Alto-Ego

Inchy: Fri 22 Sept 2023, Lymphorrhea Lesion Leslie leaks a lake! And some Old Odes Galore!

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But the new spectacles are not up to scratch – Mind you, I have already scratched the lens on them. Cognitive Impairment Iris, the water geyser on the right leg has had to be bandaged… by me, what a mess I made of it. Little Inchie is giving nearly as much pain as Back-Pain-Brenda is! Plus, Concentration Konrad is along with all of these, making it hard work! Can’t hear very well either. Humph!
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Such a bad day for me. Worst in a long time. Confused, even more forgetful. Back-Pain-Brenda, Shuddering-Shoulder-Shirley, Little Inchie bleeding, as were indeed poor Harold’s Haemorrhoids and the teeth. Then as I was about to get my head down in the early hours of this morning (Saturday), one of the right lymphatic leg leakage gysers burst open! Anyway, I must at least try to keep to at least an imitation of the events’ chronological order. (Which it is already tp late to do, innit?) But the chances of that are best minimal –  in fact, I can guarantee they and the grammar will leave you as confused as I am! Tons of things have been missed off this record. Due to my impressively effective habit of losing things – like the notepad I wrote all my notes on… the hearing aids, which I got out to show Kara two days ago, and have not got the foggiest where I put them! Oh, and the new reading glasses have absconded as well. I’m not sure whether to blame Dementia Doreen or Cognitive Impairment Iris. Maybe the constant pain I’m in is sending me a smidge more doolally than it normally does?

Great colour in the nocturnal catheter night bag.

Ten hours later, with little in the way of memory, and realising the notebook had done a runner. Liberty-Global Virgin Media had gone down at least…

Back-Pain-Brenda had forced me to take extra forbidden by the District Nurse, painkillers. Then, poor Little Inchie started bleeding as I bent down to retrieve biscuit barrel, and hit my head on the edge of the cabinet. The left Cataract eye, felt like it had glass in it, and assisted Confusion Conrad in making this a terrible day for me.

Off to the Porcelain Throne…
This procedure was repeated five or six times over the day. With the same result! Zilch!

The toes remain in a two-tone shade.

Sorted the evening bags out.

I do recall Carer Chis coming n the last call of the day.
He cheered me up a smidgeon. I took his photo as he was preparing to give me the Maxitrol Eye Drops. Note how he keeps the light bulb covered as he puts them in for me?
Feeling a little perked up now, I took his Bloof Pressure etc. and put it in the NHS thingamajig. After the lad had gone, I inputted it, with excellent results coming back. Insisted he takes a drinkie & nibbles in thanks for his kindness.

Got the Wednesday blog finished at long last, and posted it of just before midnight. Realising as I did, that the potatoes on the crockpot had been cooking now for about 18 hours!
I went to investigate the condition of them… Haha! They were fine! Just right, but they had been in a low-heat setting.
I put the cheese & onion pasty in the microwave and went to attempt a wet room evacuation on the ? Porcelain Throne…
No, nothing moved. I might have my stomach blow up if I don’t get a clearout before long.

Got the meal served up, and washed the pots & pans. Nothing exciting I know, but I enjoyed it all the same. So tired out now, still with pains and aches, especially so with Back-Pain-Brenda and Little Inchies sufferings. Flavour-Rating: 7.6/10!

As I was just putting the dish and cutlery in the bowl of water to wash them… slipped and I nearly went over, clouted my knuckles on the corner of the sink, and at the same time felt wet dripping on my right foot. My immediate thought was that the retaining clip on the catheter must have opened… Then it dawned on me, the was now on my left leg?
Oh, ‘ecky thump!.
One of the Lymphorrhea Leslie water geysers had burst open, and the fluid coming out was spreading from between my toes, all over the kitchenette floor. That’s why the stick slipped I think? No panic, though! Oh, no… just the most humungous pissed-off session of my life! Which turned into a self-pitying bout of depression at my rotten, ever-worsening state of health medically and mentally.
I was so looking forward to getting some sleep after being up for so long and suffering a horrendous day… well, much more than 24 hours. Now, I struggle to find the tapes, bandages and pads, which I have never applied on my own before. I found the equipment quickly, as the flow of Lymph fluid dwindled to just a slow seeping-out stage.

Let’s face it, there couldn’t be much left in my body to come out after the imitation Niagra Falls event! Hehehe!  It felt like I was wading through water as I got into the other room with the assorted medical stuff.
Uncertain about how to go with applying the coverings, I pressed on and hoped for the best. (Hoped for the best? Me? Hehehe!) I seem to recall several worries at this stage. This is not unusual as Tom Jones sang. I’ve to clean the mess up in the kitchen yet. What if I can’t stop the flow?
I recognised now what the bits of white on the kitchen floor were; I think they were skin.
Dizzy Dennis & Back-Pain-Brenda visited me, due to my breaking my strict instructions for the Falls Lady Sarah. As KI had no choice but to bend down to reach the lesion. It felt okay, and I was sure the flow had stopped within minutes of putting on my Heath Robinson medications.
Then noticed a new bruise on my other leg. Due mayhap, to my banging it on the cabinet as I stopped myself tumbling?

The agony never stops for muggings here. By the time I’d cleaned up the kitchen floor and mess, I found myself apologising to Back-Pain-Brenda… as if that was going to stop her hurting? Tsk!.
Inchy’s Ode to Getting Old

A picture I’d taken and forgot to put on earlier,
Today has been worthy of a two-finger gesture!
The hurt, confusion, and mental conjecture,
I miss nattering, a good blathering or clishmaclaver,
Old age brings ills, lurgies and conjecture…
Fears, and worries, one can’t disencumber.
I used to ruminate, contemplate, consider,
My brain’s now an expert at ecdemomania,
I was considered a flibbertigibbeter,
I often wonder over life, whysoever?
Philosophy is hard when one’s not clever,
Although, I used to be a willing forgiver…
Oh, forgive me, I’m starting to yatter…
Although, does this really matter?
I’m also known as a prognosticator,
An empath, clairvoyant, or prophesier,
Closer to the grave, I’m more of a toeier,
Now the brains getting slower, foggier…
Just to think, I was a half-decent squash player,
Ageing, deciding, opting? No, I’m now a procrastinator…
With physical and mental pains… it’s a bugger!
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A FEW OLD ODES

TTFN

INCHIE: Sunday 2nd July 2023 – Inchie-Alto Ode

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GOOD MORNINGETH EACH

04:30hrs: I dragged my ailment-ridden, Neurotransmitter-Failing body from the comfort… well, okay, skip that bit… from the depths of my nocturnal-protector, the c1968, non-operational, tatty, scruffy, unkempt, uncomfortable, germ-breeding, Harold Haemorrhoid-Testing, sickenly beige-coloured recliner. Removed the night bag with some difficulty, from my . The colouring, using the NHS chart guide, was number five. I’ve had it a lot worse.

