term, it’s true…
Amazing what sheer fear can do!

I tried to live my life abstemiously,
But not of course, in any way abstinently,
Now old & confused, it’s lived abstractedly…
Problems growing, mentally & physically,
My distant memories, I still have accessibility.
I recall Grizelda: Our intermingling so passionately, 
9 months of visits daily, everyone, amorously!
When not with her, I pined so alarmingly,
I make three visits on a Wednesday
Then she decided to move in with me!
Built for rough & tumble, athletically,
We were mutually a rampant beneficiary,
I never had so much joy, physically,
We pleased ourselves so avariciously,
Albeit greedily, covetously, and graspingly,
Every merging was rigorous, but lovely,
Result? We shared a mutual bodily harmony,
Amiably, amicably, amorously, & ambrosially…
Passionately, fervently, and enthusiastically,
The time came for her to go home, leave me,
Due to underuse, my body went into atrophy,

More to follow… Do you like it?
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Up at 04:00hrs. The night pouch was removed from the day catheter. My balance was all over the place. But no dizzies this morning. The concentration is not good, but it never is. 
All I could focus on was remaking the world lists for the odes. I did manage to recover two files; the other twenty-two have escaped into the ether —the cloud —and I can’t, for the life of me, get in to open them… I can’t even find them now! 
So the next week or so, I’ll be spending ages remaking them from scratch, so little else will be forthcoming. I may snuff it before I ever get them all done again. I’ll never do it. Tsk! & Ranglesomeness! 
Then I took a couple of photographs through the open kitchen window of the foggy morning view.

Off to the wet room to get the ablutions sorted out. The sitting on the Porcelain Throne lasted about 30 seconds, and the cleanup took about half an hour! Then, I started the washing & cleaning of my gloriously fit, strong, muscled body.  
Cut my overlong fingernails, not too much blood lost this time. wasn’t keen on my doing so, and the gums bled a smidgeon.
Shaving next. Caught the spot on my cheek and a cut on my neck. The aftershave didn’t stop the bleeding from the cut. I’d sliced the head off of it a little deeper than usual. Put a plaster on it later. Then, a body scrub. Medicationings next.
Phorpain gelled the knees all around, in hopes of appeasing   , and .
I couldn’t do the foaming on either or , as I’d forgotten to ask the Carer to take off the feet and leg strappings last night. Humph!

I paid little attention to what was happening for the rest of the day.

They were just an annoyance that delayed my working on one file or word, spending around 8 hours on it and getting maybe 10% done from scratch. I feel obligated to try to get them all done. There are about another 22 to do. Oh, dearie me!

When I started preparing the meal plans, I took these shots (I think). Hope I haven’t got the days mixed up… I wouldn’t be surprised. Sorry if they have already been put on a blog.
Off the evening sky, all clear now to photograph with hopes of them coming out alright for once. I seem to have got carried away with taking these of the same area, spot, or view. Then… and I shouldn’t be surprised at this , but I was, and angry with myself.

Finding I’d left the hot water tap running again, I became annoyed and dropped the bag of parsnips I was taking out of the freezer; it burst open, hitting the floor! Not one parsnip stayed in the bag! 
I felt my willpower drain from me. My anger turned to self-pity (Sad, I know). But things got worse,
I just could not believe it. I gave up and returned to the computer to continue assembling the words. This was worrrying.
When it came to saving CorelDraw, I was blank and just did not know the ‘Save’ key combination. I realise it later on. Cont-E. But forgot the file where, when ‘saving-as’, you have to pick one. 
My loneliness & lowness were deepened, and I gave up. Closed down the computer. 
I went into the kitchen to try to sort out the meal again, only to find that I had left the tap running and the oven on high!
However, what seemed like seconds later, the first visit from arrived.
My manner, approach, core, heart, essence changed into a contented, although guilty feeling of ‘Sod-Em-Allness!’ This lasted while I made a meal and got it in the oven, and… returned — bravely but stupidly — to the computer! Carefree! When I forgot something or did it wrong, instead of cursing myself, I just carried on uncaringly! Accepting all the problems arising, and a few did, with an indifference… that’s how it is, so be it, what care I?… Spff!

Took a break to get the meal sorted.

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-Time limits this one to being a short one, sorry-
I used to miss activities riparious,
Not going in or on, but beside the rivers,
I was in a club for fishermen and anglers,
The Glastone Club, all big drinkers,
For many years, I failed  to join the winners,
No cups, no wins, no runner-up prizes, 
We were bodacious and/or blasphemous, 
I was overkeen on drinking Guinness,
We had a match on a canal in the Southeast.
They considered me as an appendix,
Who went not to win, me, the one who’ll entertain,
On the bus trip there & back, again and again…
Jokes, songs, yodelling & but never winning,
They gave me a Failures Cup; they were grinning,
Everyone in the pub burst out laughing,
Speech! Speech! So I started yodelling!
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Uo at 04:14hrs. But no plans for any ablutions whatsoever. My only aim was to get the worst list advanced; no chance of getting it actually finished or done in a day —it might take a week yet just to get the one I’ve started completed. 
At this very thought, but no signs of me doing the sensible thing and giving up on the blog and computer altogether. I’ll never get it working right. The same goes for , and . Let’s not forget about , or , each having the ability to kybosh any of my hopes, designs, plans, thoughts or ideas on blogging, Odeing, planning, thinking or anything!

