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Inchies’ Ode to his legs and feet
Left leg thinner, right one bigger,
Right knee okay, left one even benter,
Both feet swollen, hurtful & bloated,
My limbs are going multicoloured,
The brain? Getting lackadaisicalalised,
My toes bent, swollen and warped,
She’s stopped calling me, my toenail cutter,
Can’t find another, but my savings wither,
No long calls this week from any Carer,
My need for the ATM is getting seriouser,
The world is on its way to being extirpated,
Who gets all he needs? Only an Oligarcher,
Life? Never balanced, levelled, or equated,
One gets depressed and so frustrated,
Never getting cared for or compensated,
Medical needs get hampered and hindered,
Robots, AIs, reality; humanity absconded,
Never have so many felt aporia…
Never so many are getting poorer,
The same can be said of dysphoria,
Such disrespect for the ass, the law,
The old, abandoned, get more austere,
Living with no hope, just fear!
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MOANING TIME
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The Carer phoned the EENT number for QMC Hospital, Nottingham. As they had asked me to schedule an appointment for the pre-op Cataract test. I had a seizure while having the first one and spent the night in Cardiac. They told him to ring back later or next week. After he’d gone, I gave it a go but checked the number again to ensure I’d got the right one. Google gave me the extension: 81111. So I rang the switchboard and pressed 81111 when instructed; it was engaged. I tried again later; it was engaged. One more try, and I got to a human for the first time. Who told me I’d rang the wrong number? Ring the switchboard and ask them for the extension. Which I’d done earlier. It got confusing then as she gave me the 81111 extension to ring. This is the ENT’s number, not the eye specialist’s.
This is a photo I took the last time I went there.
Clearly stating EYE, Ear, Nose and Throat Centre.
Can the NHS really be getting this bad? Yes!
Mind you, they were four months ago, after my seizure visit. While being uncertain if I had finished the examination, due to the seizure. I asked a Carer to ring them and ask whether I have to book again. Whichever lady answered him, he asked my query and told:
“They know what they are doing!” But I didn’t.
Four months later, I get the email to call them to book again. But still I can’t get through again!
ANOTHER FAILURE
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Then, in response to a Red Cross text, telling me this is a Health & Safety issue and that the electrician has to call to do Safety Checks (on the hospital bed they loaned me). The Carer rang them today. They had no information about this. She offered an appointment for 8th July, which clashed with my wait of 7 weeks to see the Doctor. Best ring back again next week? Despite the reference number being revealed.
ANOTHER FAILURE
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Then, while doing the Ode, the computer froze on me. The new week-old computer that I cannot urge the repairman who bought and fitted it, and took his money, to come back to look at it.
ANOTHER FAILURE
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No wonder I get Depressed.
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Got the Ode done, and food arrived. Followed an hour later by another food delivery from a different store.
ANOTHER FAILURE
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Better get a stand-up wash & shave.
ANOTHER FAILURE
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THURSDAY 2nd JULY
Another night of waking up with a jump.
Around 04:00hrs, I felt the need for the Porcelain Throne. I gingerly got out of the bed and hobbled nervously to the wet room. My balance was all over the place. As was expected with my swollen toes, feet and legs. I took two sticks with me and got there with plenty of time to spare. And stayed there on the Throne for a long time. Constipation Conrad was in full charge. Still, no mess to clean up. The piles bled a fair bit, and it was painful to urge the one torpedo-shaped mass, which hit the water with a clunk, leaving about 30% sticking out of the water. I was glad to get rid of that one. Got back into bed at 04:30hrs and nodded of easily again.
04:50hrs, I sprang awake in need of another evacuation. No doubt about it, this one was not going to come out in the same mode, because it was already coming of its own accord, into my Protection Pants!
I was concerned that I might not be able to stop the flow before getting there. But somehow I did, thankfully. Talk about opposites. This motion was all done and dusted in about 30 seconds. Took a while to clean myself up. I cannot get the PP’s on myself easily, and tore them a little, but got them on after washing things; me and the basin. Back into the bed, now with the back & shoulder hurting, from the battle to get the pants on. Settled again at around 0520hrs. I’d not even got back to sleep, and another flower-up was on its way! Fumbled as quickly as I could manage, making it with seconds to spare. Very splashy and runny. Again, it was all over very quickly. Heck of a mess to clean up again. I stayed in the wet room, thinking I’d have a shave, then be prepared for any action. But those plans were hijacked when I realised the hot water wasn’t even warm. So, I pressed the booster button on the meter and got back into the hospital bed yet again.
This time I nodded off easily… for about 15 minutes,
Then another torrent needed dealing with. I reckon this was a fourth in 2 hours. I was sure I’d not make it in time… And I didn’t.
Self-lambasting, swearing, and frustration flowed.
The actual evacuation took about ten seconds, virtually all water, more than any brown stuff. Sorting the mess out took me yonks. I tore off the PPs, but it was too painful to bend to get a new pair on. So I put on my thin dressing gown and returned to the bed about 0650hrs. I lay thinking what might have caused all these follow-up torrents, especially after the initial bum-bursting bomb. The only thing I could think of was that maybe my having the two pots of noodles yesterday, morning and evening, may have played a part? I actually fell asleep again.
