Letdown by Meridian Health & Social Care again – Then lifted by Carer Julia!

Ratings on a Job Site

Ponderings in Ode

Searching for details on the Cataract operations,
I don’t suppose I’ll need a paediatrician or rhetorician?
The last operation I had, was done by an Abyssinian,
The recovery was run by a pretty Australian…
My dear carer, which helps me, is an Arizonian!
Hope whoever does my eyes is not an anthropophaginian!
The nurse thinks my stuttering could be aspergerian?
Mmm!

I hope things go well, even more, that they happen…
That on the operating table, I don’t need a crappen…
They do both the eyes same day… could this be then?
They say not; this is what reason was told to me…
If you have another condition affecting your eyes, you see…
Such as diabetes, saccades or glaucoma, trouble might be,
You’ll still have limited vision, even after successful surgery!
Well, that’s encouraging; I have all the above three!
Plus, if there is any delay in operating – I’ll have to hold my wee-wee!
Hehehe!

What I need with Meridian is communication,
No carer called, I could have been on the floor with a concussion,
Their failures so regular means no jollification…
For Inchcock, they say nowt, just fail to come = depression!
Fretting starts the jumping jerking in the neurotransmission!
How I feel now, I’ll have to show some suppression…
I feel so let down through Meridians transgression!
I now rate them as inadequate and feel great derision!
Time to get rid of them, I’ve made a decision!

Away with these worries and procrastination…
Let’s face it, their undersupported, underfunded…
So accepting their failures is the only solution…
Is to up the costs… surely a fictionalisation?
When they do not call, why are charges not refunded?
Sad!

We pray, unbelievingly for reliability, an idealisation…
Is someone involved, getting looked-after, backhanded?
I think not… the ‘Caring’ industry shows imperfection,
Sticking with the devil, you know, although cackhanded…
It might be the best choice, on reflection!
Humph!

Fodder fed furiously into my face,

♥ Angel Of Mercy Arrives! ♥

Carer Julia arrived; I had to stop myself shouting hurrays!
Her care, helpfulness and empathy, they never strays…
For this gal (who I fell in love with) deserves all my praise,
I’ll ask her if she wants to adopt a grandad one of these days!
She cared for me with patience, went beyond the mark…
She contacted the Chemist; this freed my wark!
I was soon as happy as an elderly skylark…
Took my BP, Julia to the Healthline did remark…
The resulting figures, a little high, but Julia set the wark…

I’m to check it in the morning, if high, to call an ambulance,
And to agree to do so, in compliance…
Within minutes I’d lost my stubborn defiance…
Hatred of Meridian failings, thanks to Julia’s caring brilliance!

She was so careful and knowledgeable in who to contact and what to ask them about the dangers of my missing the morning medications. I felt so cared for suddenly, thanks, Julia! ♥

The gal had even packed and posted off the books for Lisa and Bill in the USofA for me; bless her Cotton Socks! ♥ She would not accept the money until she had brought the receipt with her on her next call. Soon, I hope. I thanked the gal and was almost sad when she left after giving me much time and care. ♥

But cheered when I remembered the TV was working again. And that was only due to Esther sorting things out, and I sent off the right TV remote that worked without any resettings.

So, another Angel’s help. ♥

Suddenly, life ain’t quite so bad!

Medieval Two-Sleeps – With Ode to it

I am not a historian, intellectual, or even satisfactorily educated Nottinghamian. But for some reason, I clicked on this when I opened the computer. I was fascinated with this medieval habit of taking two sleeps. And finding out why they did so. I just had to share the link below. I put in the first few paragraphs.

BBC Two Sleeps

By Zaria Gorvett – 10th January 2020

The forgotten medieval habit of ‘two periods of sleep

I hope you can time to have a nip through this. It has kicked off a desire for me to find out more.

ODE TO TWO-SLEEPS

I came across this fascinating article, by chance,
Despite twixt me and education, there’s no relevance,
It got my brain going with interest and considerance,
To learn more of how mankind lived, in its nascence
Detailed facts of what they had to experience…

No drains, running water, out of the window with the effluence!
Of course, there were murders, muggings and fraudulence…
Someone tipping pee on you would cause some incongruence?
They’d not recognise it, but there must have been dissonance?
They’d send you to the madhouse without any evidence…
The local barber would pull your teeth without competence!
Then charge you as much as threepence!

I imagine the pubs would have a smell of abhorrence?
But they’d all stink, so it made little difference…
The brewers cleaned the vats with bleach: Commonsense?
Many citizens died, as a consequence,
Death Certificated: ‘Death by flatulence!’
In a highly abbreviated form of Latin, hence… poignance,
Not that many could read English, no chance!

Back to the Two-Sleep Theme

I wish I could have had two last night…
I nodded of quick enough and woke at midnight…
From then on, sleeping for more than five minutes was a fight!
I lost count of the wakening, expecting to see the dawnlight,
Each waking, I felt pretty sprite,
Not a single wee-wee, something wasn’t right!
The minutes crawled, tried to get back to sleep… well, I might!
My silently-mouthed cursing was pretty unerudite,
Waking up every ten-minute, made me annoyed and contrite,
Still, Little Inchie unused, the fungal lesion, caused disquiet,
I was awake more than asleep in hindsight – it made me uptight!
Not had such a lousy night for at least a fortnight…
Nattering to myself, nonsense mostly, proper blatherskite!
I wish I could have had just a two-minutes-sleep last night…

A Few Recent Photos

Last Nights Sunset.

Last Nights Sunset.

The J, Sainsbury’s Order Arrived. What came was nice enough, reasonable dates on those I could manage to read the date of.