I didn’t enjoy my morning visit to the wet room, particularly the visit. had withdrawn from his battle for control of my evacuation’s constitution with … Who celebrated by offering torpedoes that disintegrated as they shot out of the rear end and splattered into the bowl and water, distributing a messy, sickeningly-clingy, foul-ponging, puke-producing aroma. And to think that I was in there two days ago for over an hour, desperately trying to encourage the cement-like, clunking against the porcelain, torpedoes that eventually, painfully escaped. Yet both modes produced some bleeding from ?

The morning Carer arrived, and I had a look at the leg wounds suggesting I get to the hospital with them. I explained, well, I can’t get to the hospital without the legs. Haha! Brought a smile and laugh that did!

Tea and bikkies time… and why is this so?
Yes, the World Wide loose money manipulators, struck again!
While their facade, overlay, giving an aimed at the money-markets, veneer of professionalism, respectability, integrity and probity. They have bought up or invested in hundreds of internet and mobile phone companies… But why? They have no idea how to run them? Or treat customers? As I have mentioned before, this oligarchal smoke & mirrors , has to have an ulterior motive for spending billions of dollars to buy out, or invest in just about every other national competitor there is? To such a point, that their crap service is of no bother to them at all. Anyone (customer) leaving Virgin Media will have to go with another company that is almost guaranteed to be owned or part owned by ! Hello, it’s come back online!
It went off I’d guess, I didn’t keep a record of it today, about eleven times minimum, as I know of. I did keep a record of each time they caused me to lose work and had to do it again, and that was eleven.
Pure jealously you see: about Fires F’ing things up for me and getting paid a $26 million salary, a guaranteed bonus in shares, and an open-ended expense account. And here they are, cocking my life and love (blogging) up… with me in trouble with the bank account, that is a little short of Fries and the other oligarchs, without a doubt. But I don’t mind really… well, I do mind, but it’ll only add to the extreme pleasure they get for fiddling with honest people, overcharging for a shockingly inept internet connection, growing ever-more better off… I wish it was me doing it! Why? I’m not sure…

On the seventh failure of the profit-addicted oligarchs from . I then sorted out the laundry bag.
It didn’t take me long. Then did some preparations for an early meal, later. came back online… it does that sometimes.
I opened the email and was so appreciative to find that carer who took photos of the wounded legs for me, had sent them to me; bless her cotton socks, that was so kind of her. Think it was Saturday when she took them.

The top one was where the bottle of soda water I dropped had hit the leg ulcer on its way down, before hitting the ingrowing toenail on the left foot.

The second one down, was of the same area, from another angle.

She’s a natural when it comes to photographicalisationing, is she not? No messing she took them on her mobile phone within a minute I think, every one of them is a work of art… Which gives an idea, I wonder if the Tate Gallery might be interested in buying them? Hehehe!

An interesting one next down.
It is the largest one of all the .
Today, a sort of gel was creeping out, instead of the usual thin liquid? Looks like I’ve got hundreds of tiny tattoos?

It was on the inner ankle of the left foot.
The gal then took two quick snaps of the new underneath-the-skin blood patches that had developed overnight.
They are very pretty; shame about them being painful, though. Then the new growths around the toes. The centre three toes were still warped shape, and varied between blue and brown colouring?
I took some further pictures of how the leg ailments were looking now. They are not as good as Joannes, but still, they do show some changes; for the better, I think.

Naturally, they were still painful, especially if I catch them against anything, but I took extra care.
The puss that was coming out of the , had reduced greatly. And appeared to be less thick than yesterday, too.
In the early evening, the skies offered me an amazing few minutes of joy, an absolute  . Each one of the pictures I took! Can you see anything in this first one on the right? I’d love to know what I see is actually in there?
The second, on the left here, was more a sheer delight than anything, just to view it.
Marvellous Nature!
Since moving into the high-rise flats, things have not all been good, but the views… can be magnificent.
I got the nosh started.
The sky changed completely within ten minutes, and the sun; which was on its way down – burst through as the clouds broke up.
A bean meal, two minutes in the microwave or five on the hob. Which I chose, so I could stir in some Borscht. That’s why they appear so red. A dollop of BBQ sauce was added; three wholemeal rolls were made into chip sarnies and dunked into the sauce. Grrreat! Flavour-Rating: 8.8/10!

The sky and weather had changed by the time I went to get the pots washed!

I took this bad photograph

quickly, as rang out as the last Carer arrived. It was Richard; not seen him for a while.
He said I should see the doctor about the legs and feet. I explained that Kara had rang the doctor, who said if it get worse, go to the Treatment Centre. We had a little natter, and off he went saying he’ll be back in the morning Toucn of the Clint Eastwoods there, Hahaha! Oh, no, that was Arnie, wasn’t it?

I shall now retire
Not from work I that 28 years ago!
But to my second-hand, £300, charity shop bought, crumb-retaining, microorganism-microbe producing, gungy, moth-eaten, beige-coloured, non-working, bacillus encouraging, incommodious, Haemorrhoid Harold testing, c1968 recliner.
In search of sleep.

TTFN

Inchie: Tuesday 23rd May 2023

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Food For Thought Cartoon!
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I emerged from my hibernation at 06:15hrs.


Removed the ‘s night pouch, got it emptied and wrapped it up for disposal.
Attended the first call to the .
Messy this time. It seems that the attack yesterday was short-lived. Was back in control.
Which meant a long time bending down and cleaning up was required. kicked off before I even started fetching and carrying water to refill the unattended too, not working or refilling W.C. water tanks buckets of water.
I think that ARGH! would be a suitable word at this point!
Took a shot of the morning view.
Then back to the Wet room to get washed & shaved.
The underarms were still a little colourful & itchy.
Just two tiny nicks shaving. One bump into the door frame, which urged to join in with I making life a smidge uncomfortable.
Got the waste bags sorted.
arrived while I was making a brew of Glengettie.
Kindly took it through to the front room for me. The Medicationalisations were seen to. I’d just taken one of the stronger non-prescription painkillers, so did not have any Paracetamols.

I got the computer on, Corel~Drawing, then opened the Liberty-Global Virgin Media Internet. Need I say?
Oligarchs & Money-Manipulators ain’t bothered!

So, no blogging, then. I had some breakers, though. A pot noodle and another mug of tea, Salisbury’s Brown label Extra-Strong

Two carers arrived, Richard and Tina (the boss). Bringing the new medications. Checked the paperwork and gave me advice.
LIBERTY-GLOBAL VIRGIN INTERNET WAS STILL DOWN after they had departed. Well fancy that!
So went to the wet room to check on .
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The pins and plates were looking in good nick?