The day flashed by with not a single note on the memory notepad! All I wanted was to replace my lost Word list —almost my personal Oding Phronistery. I could have cried when my ignorance and inabilities contributed to their ether-disappearance. And that is all I did, whenever and wherever possible today. 
No comments, messages or blog reader tended to at all. I must try to catch up, but I’m so far behind.
I’ll try, if the ailments let me.

FOOD! At long last, I made a tasty, edible meal! No droppages, spillages either! Mind you, I did leave the hot tap running again. Tsk!

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
🤎 All The Best Folks! 🤎
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

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I may have been misguided earlier,
When lambasting, Sir Keir Starmer, 
Saw his full name was Keir Rodney Starmer…
Rodney, one thinks of a Fools & Horses character, 
Which one? Well, of course, Rodney Trotter, 
Played by Nicholas Lyndhurst, the Plonker!
 There’s also a link to Derek “Del Boy” Trotter,
The links to them? Each a backhander-taker, 
All three are reprobate, but Keir’s more dishonester,
Del & Rodney, openly a crook and fiddler,
The toolmaker’s son, wealthy and titular,
All three make the odd malapropism,
For their crimes, they should all be in prison,
The trio are each a perfect thimblerigger,
Rodney & Del can’t be a slangwhanger,
Keir’s the superior truth-inventer,
But he claims he’s a politician, not an actor,
But he was a lying, deceitful barrister,
Now he’s a lying, deceitful Prime Minister,
Del & Rodney can’t really be dishonester,
Keirs is a real cheater, fraudster & swindler,
He’s an excellent political verbal-dribbler,
He claimed to be Superman, do you remember?
Sausage & Hostage, another verbal blooper,
If we remove him, who’ll be his successor?
Nigel Farage? Kemi Badenoch? Or…
Your Party? The Greens, who have many a leader?
Adrian Ramsay, Siân Berry, & Carla Denyer,
Should they get in, I’m pretty sure…
If one gets kicked out of the door,
The changeover will mean a swift transfer.
What will happen if we get rid of Herr Starmer?
He could go back to being a barrister?
Or get a job as a toolmaker?
If there’s any left? I hear there’s one in Chester,
I reckon he could be a competent toolholder…
But, of course, he’s a canny trickster…
He’s a con-man, word-twister, a promise-twiddler,
A pensioner, farmer & truth-throttler,
Seeks self-wealth & power, has his own agenda,
Genuinely believes he’s not unpopular, 
As PM, he’s our worst-ever artificer,
A shrewd lawyer-like blame circumventor,
Each day he stays, I get grumpier, mournfuller,
For the days when politicians were trustworthier!
I hope he speedily hands over to a successor, 
But to whom? The question makes me gloomier…
I hope he will leave, die or perhaps retire,
Before I snuff it, and bring me some pleasure!
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Nightmare of a day
Horrendous computer problems.
CorelDRAW was even worse.

04:45hrs: Pouch off, Health Checks done, Scary results again. Some right messes in the wet room when I went to use the Porcelain Throne. Trotsky Terence was back in control, and I didn’t quite make it on time. I’d left the four-wheeled walker in the wet room the night before, after an error-ridden bus ride and a long walk home. Not thinking of the leaves, mud, and bits of broken tarmac that I walked on for over an hour on the walk up Winchester Street Hill. 
As mentioned earlier, I found all of those on the wetroom floor. I’ll ask Carer Ejaz if he has time to help me sort it. Cause when I bent down to try to wipe the wheels, I ended up taking an hour to recover from the dizzies and sheer pain in my legs, knees and feet after the marathon hobble. No Phorpain Gel left, still waiting for it to arrive. 

Carer Nimra arrived. Checked the HC results on the graph. Issued the medications. I can’t recall much else of this visit.

Computer & CorelDRAW opened; problems galore. Then memory problems arose and I could not understand the messages of supposed advice on what action I ‘need’ to take.

Got the Thursday blog finished and posted.

CorelDraw would not save —no room!

Making a brew, I twisted my left leg and knee, and boy, did it hurt. Two walking sticks were used after this for the rest of the day and into the night.

Carer Ejaz, on his third call, kindly cleaned the wheels of the trolley-walker in the wet room. Thanks, Ejaz mate.