But just look at the unavailable items!

A rainbow, around midday.

Then…

Another toothed came out of its own accord.

Got to phone the Cardiac DVT Unit. I might be back, as Arni Said! Oh, no, that was I will be back! Tsk!

Good Heavens! Good Luck!

A Tale In Ode; of Inchcock Having Good Luck!

I was sitting, doing the blog, Inchcock Today,
Got it nearly done, sorting out the scintillae…
When, crunch… much to my utter dismay…
The right patella plopped out of its socket!
Well, it shot out like a rocket!
Did it hurt, was I worried… Oh, nay!
Just don’t believe all I say, Hahaha!

After the shock, I tried to get it back in…
Too tender to do any banging…
After much-failed faffing…
I thought this needed help and medicating,
I had a bash at knee cap relocating,
To ease things and stop it stinging,
I could hobble, but Gawd, it was stinging!

The lady on 111 was very obliging,
Go to the hospital, she was saying…
So I did, bravely… I’m not bragging…
Finished the blog and was not cringing!
Set of to the QMC, without whinging.

By the time I got down to the ground floor,
Bearing in mind, I’m a bit of a procrastinator,
Should I be busing it there? Is this an error?
A taxi will be costly but will save some furore…
I’ll phone for one, but again a failure!
I’d left the mobile behind; what an adventure!

I shuffled painfully back into the elevator,
Up to the apartment, entered, and for sure…
Knocked my knee on the door furniture!
The pain turned to agony at the conjuncture…
I had a close look at the knee. Is it a fracture?

But luck, as you may know, is a fickle creature…
With swelling down to the fibula and tibia,
Gobsmackingly within minutes, the discomfiture…
The pain was showing signs of divestiture!
But the agony was still nowhere near miniature!

Now, amazingly, I was going far less squirming…
The knee cap to the socket I saw returning!
Which I thought was very easing and welcoming,
I hobbled far easier, for some more wee-weeing!

Of course, the thought ‘would it pop-out again?’…
I wasn’t too bothered if the bad luck came back again,
It’s bound to, assuredly, guaranteed, for certain…
But this knee-cap returning I can’t explain?

Good Luck? A stranger to my scatterbrain,
But I like getting it and hope to again…
Ayup! I walked into the doorframe…
Now I’ve got a new bruise and back pain!
That’s better, much more like my scene!
Was this whole escapade transpadane?

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Colophon, by Alto-Ego Inchie

Inchcock is still not capable of kneeling or genuflection,
He’s not a technician… more a poor theoretician!
Inchcock leans towards visualisation rather than realisation…
He’s used to existence with trepidation and tribulations,
Throwing his poor hearing and sight into the equation…
The fool accepts all his failures, hassles and aggravations!
Yet throughout, the old fool has shown great determination…
Patiently waiting for some good lucks germination…

Well, he got some yesterday…
His knee returned to the socket, of its own orchestration,
And what does Inchcock have to say?
“It burst out like a fulmination…”
“I failed to get it back in by manipulation!”
“Going to the hospital, realised I left my communication…”
“Back to flat for the phone, due to my vacillation…”
“Clouted me knee, which caused me much confusing elision…”
“So, Vascular Dementia Doreen proved to be my salvation…”
“I’d have missed this miracle cure without memory erasion.”

Hence: Ailments mental and physical can cause depression…
Hypertension, apprehension, confusion, even tintinnabulation!
Procrastination; and indeed, physical and mental putrefaction
Infection, infestation, digression, marginalisation…
Occasionally like yesterday, it can cause jubilation!
Well, that’s my impression!
Time for some self-inebriation?

Part of the Inchies True Make Them Laugh Ode Series

Inchcock Today: A Dream Remembered

Inchcock’s Tuesday Diary & Dream Recollections

I woke around 04:20hrs: With some memories of the dream still prattling about in the brain. I lunged to get the notepad and pencil from the Ottoman; and realised they were lying between my legs, and well scribbled on, too! (Somnambulistic activity?) So I added the new bits to it and left the pages to be used later in my reminiscing of the ultra-weird dream.

Off into the kitchen, no taps, stove or lights had been left on. More amazingly, Shaking Shaun was not affecting the legs again! That’s been around eighteen hours of relief, now!

I took a photo of the clear dark morning sky. And decided not to make a brew of Glengettie, 99, or even the usual refreshing Thompsons Punjana tea; this bothered me!

Something was out of sync here this morning… most likely me! Summat up here! No shaking legs, no toothache, no desire for a mug of tea, not wanting a wee-wee…

However, I maintained my earlier om waking, almost gung-ho, hey-ho outlook, and just pressed on with updating the Facebook, catching up a bit with it anyway. I was humming the door chimes’ tune to myself, not in need of a cuppa, and as I thought I was also not in need of a wee-wee… the flow started. And continued approximately every fifteen minutes and was only taking the occasional swift swig of the spring water?

As I indicated earlier, things seem discrepant, incompatible, and incongruous today. Yet I am not put out by this… at the moment.

Working on Facebook, I came across last nights photograph of my meal. This brought back to me how tasty it was for once. Fresh garden raw peas from Nicaragua, tomatoes from Holland, sausages from Poland, chips from England, and part-baked oven cobs from Ireland. American BBQ sauce. An international feast! That I gave a Taste-Rating of 8.2/10!

I went on the WordPress reader, had a wee-wee, answered some comments, took a pee, readied this blog, had a slash, and the door chime chimed out its ♫Oh, Susana…♫ tune. It was the morning Carer came to sort out my medications. No messing with this gal, all done nada off in eight minutes, kindly taking the waste bags to the chute for me as she departed.

