03 | October | 2025 | Inchie Today

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I may be bleeding and painfully limping,
But these encourage me to remain hoping,
For my mind’s problems, there is no remedying,
My brain refuses my efforts at assubjugating,
I argue with myself, it’s antagonising,
Which voice is mine takes some recognising,
Nocturnally, Thought Storming Steve is berating,
Past errors, current ones, it’s so maddening…
Realising Steve is apparently me talking!
He never stops mocking, riling, and admonishing,
Denigrating, belittling, deprecating, derogating,
Amazingly, my hopes are not diminishing,
Despite his vilifying, discrediting, & excoriating,
I’m doing it again, blaming Steve, who is surely me?
My efforts to get help have been nugatory…
I own up to my mentality now in inadequacy,
Yet my responses to problems of similarity,
Vary so much, from depression to hilarity,
For in there somewhere, theoretically…
Is hope, hoping for help, but antediluvially,
Hope that the seizures will go away…
With the physical ailments, mahap one day,
My brain & body to again act harmoniously,
I now recognise mending my mind and body…
The very thought of it is pretty silly,
Yet hope lingers, despite the futility,
Things I believe happened do not stand scrutiny,
Yet at the time, I saw truth and credibility,
No doubt, no question, no need for justifiability,
With vagueness and doubts, I have to act cautiously…
Self-antagonism, self-hatred, even hostility,
When on a good day, I realise I’ve made errors aplenty…
Apportioning my hopes is not done clinically,
Whether for help with my heart failing, or my angiopathy,
But I cling to hope, hopefully!
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Good Morning
Calling the Community Nurses tonight, Carer Ejaz was on the phone for ages and was finally told to ring the Doctor’s Surgery. To point out the state of the feet.
Now this is something that would strike fear into any old person. Poor Ejaz rang them. I have no idea about what happened with the feet, but I heard him ask about the flu and the COVID jab. Three times he got cut off! On the fourth effort, he was told they would ring me – at this, Ejaz proved his worth again. The lad asked them to email me, as I’m hard of hearing. He’s not sure, but they said they would text me on the mobile. Of course, that was 7 hours ago, and still no text has come through. The nurse who was supposed to administer a memory test has not arrived. The Social Lay has not arrived. The Neurosurgeon has not contacted me yet. No signs of the Red Cross Support Team. And the Age Concern lady has not been in touch yet. There’s always hope.
Ejaz gave me a good check over today. Body welts, acne, and eczema. Phorpain gelled both of Arthur Itis’s knees, Cartilage Chloe, and foamed the Lymphorrhea Leslie’s legs and ankles. He’s a good lad for me to have visiting as a Carer. He even checked the Health Check monitoring to ensure I hadn’t made a mistake. Well, it has been known. Hehe!
He noted that the foot and ankle were looking better and took this snap on the left. On his last call of the day, we found that the leg’s Lymphoedema was leaking again. If it is in the morning, he’ll inform the district nurses. Not that either of us thinks that it will do us any good. We must try.

I’ven’t got up so late in many a month. 07:15hrs. I was doing the ablutions and on the Throne when Ejaz arrived to sort me out. Glad to report that Constipation Konrad has lost some of his grip on the evacuations; still needed input to get moving, but once it started, it was easy-peasy.

I checked the emails and got a shock of a lifetime. Over £2000 less than last month in my account. I’m hoping that whoever volunteered to review my finances arrives before I run out of cash.

Photos Taken.

Ejaz sorts the prescription medications drawer.