When the Smoke & Mirrors man’s Internet came back on, I took another tablet; it was such a shock! Haha!

I tried to rush updating the Monday blog, but so many mistakes were being made, it still took me hours to get it done.

By the time I got around to starting this blog, it was afternoon!

GCscowl B

I think a Carer came, I’ll check the book. Yes! But can I remember the details? Nope! Although I’d doyen a lot of blogging and re-blogging and mistaking, I know this they were on the screen when I came out of the …
And, it was just before 17:00hrs!

How do I do this nearly every day?
I’ll make a note to tell the nurse tomorrow.
Still sunny outside.

Launched myself into doing this blog at long last.

Going to get some nosh sorted out now.
I want to get my head down early if the Carer comes early on.
I need to feel fresh enough to get up good & early. To sort everything out everything for the hospital trip.
I’ll see if I get time when I get back, to update this bloggeth.

TUESDAY 0540hrs:
Last night catch-up

Great, nosh, took a photo.
Sunset shots too.
Swollen left leg photographed.
Carer called, night pouch and natter (Great!)
took a photo of it.
This morning I found the SD card in the reader…
So nothing to show for my efforts!

INCHIE: Friday 14th April 20-23

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Alto: “And he told me he was feeling happier this morning?
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But the wee-wee colour is betterer!
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REGRETFULLY – TIME DEFEATED ME, SO, A POOR BLOG – SORRY!
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I was up, took the night pouch off, and started several different jobs simultaneously. But I was, at that time, in a better condition than the day before. For a few hours, anyway. I can remember some of the things I began doing. Made a brew, which went cold, as I decided it would be a good idea to get the ablutions done. Then found myself making up the laundry bag ready for collection, and I struggled to open the box of soap pouches. I had to rush to the , that evacuation was over about five seconds after I’d sat down. But the sense of another one was on the way, made me stay where I was and had a go at the crossword book. While doing this, and rather successful for once, blood from Little Inchie was felt running down my leg. So I abandoned the crossword and cleaned it up; there was only a spot or two left to come, then back to the puzzling. The follow-through, backup, or second coming did not arrive.
While I refilled the bowls from the kitchen to refill the non-working water tank on the WC… yes, you guessed it! I had to rush back to the . So, with the first dollop of mush not being cleared yet, I then had to get four bowls of water to encourage the mess to go down the toilet. I was well worn out by the time I’d done it all! But did that stop me farting about doing other things at the same time? No!
I went into a short Memory Blank, I think at this time… well, I know I did; when I came round, I wrote it on the pad, and there is nothing else on it at all, apart from my weakling up time.
I found another mug of tea with the bag still in it gone cold. I moved some spring water bottles around in the kitchen, left the cold water tap running, and although there was nothing in there, I’d left the oven door open!
I did start to realise I needed to concentrate. I did feel a little better later. A Carer called, and I’m sure we laughed about something or other. 

What I’m writing may be out of chronological order, I fear. I think maybe I got the ablutions done before the Carer called. Anyway, I had to return to… yes; the yet again. Swift, messy, and how I didn’t drop a bowl of water or take a tumble was… well, a miracle! Ah, I did have a few cuts shaving. But little Inchie was no longer leaking, yes, the odd spot here and there that the PPs coped with admirably; this is several times a day occurrence from tube inserted.
Now the vagueness returned for a while. Eventually, very late on, I got the computer started, and the second carer arrived. AHA! She had some medications for me. At last, some Codeine! I asked for one straight away. This cheered me greatly. I really believe, swear, that the pain reduced the in half an hour!
The vagueness was coming and going for the next hours. I know Sister Jane called me, be nothing about what we spoke of… other than we were both sad to see Nottingham Forest struggling (I think?)
Around 16:00hrs, I finished and posted yesterday’s blog, then as I went to make a brew and empty the , I found I’d put the oven on a low light? Wish someone had told me. Hehehe!
There must have been raining outside, but I’d spent so long doing the blog that it is now almost time for the early evening carer. I can’t even remember the afternoon safety check caller. I’d been in a mental cocoon, I think.
So, I thought looking at the photographs I’d taken should help me recall things. As I got the camera to take out the SD card… ~~I saw in the computer’s external disk thingy reader.
I fear things are getting worse. Just doing this blog is taking me so many
error-filled hours. Causing frustrations.
 I think I can hear an alarm now, but it’s just stopped?

I left all three receptacles filled with water in the wet room in case there were any more needs to utilise the .
There were a few, and after heaving water from the kitchenette to the Wet room, , has been ever-present since. The painkillers were week used today! A morning view of the sky so blue. I even managed a little spot for two of pareidoliaing.

Computerisationing had an enormous amount of errors and miss-reading. As the day dragged on and I got more tired, so wrong options were taken; thanks to and .
The afternoon brought storm-threatening darkness. Not that it mattered much to me. I’ve not been outside now for about... oh, ages. It must be close to a month now since I’ve seen and breathed fresh air?
The last time I went out for a pleasure hobble around the flats, ~I had to return sharpish half was along Citrus Walk in front of the flats. Blood from Little Inchies , then the valve sprung open and filled my shoe! I can remember that well enough!

Then after taking the photo above, gave me something that he hasn’t shared with me for months on end, probably close on a year; an involuntary Right arm Hitler salute! I could have done without that! I rattled my knuckles against the window handle and, at the same time, I managed to knock off the window shelf, the knife box, the kitchen roll holder, the box of bags, and a jar of mint sauce! .
Then bending down to pick up the knives and check for damage to the floor, I hit my head against the freezer door edge! It took me an hour or more to get everything back where it should be.
I’d been lucky, I think, all the same. All five of the scattered-about knives missed any part of my body!
The only bad bit of the cleaning up and sorting was retrieving the bamboo stick that had rolled between the base cupboard and cooker. The burn in my hand that caught against the oven was nothing to a man like me. I laughed it off and at it! I’m inured to pain and a brave heroic sort of chap.
I made an error… (What am I saying? I’m always making errors)… with the daily meal. But it didn’t matter as it happens. I overcooked the vegan burgers, uneatable! But, me having the Natorra black tomatoes on the plate; They taste like meat to me? Lovely!
The ready-sliced potatoes (I thought after yesterday’s [photo on the left] Accifauxpas while slicing fresh potatoes were a good idea) Were very nice and crispy. Even the pickled beetroots were nice and well cooked, soft and kind to what few teggies I have left. I shan’t get any more of those burgers. Flavour Rating: 9.3/10.
Got settled down.
The feet and legs were looking better tonight. The ankle ulcers had all but disappeared again.
The skin looked a little darkly cadaverous. But I knew I’d not snuffed it yet, cause as I was nodding off, the leg slipped off of the chair, and that woke me up, so I knew I was still here when the pain and shock woke me out of my wallowing. But, putting getting back into the land of nod into a no-go area! Humph!