Minutes later, the ♫Oh, Susana…♫ tune chirped up again. This was the Sainsbury’s order arriving. Boy, had I ordered a lot or what? I’d got some cheapo eggs in. Ten for £1.10.

After taking in the items, I managed to get the chuckles into the fridge; first, there was only enough room, and I had to do a bit of jiggling around to get them into the fridge door.

They were mixed in sizes from diddly to small. Hehe! Not that it mattered to me. They were all a lovely deep brown colour.

I knew there was not much room in the freezer, so I only ordered some McCain flavour maker fries. Although I somehow managed to buy three packets of them… £9 spent there!

The first load of fresh stuff into the fridge were, Fresh peas and a milk roll loaf. Humph! Another cock up made, I’d obviously ordered three bags of potatoes, all of a different type.

Ready meal foods next. Five of the prepared meals; four Sausage in onion grainy and sweet potato mash, and one chilli and chips, all watchers, WW! Three packets of cooked bacon. (Guilty!)

Then the costly, naughty, wicked, and guilt-ridden things were put away. Oh, dearie me, yes! Three Lemon Cheesecakes. Mandarin pieces in orange jelly and two fresh cream eclairs… no, that should be doughnuts. Ahem! A substituted for lemon yoghourts. Lemon & Lime Possets. (Ahem!) I’ve never heard of these before, but on reading the ingredients: Double cream, whipping cream, lemon juice, lime juice, sugar, lemon zest, thickener, agar and cornflour – I realised how bad it was, and decided not to eat it, naturally.

I took the rubbish bags accrued by storing the fodder away to the rubbish chute room. Then it happened… The shaking and wobbling started again en route with the bags. Luckily I’d taken the stick with me; thus, I avoided having an Accifauxpa and tumble!

I can’t say the same thing for inside the chute room. Tsk! Nowt too lousy mind, just a trapped finger and back-Pain Brenda kicked off after I knocked the stick over and bent down to retrieve it. I’ve had a lot worse.

I got back in the flat and decided that if things were getting back to normal with the ailments, I’d take an extra painkiller now, have another wee-wee, and get the kitchen floor cleaned while I was still capable. So, I did!

BPB was not too happy with me, but she could have been a lot worse. Arthur Itis was almost nonexistent as I treadmilled mop bucket spinner. I did manage a toe-stubbing in the process, but only a mild effort, so I pressed on with the job, even humming a tune to myself?

Until I emptied the bucket down the lavatory; I gave myself a really good toe-stubbing then! It made me wince a little, and I just may have used a naughty word or two… perhaps, maybe.

That was bad enough, but then I dropped the bucket and got covered in the sweet smell of lemon disinfectanted but dirty water! I hit my knee with the mop stay and generally sank down from my previously almost cheerful state to a genuinely pissed-off with myself semi-depressed!

I was even angry with myself! I may well have growled and questioned my parentage! I’d gone from being practically flippant and almost uncaring, not concerned, to a deep depression instantly! My world had been turned on its head. I knew it had to happen! Back to the lucky bugger I am, that things being almost semi-content, just couldn’t last, and I knew it. Thinking this actually helped me to perk back up a smidgeon.

Go me and the place cleaned up, had a wee-wee, and got on the computer to start this blog. After five minutes, I was back at the NWWB (Nocturnal-Wee-Wee-Bucket) with a lot of PMAD (Post-Micturition-After Dribbling). That needed shaking and wiping – and…

The door chime chimed again; I had to pack things away swiftly, as I saw a shadow had let itself in along the corridor, and I did not want to make whoever it was to laugh by displaying Little Inchy.

Esther, the cleaning lady, came in. Unfortunately, in my rush and haste to get Little Inchy undercover, his Fungal Lesion started bleeding! I couldn’t just leave her and get it medicated, but I don’t think she noticed anything she shouldn’t have. So, I had to grin and bear it.

The gal got straight on with gathering and taking the laundry for me. Esther returned after I’d cleaned and medicated Little Inchies problem. Now I had a little more pain to put up with!

But I coped well enough, back to the usual style of semi-coping and mild agony. Haha!

When Esther returned, I got the new ironing board unwrapped, and the gal got using it quickly. I was amazed at how fast she was doing the ironing for the first time on the new board.

She hung up the clothes in the hallway for me; bless her! After that, I got the chair covers back on and started to feel more my usual self.

Laundry down for me; bless her. A lot of what she said, a little too fast for me, and when I asked her what she said, the volume was too high, and her speed was the same. I hope I’ve not missed anything that was important? I thanked her, and she shot off. She’s a kind thing. ♥

So, I decided to get a mug of tea at last; as I stood up, shoeless, I trod on something hard, sharp and tiny. Can you believe it… I can, Hehehe! It was yet another escaped, dried like granite garden pea! How the heck do I not see or find them earlier? I’ve hoovered the carpet near the computer several times last and once this, and still, it gets missed! It must have been fled weeks ago, to be that hard? Ah, well!

It’s getting dark earlier than ever today. Took a snap of the end car park.

Then back to working on this blog. In between going for a leak, of course. Then fatigue dawned on me, so I stopped to get some nosh sorted.

As I was prepping the fodder, surprisingly, suddenly everything seemed to light up. The sun was having one last attempt at coming through, and I got the camera to snap it. Not a good effort, but still.

Sausages with a drop of onion gravy, carrot and leek potatoes, coiled potatoes finished off in the oven, fresh Nicaraguan garden peas, and a Lemon & Lime posset pot. Not as good as last night’s, but a score of 7/10 for flavour was given.

Washed the pots and back to the chair to eat the posset… Zzzz! Off into a deep sleep, I trundled and had the dream, as I had mentioned earlier…

.

