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Inchies’ Ode to his legs and feet
Left leg thinner, right one bigger,
Right knee okay, left one even benter,
Both feet swollen, hurtful & bloated,
My limbs are going multicoloured,
The brain? Getting lackadaisicalalised,
My toes bent, swollen and warped,
She’s stopped calling me, my toenail cutter,
Can’t find another, but my savings wither,
No long calls this week from any Carer,
My need for the ATM is getting seriouser,
The world is on its way to being extirpated,
Who gets all he needs? Only an Oligarcher,
Life? Never balanced, levelled, or equated,
One  gets depressed and so frustrated,
Never getting cared for or compensated,
Medical needs get hampered and hindered,
Robots, AIs, reality; humanity absconded,
Never have so many felt aporia…
Never so many are getting poorer,
The same can be said of dysphoria,
Such disrespect for the ass, the law,
The old, abandoned, get more austere,
Living with no hope, just fear!
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MOANING TIME
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The Carer phoned the EENT number for QMC Hospital, Nottingham. As they had asked me to schedule an appointment for the pre-op Cataract test. I had a seizure while having the first one and spent the night in Cardiac. They told him to ring back later or next week. After he’d gone, I gave it a go but checked the number again to ensure I’d got the right one. Google gave me the extension: 81111. So I rang the switchboard and pressed 81111 when instructed; it was engaged. I tried again later; it was engaged. One more try, and I got to a human for the first time. Who told me I’d rang the wrong number? Ring the switchboard and ask them for the extension. Which I’d done earlier. It got confusing then as she gave me the 81111 extension to ring. This is the ENT’s number, not the eye specialist’s. This is a photo I took the last time I went there.
Clearly stating EYE, Ear, Nose and Throat Centre.
Can the NHS really be getting this bad? Yes!
Mind you, they were four months ago, after my seizure visit. While being uncertain if I had finished the examination, due to the seizure. I asked a Carer to ring them and ask whether I have to book again. Whichever lady answered him, he asked my query and told:
“They know what they are doing!” But I didn’t.
Four months later, I get the email to call them to book again. But still I can’t get through again!
ANOTHER FAILURE
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Then, in response to a Red Cross text, telling me this is a Health & Safety issue and that the electrician has to call to do Safety Checks (on the hospital bed they loaned me). The Carer rang them today. They had no information about this. She offered an appointment for 8th July, which clashed with my wait of 7 weeks to see the Doctor. Best ring back again next week? Despite the reference number being revealed. 
ANOTHER FAILURE
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Then, while doing the Ode, the computer froze on me. The new week-old computer that I cannot urge the repairman who bought and fitted it, and took his money, to come back to look at it.
ANOTHER FAILURE
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No wonder I get Depressed.
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Got the Ode done, and food arrived. Followed an hour later by another food delivery from a different store.
ANOTHER FAILURE
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Better get a stand-up wash & shave.
ANOTHER FAILURE
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THURSDAY 2nd JULY
Another night of waking up with a jump.
Around 04:00hrs, I felt the need for the Porcelain Throne. I gingerly got out of the bed and hobbled nervously to the wet room. My balance was all over the place. As was expected with my swollen toes, feet and legs. I took two sticks with me and got there with plenty of time to spare. And stayed there on the Throne for a long time. Constipation Conrad was in full charge. Still, no mess to clean up. The piles bled a fair bit, and it was painful to urge the one torpedo-shaped mass, which hit the water with a clunk, leaving about 30% sticking out of the water. I was glad to get rid of that one. Got back into bed at 04:30hrs and nodded of easily again.
04:50hrs, I sprang awake in need of another evacuation. No doubt about it, this one was not going to come out in the same mode, because it was already coming of its own accord, into my Protection Pants!
I was concerned that I might not be able to stop the flow before getting there. But somehow I did, thankfully. Talk about opposites. This motion was all done and dusted in about 30 seconds. Took a while to clean myself up. I cannot get the PP’s on myself easily, and tore them a little, but got them on after washing things; me and the basin. Back into the bed, now with the back & shoulder hurting, from the battle to get the pants on. Settled again at around 0520hrs. I’d not even got back to sleep, and another flower-up was on its way! Fumbled as quickly as I could manage, making it with seconds to spare. Very splashy and runny. Again, it was all over very quickly. Heck of a mess to clean up again. I stayed in the wet room, thinking I’d have a shave, then be prepared for any action. But those plans were hijacked when I realised the hot water wasn’t even warm. So, I pressed the booster button on the meter and got back into the hospital bed yet again.