TTFN

INCHIE TODAY: Wednesday 1st February 2023

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PROBLEMS ALL DAY LONG!

Total mayhem-problems with the .
I’ll try to explain what they were chronologically. But with so much and farcical situations arising, I did little else all day. Trying to sort out getting the flow to the bag again… and even worse problems. As I hope you will read about; I need some good luck through the ether to me, so I can cope with them a little easier and not get frustrated so much. Not many memory notes on the pad. It all happened so persistently.

I woke feeling myself for the first time in months, peeing away merrily… I thought I was dreaming at first, but no!

The blood and urine mix was all over my clothes, body, and the £300 second-hand shop bought nine years ago, c1966, discomfiting, alarmingly beige-coloured, crumb-containing, TV remote hiding, not working recliner.

The flow was so vicious, that the Protection Pants were soaked, and legs, socks, feet and slippers were covered in blood.
I got the night catheter off first; no point in cleaning up and making more mess straight away… Huh!

Aha! I’ve found some scribbled notes – hard to read, but I can use them for updating here and there. Seems I got up at 03:00hrs. And took off the night pouch and visited the , the first of several in the morning. The first three were practically normal evacuations; the next three were sticky, phooey and messy!

Sorted out the mess of the pouches and got new Protection Pants on.
I just had a smashing phone call from the Lovely Lisa-Petal ♥ and Billum 👍 in the US of A!
I fear I was a little not up to much when the call came in, and I had great difficulty in hearing everything that the Sweetheart said.
Damn it, we lost the signal. But it was fantastic to get the call.
Lisa & Billum are my Cyber-friends and are much loved.

The needed attention all the time.

Rising, things looked okay

Removing the night bag

One of the emptying sessions

Carer Richard arrived. The bag problems were all I had to show interest in. I was a smidge depressed – but got to the stage of Dracula Depression later. The constant changes in the bag’s performance riled me.
Richard got the medications done and checked in the right leg bag.

Carer Sarah was the next visitor. Got the medications sorted.
Then the great cock-up with the Catheter Bag!

I emptied the blood again…

But the flow from the catheter was not getting through to the bag

The blood still flowed from little Inchie.
But, nowhere near as bad.
Unfortunately, my trying to get the tube further into the Little Inchie, it irritated the Fungal Lesion. Added to my having to bend and stretched so much to clean things up, the Mystery Stabbing Pain in the Ribs returned.

A damned good job. I’ve got a good supply of Depends in stock.

PHEW!

The Catheter pouch suddenly filled up in fifth gear time!

Boy, it was full!

Emptying the bag was difficult, with all the blood clots.

Carer Kara arrived. I told her of my problems.
She wanted to know if I wanted the night bag fitting or not.
I farted about and dithered on whether to.
As I saw it, with little blood and urine going into the day bag again,
it should be okay; with my doing the blog until the early hours, it won’t matter about missing sleep. I’ve missed that much already. (Sarcasm Detected)

Going to get this posted off and get some sleep if I can.

TTFN

Inchcock: Friday 4th November 2022

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03:00hrs: I woke, but without the usual jump and or jerk? Not complaining, mind you. As I was manipulating the challenging struggle to get up on my feet, I got a little help to make me move faster… The rapidly getting urgent need of a wee-wee! As I approached the grey overnight bucket, it became apparent that I would also require using the Porcelain Throne. So, I went to the Porcelain Throne. Well, it seemed sensible!
Boy, what a session! I’d got myself ready for the usual struggle to pass, got the crossword book out… Things started moving straight away! Smoothly, painlessly and bloodlessly! Yee-Ha!

Rinses and cleaned, and went out into the kitchen to get the kettle on.

Number One: I took these photos of the morning view as the water boiled, and I made a right mess of the first one. I didn’t think I’d even had any shakes, , and were not giving me any bother?
But I still made a hash of it. Tsk!
The second try came out a lot better, even if not like modern art, as the first one was. Hehe!

Then, as I was making the tea, there seemed to be water all over the countertop.
At first, I thought the kettle was leaking. But after a quick inspection, I found nothing untoward there.
The water seemed to be getting worse, so I got some paper towels and wiped it up.
Then had, a look up to see if anything was coming down through the ceiling. Nope!
number two: Eventually, it clicked.
The slow cooker had been leaking, and I think must have made me miss a load of it from last night. Phew!

I got on the computer to update yesterday’s blog. Five hours later, had blanked out a lot of concentration, and blogging was a morning nightmare. If anything was forgettable, do-wrongable or losable, I did it. I had to take a break, so I did.

I pottered about in the kitchen; even in doing that, I started things and moved on to sorting something else with the first thing being finished. At one stage, I started to pour all the part bottles of disinfectants into an empties spray bottle.
Then found I was placing a baking potato on the counter to cook later? What? Got back to the disinfectants and saw I had no bleach under the sink. I wandered around trying to remember where I put the bleach that was delivered on… erm… last week.
Talk about confused! I got back to the disinfectants and mixed in the different types and scents with each other… at least judging by the smell of them later on. And I was happy doing them?

The light was coming early. Then again, I didn’t realise how late it was in the morning then – Confusion Conrad was in charge this morning.

These three photographs were taken, its a miracle they came out so well. Because my mind seemed to want to get back to sorting the cleaning bottles?
Well, I thought they did.

Came in, the poor thing was yawning again. Hehe! Got the medications sorted, and as if something had clicked during this visit, my concentration began to return?
We had a little natter about this and that. I insisted she takes a drink and nibble with thanks.
She took the waste bags with her. ♥
Oh, I nearly forgot; I asked her to take a look at the dates on the Enoxaparin hypodermics. They are too small for me to read them. They were well out of date. Jodie said to tell Richard on Monday. So I will!

I got back to the computer, still not concentrating as I should, but better than earlier. It’s funny that; getting it back never happened so quickly before? I wished it had lasted for longer.

The noisy neighbour from above kicked off big time with his banging and clanging. The concentration was lost again. But I pressed on, not doubt missing many errors, and making more, I got the blog finished. Then made up an Ode for today and then one for tomorrow.
I was feeling so tired suddenly. Then realised I’d not had much in the way of sleep again and had been up for over twelve hours already. I got the potato in the oven: it’ll be about an hour, I should think. Now I have to ensure I don’t fall asleep, and it burns.

I’ll try to get on the WP reader now. Ah! Not done the Health Checks – Next job then! Better late than never…

Not bad, down a little anyway!