On his last call, he brought the medications with him; the chemist had sent them to the ICC base, not the flat. Well, it is much nearer for them. Ejaz got some Phorpain Gel rubbed into the knee & leg to help with the Cartilage, Chloe, Arthur Itis, and fractured knee pain. Adding a painkiller, Codeine. And within half of hour of Ejaz departing, I could feel the pains lessening! Great!

Pain & confusion, along with poor concentration, illegible memory notes and mind-blanks, and computer problems, made today a haven of delight for .
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CHEERS!
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05:30hrs: Woke, worrying about whether I’ve made the right decision in going to the neurologist appointment without any transport back. But after doing the balance exercises, I felt as I did yesterday, the reasons overall bear out my idea of attending.
Now, for getting things ready and making a plan of action. (I don’t use the word, plan, often. Hehe!)

The pouch had been taken off, and off to the Porcelain Throne. Trotsy Terence is regaining control of the evacuations today. Less messy!
I decided to get the two-day blog-catch-up and posting finished ASAP. It took a few hours.

Carer Nimra arrived and did a good job this morning. She washed my feet, bowl at the computer chair. We added some Dettol to the water. Dried them and the ankles up for me, and applied some foam to the right leg; it looked like the skin was getting a bit leathery again. She creamed the fractured knee front and back, was giving me some stick, and put the foot foam on for me. It was all going well, and as she cleared up and was ready to do the medications, Nirma spotted a spec of hard blood in the catheter. It was only small, it was not breaking up or going down the bag. Nirma rang the district nurses to ask for advice. They said not to worry, this happens sometimes. So I didn’t!
She issued the medications, and I showed her the email from the surgery advising me that it can take up to 48 hours to action the prescription order.
Nirma checked that the HC figures were filed correctly, a good job she did, too. I’d written the wrong temperature. I changed it.
Thank you, gal.

I started the template for this blog and, after a while, realised time was passing quickly. The lift is due in about two hours, and I had not yet done my ablutions, so I did. A lot to get ready yet. Off to the wetroom for a stand-up wash, teggies,  medicating, etc. Doing the ablutions, I started with the teeth. Was triggered. How nice. Two miniature cuts shaving. Medicationing went very well. And after, some manly-scented perfuming. Hahaha! Then getting the protection pants on —never a painless or easy job without a Carer to get them on, up, and past the ankles — is enough for me to finish the job. The risk of the Dizzies with the ending, and/or a tumble, is high when doing this. But today, unexpectedly, it was a smidge painful, but I feel and sense that things will be alright. Hope I don’t regret saying that, Haha!

Got the two-day blog updated and posted off. A victory in itself that was. Cost me all morning.

Ejaz did the midday call. He reminded me to take the hearing aids now that the new batteries proved successful. As if I’d forgotten… I had! 

Got the four-wheeled walker and checked inside the seat box. Nibbles, a small bottle of spring water, a list of medications, and shades.
Turned off the computer and tried to double-check I’d got everything, but was hindering my plans.

As I had got the walker out of the front door, to go down to the lobby to wait for the lift, the phone rang and I got to it in time. It was the friendly Easy-Link driver telling me he was here. I told him I was on my way down now. Nice chap.