I was in a shopping centre or big market. As I went along, it dawned on me that the three-wheel walker was behind me, and I was pushing a shopping cart ahead; I turned to look for a supermarket where I assumed I had taken the shopping trolley; from… Then noticed that the three-wheeler was following behind, under its own steam? Then as we came to an escalator, I hesitated, and other shoppers were getting annoyed, asking me what the problem was.

I said I can’t get on the escalator with two trolleys… and I got the oddest of looks, and people laughed at me. One woman asked if I’d escaped from somewhere?

“What’s its name?”

“Who’s?”

“The trolley you pillock!” “Tsk! are you poorly or what?”

“I call it my walker?” With which she snapped her fingers and commanded, “Walker… Fly! I thought, even in the dream, something’s not right here? But the three-wheeler raised up like a Darlek in Dr Who and flew gently down to the bottom of the escalator!!! Wait for me at the bottom!”

When I followed the others down, I realised that there were no moving steps, just a controlled cushion of air, that we were using?

And I could see down on the floor below, trolleys of all sorts waiting for their owners and running to their side when they got down. And mine did the same? seeing other folks sending the trolleys to get things from the shops, I tried it… “Walker, Boots, get a large tube of Germolene!” And of he waddled off to the Boots store…

A ganglet of young ladies surrounded me, asking for my signature, and would I sing them a song? Like pricking a bubble, instantly they were all gone?

I sat on a bench, trying to make sense of all this…

I was woken up by Carer Lisa. I didn’t mention the dream.

Lisa did the medications, and she shot off; she was busy tonight.

I got the computer back on and updated this blog.

It’s been an odd day… again!

The Nottingham Lads True Tales of Woe Series

 

Inchcock’s Visit to Specsavers

What comes into your mind when you see the logo above?

I’d like to explain the two things that come into my mind, if you’ll bear with me, please… Thank you. Both with equal venom and hatred as the bearers of the sign.

1: DOMINIC CUMMINGS

First: Dominic Cummings. Who cheated all justice in not being prosecuted and sentenced for his stupid strip to Barnard Castle – but mainly his weak, pathetic, schoolboy excuse he came up with. That he expected us to believe. Or possibly his friends who know too much in the Government came up with? I hate the man! Well, his ridiculous actions anyway. Just thought I’d like to mention it!

On with the Tale Of Woe…

2: Two Specsavers

The NHS hearing aids had both broken for the same reason. The lady at the NHS audio clinic advised me that the tubes had not been cleaned properly. I pointed out my problems with Shaking Shaun, the Peripheral Neuropathy and Saccades affecting my sight. And asked if there are other models available that might be easier for me to disassemble, clean and reassemble?  A concrete No was the answer to that question. But I could see my Doctor, to see if anything was available…

At this point, I could not hold back my laughter at the thought of actually seeing my Doctor. “I’d love to see her, I thought!” The Audiologist told me that it would be about three weeks, at the earliest, before the aids were repaired. I thanked her and deafly made my way without the hearing aids, out into the rain; at least I couldn’t now hear the heavy raindrops hitting the hearing aids… well, I wouldn’t, would I? Haha!

Then, as I wobbled with the walker down the steep hill I’d climbed to get to the clinic, I had an epiphany… of sorts. Dang, I’ll not go on suffering and go to the nearest hearing aid place and get a cheap pair to get me over the waiting time for the repairs to be done. Not exactly one of betterer ideas at all!

Although I didn’t know it at the time, and, even more, the costly and frustrating choice was made… I know, I’ll go to Specsavers for them. Ay, aye, aye!

By the time I’d innocently battled m way to the store on Wheeler Gate, I was not in a sound condition. Out of puff, and with Dizzy Dennis giving a pasting, as I entered the store.

So, my concentration was not good, but unfortunately, it was ripe for me to be lied to, conned and overcharged.

The Greeting From The Snotbag on the Reception

As she turned from talking to a staff member behind her, her top lip curled as she saw me approaching. She gave me a look done and up before she spoke. Then, “Yes, can I help you?” emphasising you!

Me: “I wanted to talk with someone about buying some hearing aids?”

Snotbag: “For yourself, or someone else, I see you are not wearing any aids yourself; we cannot do tests unless…

Me, interrupting: “Yes, they are for me; not having any hearing aids in is why I’m here to spend my money on a new pair!” I think she was taken aback by a smidgeon with the curtness of my voice… She hesitated in answering, and I jumped in again, driving home my determination before it melted, with; “They are both broken and will take a while to get repaired, so if you cannot see me today, I’ll not bother you any more” Brave or what?

Snotbag: Now full covered, countered with showing a semi-smile and disgust at having to do so simultaneously: “I’ll contact the technician to see if he can make himself free to give you some time. If you’d like to look at spectacles frames while you wait?…” Spectacle frames? She’s already trying to sell me some new glasses?

She back in a few minutes, the hatred for me, had moulded into her beautiful face. Take a seat over there, waving her arm around. As I manoeuvred the trolley away, making sure not to knock into anything, her voice rang out in an admonishing, “Not there, at the end seats!” I think my smiling back at her got on her goat!

A few minutes later, a young chap, who was the Audiologist, came to me, and was very kind and patient with me, led me into a bit of room, got me sat down and said he had to go some treatment room but would be back shortly. My EQ told me to leave now… but, like the idiot I am, I didn’t listen to him!