The potatoes in the oven looked like a giant passion fruit when I took a look. Hehehe! I dished it and had the last two Sourdough cobs well-buttered.
Cooked chestnuts, gherkin slices, red and orange tomatoes and all of the remaining mock bacon slices. Which were rather nice! Flavour: 8/10.
I cleaned the pots, wee-wee’d washed, medicated the eyes, olive-oiled the ear-holes, and got down in the c1968, £300, second-hand charity-shop bought, crumb-containing, odour-retaining, Harold’s Haemorrhoid-testing, nauseatingly beige coloured, non-working, virus-breeding recliner. To watch the regular weekday ‘Heartbeat’ episode.

But: Can you believe what they did? The Swine at Channel ITV 10, on Freeview? They only took of the Heartbeat episodes! Gits! Scumballs! Have they no compassion or understanding of senile old fools who watch this programme? (Fair enough, I usually fall asleep when the averts come on). And what did unthinking twerps show in the place of the best TV series ever made? Horse Racing!
My being lucky enough not to have any pathological gambling, compulsive gambling or other gambling disorders or interest, I looked up this race day: The Breeders’ Cup 2022 with Grade 1s each way you turn at the Kentucky venue. The year-end championship for North American Flat racing, it has attracted star horses from across the globe.
But at the cost of making many old farts in the UK sulk and even get annoyed at losing their ‘Heartbeat’ to watch.
I am aware that in our block of flats where will have several senior-aged ‘Born Gamblers’ who will welcome horse racing. Good for them!
Gambling is classed as an impulse-control disorder. It is included in the American Psychiatric Association (APA’s) Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, fifth edition (DSM-5). Problem gambling is harmful to psychological and physical health. Ha! The gambling-addicted lads and lasses in our apartments look fitter and happier than I am! Mind you, they all have ticks, smoke and drink!
Good luck to them, I say. A man with my luck cannot dare risk gambling, so I’m safe from one addiction, at least. Hahaha!
I’ve forgotten what I was on about now… Oh, yes, ITV Channel 10 removing Heartbeat. The Swine!

chimed out and came in. He looked a lot less tired tonight. Nice lad. We had a decent chinwag after he’d done the medications. Selected a cold can of orange juice from the fridge by way of thanks and took the waste bags to the bin on his way out.

I resettled in the £300, bought eight years ago from the second-hand shop, Harold Haemorrhoid testing, repugnantly beige-coloured, crumb containing, virus-breeding, acne-giving, rickety, itch-producing, none-working recliner. Sleep did come easier this time, but t was dream-filled crap again.

Three hours later, I burst almost nervously wide awake to find myself needing the NWWB (Nocturnal-Wee-Wee-Bucket), with a lot of PMAD (Post-Micturition-After-Dribbling) following the main event.
That did it, of course. I tried but could not get back to sleep. Humph!

TTFNski

Inchcock: Thursday 3rd November 2022

/ Inchie / 5 Comments

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00:30hrs: Got up for a wee-wee; that was terrific, gobsmackingly, absolutely free! Grrreat!
But releasing things ready to use the NWWB (Nocturnal-Wee-Wee-Bucket), I got myself in a tangle with the jammie bottoms cord. So, had to go and wash limbs etc., throw the jammies in the laundry bag, and get a dressing gown on. There was no point in getting back to sleep now; I was wide awake.
Went to make a brew of Glengettie tea.

I tried to take a photographicalisation of the morning view.
My first effort came off a bit smudgy, and the second one didn’t get onto the SD card at all!
For the next one, I changed the selector on the Lumix camera to the night view option on the wheel first.
This one came out acceptable to me.

While making the brew of Glengettie, my neurotransmitters failed, and as I was stirring the tea bag as well – So, over went the china mug of tea. Another fine mess to sort out! The one redeeming factor was that the mug stayed on the counter, so at least I didn’t lose another one. Haha!

Updated the Wednesday Blog. It cost me a three-hour struggle, with all the mistakes, and towards the end of doing it, the started, but this time it lasted for longer than ever before. Usually, they are over in seconds… but not this time! Peripheral Neuropathy Pete had never bothered me for so long, with so many incidents, some were quite serious. The first one was as I was stirring my tea bag, it’s hard to explain what happened clearly, but I’ll try: The Peripheral Nerves will suddenly not work, and occasionally they go on-off repeatedly. So the brain does not get a clear message from the neurotransmitters of what they want to do. Then the brain seems to guess but gets it so wrong sometimes. Imagine you want to pick some up that you know is very hot… you test it first. Well, it’s similar to that; the fingers keep nearly doing something and repeatedly miss doing it; why? I think the brain is preventing them. Hence I look like a fool, trying to pick up a piece of paper or anything really but just cannot get the fingers to do the right thing. The same if you want to drop or let go of something – you can’t; it’s impossible until the neurotransmitters send a clear message to the brain, suddenly they will, sooner of later, and things go back to near normal for a while… until the next loss of contact from the nerve-ends.
The fingers are the worst affected, but it can and has, in the past, happened with the toes and feet and can easily have me over.
The silliest and most scary to anyone seeing this happen is when I get what I call an . It’s the equivalent of doing the Oki-cokey; the foot will not settle back on the ground until the nerve ends re-contact. It’s always (up to now) the right leg.
And with , it is always on the right side, never the left? I think that my having my stroke on the righthand side helped to create these phenomena.

The was needed as I entered the wet room with the clothes to change into after the shave and shower. Aha! The evacuation was a little easier today – Small blessings are all welcome! I fang-you! Unfortunately for me, the again.
During this session, the counts increased ridiculously! I had some irritating and annoying incidents to contend with. But they were short-lived, and after the wet room activities, the nerve ends were back to normal, with just the usual odd ones catching me out. Nothing new there!
Dropped the toilet roll into the water! I cut my gums while cleaning the teeth and broke off another bit of the shattered double molar. Four cuts shaving. Carbolic soap dropped twice. Hit my head on the power box and couldn’t find my glasses after showering. (They are still AWOL [Absent Without leave[)

Arrived. Yawningly, Hehe! It’s his last shift for a few days, so I wished him a good rest and much sleep. Got the medications sorted and managed a couple of minutes of chinwagging. Saw him off as he took the waste bags. I shan’t see him for a bit now. Hope he catches up on sleep.

I started on the blog again: it was darned slow work.

Then Windowman Joe arrived. Not getting much done today. We had a laugh and chinwag, but like lighting at cleaning windows, soon off and gone.

Tried to get some graphics done… Cleaner Esther arrived. She was in and out for over an hour. She kept nipping down to check the laundry. She cut me a hole in my trouser belt – I can now wear them with more confidence, Hehehe! Finally told me her new minimum rate of pay is going from ten to fifteen pounds an hour for doing the laundry. Humph! I could do little or no work on or for this blog. I could not concentrate on Esther’s incessant talking. So I gave up and listened to her.

Finally, she departed. Ah, now I can get on with the blog…

The landline rangeth…
It was Sister Jane. We had a jolly long conversation, and I found out I was eating the wrong foods, buying too much of it, and should eat more pasta. Fair enough, she was right. But we had a laugh or two. Said out farewells.