– – – Well, most of it is in Ode – – –
I got down to the lobby, met the driver,
His route knowledge was very clever,
Closer to the door, he could not deliver,
All for a fair price of £4-50.
I entered the doors of neuropathy…
I went to the wrong receptionist, silly me,
On the wrong floor, Silly Billy!
A photo taken then, & up in the lift, 
I booked in at reception, sat down to await my turn to be seen,
A man came in, it was the Doctor,
To his office we both did meander,
His first question: What can I do for you, mister?
That stumped me, I began to stutter…
I was hoping you could tell me, Doctor,
He read out from my record various data…,
Asked if I could ask my Carer,
Calling when I had a seizure,
To take a movie, or a picture,
And email it, so he can have a gander,
The rest he asked and said, is in the ether…
For I can no longer remember,
Leaving the place, I made a bloomer,
Went the wrong way, trying to get out,
Had to ask for directions twice,
Embarrassing and not very nice!
Getting to the overhead tram, I asked for advice,
Taking this snap en route,
Travelling the tram was a hoot, 
Swiped my bus pass on the platform,
Wrongly, but for me that’s the norm,
A chap helped me out, which was nice,
Getting on the tram, standing room only…
I felt guilty with my four-wheeled trolley,
Then has a nasty whoopsie…
I fell as the tram started…
Luckily, I fell into another, we were crammed…
No room for me to get spreaeagled,
Someone gave up their seat for me,
I thanked them most thankfully,
See nothing at all during the journey,
The windows were very dirty,
I got into the City Centre, eventually.
By Gawd, what sight greeted me!
A street-sleeper in the banks dooway,
His dropped cider bottling, cider running away,
I turned to look the other way…
Slab Square, Christmas fare erecting,
I started a little photographing,
Young yobboes were passing,
School uniforms, they were wearing!
Aggressive, spitting and swearing,
Took this shot of the Council House decaying,
Time I was departing, the lightness was darkening,
Up Queen Street to catch the 40 bus,
All the bus stops had kids awaiting,
The timetable showed no number 40?
A number 40x was due shortly.
Does it go to the flats? As does the forty, 
No one knew who was in the queue,
But it must do, surely?
If not, it has to drop off closely,
Passengers standing, all crushed intimately,
I fitted in the trolley seat, safely…
Settled and felt so sleepy,
I woke up, five stops belatedly…
Passed the Windwood Community,
I did feel like an idiot, more than silly!
It was now dark, in fact a little eerie…
Crossed the road and went into a shop, Heron’s,
It looks so unkempt, close to biohazardous,
At least I was free of the kids’ boisterousness,
Talk about being out of it, I was brainlessness,
I went to catch a homeward-bound bus…
Too late in the day to use my free buspass…
And realised that I was cashless!
My earlier confidence now had a brittleness,
As I remembered, Carer Ejaz was waiting for us…
I had an hour’s walk up Winchester Hill Street,
It takes that long cause it’s really steep,
I had to keep stopping for a break,
Thinking how much longer will it take…
Longer than I thought, I couldn’t see the floor,
Which was broken tarmac, uneven, poor, 
I stopped yet another, for a beather, 
My mobile chimed, Ejaz was the caller,
I gave an ETA of twenty minutes,
He was in the flat, waiting for ages…
A faupax, made my ETA underestimated
I dropped the mobile; it could not be seen.
I had to genuflect and bend,
Dizziy Dennis, and the fractured knee pained,
Took ages to find it, in mud it was soiled,
Put it away, to the flat I hastily toiled,
Hard graft, painfully, I got going, 
Cold as it was, I was wet with sweating,
At the apartments, finally arriving…
Got into Winwood, and sillily rushing…
The mobile started ringing,
Told Ejaz where I was, that I was coming,

He met me as I opened the swipe door,
Glad to see him, he’s a comfort for sure,
Bless him, a Carer who offers a bit more,
He asked questions of how the day went,
Medications issued, I was feeling all spent,
Put the 4-wheeler in the wet room for now,
I’ll get it to the balcony in the morning somehow,
He was late, no time for a proper pow-wow,
I was well-tattered, but not feeling low,
And made the daily meal, but, Oh!
I made a bad meal before, but never so bad.
I was depressed and sad.
Self-critical and a little bit mad.
But with Ejaz, waiting to greet me,
I realised I’m sometimes lucky!
Getting through today,
I felt rather plucky, I say!
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That’s yer lot fer the journey Ode!

Despite what happened today,
Some memory has already gone away,
Going to the appointment was the right thing to do. I just wish when I came away, I’d have had a better idea of the problem. Then again, with my memory, I can’t remember all that the Doctor said. Oddly, certain things I recall, I think, well, others faded as the day went on, still, I’m carrying on.

Ah, just as I was typing the above, I remembered one conversation I really should have had.
The idea he had was that I would be better off in a home. With help being available all hours?
I’m not sure of my reply. I imagine I told the gentleman the same thing I said to the Doctor who visited me in the hospital. “I have been against this idea for the last few years, but now I realise it has to come.” And likely will. After staying in a home for a few weeks recovering from the stroke, I found it horrible, unsociable, aggressive patients, violent even. I was uncomfortable, and I clearly remember the laundry service. I’d only taken 3 pairs of washable knickers with me when I left, and I was one pair. The other were not seen again. As was my dressing gown, and two of my three T-shirts.
Oh, Dearie me.

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Have a bit of good luck, no, a lot!
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
TTFNski!

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First, the Dandylion & Burdock error…
We had no fridge, but a larder,
Built under the stairs, to keep food cooler,
To get the milk, I saw something higher…
Dandelion & burdock, not the usual ginger beer,  
Took a swig, and dropped the bottle, oh, dear…
And the mess would make Mum even angrier!
But the taste! It was double-strength vinegar!

Mum gambled, wanting to win using an accumulator,
She sent me to a house on Derwent St, Mrs Moore, 
An illegal bookie, used by many a local gambler… 
To put her bet on, of 1/3d that’s now 17½p,
That night, Mother, we didn’t see…
She’d gone to Bingo on another gambling spree.