While I waited for his return, l read and copied the Hearing Aid Prices from a poster on the wall:

Specsavers Advance Star: £495
No rechargeable option

Specsavers Advance Standard: $899
Rechargeable +£100

Signia Active: £995
Rechargeable (Standard)

Specsavers Advance Plus: $1,095
Rechargeable +£150

Specsavers Advance Premium: £1,395
Rechargeable +£100

Specsavers Advance Super: £1,695
Rechargeable +£100

Specsavers Advance Elite £1,995
Rechargeable +£300/+ £400

Signia Styletto 3X, AX £,995 (Rechargeable option only)
Phonak Paradise 70: £1,995
Phonak Marvel: £1,995
Signia 3 Xperience: £1,995
Signia 3 AX: £1,995

Rechargeable +£100/+ £200 Signia Styletto 7X, AX
Phonak Marvel 70
Phonak Paradise 70: £2.395 (includes titanium)
Phonak Paradise 70: £2.395
5 Xperience: £2.395

Phonak Marvel 90 (includes titanium)
Rechargeable +£100/+ £200 Signia Styletto, AX
Rechargeable +£100/+ £200 Signia Styletto 7X, AX
Phonak Paradise 90: £2,695
Signia 7 Xperience: £2,695
Signia 7 AX: £2,695

Rechargeable +£100/+ £200
Signia Styletto, AX: £2,895
Signia Active Pro: £2,895

I was thinking of an escape plan for when the Audiologist returned. But he arrived sooner than I anticipated; I git in quickly with: “The aids start at £495 on this list, is that the cheapest?” As he was looking at my NHS hearing report record. “Oh, no, they are some cheaper they do not advertise. He had a look in the earholes and said that the right one had the most compacted wax he’d ever seen before! I replied calmly, “Yes, all the first time audiologists say something like that each time”. He had a heck of a job in getting it out; it took him ages. Then he just had to leave the room to show a dollop of wax he’d got out to his colleagues, and two of them came back in the room with him to look into my right earhole???

Then, the great decision on which aids to buy. I asked which were the cheapest? £49.95, in the ear ones. “But they would not suffice for your needs!” And they have no volume control on them. “Oh!” That was my response. “What’s the next ones up?” £99.99, he said. “Would they suit me?” “Well, not really, but the next ones are the £499 ones.

“Oh, I see!” How long would they be getting made for me?” “The Specsavers Advance Star would take about three days!” I pondered a few seconds, thinking Star ones were the £99.99 ones, and thinking that was for the pair, agreed on then. Paperwork done, aids paid for, I returned to Snotbag on the desk.

Where I found that the £99.99 was for each aid. Also, they would take three weeks, not days, to arrive! What a farce! Conned Again! I’m very good at that, getting duped.

By the time the NHS aids were repaired, about five weeks later, I had gone to collect them and pick up the Specsavers ones afterwards.

Snotbag was not there that day, but she was amply substituted by Haughty-Hilda. The aids were tinny sounding, ill-fitting, unreliable, rubbish, junk, crap, ineffectual, impractical, and shoddy!

The moral of this little tale is, I think:

If you are naive, trusting, ingenuous, innocent, credulous, unworldly, deceivable, and childlike, you will be broke financially, vulnerable, exploitable, malleable, gullible, or mouldable. Also, half-witted, stupid, brainless, dense, or Inchcock-like… Do Not Go Anywhere Near Specsavers!

Part of the Inchcock’s Tips & Advice Series

Omnibus in Ode of Oddities Encountered

Up and at it blogging,
Feeling much better, astonishing!
Went to do the Glengettie brewing,
Notice outside was suitable for viewing…
With the morning sun encroaching!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

End Car Park was in use, staggering!

End Car Park was in use, staggering!
Leaves falling down from trees overhanging,
Resistance to use this car park is flagging,
Three vehicles today; is this a new beginning?
Oh, where’s my tea… I’m gagging!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Carer Carole Came…

And seconds later, the Sainsbury order came in,
Carole to do tablets, the ulcer machine-gunning,
Confused with so much to do at the same time…
But Carole took charge, with a drink of lime…
So I did, took the sorted tablets in no time…
She put the items of food in the kitchen, all in…
Shot off, she was in a rush, but she still cleared the waste bin!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Suddenly alone again and sulking…
I got the food away, rushing…
Six items short delivered… it’s a sin!
Needed food, I was again burping…
Got a banana and to take off the skin…
Guess what crawled out of it?
A beetle, it was gigantic!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Guess Who Ordered Wrong Milk, then?
My Accifauxpas in ordering online food…
Continues, with such unimpeachability!
I’d ordered the extra-cream full milk, dude!
One can’t beat vascular dementia, well, not me!
I assure you I ordered it accidentally!
I was not too bothered, well, not overly…
Cause the Grahams full cream milk tastes lovely!
The guilt is now fading… Lip smackingly!

Hehehe!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Back onto the computer again,
The urge for a biscuit or two came…
As I stood up, Dizzy Dennis attacked the brain…
I ended up on the floor yet again…
My language, I admit, was a little profane…
Then I had to struggle back upright again,
T’would have been comical, if not for the pain!
I knocked off the coat… But that is nongermane,
Stuff fell out of the pockets again!…

Getting down and back up to retrieve things was a strain,
I carried on fed-up, biscuitless, now with terrible back pain!
I went for a wee-wee and found a bloodstain!
In agony now… should I try cocaine?

Part of the Inchcock Make Them Laugh, In Ode Series

I’d shoot missen, but I’d only miss!

Part-Ode To Getting Hospitalisationed

I woketh up with a sore throat and extra-tight chest,
Not exactly poorly, but not feeling at my best,
The Porcelain Throne found another abscess!
Work the ailments off; that would be best…
So I hand-washed the jumper and brown vest!.

