30 | October | 2024 | Inchie Today

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It seems I have got poikilothermia…
I can’t regulate my body temperature?
No problems with my haemadynamometer,
SYS 139, Dia 69, Pulse 74, all lower,
Temp; 33.4c, 34.9c, 35.4c getting higher,
Ointmented my fungal lesion, Aargh!
Eye drops sprayed in, I olive-oiled each ear,
Have to book an appointment with the Doctor,
To be attached to the haemacytometer,
I’ll not complain, don’t want to be a bother,
Sadly, I’ve got a reputation as a yawper,
My right ankle ulcer is getting more mauver,
Yet something this morning went better…
My Porcelain Throne visit; no mess on the floor,
Constipation Conrad fought back more,
Unfortunately, this left me with my bottom sore,
So I Germoloided my sacraria,
And the surrounding area,
Did my teeth, shaved & had a shower,
And, no bother from Shirley’s Shaking Shoulder!
Got onto the computer,
Along came Sham, the Carer,
She gave a word that suited Starmer…
That word she’d found for him was pleonexia,
An excellent, most suitable nomenclature,
‘Excessive or inordinate desire to be richer’
Tonight, I was going to have some Golonkowa,

They were out of stock at Asda, though,
I’ll have lamb, carrots & colcannon mashed potato,
It may taste just like when served at a bistro?
I’ll be having spring water with it, not Cointreau,
I might add a drop of vinegar and oregano,
I’d fed up of eating food that’s cheap,
To be honest, I’m sick of life’s fiasco,
Still, it’ll soon be time for me to go,
I don’t mind… I wanted you to know,
I’ve had enough of human’s mumbo-jumbo,
I hope in heaven I can at last get some Rumpo,
It depends on the catheter, though!

Ho, Ho, Ho.!
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State pensioners may lose £13,920, Wednesday after Labour Budget.

State Pensioners may be hit by tax hikes totalling over £14,000 from Wednesday when the new budget is unveiled. Labour has pledged not to raise Income Tax, VAT, or employees’ National Insurance contributions. Prime Minister Keir ‘Killer’ Starmer has cautioned that the nation’s “£22bn black hole” must be addressed, suggesting other taxes are likely to increase.
Labour’s manifesto already included a VAT rise on private school fees, but Chancellor Rachel Reeves could target other areas. This could leave households with state pension recipients facing up to £14,925 in additional annual charges. Capital Gains Tax on profits from selling second homes, business assets, shares, and valuable personal belongings is also under scrutiny.

Individuals are currently exempt from tax on the first £3,000 in profits, possibly vehicles, reports the Express. Currently, the tax stands at 18% on earnings from second homes or 10% on other chargeable assets like shares if you’re in the basic income tax band, i.e., earn less than £50,270 per. That’s Cheery News!

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I woke up for maybe the 60th time of the night, remembering that the Asda order was being delivered this morning. I was totally unaware that it was only 04:00 hrs. But any chance of getting more sleep seemed a distant dream and beyond reality, so I started fumbling with the attached nocturnal catheter bag to free it for emptying.
Once I realised how early it was, I noticed the time as I hobbled into the kitchen. I do that sometimes, you know; noticed things. Fair enough, not often enough, but still.
By the time I’d emptied and disposed of the night bag, I also realised I would have time to complete my ablutionalisationing before the Carer or delivery arrived. And without rushing things, too. I liked that!
I amassed the medical treatments and appendages, catheter straps, and blood-stoppers. I replaced the Enoxaparin hypodermic, as it had leaked and was empty. And almost casually hobbled unrushingly to the wet room. Not that I was sure I would need it; it’s very rare that I do. But I’ve been told to keep a loaded needle in the wet room, just in case the blood oozes out when I utilise the Porcelain Throne (it didn’t); I was tickled pink at remembering the Enoxaparin needle, and very nearly adopted a Smug-Mode attitude. Doing that can be near fatal with my luck. Haha!
I’d already stripped and removed the catheter support bag and strappings and was standing at the sink about to get my teeth cleaned when the inner gurgling told me to get on the WC sharply.
What a Change this morning! The evacuating contents had gone from almost liquid last night, with Constipation Conrad back in charge. There were no signs of Trotsky Terence after three weeks! I’d almost forgotten how painful Conrad could be, and he was! When I used the toilet roll, I found a few specks of blood.
But this was to be expected after getting rid of the three rock-solid torpedoes. Haha! As soon as I did the teeth, I knew that the Enoxaprin could be put back on the shelf. No bleeding at all. Although, I did manage to break off a bit more of one of the troublesome double teeth. Then, I moved on to the shaving duties. I got three nicks, but none were of any bother; a quick splash of the Brut soon stopped them.
I had a stand-up body scrub, not the delicate areas. It was far too early to wake my neighbours with the noise from the shower and drain.
Next, I got into close-quarter cleaning, ready for medicating. I started with Harold’s Haemorrhoids and the region of my bottom where things hang down a bit. Naturally, after the Constipation Conrad battle, things were terribly sore. The Germoloid soon started calming things down as it was washed and applied. I used a kitchen roll to dry that zone, and then I could check to see if there were any specks of blood, which, surprisingly, were on the towel. But not each time I wiped the area. Challenging to check cause if I twisted and bent with the mirror to try and see, the dangers were apparent, and the blood was only a few tiny specks. So, I got on with the most painful and sometimes frighteningly painful task of getting the ointment inside Little Inchie… Arrgh
After applying the Acne and eczema creams, I cover them with a layer of Germolne. I think it helps with the pain that the tube causes in the belly and lower regions with its tugging and pulling when the pouch fills up. As I wiped away the overspill, the blood reappeared on the towel—only flecks of it. The blood originated from the bottom of my onions? What next?
I’m going to ask the financial Carer to call the Doctor for me to get an appointment about this, and if she can get an appointment, to ring to see if I can get a lift to the Doctor’s appointment.
It’s hard work, innit?

I continued with the other daily medicals I needed to do: ears, eyes, ankle ulcer, Cartilages, Carole and Chloe, Arthur Itis, etc.
Then, I refitted the new Catheter pouch, bag and strappings. Getting the Protection Pants on went extremely smoothly this morning, I have to say. yet another
So, you can see why my ablutions sometimes take me over two hours. Tsk!

I started updating yesterday’s blog. Again, getting the graphics I’d made and photographs I’d taken was a hit-and-miss affair. It’s a good job. I’ve got some in the WordPress gallery to find and use again. It let me put the first four on at the top without any problem. Grumph!

Carer Sham called late today; they are busy. She checked the taps and cooler and put on my socks. Bless her.

It was slow going on WordPress, but I eventually finished it and posted it to the ether.

Carer Chloe did the midday call, combined with the domestic call. She did her best to clean up the mess I’d made by burning the food on the cooker; she found some more food out of date in another cupboard. Chloe said to call Jenny and tell her so she could hand them out, so I did. And Jenny’s Frank came up and collected them.

Ruled for hours, out of the blue.
Some bits of memory during the three hours are clear, I think. Others… well, there aren’t any, really.
To such an extent that I just looked at the diary and found I’ve made an Iceland order for next week?
I’d worry about these spells, but I only forget to.