And back to blogging...

It was the Asda delivery. The driver helpfully threw the items ordered into the boxes provided for me… this chap was a lot more careful about not putting things like mini sponge rolls at the bottom of the box; bless him. I thanked him and got the food and things into the kitchen.

The big items I bought were the Flash speed Mop and extra pads. There’s a reason I bought these, and I can remember why, too. Oh, YES! Mind you, I can’t remember who it was that extolled the virtues of the costly Flash mop… but someone told me how great and easy to use they were. Although on later looking at, but unable to read the small print on how to set it up and operate it, I’m already sorry I bought them! !
I left them in the hallway – and hoped that one of the carers may as me why and hopefully know how to set it up and work it. Humph!
I thought I could smell bleach, and one of the bottles was leaking… So I got the box with the cleaners in it opened first to check... Yes, the bleach had been leaking! Grangknangles! I checked in the empty box, just in time to see the cardboard disintegrating, and got it in the sink. Tore it up… I didn’t know I had so much anger in me, but got the cardboard box pieces and put them in a large plastic bag, and I hobbled grumblingly out loud as I took them to the waste chute and deposited the bag. Coming back to the flat, I realised how childish I’d been and felt a fool for getting all hot & bothered over it. I envisaged my moving into a home for Dementia sufferers, and it didn’t seem that far away!
I sorted out the food box next. The only item they had none off in stock was the tomato passata with basil. Shame, ’cause I’ve got none now. Haha! I’m glad they had some of the Soya lemon yoghourts, though; they are nice and tasty without being too sweet. The vegetable pasties that I tried last week, and they were good and tasty, also arrived. I do not remember ordering any fresh tomatoes or cooked chestnuts… but then again, my saying I do not remember – is becoming my catchphrase, I think. Hehe!

I got things put away… not the Flash Speed Mop, of course, and had a wee-wee. As I was washing my hands, I realised that I’d had the potato simmering away for over six hours now in the crock-pot!
In the kitchen, I trundled and turned it off. The large potato had split open, and bits of flesh were floating about in the pan… Tsk!

I got back to the computer and started working in CorelDraw, making graphics, tabs and an Ode… I was doing well… I thought… which was rubbish, of course. CorelDraw kept freezing, and MS word, in which I was creating the ode, did the same? I gave up!

The landline rang and at the same time! I’m just lucky, I guess… Esther returned to get something she’s left, and I asked her to talk to the woman who phoned for me; cause I couldn’t understand a word she said! Neither could Esther! So put the phone down. Esther said she was trying to get me to join Virgin Media, I said I’m already on it…
IT dawned on me after Esther had gone. A woman who I could not understand rang, but no dice with hearing what she said. When Jenny phoned me to warn me that Liberty-Global Virgin Media was going down on Wednesday, it did. I wonder if it’s going to go down again?

I’ve got so little done today. I’ve now been up now for 16hours. Frustrated at every turn. Evening Carer is due anytime now. I’m tired, hungry and pretty miffed off with things. And still way behind on blogging! Well, it’ll stay that way! I’m gonna get a mug of Thompson’s tea, then something to eat.

I took this evening shot of the view from the kitchenette window while doing the cooking… Blimey, I multitasked there!

At last, I made and ate a decent meal. This one was a gorgeous soya Frikadellen and a veg pastie, tomatoes, yellow and red ones, very tasty, sweet! Sourdough cobs, and a mandarin & lemon mousse. Oh, and a boiled potato. Lashings of BBQ sauce.
Bootiful! Taste Rating: 8.9/10! However, in the preperationing for this meal…
and … When it came to cleaning the Crock-pot used to cook the potato, The bottom of the base had been leaking! The metal plate underneath had split somehow. So, I no longer have a crock-pot. I saved the porcelain bowl and lid, they are fine, and they may be of use to someone in the flats or carers to have as a spare? I got the slow cooker into three black bags. I may have to take it down to the recycling bin in the morning. It won’t fit in the heavy-metal waste-chute lid. Shame! Then, I may be back… but I doubt it until the morning, with more catching up to do. Muckleworthiness and Crab-ends!

Morning Update:   Chloe woke me up. We got the medications sorted out okay. I was still half-asleep. I recall walking to the door with Chloe, taking the waste bags for me; I locked the door and returned to get a meal made.

Had lost interest in me getting back to sleep. It took hours before I faded. Flibblegonknackles!

Another Doreen Dementia Driven Day. Dangnab-It!

Inchcock Today: Tuesday 25th October

/ Inchie / 6 Comments

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ANOTHER MESSY, MISCALCULATING DAY!

I didn’t get any sleep at all. Didn’t even try to. Various reasons, Thought-Storms, Anne Gyna and frustrations niggling at me from within my own brain. I use the term brain, loosely! Mostly over my concerns over the timing of, or did I order, the EasyLink transport for the visit to the Doctors to get the results of the Severe Frailty Test. This left me confused and frustrated, and things only worsened as the day of confusion and error-making moved on.
On the computer for many hours. Not that much got done. The concentration was again lackadaisical.

I got the done around 02:00hrs.

When I put the results through the NHS calculator online, well… What the heck happened here?

The highest it has ever been since I began using the site!

I’ve never been as high as this. I was in the Hypertension 3+ zone!

All the same, I was not too worried. I put it down to worry over the weekend. As usual, no help was available. Even if any ILCs (Wardens) had been on site, there was no guarantee that I could have contacted them. Anyway, even if I could, they could not contact Easy-Link, who do not work over the weekend, to verify the arrival time of the lift. I felt the tension and an uptightness, and Anne Gyna has been at me again, although not as bad as last week before the medications had been doubled.

I made the first mug of tea I’d had for over eleven hours. Not me at all! Mind you, after this brew, the old tea addiction returned.

Took this snap of the morning view. But didn’t appreciate it at all; I was still fretting (and EQ told me things were going to go ape-shit) over the lift arrangements and appointment time. Nothing positive, you understand, just this sense that I had somehow put them down wrong in the calendar.

The computer turned off, and I went off to the wet room. Not that I can remember much about it, but I think it went well.
Made a second mug of tea, Co-op 99 this time.

Arrived.
We had a chat, some of it dedicated to ways of making things easier for me to grasp. The usual laughs and natter were granted by Richard.  Not sure if we put the world to rights or not today. Hehe!
My memory notes a sparse for some reason… and unreadable in parts as well. Rich took the bags to the bin with him on his way out. Usual Monday thank-you treats were given. Oh, yes, I remember now; Richard helped me get the in-the-ear hearing aids going to use today; bless him.