When the shirt was finished being washed,
I saw the pots from last nights lone symposiast…
On the draining board, messy, unwashed!
Dropped the plate onto my toe it crashed…
So, I made a start on the blog, unabashed!.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Change of Plan!

Upon seeing the twinkling lights at their prettiest…
I got out the Canon camera for a photo fest…

I tried to take some close-ups, appreciate them to the fullest,
Two came out looking the nicest…

Good work from the local Christmas lightists!
Ah, spotted some more; this one made me feel chuffed!.

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Carer Richard Arrives!

Onto the computer with the freshly brewed tea,
I didn’t pour it on it, just took it with me… Hehe!
An hour or so later, the door chime rang out to tell me…
Carer Richard had come to look after me, medically!

It seems that I must have looked worse than I felt this morning. For the lad was deeply concerned at my pastier than ever, face and violently shaking limbs! Which was appreciated. I explained about the sore throat and tight chest and had a job to stop him from calling for the paramedics at first.

When he gave me the medications, he saw the tablets coming back up fin the throat and out of the mouth onto the floor. (The missing teeth make it hard to stop them when this happens. Haha!) I still didn’t feel poorly, just out of sorts, but Richard phoned someone (111?) for advice. They, whoever it was, suggested he call for the paramedics. I explained further about my not feeling really bad, the food delivery that was due, and a call from Gill was expected, so I was not keen on missing them. When the medicine came back up, he called the ambulance for me. Bless him!

The food delivery arrived while we were waiting. Richard put the stuff away for me, and paramedics arrived. To chaps gave me a good going over. And ECG, temperature, and Blood Pressure. They recommended I go with them straight away to the Queens Medical Centre. I was still a midge reluctant, but Richard and the ambulancemen all thought it necessary, so I gave in.

My not being used to having three people talking simultaneously, a fair fluttering of flusterationing made me a little confused about what was going on.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Prepping for the Journey!

The Walker would be needed, the medic was not too keen on it,
I relayed how much easier it is than relying on a walking stick,
One of the men conceded but was worried it going missing…
“You’ll be moved about on a trolley for hours. I’m not kidding!”
“So many get stolen, or at least go missing!”
“It’s pandemonium in there… don’t mean to be discouraging!”
“But we can take it with us, and, to save you worrying,”
I’ll put an ID badge on the walker-guide thing!”

He did Too! How kind was that! Great! Thanks, Mate!

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Arrival At The Queens Hospital

Paramedic chaps got me and the trolley to the A&E Emergency,
Waited in a corridor, on an uncomfortable wonky trolley,
I was pleased when the others moved swiftly…
But they slowed down somewhat, busy place, much activity…
All cubicles full got the first examination embarrassingly…
As they checked me for Covid, outside a lavatory!
Then they checked my rear end… deep in the cavity!
In the corridor, I exposed my protection pants and more…
Whatever they were using left me sore…
I’ve no idea what they were looking for!
My embarrassment, beyond repairability,
The depths of depravity!

© 09:30hrs: Moved Into Main Room – Then a bare Corridor

They had a queuing system that would baffle you at best…
Each time I was moved a few feet, it was never less…
The walker-guide, but, they were busy I guess,
I had to ask for the trolley each time; I think I was an optimist?
I reckon I wee them off; they did look pissed!
Then, out into a corridor again, all bare, not the prettiest!

Corridor Back Into the Main room

Aha, I nodded off; they woke me to give me attention. Over the next four hours, I had two ECGs, blood tests, Warfarin blood test, and Blood pressure was taken, and I fell asleep again. They woke me moving the hospital trolley again, and I turned to look for the walker-guide, and someone was rifling through it at the far end of the room, and it was a big, cram-packed with people, room! Other trolleys were moved, and I lost sight of my special trolley…

It took me over half an hour to find someone who would talk to me, but I found out she was coming to me anyway. She humphed, sneered, and went of to retrieve the Walker for me. She was back in a minute and crammed it betwixt my arm and the divider wall. She was not a happy gal at all!

To my amazement, she got out the ECG and BP stuff again?
I bravely asked her, “Are the other readings not right then?”
She calmly replied: “Nae, we lost them…”?
Adding, rather wittily, “Yer can’t expect fings to be Utopian!”
And she never spoke to me again!

The Noisy Moaning Git!

By now, ten hours or so, I’d been in here, innit?
But I was not feeling in the slightest antagonistic,
In the trolley in front, a chap getting verbally vitriolic…
His tackle on view, he was getting verbally athletic!

I could No Longer Stay Silent!

Mouthing it, scratching his balls, wearing no underwear!
“I’ve been here half an hour – nobody’s seen me, taint fair!
I said: “It’s a hospital, not the Mayfair”,
He swore back at me; I said in answer…
I’ve been here for ten hours clear…
So, give them a rest, or I’ll give you a vestibulocochlear!
Amazingly he quietened down, and folks gave a cheer!

That word stayed with me for some reason, not sure what it means. Something to do with Peripheral Neuropathy, I think. No one was more surprised than I was when he quietened down. I was expecting him to get up and attack me. Mind you, I was ready and prepared.

He made me so angry. Even two medical staff thanked me! Hahaha! I got a cup of tea and some biscuits.

Lady Doctor From Cardiac DVT Clinic Visited me!

Basically, she reported that the Warfarin INR level is satisfactory, and the mechanical aorta-valve is doing its job! I thanked her!

A nurse arrived to do yet another ECG & Blood Test

I dare not make any comments, although she was a lot friendlier with me this time?

My trolley was moved around for the next two hours

An A&E doctor came to me and said You’ll be allowed to go home shortly, and they have arranged a lift for me. Great!