She took me to the washhouse, laundry,
I waited in my pushchair agreeably,
For two hours, Mother had absconded…
I felt sure that she would return to collect me,
Waited until the washhouse was closed,
A lady then approached me…
Have you been abandoned?
“I think so” – “Did you come with Frannie?”
“Is that Francis, my mummy?”
Yes, Gerrinto yer pushchair she ordered! 
So I did, why had mam left me, all bewildered?
“Fancy leaving you, yer cheeky, but only a toddler!”
Well, I was known as a little troublemaker,
We got home, unfortunately, no mother.
The lady spoke with the nextdoor neighour,
Mum had gone to visit the bookmaker,
Why she left me was never answered,
But a few days later, it transpired,
Mother returned, said sorry, I’ll tell you later,
All a part of my lucky life – Zipperdeedoda!
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Real problems again with the computer. Not yet resolved…. but that goes without saying.
I was struggling and getting deeper into another mess as I tried to grasp what I’d done when I lost my entire word-list file. I spent practically the whole day on it. My stupidity cost me so much time and gave me so much internal anger and frustration.
Depression Darius was a 100% attendee. No, I tell a lie: High Mood Horis did visit late in the evening for a short while… when I reached the stage of realising my problems and my inability to solve them, and decided to give up. This encouraged me to have another go at them on Wednesday morning.

I did take these early-day snaps, but I can’t recall why or when for certain. So much of the depressing day was spent on trying to access the Word files that I’d stupidly somehow sent to either the MS Cloud or Dropbox… There was an empty reminder pad when I got around to this on Wednesday morning.
Ah, yes, the progress and vandalism of the tarmacing of the fences and equipment on the path that goes from the flats up to the Woodthorpe Grane Park. Yobboes had tipped over about 50% or more of the green plastic fences. Some equipment was kicked or pushed over on its side. Then the best shot, well, saddest really. My beloved tree copse. The changing colours brought on by the arrival of autumn looked so beautiful. If anyone is thinking of visiting Nottingham, I suggest they bring some drugs to bribe the knife-wielding muggers and a few cans of pepper-spray. It goes without saying that a stab vest would be advisable as well.

Despite being so busy, it seemed to be crawling with failures, impossibilities, frustrations and bouts of Depression Darius that were long, wearying and really deep. I was amazed when Carer Ejaz called for the first evening medication call. I had no memory of his lunchtime visit whatsoever. Just a headful of so many problems that had disoriented me for the entire day, well, from when I cocked up the Word files saving. But that was in the morning.
Ejaz showed me an email he’d sent to his office about the chemist refusing to issue the Phorpain gel and something else. But we can’t find out why. Another problem to add to the list in my head.

After Ejaz departed, I got a visit from
I could see no reason for this. I’ve failed totally to work out what I’d done with the cloud issue; I was in more pain with the left knee than I have been for months. But could not work out where from. The fractures? Cartilage Chloe? or Arthur Itis. The type of pain seemed different to usual. So, I assume it was from the fractures, and maybe Chloe as well. Because walking and lifting the left leg caused pain. And of course, I am taking extra painkillers to counter this, because of the refusal to issue Phorpain gel from the pharmacist. I’ve no idea why. The Carer deals with the medications nowadays, but poor Ejaz can’t seem to find out why either. Which is possibly getting to me more, I suppose. There may be some logical reason. But no one is telling me why? But I’ve always tried to keep the painkiller taking to a minimum. Not now, though. Could this have affected my high BP?
Another mystery from Woodthorpe Court, with the hobgoblins, spectres, gnomai, phantasms, ghosts, grotesque succubae, extraterrestrials, ectoplasms, & spirits. Sandra’s Seizures, Paroxysmal dyskinesia, Episodic ataxia, Ménière’s disease, Dark, Deep, Dank Depressing Darius, Peripheral Neuropathy Pete, Nicodemus Neurotransmitters Dying, Glaucoma Gladys, Stuttering Stephany, Lymphorrhoea Leslie, or the Fata Morgana. With Cathies Catheter Contraption, computer cock-ups, Cartilage Chloe, Arthur Itis, Blood Pressure exploding, Mangling Memory Malcolm, Twiching Neck Nigel, the Neurologist appointment to organise, transport to arrange and money to pay for it (got to be cash), Accifaupas, Whoopsiedangleplops, that have been sent to taunt, irritate and terminate my already limited saneness of mind. So, the unexpected arrival of Horis was most welcome, but didn’t solve any of my problems. But did ensure for 20 blessed minutes or so, this alien to me, but not Horis, ‘Sod-em-All’ attitude prevailed. Horis evaporated, and that sinking down into the claws and grasp of its undescribable. Bringing different responses each time. None of them was nice, but this time it was horrendous.
I just thought I’d mention it.

Horis was present as I started eating my daily meal. Smoked mackerel fillets in BBQ sauce, with some more sauce added from a bottle. Chip Shop Style Chips, a bread roll, and some absolutely horrid, tasteless petits pois. The brand, which I thoroughly recommend that you avoid, is ‘Duacy’.