I heard the doorbell’s 🎶Oh Suzanna🎶chime playing, but I must have heard it after it had been going for a while, cause it stopped as I tried to get out of the bed.
Carer Mizra came in; lovely to see him. He’s been doing early and late calls this week. Ejaz has only done one call this week. Damned good job, too. The other two bully boys are making my life a misery. If only they would send Ejaz & Mizra like they used to. The extended visits I’m paying for on Tue and Wed did not come. But the charges are the same. Another one on Saturday might come. Then I can get some money from the ATM to pay a toecutter and a window cleaner… if I’ve got enough left in my account, of course.
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ONWARDS In short…
Today’s Cartoon
The much got into & out of bed
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Today was a mix of good, bad and lousy
But I spent most of it trying to catch up on my Odes word list.
I got carried away with it. I don’t know why I’m bothering. I won’t live long enough to do all the lost work, thanks to the new computer not working properly. Yet another aspect of my luck and the mysteries of Woodthorpe Court, with the hobgoblins, spectres, gnomai, phantasms, ghosts, the grotesque succubae, extraterrestrials, ectoplasms, and spirits. Receptive Aphasia Phyllis, Paroxysmal dyskinesia, Episodic ataxia, Ménière’s disease, Dark, Deep, Depressing Duncan, Peripheral Neuropathy Pete, Nicodemus Neurotransmitters Dying, Glaucoma Gladys, Stuttering Stephany, Lymphorrhea Leslie, Premorbid Cognitive Impairment, the damned seizures, or the Fata Morganas. The problems with British Gas & Virgin Media. The EENT, A&E, Neurology, Urology, Red Cross, the Catheter, Doctors, and a six-week wait for appointments. That have been sent to taunt, irritate and terminate my already limited sanity of mind. My faith, health, and logicality were already on the wane.
Just thought I’d mention it. Hehehe!
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GREAT SURPRISE!
Matron Jackie came with a trainee Nurse to see me today. Someone who cares and listens. It gave me a lift.
Especially when the Navigator I phoned about my right leg told me I am not on record as having problems. Contact your Doctor. Which, I admit, got to me. After waiting 5 weeks for the earliest available appointment, the earliest available appointment is next week. Wednesday, 15th July, I have a longer list of problems than ever, and she will never have the time for me to read them to her. Originally, my swollen right leg and painful right shoulder were on the list. Now added are the Catheter farce, lack of advice, told to go to A&E straight away in a taxi, as it is a Medical Emergency when your Catheter blocks. So, first, there is a £30 cost of a taxi there and back. The one visit I made was caught in a traffic jam on the ring road, and it cost me £25.40. I struggled to find the £30 in the first place; now I didn’t have enough to get home. I worried before the 5-hour wait to see the Doctor.
Medical Emergency?
I explained all this to Matron. Who did something amazing – She listened to me! Bless Her!
She sorted out the Catheter, making sure the night bag fits this old Catheter.
Then suggested that I take a ‘Respite Visit’ to a home.
After mentioning all the things, appointments coming, and those not sorted, BG, EENT. I’ve emailed Jenny a copy of the PALS replies to my complaints. Bless her for her help & support.
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SMB-PALS
(NOTTINGHAM UNIVERSITY HOSPITALS NHS TRUST)
Good morning, We’ve raised your concerns with the senior management of the departments.
PALS have also requested that the relevant team contact the patient directly to discuss this further.
Please let us know if you do not hear from the team within 10 working days, and we can chase as necessary.
Kind regards,
Aparna
Aparna Sajeevan (she/her)
PALS Officer
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Looking good. They are contacting Senior Management at the Hospital Trusts, and if I don’t hear from them within two weeks, they will follow up again!
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Carer Mizra said he would try to give me a shower in the morning. Great lad Mizra, as is Ejaz, but they seem to be… no, have reduced their visits to me. This did not work out I’m afraid. I had another series of terrible Trotsky Teremce Torrents
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BONUS OLD CARTOON
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ch off, and visited the Porcelain Throne. No torpedoes this morning.
took it to Dilan, I saw there were only three tablets in the box. I asked if we have any on order or coming that will get here before I run out of the second most important of my medications. He did not know. He rang someone but did not say who, and said, “Well, you’ve got three days yet.” I went on my NHS App, but each time it was not used, three minutes the first one, I had to go throughthe bother of logging on again, getting a code via Email, inputting it into the app, and three minutes of searching to try and find details of my prescriptions, I was blocked again and had to go through the procedure for a third time. I tried a fourth time. Found the prescriptions and checked on the Bisoprolol name to order it. Then had to fill in why I was making the request. As I was typing in, only three tablets left, I was blocked yet again. I gave up, not knowing whether my request had gone through.
en me do it.
I did take a photo of the view through the kitchenette window. Seeing it now, not too bad a one.
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-neck-in-it flipping day! I thought all Wednesdays were bound to be complicated and hectic, with so many tasks to get done and so little time to do them.
A large order arrived from Ocado. See how many bags-worth. Humph!
