– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
On my life’s journey from birth to antiquity,
With the end due to come, unresistingly…
Some good, but more bad things I did see,
Many of them were committed by Inchie,
Thus, the memory of each makes me guilty…
There’s too little guilt now in this country,
The increased population means a happy Oligarchy, 
Particularly, of those we voted for Governmentally,
Some MPs tell the truth, but with stuttering difficulty,
Starmer lies with barrister-like geniosity…
Sprays out lies gratuitously, without any difficulty, 
Says his father was a toolmaker, presumably…
Records say he owned a toolmaking factory,
I find him cunning, crafty, and untrustworthy,
I thought Blair brought me a lot of despair,
But Starmer is worse, but let’s try to be fair…
Neither of them could be called an almsgiver,
Both of the nerks were arms sellers,
Blair joined the UN. It was rife with fiddlers,
Keir, a courtroom barrister, rife with fibbers,
Both got to the top in Parliament, with its liars,
Leo Blair, who was Lynton’s Daddy,
Was, believe it or not, a wealthy lawyer,
One up for Keir, he was a wealthy barrister,
Both told Porky-Pies, bank balances got fatter,
Both have acted conceitedly & dishonourably,
Blair played the innocent more accurately,
Starmer waddles around acting superiorly,
Lynton dented the actual Labour policy,
Starmer shredded the remainder quickly, 
Who will be the next Prime Minister?
A lawbreaker, a criminal, a crook, a viveur?
Then nothing will change whatsoever,
Kemi Badenoch (Conservative), not after… 
Surely not after Boris, Liz and Rishi?
LibDems, doing well under Sir Ed Davey…
MPs; now the second largest party,
Carla Denyer & Adrian Ramsay, the Green Party?
Want to end oil/gas licences and subsidies?
Humza Yousaf, & the Scottish National Party?
Independence for Scotland is a priority,
Wales: Rhun Ap Lorweth, Plaid Cymru?
Secure the £4bn owed to Wales from HS2, 
Reform UK? The next true blue?
Jeremy and Zarah launched ‘Your Party’, 
“Justice, peace and international solidarity.”
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Then there’s the ‘Vote for Inchie’ Party,
Known for passing wind and ampullosity…
All of our members are over eighty.
Some of them are still a little flighty.
We don’t want to join the high& mighty…
90% of us have dementia, but look sprightly,
Forget a lot of things, like going to bed nightly,
But we can share things, fau-passionately,
We want to get noticed, Governmentally!
To meet up with ex-barrister Starmer…
We’ll take a hand grenade, and wear armour!.
“Only death can stop a wronged pensioner”.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

I woke up at 04:20hours and decided to get up straight away, and have a darned good scrub up, teeth done, shaving, teggies, and the medicationalisationing done, on the areas I can reach, then get the kettle on… I nodded off again!

06:05hrs, I stirred back into pretend life. Swore at myself a little and was determined to get up this time.
And, nodded off again!

06:50hrs: I was really getting angry with myself, now. No more bull-shit. I’m getting up, and I took off the night bag, then I nodded off again!

07:00hrs: Self-anger is far too mild an expression for how I felt. But still, it was a hard battle to get myself out of bed. But I managed to… giving myself a toe stubbing on the metal wheel-cover at the end of the bed. That did nothing to assuage my self-cursing, hating, and swearing out loud. Not sure if I spat!
An Absolutely Frustrating Sart!

I took two snaps of the early morning view… well, not so early a view. Hehehe! The snow is clearing well. The forecast is for more to come, heavier, late this week. I noted that the same houses as usual had cleared the roofs of snow and ice before anyone else around them. The heat-jump from the attic or loft heaters used to grow Marijuana, mayhaps? Hahaha!

I started the computer, and found one of Tim’s blogs from Albuquerque, New Mexico. He’s a genius at photography and decorates them with such witty comments. He’s out pre-dawn taking such amazing nature shots. He also snaps photos of his cat family, and one photo from this blog warmed my heart. Three of his cats, posing. Has to be one of the most appealing ones this year. I can almost hear what they were thinking. Their ears were up, so maybe Tim was talking to them? They were giving him the ‘Watch-it’ eye?
Great shot, Tim!
Beautiful!