Took the dishy to the kitchenette to be washed.
I did my bestest to try and get a couple of night views from the open window.
Took a shot to the left of the first one, eyeballing a lot of red lights on the horison. Or it could have been caused by my unsteady shaking hands. I dropped a tray while washing them up. Was playing up tonight. When I got settled to watch some TV, I dropped the remote control twice, and a bag of crisps I was eating. Humph!

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TTFNski, thanks to you all!
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GOOD MORNING!
05:10hrs: Guess who came to me this morning when I stirred back into imitation mock-life, and I was removing the nocturnal catheter pouch from the day bag? Realising I’d had another nocturnal seizure, when the sour, caustic, acidic-tasting upsurge of gas from the innards reached my throat, mouth and nose, the moment I bent down to the bag valve.  
!
This time, I was totally uninterested, unconcerned, couldn’t care less, I was well laid-back about it, Horis had installed his ‘Sod-em-all’ attitude firmly in my brain! This lasted for about 30 seconds! Huh!
But it was good timing, as I was still standing right next to the hospital bed. I logged this incident after doing my ablutions. (Used an old photograph). A gentler fall would not have been possible. What’s more, and not withstanding, besides that, it may have stung a smidgeon, certainly not a lot, but there was no bleeding! I almost enjoyed it!

, bless him, returned when I started doing the ablutions. Which didn’t go too well, but I couldn’t have given a Monkey’s Chuff. 
A couple of cuts shaving, I dropped a razor and nicked the end of a finger —recovering it… the razor, not the finger. Then I dropped the same one again, and it bounced about and hid right behind the toilet! The teeth and gums bled a little too profusely. And I gave my head a little clout against the sink edge as I bent to pick up the dropped plug.

Then made a start on yesterday’s blog, without any notes scribbled during yesterday’s horrible day, not knowing that today was going to be worse.

As I took this snap of the morning view, who had been previously known only to come to life overnight or on waking, kicked off as I was going through the door to put the kettle on. And, joined in and shoulder-charged into the door frame.  

Carer Nirma arrived & checked that my BP results had been recorded correctly—they hadn’t, but she spotted my error and I corrected it. Then, the prescription medications were issued. Barely any Photpain left in the last tube, we’ve been having to cut back, which means me taking more painkillers, which I didn’t want to do. The mystery of why they had been taken off of the prescription list remains a mystery to me and Carer Nimra. She applied a little gel to the knee. Bless her. I said I’ll ask Ejaz to phone the chemist to find out why they rejected the order for Phorpain & Peptac for me. A food order from Ocado arrived.

Nimra took the bags into the kitchen for me; there were a lot of them!
This photo shows Marmite popcorn, tomatoes, chicken sausages, wholemeal rolls, and some Polish cooked sausages. The second one, cheese puffs, Marmite puffs, Marmite cheese blown-balls, and Flora no-butter, all vegetable butter, with a fantastic taste, too! It tasted better than any butter. And nurses’ coffee drinks. Beefy Drink.
Vegetable puffs, a sliced Milk Roll loaf, tasteless Daucy peas, pickled mushrooms, and shortbread bikkies, other biscuits out of view. This Jason’s sourdough ciabatta sliced loaf was on offer. It felt like a housebrick… Hope it tastes nice, even at a special offer price.

I got the computer on and had a mind-blank —a total one! I just could not remember how I got into the cloud to open it yesterday! The difficulties and problems were brewing up. And…He stayed unrelenting for about five hours!

I lost hours trying to recall, and during that time, Depression Darius deepened, as I failed to work out what I did yesterday. It was suddenly time for Ejaz to come on his longer call — laundry, phone calls, letters, etc. — so the computer was used to find telephone numbers, contacts, etc.

So this blog sort of went out of the running, to be replaced by mega frustrations.

I asked if he could ring to find out why the medications had been denied. He called in, and I got the message that the lift they had kindly arranged for me to the Neurology appointment had to be cancelled, and they told him to tell me to cancel the appointment. I mused over this.
Firstly, I am not confident walking around in fear of the seizure coming on. Especially getting a tram to town and back to the flats on my own.
But I didn’t want to miss this appointment I’d been waiting months for since being notified of it, and cancelling with one day’s notice seemed wrong. Also, cancelling the Easy Link bus at short notice would mean I would still have to pay. And next time I needed them, I would not be in their good books to get a lift again. Ejaz took the laundry down for washing. And, bless him, rang the chemist about the medications. He told Ejaz I had to ring the Doctor. Ejaz then rang the Doctor’s for me. He told Ejaz to tell me to email them my DOB, Email, & Medications needed. I got an email back, saying it will take up to 48 hours for them to issue a prescription to the chemist. Life has become so complicated!
Ejaz and I tried to find a 40 bus timetable; well, we did. But couldn’t find a way to get tomorrow’s timetable up without including many bus numbers we’d never heard of. I’ll just have to come back on the tram to town from the hospital. (I think I know how to get up to the tram station above, there is a tiny lift I can use), Then, in town, get a 40 bus back to the flats. Wish I had my own pepper spray to take with me as I walk through the City Centre. I bet you it’ll be during the rush hour as well. I’m a little nervous of having a seizure and walking into traffic, on the bus or falling over, on my own. My mind is so muddled with everything happening.

