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I’M SO SORRY, THIS DOUBLE HAS BEATEN ME
I am so hazy-minded, and things are going wrong. I cannot control my mind; well, it won’t work correctly. Everything I do is taking far too long, and I’m getting more and more behind. I am only just starting this on Monday! I loved doing my blogs, slipping some humour in, doing my silly and some serious Odes.
I’d just caught up with things a smidge by Saturday morning. And actually got some WP reading done and answered the comments last night; this has got me feeling overconfident, I think. What a plonker! This morning I was in the worst state mentally, ever! I soon came out of the depression. At noon, and it returned.
I’m increasingly getting so sick of hearing myself moan lately. I do most of it talking to my Alziemers & TBI-
affected, waywarder-than-ever cerebrum. I know it.
I know it will only get worse. There is no solution, no cure. For years I’ve known this, and just carry on. No option.
However, with blogs like this two-day one, time disappears; in my mind, I’m busier than ever.
A fact that surprised even me is… A perfect example here; now I’ve forgotten what I was going to type.
An hour later, after Carer Mirza called, and this supportive young man perked me up just by understanding my problems. He issued the medication, checked the dates of the food in the fridge, removed three items, and I asked him which Asian food was hot but not too hot. Masala is one, and he told me where to get ready-made ones. These kinds of moments are actually encouraging; they perk me up – and this is wonderful. He is so patient and, as Carer Ejaz, reliable.
If only they could send Ejaz, Mirza & Prem more regularly, I feel life would be easier. I wouldn’t consider going in or begging to be let in a home if this could happen. I’ve noticed I always fall behind with everything, including my blogging on the weekends. The days that none of these three visits me. Without assistance from Jenny & Frank, I’d really be lost.
As I previously waffled on about, things… ailments are getting worse. Another Cataract, teeth rotting, hearing aids still out of action, bladder agony, and my blog going to pot. Plenty more could go on the list.
After visits from these three, depression always reduces, and I become more accepting of things that are guaranteed to get only worse. As of now, after consecutive calls from Ejaz, then Mirza.
I know nothing has changed from before they called. But my acceptance of the situation shows itself.
I even dropped the bottle of water, and it burst open all over the kitchenette floor. Cleaning the mess up ans physical agony. But I tolerated it. Many times, I would have and usually curse out allowed. I still lambasted myself, but less energetically. Not totally unflappably, rather more fatalistically. Wait until the next bladder blockage, or I lose something, or, like, like on Monday, when I knocked all the bottles in the fridge. They flooded out, one knocking the next one out and onto my Catheter bag and knee… No! I’ll put that in chronological order, or as near as I can later. Going to do a work-all-through-the-night job to catch up tonight. (Monday)
I had to get that out, sorry folks. I’ll try not to moan anymore in this poor, rushed blog.
Doing this opening bit, I misspelt a word eighteen times, and four times the word I was about to type. Was I bothered? Not much, cause I was in an uplifted mood as Carer Mirza had just called. It’s wearing off…
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My memory’s too bad, but I know it was taken on Sunday, because I can see it on the old-fashioned clock. I’d guess it was at about 05:45hrs. Hehe!
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Must be night now.
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Apologies again for this blog.
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MONDAY 2nd NOVEMBER 2026
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0520hrs: I moved gingerly and was pleasantly surprised by the degree of pain the ailments were giving me.
‘I checked, yes, I’d got a pulse.’ Haha!
I carefully removed the night pouch from the Catheter. I say carefully, cause there was an awful lot of urine stretching the strength of my nocturnal Catheter bag.
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I was pottering about, starting different things and completing very few of them, and remembered I had not recorded the nighttime ratings for the urine. I was in the wet room emptying & rating the count and the colour, and my possibly imagined EQ communicated with me. 
“Watch yourself today”. I sneered at him.
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I got the computer on after sorting the waste bins and washing the pots; the Carer arrived. He got the socks on. Helped set the TV recorder for me. Departed.
I decided to get some flavoured water bottles and store them in the fridge. Things were going fairly well up to now. I’ve only dropped a handful of things so far. 
The first of the day.
Putting the bottles in the fridge, I had a right knee give way, which made me grab the fridge to prevent me from going down on the floor. Knocking the full bottles out of the fridge, I tried to stop them, but like Skittles, they knocked each other and tumbled out. 
I hit my right knee and shins. Clearing things up left me bruised, bleeding, and sore, with a hurting ingrown toenail. I’d nearly picked up all the bottles when I thought I’d photographed what was left to do. Then went to check out the Catheter contraption in case it had been damaged or dangerous. It all seemed fine, only me injured.
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Then I went off, starting to do other things and changing to another task. None got finished. Sorting the towels, Hoovering, making a brew that was left to go cold.  
Sillily, I did work on the blog and always left it when someone came, even when no one was here! Each time I got back to the computer, all I did was correct mistakes made earlier. Grrr!
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 , AGAIN
This time the right leg gave was as I was sorting the laundry bag out. I went down on my right knee. I’d just about finished cleaning it up, and Carer Ejaz arrived. He moved the contraption back onto the left leg. Issued medications and made me a mug of Glengettie. He needed to leave; time was up – a short visit. Thanks!
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I’VE SODDING-WELL DONE IT AGAIN, again, again!
A low point of the day!
Lost all the work I’d done on CorelDraw! The worst of it is that I was trying to save it, and it froze! Had to save & close MS Word, MS Excel, Notepad, Grammarly, WordPress, then Windows; had to disconnect everything and turn off the power. Left it for ten minutes and rebooted. Windows came on; I opened and checked every program, but I lost the save in CorelDraw, which opened an auto backup file from yesterday! I lost all the work I did in the last three hours!
I just laughed it off. Ahem!
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: AGAIN!
I bent down to release the urine from the bag into the jug. My hand got cramps, and it was painful bending that far down, so I rushed through it. A mistake that was!
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Carer Prem made the last call. Gawd, the lad looked worn out and so tired. I declined any painkillers; it was mental pain I was struggling with. What can go wrong next?
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Minutes from 01:00hrs now. I’ll make sandwiches for my meal. My hope is I don’t fall asleep, have a seizure, or feel guilty and get up to wash & shave. Hope to be back in the morning. Oh, it is morning!
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I’m back, Tuesday morning now.
I made a large, no-cook meal, and it was superb;
Well, it tasted lovely anyway.
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My large imitation smoked ham sarnies in farmhouse bread; plenty of no-butter-butter. Tomatoes, potato-curls, Stilton cheese, pickle and mini cooked beetroots.
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Despite the calamities incurred!
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