This time I nodded off easily… for about 15 minutes, 
Then another torrent needed dealing with. I reckon this was a fourth in 2 hours. I was sure I’d not make it in time… And I didn’t.
Self-lambasting, swearing, and frustration flowed.
The actual evacuation took about ten seconds, virtually all water, more than any brown stuff. Sorting the mess out took me yonks. I tore off the PPs, but it was too painful to bend to get a new pair on. So I put on my thin dressing gown and returned to the bed about 0650hrs. I lay thinking what might have caused all these follow-up torrents, especially after the initial bum-bursting bomb. The only thing I could think of was that maybe my having the two pots of noodles yesterday, morning and evening, may have played a part? I actually fell asleep again.  
I heard the doorbell’s 🎶Oh Suzanna🎶chime playing, but I must have heard it after it had been going for a while, cause it stopped as I tried to get out of the bed.
Carer Mizra came in; lovely to see him. He’s been doing early and late calls this week. Ejaz has only done one call this week. Damned good job, too. The other two bully boys are making my life a misery. If only they would send Ejaz & Mizra like they used to. The extended visits I’m paying for on Tue and Wed did not come. But the charges are the same. Another one on Saturday might come. Then I can get some money from the ATM to pay a toecutter and a window cleaner… if I’ve got enough left in my account, of course. 
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ONWARDS In short…
Today’s Cartoon
The much got into & out of bed
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Today was a mix of good, bad and lousy
But I spent most of it trying to catch up on my Odes word list.
I got carried away with it. I don’t know why I’m bothering. I won’t live long enough to do all the lost work, thanks to the new computer not working properly. Yet another aspect of my luck and the mysteries of Woodthorpe Court, with the hobgoblins, spectres, gnomai, phantasms, ghosts, the grotesque succubae, extraterrestrials, ectoplasms, and spirits. Receptive Aphasia Phyllis, Paroxysmal dyskinesia, Episodic ataxia, Ménière’s disease, Dark, Deep, Depressing Duncan, Peripheral Neuropathy Pete, Nicodemus Neurotransmitters Dying, Glaucoma Gladys, Stuttering Stephany, Lymphorrhea Leslie, Premorbid Cognitive Impairment, the damned seizures, or the Fata Morganas. The problems with British Gas & Virgin Media. The EENT, A&E, Neurology, Urology, Red Cross, the Catheter, Doctors, and a six-week wait for appointments. That have been sent to taunt, irritate and terminate my already limited sanity of mind. My faith, health, and logicality were already on the wane.
Just thought I’d mention it. Hehehe!
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GREAT SURPRISE!
Matron Jackie came with a trainee Nurse to see me today. Someone who cares and listens. It gave me a lift.
Especially when the Navigator I phoned about my right leg told me I am not on record as having problems. Contact your Doctor. Which, I admit, got to me. After waiting 5 weeks for the earliest available appointment, the earliest available appointment is next week. Wednesday, 15th July, I have a longer list of problems than ever, and she will never have the time for me to read them to her. Originally, my swollen right leg and painful right shoulder were on the list. Now added are the Catheter farce, lack of advice, told to go to A&E straight away in a taxi, as it is a Medical Emergency when your Catheter blocks. So, first, there is a £30 cost of a taxi there and back. The one visit I made was caught in a traffic jam on the ring road, and it cost me £25.40. I struggled to find the £30 in the first place; now I didn’t have enough to get home. I worried before the 5-hour wait to see the Doctor.
Medical Emergency?  
I explained all this to Matron. Who did something amazing – She listened to me! Bless Her!
She sorted out the Catheter, making sure the night bag fits this old Catheter.
Then suggested that I take a ‘Respite Visit’ to a home.
After mentioning all the things, appointments coming, and those not sorted, BG, EENT. I’ve emailed Jenny a copy of the PALS replies to my complaints. Bless her for her help & support.
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SMB-PALS
(NOTTINGHAM UNIVERSITY HOSPITALS NHS TRUST)
Good morning, We’ve raised your concerns with the senior management of the departments.
PALS have also requested that the relevant team contact the patient directly to discuss this further.
Please let us know if you do not hear from the team within 10 working days, and we can chase as necessary.

Kind regards,
Aparna

Aparna Sajeevan (she/her)
PALS Officer
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Looking good. They are contacting Senior Management at the Hospital Trusts, and if I don’t hear from them within two weeks, they will follow up again!
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Carer Mizra said he would try to give me a shower in the morning. Great lad Mizra, as is Ejaz, but they seem to be… no, have reduced their visits to me. This did not work out I’m afraid. I had another series of terrible Trotsky Teremce Torrents
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BONUS OLD CARTOON
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