I’ll try to update this in the morning.

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I’M NERVOUS FOR TOMORROW
Only for the getting home
part of the day. Hope I do
not have a seizure. Or a leak
in the catheter, or take a much
dreaded tumble en route.
Travelling on trams, and then
a bus, which will mean waiting
in the dark at transport stops.
And hobbling through some  
dangerous areas of town.
Hoping that I can laugh over
writing this when I get home
safely. Crossed fingers.
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I’ll deal with the others before I get to Starmer,
Ignoring this reprobate helps keep me calmer,
There’s no scarcity of what makes me a worrier,
I worry greatly about getting my online viatica,
My confidence in them and me? Has sphacelaterd,
Dealing with me first, starting with my arithmaphobia,
Too few, wrong items, too many… when I order,
Sometimes I unknowingly reorder,
For the same day once in October!
My thoughts, logic,& memory go all malignant,
I often go all childish, as an uncaring adolescent,
Hourly, I can go from okay to mind-addlement,
From uncaring High-Mode-Horis, then verklempt,
Or a Dark Dank Depression Darius recipient, 
Decisions, options, & choices made go volitant,
At the end of the day, annoying my bank management,
Dementia Doreen, now an upcoming craniotomy…
Whether to remove the water in my brain cavity,
Seizures, Catheter fitted, can’t voluntarily pee,
Glaucoma Gladys, is affecting what I can see,
Yes, the worst problem of all seems to be me, 
In one day, I can act  uncaringly, abandonedly,
Depressingly, somberly, bleakly, and grimly,
These call on me much more abundantly,
So, a High-Mode-Horis, brings adorability,
Danged shame that he calls so sparingly,
I can’t understand why, well, not fully.
Which brings me back to Starmer, the bully,
The liar, ex-Barrister & leader of HMG,
Who rules so opprobriously, illegally & odiously,
I’ll not repeat my thoughts on Starmer today…
How his decisions are made, any which way,
An Ex-lawman who takes no responsibility…
Guilty himself of pensioner robbery,
He’s self-profit and advancement-intentioned,
Politics he’s bedarkened & lessened,
Empathy, decency, & honesty, he’s blacklisted,
It seems everything that he’s implemented,
Farmers, pensioners, & others illtreated,
Putin, Bush & Trump were all like-minded,
His moments of compassion are not limited… 
They’re non-existent, they’ve never manifested,
His actions have made the voters discontented,
They’ve been ignored, scoffed at, & manipulated,
Families’ hopes & dreams have been melted,
Hostages & sausages reinvented?
Politics has been mutated, acerbated…
Starmer’s wealth has been enlarged,
And oligarchs have been assuaged,
I’ve just noticed earlier I did say…
I’ll not repeat my thoughts on Starmer today,
But I have, well, my mind does stray!
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Three nurses and a blood collector.
Hot tap left running.
My fractured knee was bothersome.
Seizures: one nocturnal, just a couple in the day.
Dizzy Dennis & Shaking Shaun were active.
Confusion Konrad, permanently all day!
Carer Nimra, Carer Ejaz.
Computer problems. Huh!
Not a good day, but still, it did get a visit or two from , for no reason.