US English.
been a lot of that these last few years, Hehe, I can tell yers). These tomatoes are from the Isle of Wight. Costly, but so mealy and tasty! Voom variety.
A few naughty favourites as well. With Twiglets (not good for the teeth), Frazzles and Smokey bacon. And, of course, my top-loved Maryland Vegan cookies.
I have no idea why I bought these apples. Not a cat in hell’s chance of eating them with my few and broken teeth! The phone rang at this stage. It was the start of the catheter parts farce, which didn’t arrive.
These plain NANNS are the ones I tried with my home-made stew the other week. Remember to sprinkle water on them in the oven, and they taste delightful dunked.
Two small Fitzgerald’s sourdough batons. Ocado are dearer overall, but they have things that are not available. I tend to search for their special prices.
My supply of Spring Water and Soda water was now well stocked up.
Bye, bye…
Cheerio…
Hope to see you tomorrow!
This went down well
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Nocturnal pouch.
Morning view.
Health Checks are all good,
Leg wound.
Food delivery.
Tomatoes.
More Tomatoes, cheesy rolls.
Gorgeous garden peas!
Leg after Matron Jackie’s visit.
Took a shot of the view late evening.
Two delicious cheesy-topped, no-butter buttered rolls with tomatoes inside, three Silasain sausages, pickled mushrooms, last of the cooked bacon, and some of the potato chunks done in the oven.
The following events are not available.
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I inched my legs off of the bed. The catheter contraption straps were painful this morning. I detached the nocturnal catheter bag and rose rather too quickly to get the
initially. But I got sidetracked when I saw the amazingly clear sky. I got Kodak Tim Two and took this snap of the clouds.
Then, I took another wider shot. The Sun was already beginning to come through from behind and causing a mist on the horison.
worse, so no complaints.
ed my armpits, underneath my man breasts and groin, paying careful attention to SOSTH (Spanish Onion
Sized Testicle Henry). Below my bulging belly, my still bleeding rear-end sternum. Germolened both ankle ulcers. Then, I got new straps onto the catheter contraption. Barrier
creamed them before fitting. Then I tackled
I’m using the new-to-me Terbinafine hydrochloride cream. I’m also applying the new dropper before the much-feared pain of rubbing it in
I can assure you that it was thrown in the waste bin! I’ll never use that again! I shall stick with Betamethasone in the future, even if I have to
buy it
Protection Pants on was the usual farce. Do they make anything similar to the ones on the right here? It’s suitable that I should put him on the right. Because he’s the most Tory-like Labour Prime Minister ever! Hahaha!
As I noticed the Prison alarm was flashing last night, I didn’t expect to see it again this morning.
The lad listened. He then sorted out my NHS breakfast.
Carer Ejaz made the next call. Socks taken off. Medications were issued. We had a little natter, and he was in a rush but asked if he could take my photo with my sunglasses on. Well, ever the budding model, I agreed. A handsome-looking brute! Hahaha!
I showed my prepared-earlier nosh in the microwave pot. Ejaz took a photo of that as well! He shot off after that.
Amazing Night Glow!
Then, a closer shot.

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I’d forgotten or failed to remember (Hehe!) that the JS food order was arriving early today. (Fancy that!)
Got the fridge stuff sorted.
Then, the freezer
And the drinkies
Protection pads, kitchen towels, Bovril cubes, Maryland Vegan cookies, Kung Po sauce, a can of garden peas, and, to my delight, a loaf of my beloved Milk Roll sliced bread!
I couldn’t see what, or where, it had fallen. So, I took a photo with the flash on of the gap. It turned out to be the spyglass that I had tried to clean last week, which I had filled with a mixture of bleach and water. I utilised the
picker-upperer to retrieve the magnifier.
Ten minutes later, I took a photo of this snap through the window. Looking suddenly bleak?
The sun broke through again.
Beef and black bean ready-made meal, with a can of minced beef, flavoured with Marmite and Bisto.
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someone be so tired and worn out and ‘not’ sleep? I can; that was the second sleepless night. I tried on the hospital bed, then moved into the second-hand, c1966, £300 Oxfam charity shop-bought, wincingly grotty, beige-coloured, crumb-covered from my nocturnal nibblings, itch-making, uncomfortable, positively unhealthy, and dangerous, no longer operational, virus-breeding, easy-to-fall-out-of, Catheter-tube-trapping recliner. But with
I went back to the kitchen and took snaps of the morning view. It was raining still. I first took a poor-quality shot of what I mistakenly called Venus
yesterday. Tim Price informed me it was Jupiter. Then a straight-ahead view of the lights from the streets of Sherwood.
the prescriptions to the flats! I looked on Google Maps and got this picture of the shop. Obviously, I misheard Matron; it was Jayplex Chemist, not Jaypoen. It is much nearer than the Carrington shop on Mansfield Road in Woodthorpe.
I am just too tired and will try to finish it in the morning.
Hang on, with the cock-up, I think I took the Jupiter shot in the morning. Yes, I must have cause this is the other snap I took tonight. I’ve got in such a mess; I already put the
,