I got myself and the things needed for the Doctor’s visit ready, and I was struggling through the door with the three-wheeled walker when I heard the phone ringing. I battled my way back inside, bruising my knee on the trolley and on the wheel. All the time, a voice (EQ), telling me not to answer it, you’re doing wrong! But I thought it might be the surgery or EasyLink phoning, so I got back and had to answer it. It was Sister Jane. Telling me about the Sun & Mon merging today. Of course, with all the concern over the bus and appointment timing, I was in a mini-panic in case I missed the bus. I forgot all about it until the morning when it was too late. I felt bad about that. After Jane had taken the bother to let me know as well. Sorry, Jane! ♥

Unfortunately, although I didn’t realise it at the time, this was just enough delay for me to miss the bus! EQ was right again. Why don’t I listen to him?
Faffed about in a hurry now, stubbing the same toe again. Down to the lift lobby.
I went through to the main lobby, and it was 5 past 10. I thought the bus was due at 10:15hrs, so had plenty of time after all. But no bus arrived.
I waited ten more minutes and then walked to the ILC (Independent Living Coordinators), Oberstgrüppenfuhrer, Warden and Primo Ballerina, Warden Deana & Generaloberstess, Ice skating champion florist and Warden Julie’s holding-cell office.
Through the ether, an audible, almost physical voice screamed at me, “Argh, it’s him again!”  Haha!
Julie phoned Easy-Link to see about the bus. Now I knew I’d just missed it by five minutes! Damn-it! Will I ever get to this appointment? Julie called the Doctor and got a new appointment made for me, bless her cotton socks. This one is for Tuesday, 1st November 2022, at 10:20hrs. Then she rang EasyLink again to confirm a lift to get there, but none to come back, as I just did not know how long I would be at the appointment. Thanked her. Coming out of the holding-cell office.

I bumped into Carer Richard. I was a little tense and so tired and disappointed at things going wrong yet again that I can’t recall exactly what we said during our chinwag in the Winwood lobby.

I went back to the flat along the link passage, into the flat, and got the timings clearly on the Google Calendar for the next Doctor’s meeting.

Deana had written a note for me to keep as a reminder as well. I cello-taped that to the end of the high bookcase.

At least I get some kip in now; surely, this would not be a problem after being up for 28 hours on the to now?

I’m certain, sure that I took a photograph of the Chilli-Not-Carne meal. Four Cumberland sausages I cooked, well, nigh on incinerated, by giving them a good 12-extra minutes or more in the oven. Had to chisel them out of the tray to get them on top of the dish. But the photo was not on the Lumix SD card. I can’t understand why, but in the morning, when it came to updating this blog, blow me, there the photo was? Mind you, it was one of the worst photos I’ve ever taken. Still, it shows the burned sausages and disgusting-looking chilli. Yet I enjoyed it. A taste rating of 7.2/10 was given to it. The sausages? 9.2/10 even though they’d been cauterised! Hehehe! Put the tray on the Carer’s table, and .

Woke me up an hour or so later. And I  really was deep in sleep. So much so that I think my first greetings came out as gibberish and waffle! It took me until getting the medications and seeing the Warfarins in the pot to realise it was not morning but nighttime and that I’d only been kipping for an hour. Hehe! I came around a bit and offered Carolynne a cold drink from the fridge. Had to go to the door with her as she collected the waste bags for me, said my farewells and locked the door.

I got back down in the £300, second-hand, c1968, charity shop-bought, eyesorely-horrendously grungy coloured, Harold Haemorrhoid-testing, easily-falloutable from, unfit-for-use, not working, recliner, and was back in the land of nod within a minute I reckon.
I slept for another seven hours! Yes! Mind you, my body and feeble brain needed it! Hurrah!

Sunday 2nd October 2022

/ Inchie / 10 Comments

Government Spin Cartoon

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06:05hrs: I been laying there wondering what it was that was different as I stirred back into imitation life. Then, it clicked! I’d had at least six hours of sleep! Still a deficit overall, but so much better than the night before, with a total of Zero-Hours! Then as I moved my limbs, something else was not normal… There was no pain whatever coming from ! Well, this is a good start, I thought. But refused to go into a smug mode. I’d not gotten up yet, or checked for any Whoopsiedangleplops from last night. Like taps running, stove left on, fridge door or window left open, etc. So, after doing the balance exercises, which went well, I grabbed Metal-Micky, and we looked around. No signs of nocturnal wanderings, tap off, oven off, window shut… Mmm?

I decided to get Josie’s Sunday meal prepped. I’m using the black bean in chilli sauce I got from Bulwell in the rain storm on Friday in it today.
Sliced some tomatoes and chestnut mushrooms, nice and small, how Josie likes them. Then added the 7-vegetable sauce in chilli to it. Put the mince in it, and make some chilli gravy using the smoked chilli seasoning. Later, I added a can of mixed vegetables and some liquid salt.
Made a brew of Thomson’s Punjana tea, and I started on the template for today’s blog.

Jozeph arrived. I’d not seen him for a while. He explained he’d been off work with Covid! And he said he’d had three shots and four booster shots. Doesn’t give you much confidence, does it? I’ve not had a booster at all yet. The Carer gave me a test the other week, and I was clear then. We got the medications sorted, and he had a little natter. He’s got an extra patient to go to. He took the waste bag with him as he departed with a drinkie and a nibble in thanks.

I went to check on the chilli stew, or whatever you call it.
Got all the ingredients into one saucepan and left it on low heat after a good stirring.

Then, I decided to get them done.
I got the Boot’s Sphygmomanometer, manufactured by ZDEAC (Zhongshan Daguan Electrical Appliance Company Ltd) in Guangdong, China.

The was needed, and urgently, so much so, I feared, “I’m never going to get there in time!

I rushed so much to the wet room; the toes were really hurting again, so much. Down on the seat, the action flowed, no pain, no bleeding, but a little messy – Thank heavens there were no leaks, or it would have left me with a right mess to clean up. I allowed myself a Smug-Mode moment this time.

SYS 154, DIA 89 (High). The Pulse was also high at 90 bpm.

The body temperature was also back up a smidgeon, at 37.3°f.

The Excel graph showed an awful lot of reds. Still, compared to yesterday, at least I was down to Hyper-Tension Red one again.
I stirred the saucepan and turned it off to marinate.
I opened the computer and found this photo on the left that I believe I missed putting in Saturday’s blog.
Hard to believe that such an erudite, educated young man as I could forget such a thing. Absolutely beautiful!
Started his enosis iffy again. A persistent dough ball of arrogance, he is. I continued from yesterday, and I started giving the high bookcase a clout with metal Micky in return each time. With any luck, he may have heard it and may come down to complain? He’s impudent enough. I await his calling… after which an ambulance and police may also be calling. He kept it up for hours. My high bookcase may get damaged if he doesn’t give me a break. Hahaha! Oh, it’s gone quiet?