TTFN

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My views here are only personal,
But the world is now unsaveable,
The end is nigh, this’s perfectly logical…
No one is in charge who is credible,
Oligarchs, wars, murderers, all political,
Although you may think me sceptical?
More people than ever claim to be academical,
Greedy, violent,  jealous, rarely aesthetical,
Does it really matter who it is that is blameable?
Armageddon and doomsday are unbeatable,
Is there any hope that might be reasonable?
A time machine? Could make you survivable!
If you get one with an owner’s manual?
You could avoid your death & burial,
Thus avoiding the end, on the last crepuscle,
Would you actually forward, somewhere futuristical?
Cosmological, astrophysical, that would be fatal…
There’d be no earth for you to contaminate,
But no worries about you dying intestate,
No riches for politicians to agglomerate,
No humans for them to adjudicate, administrate,
No chips, no football, no chocolate, no tea & cake,
Then again, no mistakes to make…
Best to time-travel backwards, mate!
An alternative earth, with another history?
Knowing Red Rum won the Derby in 1973,
You could find that you took useless money, 
You took to bet on Red Rum at Aintree,
 9/1 odds you expected, but unhappily,
He talked another language, did this bookie,
You never thought of an alternate history!
When the Vikings landed in Lindisfarne in 793,
Defeating Alfred the Great in 878, in January,
Now ruled by Hitler, the famous Nazi,
He’d formed an alliance with Russia, you see,
The Englanders still alive had to flee,
HMG were in exile, in Ruanda-Urundi,
Which later changed its name to Burundi,
Can’t power up your time machine-no electricity,
The unions were on strike in 1773…
Then you realise it’s now 1823,
Time Machine slipped into reverse? Calamity!
You wish you’d stayed, faced the end graciously,
Then you wake up, still feeling sleepy…
Start relating your dream, your reverse thaumaturgy, 
To not your wife, but a maiden from Germany…
Now’s the time to seek help, psychiatrically!
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A Rundown Of My Thoughts, Events & Ailments
However, for some unknown reason, my concentration and balance were all over the place.
But this didn’t bother me in the slightest iota while Horis was with me. The Highs were higher, but the lows were lower, too —if you know what I mean. Things were bizarre and confusing. Even creating the Ode was arduous work, and that has never been known before. Grammarly was well used.

I stirred around 06:30hrs, removed the nocturnal catheter bag from the day pouch, and gently performed the balance exercises. Got the health Check tackle together and did them in order, writing them down as I went… Then, partway through, I went to do my ablutions. Stopping myself before starting when I realised what I was doing. I felt a bit of a twit, wandering off track so early in the day.
Back to the Health Checking. But could I find the Sys, Dia & Pulse readings I’d taken minutes before? No! I’ve still not seen them, not that it matters; it’s no bother to do them again. It’s just a vague fear I have each time I lose or forget something. It is getting worse, I know it.
I retook the HC tests and entered the results directly into the Excel graph. They were lower than the last three days, fingers crossed. 🤞🏻

Then, I stripped and got to the wet room to do the ablutions. Oh, when I took off the socks and strapping from the legs, all on my own, I had an instant Dizzy Dennis visit. But he didn’t get me over… Hehehe!
It seemed to me that I got them finished in record time, but I didn’t time the start; I got everything sorted in what seemed like minutes, impossible, of course. The vagueness returned when I went into the front room to get redressed in nice, clean clothes.

Carer Nimra arrived, and I asked her to put the undersocks and straps back on the legs. We worked together on it. I could bend down a short way, enough to hold the fourteen Velcro end straps and assist her in unsealing them by having the opposite ones. That seemed to get done quickly as well. I don’t feel poorly at all. In fact, I took a photo of them when I took them off and smiled at how the legs looked. The leathery-looking skin from two days ago had all but cleared up. Head swaggering here! Hehe! My balance has not been right all day. It got worse as the day went on. The dizziness came on several times almost immediately.

Carer Nimra did a good job on me. She scored the urine bag contents and emptied it for me. Did a full body check: knees and lower back were Phorpain-gelled, and the top of my back was foamed. Medications were issued. And Carer Nimra said her farewells. Bless her.

An hour or so later, the catheter day bag was so full it pulled the tube in Little Inchie. Glad it did, actually; otherwise it might have started bleeding again.

I started the Time Machine Ode, but for once, it was hard work. It seems my concentration had gone the way of my balance, and mt habit of mind-straying today.

I’m sick of things going out of sync. And moaning about things, but I’m just relating what’s what and how things go. Here I go again, sorry; Four hours of the afternoon gone, and I do not know where or how. The Ode had still not got any further. No seizures. If there had been an acidic surge, it would have happened, and it didn’t! Nothing had been done; however, the mobile phone had been moved for some reason… I think.

Carer Ejaz arrived. As I was beginning to perk up, in fact, we were having a laugh as I went into the kitchen, and another instant attack hit me. Ejaz heard me, as he put it, muttering, and came to assist me back to the main room. I was all over the place; yet minutes later, Dennis had hopped it, and near normality returned.

I asked Ejaz if he thought of anything I should tell the neurologist next Thursday, and to please write it down, so I can take it with me.
I’m pretty sure it is a neurologic problem, the more I think of it today.

Yet kept appearing for seconds at a time. Not visually — that would be scary. Hehehe!

The usual everyday weariness and tiredness came a little earlier than normal.

I found two pictures from last night that I had missed putting on here. Better than my usual ones.

Got some food prepped.
Easy-peasy, it was a Sainsbury’s ready-made
minted lamb & potato hot pot. It looked and smelled so good! A pity it didn’t taste as good as it looked.

I took this snap while doing the washing up.
It looked a lot darker to my eyes than it did in the photograph. Glaucoma Gladys’ special effects? Haha!

I hope that the photographs and graphics show up in the blog on the web this time. 🤞🏻

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TTFN – CHEERS!
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