The intercom rang while I was in the wet room. It was the Asda order, with my potatoes for the meal, and Jenny’s instructions on how to cook them. I got the fodder sorted straight away. Taking some photographs of the fodder. Not that I was having any luck on the Porcelain Throne anyway. Rock solid! Even no farting this time.
Some good stuff was delivered today. Veg in vinegar, veg salad with peas. Lacto-free milk, expensive but lovely, I treat myself sometimes. A little pork pie this time. I ate the giant Christmas pork pie in one sitting. Guilt? Me? Yes!

I got a quick ablutipn session in, no use of the Porcelain Throne. Then took two shots from the balcony through the glass. After taking this photograph, I espied some youths at the far end of the car park. I don’t know what they were up to, but yet again I took a poor snap of them, just in case anything was amiss or suspicious .

Then I received the expected telephone call from the NHS Pharmacy… or was it in a Chemist’s? I think the call lasted about an hour of Q&A. Amongst the things I remember being mentioned were my bladder and prostate cancers. Heart failure when I was in the hospital. The neurosurgeon meeting… that one prompted me to interpose, telling him that the video we sent to him, as he asked me to, while I had a seizure, was taken by Carer N. But I did not know the email address to send it to. Caarer E, after much bother, found it, and we sent it. But that was 2 months ago, and we have heard nothing. I took the chance to tell him about having a seizure on the visit to the EENT department to assess my vision and cataract laser procedure. But I don’t know whether the test has finished or if I need to go back to finish it. He assumed they would contact me later. Great. Assumption is the mother of all mistakes!
I mentioned my depression, heard an audible sigh, and he changed the subject to the new medications he wants me to try. Ezetimibe. Suggesting I check on the NHS site if concerned. I accepted the Ezetimibe trial. Here is what the NHS site had to say about the drug…