Seven trolley-moves and an hour later…

A young lady came to collect me and the two trolleys in a white coat and took me into another department to await the lift being arranged for me. Given another cardboard cup of tea and more biscuits. At least now, being out of that haemorrhoid-testing big trolley and in a chair, I can drink and dunk with less hassle from Neuropathy Pete’s shakes.

As I fell in love again, I inquired of the white-coated buxom young lady; I have not been for a wee for 19 hours. Is there was a WC I can use, please. Only if you need a wee, no closets are available here, as you are not allowed back in the treatment room again. Oh? I confirmed that I only needed a pee, and she gave me a cardboard urine pot and told me where to go to use it. So, I did!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Taxi Home

An old ambulance took me home, not a taxi,
A man and daughter team, jolly nice folkski,
We had a good natter en route, socially,
The chap came up to the flat with me…
Offered him a nimble or plonk, to thank him dearly,
Beer & Tequila, his choice, Cheers he said appreciatory,
Using the loo, he departed; I think his name was Hughie.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

I had to get the itching ECG pads off

Coor, that’s betterer!

Food, the next task!

Very Tasty! Baked bean and cheese pastie, a BBQ beef burger and a pot of lemon mousse with spray cream, lots of it! Gorgeous!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Medicated A Few Areas

No more notes on the writing pad

I must have fallen asleep?

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Part of The Nottingham Lads True Tales of Woe In Rhyme

Evenin’ all! ♥

Inchcock: Confusions In Ode

I woke up; well, I got that bit right; here’s a tidbit…
No leaks from Little Inchy, nor bleeding too…
I actually thought waking up deserved a plaudit,
Checked the overly stomached body, legs two…
Shaking-Shoulder-Shirley twitching at my body audit,
The bruise on the knee had turned from red to blue,
Down the Protection Pants; crumbs from a biscuit!
Nocturnal nibbling guilt did ensue…
Then working out what day, month and what time is it?
The innards erupted, wind escaped from the rear. Ooh!
A massive dump I was about to inherit…
Probably due to last nights far-to-large bowl of chilli stew?
A visit to the Porcelain Throne was urgently due…
It was agony, messy, bloody, and massive, I can tell you!!

The Social Worker asked if I’d like to take up embroidery?
Is she serious, or is this tomfoolery?
Last month when she called to see me dress,
It was like a shockumentary!
She saw me struggling to dress and making a mess…
Getting my socks on buffoonery!
Putting the trousers on was full of stress,
I fell over; that did not impress!
Then saw my arm shaking as I shaved; it was bloody!
Viewed the sock-glide battle, which always causes me distress…
Now she thinks I can thread a needle?
Good God, I struggle to get Little Inchy out for a piddle!

I try to avoid getting the reputation as a badass,
Like I did when I was drinking from a beer glass,
I’ve a new reputation now, well two, one as a tight ass…
The other, rather unfairly as a wiseass!
I just get myself down on my palliasse,
Pass involuntary wind from my flatulent ass…
Sorry about sounding a bit crass…
And wonder what the hell I’ve done with my bus pass?

The last time I went to town it went all askew!
I got soaked waiting at the wrong bus stop, for a No22
Not been out for weeks, a hobble is long overdue,
Finding the bus pass might be an issue…
And remembering where the bus goes to…
What times it runs, get on the right one, first go the loo!
Walking: more painful now than doing jujitsu,
Get some food, veg, fruit… a melon, honeydew?
For the toilet, disinfectant and a Brobat blue,
The bank, my cards ready for a renew…
Oh, Inchcock, you silly old Moo!
Going out today you can’t do…
DWP will be calling to give me an interview…
That’ll be a confusing hullabaloo!

A few close shaves, but no disgruntled attitude,
Made beefburger, broke my tooth when I chewed,
Then dropped the mug when I brewed…
Onward I pressed and continued…
Time for the Porcelain Throne to be used…
I didn’t make it in time, now I’m really screwed!

Talk about being embarrassed – more disgruntlement,
Cleaned, washed, refreshed, out to the apartment…
A letter here, there’s an increase in rent!
Time to get lively, a shake-it-out session to augment…
Or just go deeper, into unhingement?

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Produced in Support of Protection Pants Makers

Inchcock’s Analysis of the Accifauxpas and Whoopsies 4th day on the trot!

In Regrettably Execrable, Atrocious Rhyme

Wednesday: Accifauxpas & Whoopsiedangleplopitis were with me again this morning, but I wasn’t surprised after three or four days of this.

But I had some natters, very pleased with this!

Even had some brighter periods; these were bliss!

AMAZON COCK-UPS

Well, no, they haven’t been delivered. Semi-panic!
Another Amazon cock-up, like the Titanic!
I rang Warden Julie, her reaction was fantastic,
She checked Winchester Court, not there,
Rang me back, how altruistic!

AMAZON ACCIFAUXPA TWO & THREE

Most confusing. Is this a trick?

AMAZON ACCIFAUXPA AGAIN

Ungle-Clomp: thought about it… thud!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Peripheral Neuropathy Pete was calm with me, as I took this photo,
Came out good for me, I celebrated with a Lemoncello,
Seeing the result, I felt a bit less of a Bozzo,
I gave myself a virtual pat on the back… Bravo!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Encouraged, I took the view of the end car park.

ACCIFAUXPAS!

Took the picture, closed the window, then things got blurrier…
I noticed two tellurians, fell backwards, Clunk! Landed with a whimper,
But no damage and I didn’t lose my temper…
Just the back pulled, so no need to get schmaltzier!
Managed to get back up on my own, now I felt smugger!
The victim being poor old Back-Pain-Brenda…
A Codeine 30g, a mug of tea, and I soon felt a little betterer!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

WHOOPSIEDANGLEPLOP

The blood pressure was not good to be blunt,
But I was not overwrought,
Things would have been worserer…
If it had read nought! Hehe!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

INSTANT FATIGUE!