Got the Saturday blog finished and posted off to WordPress. Replied to the flood of comments coming in about the blog. I answered them both.

Oh, time to get Josie’s meal served up.
Did the usual with the chillies; I split it half and half-ish between a porcelain bowl and a lidded tub, so Josie can reheat it later in the microwave. Two meals that way, Sunday and Monday, for the gal to enjoy. Got it delivered to her door.
I remembered to take the Lumix with me this time, so I got a shot of Josie taking the tray.
She posed for me in her doorway. She poses well, does she not? The tray displays the two meals, two cans of plonk, Gin and a Vodka & orange. Teacakes nibbles, Orange Yorkie bar (Josies struck on them), and a pot of Limoncello. Not been able to get any for ages, so that should cheer her up. It didn’t do me any good, though. The last time I got some, a couple of months ago, they were two for £1.40. Now, Morrisons have upped them to £1.89. Tsk!

I got back into the flat and washed the utensils, saucepans, tray etc. and made a brew of Thompson’s Punjana. I’d left the first one to brew up and forgot all about it. A regular occurrence. In fact, I probably make more brews than I drink.

Then onto CorelDraw to make up some tags, then updated a page of the Ode words to use.

McCartney sausages, tomatoes, oven-warmed cobs, and a lemon dessert for the meal. Nothing fancy, I was so tired.
But, it went down well.
Simple food for a simple mind. I did enjoy it all the same.
A worthy Flavour-Rating of 7/10. I ate it all up. Slurp!
Washed the pots, had a wee-wee, washed and .

Blared out from the door chime – jerking me awake from the beautiful deep sleep I was in! It was Carer Aoki.
A little confusion arose from my positive conviction that it was morning, not night! Courtesy of Doreen, and my still feeling half-asleep. The first clue to the truth was when Aoki issued me the tablets that included  2½ Warfarin tablets. I slowly came back to normal. (When I say normal, I possibly should have told my usual sub-normal state) I tried to explain why I got confused, but fear the stuttering in my talking only got a furrowed brow from Aoki. I possibly could have sounded drunk, I think. Aoki chose a non-alcoholic drinkie in thanks. Took the black bag with her as she departed.

I felt I had to make a check of the flat to see if I’d left taps, lights, heaters, oven etc. on anywhere. As I limped around each room, the got more painful. These nails are going to be giving me more and more bother… Humph!
Checked the kitchen out last. The holy thing I found untoward was the fridge soar not shut properly.
The view I caught a little late to catch the sun part of the sunset, I thought adorable, calm and peaceful.
I took this photo, closed the window, and knocked a jar of my beloved vegetable flavourings off the ledge. It broke this time. Getting the smashed glass and sauce from the floor was possibly even more painful than it was. I managed to cut my finger on the bits of glass. And really annoyed the preciously calm , bending down, and she joined in with the angry, pain-giving, with me doing so much genuflecting.

I nodded off quickly enough. But kept waking up with a jerk, repeatedly. It was well gone midnight when the waking-up-jumps stopped. I know this because I had to fumble my way out of the second-hand, £300, charity shop bought, crumb-retaining, microorganism-microbe producing, gungy beige coloured, none-working, incommodious, Haemorrhoid Harold testing, c1968 recliner, to have a wee-wee. So noted the time.

IT DID NOT LAST FOR LONG

Inchy to Alto Inchy:

Is life worth living?

Alto Inchy to Inchy:

Living, have you been living then?

Inchy to Alto Inchy:

Well, yea…

Alto Inchy to Inchy:

You could have fooled me, mush!

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Taketh Care, Each!

Inchcock: Inchie vs Alto Conflict

/ Inchie / 4 Comments

Last night, while shaving, Alto-Ego returned!


Alto: Aye up, Inchie!.

Inchie: What are you doing back?.

Alto: I never left, yer burke…

Inchie: No need to embarrass like this, is there?.
While I’m shaving and cleaning up the lesion?

Alto: Exactly, I like a laugh occasionally!

Inchie: Laugh at what?.

Alto: Yer tiddly pinkie, Hahaha!.

Inchie: At least I’ve got one, yo ain’t!

Alto: I’m you, ain’t I? Your mentor, guide and mental crippler! And I’ve not got a physical body to be ashamed of like you have!

Inchie: A?

Alto: Gawd, your thick!

Inchie: Well, yer…

Alto: This is why I’ve not been getting at you lately, Turd-face…, yer just a short-arsed overweight whimp, with no residence to my poking fun at you! It’s hardly worth my while trying to make you miserable & depressed; you’ve been this way for months now of your own volition! Is it any wonder I’m losing interest in yer? I’m only here now cause I’d done such a good job in pissing Putin off! This could mean a promotion for me, you know?

Inchie: Promotion? I like the sound of that. Does this mean you’ll get another human to hassle and leave me alone?

Alto: Nae, Dumbo, your memory is gerrin’ worserer! I’ve told yer before, the Alto-Ego Management, insist we stay with any human allotted to us until we get victory…

Inchie: Victory?

Alto: If you stop interrupting me, Brain-dead, I was going to tell yer, yet again; The only way I free myself of you is the Humans death, Confirmed by an appropriate medical institution of utter insanity, or nine attempts at suicide all fail. That, Knob-Rot, is the only escape from you.

Inchie: Erm… I’ve been trying to part company with you, and now you say you’d like to part company with me… am I right?

Alto: Oh, Inchy, my stupidest ever human; You’re just too thick and ignorant to understand the simplest things, and you make a mess off, mistakes and blunders of everything you try to do, don’t you? But that really is not always your fault…

Inchie: Oh, there’s a change in tone Alto?…

Alto: Your willful pig-ignorance, despondency, dispiritedness, defeatism, and docility, sometimes bring out a rare quality in me. Seeing you struggle medically is a laugh for me. The more I mock and depress you, the nearer your suicide gets. I’ve arranged for all the ailments, including Cataract Katey and Dementia Doreen, to have free reign of your body and mind. Soon it will be freedom for me! Your dubiety and incertitude are making you, more than ever, reliant upon me, your Alto-Ego. Thus you are becoming more and more subservient and servile to me… The first Alto-Ego to dent Putin’s determination! The Alto of Altos…

Inchie: Oh! So why did you call at all?

Alto: In a desperate bid to cause you misery. depression, and encourage you to commit suicide, Bozo!

Inchie: Well, you’ve always tried doing that in the past?

Alto: Well, today, I’m gifting you with an accident that will involve a plaster-cast and Hospitalisation…

Inchie: That’s nice…

Alto: What?

Inchie: Well, my depression does not come from physical pain but from the mental stress of living. I admit you did a good job with installing Dementia Doreen, but she’s not taken over completely yet. So don’t fret… I’ll not top myself yet… I’ve never felt better for months than I do at this very minute. What do you think of that?

Alto: Shit!