What is Ezetimibe used for?
Ezetimibe is commonly used for the following conditions. To lower harmful cholesterol levels (LDL-C) in people with high cholesterol levels.
Ezetimibe is not suitable for some people. To make sure it’s safe for you, tell your Doctor if you: have ever had an allergic reaction to Ezetimibe or any other medicine,
have liver problems. Are you pregnant, planning to get pregnant or breastfeeding?
Stomach (abdominal) pain, Diarrhoea, Farting more than usual, and feeling more tired than normal. Muscle pain, tenderness, weakness or cramps. Yellowing of the whites of your eyes or your skin (this may be less obvious on brown or black skin), pale poo and dark pee – this can be a sign of liver problems. Severe stomach pain (just under your ribs) – this can be a sign of pancreatic problems.
Anaphylaxis:
Anaphylaxis is a life-threatening allergic reaction that happens very quickly. It can be caused by food, medicine or insect stings. Call 999 if you think you or someone else is having an anaphylactic reaction.
Symptoms of Anaphylaxis happen very quickly. They usually start within minutes of coming into contact with something you’re allergic to, such as a food, medicine or insect sting.
Symptoms include:
Swelling of your throat and tongue
difficulty breathing or breathing very fast
difficulty swallowing, tightness in your throat or a hoarse voice, wheezing, coughing or noisy breathing.
Feeling tired or confused. Feeling faint, dizzy or fainting. Skin that feels cold to the touch.
Blue, grey or pale skin, lips or tongue – if you have brown or black skin, this may be easier to see on the palms of your hands or soles of your feet.
You may also have a rash anywhere that’s swollen, raised, or itchy.
What to do if you have Anaphylaxis:
Follow these steps if you think you or someone you’re with is having an Anaphylactic reaction: Use an adrenaline auto-injector (such as an EpiPen) if you have one – instructions are included on the side of the injector.
Call 999 for an ambulance and say that you think you’re having an Anaphylactic reaction.
Lie down – you can raise your legs, and if you’re struggling to breathe, raise your shoulders or sit up slowly.
If you have been stung by an insect, try to remove the sting if it’s still in the skin. If your symptoms have not improved after 5 minutes, use a 2nd adrenaline auto-injector.
Do not stand or walk at any time, even if you feel better.
How to use an adrenaline auto-injector:
There are different types of adrenaline auto-injectors, and each one is given differently.
EpiPen instructions (EpiPen website)
Jext instructions (Jext website)
Treatments for Anaphylaxis:
Adrenaline is given by injection or drip into your vein; oxygen and fluids are given by drip into your vein.
You’ll usually stay in the hospital for around 2 to 12 hours, but you may need to stay longer.
Before you leave the hospital, you should be given 2 adrenaline auto-injectors or a prescription for them to keep in case you have another anaphylactic reaction.
An adrenaline auto-injector is a special device for injecting adrenaline yourself. You’ll be told how and when to use it.
You should be shown how to use your adrenaline auto-injector each time you’re prescribed it.
You may also be referred to an allergy specialist for tests and advice.
DON’T: Do not leave your adrenaline auto-injectors anywhere too hot or cold, such as in the fridge or outside in the sun.
TAKING WARARIN & EZETIMIBE:
Yes, you can take Ezetimibe with Warfarin. Still, it requires close monitoring of your INR (International Normalised Ratio) because Ezetimibe can increase Warfarin’s blood-thinning effect, raising the risk of life-threatening bleeding. Studies show Ezetimibe can enhance and stabilise Warfarin’s effect, potentially by interfering with vitamin K absorption, a crucial factor for clotting. Your Doctor needs to monitor INR frequently and may need to adjust your Warfarin dose.
MEDICATION TO AVOID:
If you take Warfarin, do not take any new medicines without first checking with a Doctor or pharmacist. Some medications that can affect Warfarin include: Medicines for heart problems, such as Amiodarone, Quinidine or Propafenone. Non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) like ibuprofen or aspirin.
CAUTIONS WITH OTHER MEDICINES:
Many medicines and supplements can affect Warfarin. This can make you more likely to bleed.
You might need a blood test to confirm that the other medicine isn’t affecting how your blood clots.
If you take Warfarin, do not take any new medicines without first checking with a Doctor or pharmacist.
MEDICATIONS THAT CAN AFFECT Warfarin:
Medicines for heart problems, such as Amiodarone, Quinidine or Propafenone. Cholesterol-lowering medication, such as Bezafibrate, Gemfibrozil, Clofibrate or Cholestyramine. Antibiotics, such as Erythromycin, co-trimoxazole or Norfloxacin, and Miconazole gel for fungal infections. Non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) like Ibuprofen or Aspirin, Tramadol, Co-Codamol or any strong painkillers.

–Well, that was as clear as mud!

I finally got to doing the Monday blog update.
Better late than never. It’s better to do something late than to never do it at all. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Don’t judge a book by its cover. An apple a day keeps the Doctor away.
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you. And why am I waffling? I’ve gone off the rails. I’ve lost the plot. Took leave of my senses. Gone off the deep end. Become unhinged… Everything normal here then? Haha!

You’ll see the sort of day I had on Wednesday. The blog will be full of moans. But today, the mysteries of Woodthorpe Courts hobgoblins, spectres, gnomai, phantasms, grotesque succubae, ectoplasms, Whoopsiedangleplops, ailments, extraterrestrials,  spirits, Accifauxpas, rent increases, food price hikes, and the Fata Morganas strike again! (And worse on Wednesday) Better rush…