With the recent days’ hassle and bother, it’s been a game,
Wearying, tiring, frustrating, but I do not raim,
But no more could be done, I’m at end of my candleflame,
Rest, peaceful sleep… yes, sleep, that’s now my aim!
I’ll have a nod for an hour or so, then energy I can reclaim…

WHOOPSIEDANGLEPLOP!

With the recent day’s hassle and bother, it’s been a game,
Wearying, tiring, frustrating, but I do not raim,
But no more could be done, I’m on the end of my candle flame,
Rest, peaceful sleep… yes, sleep, that’s now my aim!
I’ll have a nod for an hour or so, will my aim be lame?

Got some nosh made, and me oh my,
Gorgeous tasting it was too… now for some shuteye!

NO PROBLEM SLEEPING THIS TIME!
I whoofed it down like Bruno from Popeye!
Cleaned the plate with bread, wiped it dry!
Put the TV on, though now I wonder why,
Within minutes it was wakefulness, good-bye!.

4 HOURS LATER, A CONCERNED CARER WOKE ME UP

ACCIFAUXPAS!

I realised it must be the night when the gal gave the medication,
Warfarin included a night only application…
I felt a touch of creeping self-derision…
At the dementia-made confusion and elision,
The Thought Storm started; is reality really an illusion?
The gal gave me a little chinwag, that helped my self-derision,
Making the Thoughts Storms absquatulation.

She didn’t take the waste bags on her way out,
Not nowt to worry about…
Cause I gave the toe a stubbing, that did make me shout!
That, I could have done well without!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

SURPRISE!

The Dettol arrived, that Amazon said I’d already had,
Which was something that didn’t make me sad,
What does, happened at Concentration camps & Stalingrad,
Many things make me mad, but they are too myriad!.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

The photo that I took earlier,

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

WAS I RIGHT?

I made this graphic and posted it, before the Brexit Fiasco,
Before the masses voted for us to leave the Euro,
Sure enough, that’s just what we did, so long ago…
Some were full of joy, expecting things to improve, full of gusto,
Just look at us now, though…,

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

WHOOPSIEDANGLEPLOP

A belated Accifauxpa!

Well, more selection of Whoopsies really,

Milk from the fridge, I knocked over the banoffee,
It fell onto the floor and broke, after hitting my knee!
Got down to clean it up, could I get back up?
I’m used to this, and did it all unemotionally,
Well, apart from the usual trepidity…
Getting back on my feet was painful, a pity,
Cause I stubbed my toe as well, that was shitty!
Then dropped the bloody milk bottle, what a whoopsie!
Cleaned up the mess again, expecting a satanophany!
Instead, I banged my elbow on the drawer, and writ this ditty!

Self-Angering Whoopsiedangleplop! In Ode

Puggleclumpdimwit!

Even for me, I made a Whoopsiedangleplop an hour ago that turned my stomach – Started Anne Gyna and Duodenal Donald off – and made me so angry with myself…

Inchcock is a Grangnanging Stupid Old Git!

No idea how I did it – but I lost Wednesday’s Ode I’d been working on for about four and a half hours! Nine verses! And, I thought, it was pretty decent… The hour-and-a-half above, I’ve been trying to find it or find out what the hell I’ve done to lose it… Got the Doctor’s in the morning, so have no choice other than to make it again.
I apologise in advance cause the frame of mind I’m in right now is not conducive to Funny Ode creating!
This means staying up late to get the Ode done… I’m not expecting it to have the usual humour or be any good, the mood I’m in, but I’ll try…

Inchcock is a Pathetic, Useless Pillock!

I told the Social Services lady how much I had in the bank,
Of course, they’ve raised the total allowed, but I was frank,
She offered me an hours help with shopping and laundry,
It’d cost me £280 a week… Holy Lordy!
I said no, I was referred to the Revenue & Benefits, thanks!
She asked if I had money in any other banks…

Inchcock is a Pickleglobknob Idiot!

Nottingham Revenue & Benefits man rang me on the phone,
A 2½hr interview followed I was in the ether-world zone,
My concentration dissipated, off it had flown,
I thanked him with a weary groan…

Inchcock is a Dolt!

He said he’d sent the paperwork to sign & return,
Of course, no help was given, I soon did learn…
Result in today, on a downer now, scowled and had a gurn!
Excuse me, to the Porcelain Throne, I’ll have to adjourn…

Inchcock is a Gnatwrangling Turd!

Unhappy at the elision of the actual cost, though,
Still a secret? Why do they not let me know?
They told me how to pay, and punishment if not…
Added fines if you miss a payment that cheered me a lot!

Schluberdubersnarl, Inchcock!

The limit for money, I thought I might be below, but no,
The figure has gone up; this is not good, you know!
The decision didn’t leave a warm afterglow…
I nearly cried; that could have ruined my eyeshadow,
Blimey, I made a funny! And not getting any Sympatico!

Inchcock is a Senile Old Git!

Ah, I’ll be making beef stew for later; my hunger does grow…
Hello, it’s already late, mate… Carer due, Doctors tomorrow,
I’m still angry with myself; there is a self-pitying sorrow,
Life at the moment is annoying, no zest… hollow!
It’s me that is annoying me… that what I’ll have to forego…
The hidden costs of the carers do rise… Oh, blow!

Inchcock is a Senile Old Git!

An ‘orrible Day Again!