Later on…

Laterer on…

Even laterer on…

TTFNski, Each 🤞🏻
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– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
My mind developed ecdemomania in December,
Multi-directional, it is something of a derogator,
Often leaving me in a quandary, a dilemma,
It can leave me with mental dyspnea,
It’s no good living in dread, my dear…
This Ode, composed by an aged dégringolader,
To advise & warn each son or daughter…
For things ahead, I hope they digest this data,
And it leaves them savvier, adroiter, & defter,
Relating to when they get older & dodderier,
You’ll at first not notice your brain gets diddlier,
And your deeds & actions increasingly dweebier,
Parts of you, Doctors will surgically dismember,
Neurocognitive disorder, Lewy Body dementia,
Water on the brain, Alzheimer’s, both can be dire,
(In the hospital, I had heart failure last December)
You’ll end up using eyes, ears, & a nose dropper,
Hearing aids, oxygen, or a Mechanical Aorta,
A tissue/biological replacement lasts longer,
More chance of it being rejected, you dejected,
Protanomaly/Protanopia, & Deuteranopia,
You may start feeling drearier and dowdier…Understandably, with new pains, physical,
Then, problems come that are cerebral,
Diagnosis can seem improvisational…
Sort of, make-do, almost extemporal,
It’ll be as if you’re turning into a fossil,
As you struggle to hobble or fogle,
Past your sell-by date, & nonrenewable,
Can’t walk, remember or think, a folderal,
So few teeth, if any, can’t eat a trifle?
Eating crispy bacon? Barely rememberable!
You couldn’t afford it, now you’re pensionable,
Ask for help, you get a load of garble…
Going to the toilet is a risky kerfuffle,
Often you’re too late, it’s most terrible, 
Accifauxpas, forgetting or scatological,
Going into a seizure, having a fall…
Not aware of events, these and them all,
These happen, seemingly unpreventable,
What’s most shameful and deplorable…
It doesn’t happen to anyone Oligarchal!
But, fret not, this is absolutely normal.
If you do owt deplorable, or abominable?
And this sounds a smidge disceptatorial…
You may suffer from all ailments above… All!
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

I think, well, I know, I was having a seizure in bed, with the strangest dream, that I recall little of; apart from me watching the missiles land, as I (in the dream) stood at the kitchen window, yodelling. Seemingly unconcerned with what I was watching? Then I woke up to find Carer Ejaz standing over me, asking how I was. I recall his helping me get out of bed after he’d taken off the nocturnal catheter bag… then nothing for several or more minutes.
I was sitting on the chair, as Ejaz was medicating the leg wounds and catheter strap welts. He issued the medication and Peptac. I was still out-of-it a while he was asking questions. He wondered if he should call 999. Thanked him, I think, but declined.
I’m having some terrible wakenings lately.
How I didn’t hear the intercom or door chime, I don’t know. Maybe the seizure was a little deeper this time? This morning was the worst I’ve had. However, like all the other mornings, bar one good one, on Sunday or Monday, I think. They started poorly, but things improved as the day went on. They did today, but the improvements took far longer to take over.
It’s now gone 19:00hrs, and the haziness, loss of balance, the mysterious deafness and foggyiness of the brain have all but cleared.
It’s the morning that shows the need for the ambulance. Another like today, and I might press my wristler alarm before the Carer arrives… if I can actually wake and get up, that is. These confusions have never taken longer to clear.

Shame! I lost so much time today that nothing got done much again. 
Carer Ejaz reminded me that the Doctor is making a telephone call tomorrow. I’ll mention these scary mornings I’m having. But I’ve no confidence. The seizure neurologist had not been in touch since November 3rd. Cardiac since October 17th. The Social lady since about June… 2024. 
Ah, well, they are still taking my Warfarin INR blood for testing. Depressed? Me? Haha! Yes!

At least Ejaz got me interested in the snow covering outside and spurred me on to take some photos of it from the frozen kitchen window.
Here they are…

Aha, caught the moon!

No detail, though.

Which house shows its attic
Canabis grow? Hehe!
Not a good one…
A bit better, caught the moon!
See the drug growers’ roof?
Front car park on Citrus Way.
Through the door glass.
Darned cold, -5°c.

Side of bed bin…
Naughty night nibbling?

Tonight.

Must get the new keyboard
sorted, need help.

Going to get something to eat now.
TTFN and
ALL the BEST!

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– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Trump, Putin & Starmer, I somewhat fear,
Not the individual, for them I despair,
But for the danger and power that they bear,
The results of their actions: the innocent incur…
Putin & Trump plainly desire world power…
Trump claiming rights to Iceland & Canada…
Puntim Ukraine, Poland & Romania,
The end is nigh, doesn’t anyone bother?
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
My primary concern is the UK’s Herr Starmer,
Starmer is an even bigger, more persistent liar,
He learnt this skill when he was a barrister,
No weapons, so no desire for World power, 
Self-wealth is his intention and desire,
But will this put the UK in a quagmire?
Our economy is already looking dire,
Pensioners, families, and farmers are dour,
Keir thinks hostages are sausages,
Welcomes all the incoming backhanders…
Arsenal season tickets, cash, aftershaves,
His own box with full hospitalities,
£100,000+gifts,  £50,000, Trevor Chinn’s,
Vintage wine, £2,400 worth of spectacles,
Specatcles, Free use of two £18m penthouses,
£32,000 worth of work clothing, free passes…
to multiple sporting events and concerts,
personal shopping, £5,000 worth of clothes…
To be fair, they were for his missus,
A four-day stay in Wales, 4,500 pounds,
The Mail said there’s been more appetisers,
He rates farmers & pensions as wankers,
But he looks after his beloved bankers,
Blatantly misleading, he never apologises,
Can someone create new gunpowder plots
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Today’s moods varied greatly. Changing so often, I didn’t know how the heck I was supposed to feel sometimes. Gloomy amphigories, fearfulness, faux-contentment, a few moments of unwarranted self-lambasting… even with a phenomenal amount of mini-visits from , in between, but every time he remained or seemed to, for just a minute or two? These two extremes were both sparse on the ground today, and both for such short periods, I was actually confused at times. This is an opening that, I believe, reveals I need help from the NHS neurology department. Going potty is not an option; it’s just how things are. Even today, when to be honest, apart from the changing baffling moods, the day has gone (for me) very well up to now.
Ah, well!

I was woken up by the Carer calling to get in.
He did a thorough check on me. I advised him that no foaming, creaming, or barrier greasing was needed, as I was going to get scrubbed up, shaved, etc., after he left. Ejaz gave me my medications and was off on his way, taking the waste bag with him. Thank you, Sir. I took some photographs.

The & Session
Then I got everything ready to do the ablutions.
Off to the wet room, not knowing it would be my most extended ablution session ever. Early last, I think that was in January too, I recorded 2 hours and 10 minutes for a session. No longer the record!
Things started so well, the teeth were done first, no bleeding; however, as I opened the bottle of mouthwash, Lost-Grip-Lassie came into action, and the cap from the bottle flew out of my hand; I dropped the bottle, and the cap rebounded from the ceiling on my head and disappeared, I know not where. Lost a lot of time searching for it, fruitlessly. Throughout the day, I had two more searches without any luck.
Then the wall-mounted heater kept cutting out!
I got back to the ablutioning, taking a shave. This was a three-cut affair, and Lost-Grip-Lassie got involved. I dropped a razor, used the short picker-upperer to retrieve it from behind the WC pipe. How, why does everything I lose grip of and drop, seem to find its way to the most inaccessible place available? The bottle cap and razor had all those open gaps of the shower floor where they could have settled. But no! Never, always in a hidey-hole of some sort! 
If I wrote a book about these incidents, no one on earth would believe it! Frustration was growing.
But the ablutions still needed doing. The heater is cutting out more than it stays on. I (Foolishly) thought I’d take a look at the regulator wheel. Of course, I could not make out which number it was on, thanks to Cayaract Katie. I reached up to turn the wheel, hoping it would come on again… ! I stretched to reach it, Lost Balance, Brenda nearly had me over, and I knocked several items off the floor cabinet. I didn’t note of which, but recall the Protection Pants, wrist alarm, and bottle of aftershave among the fallen items. More time was lost restoring them all to the cabinet. I  while doing so. Now the self-labasting and giving myself a good talking to, started! My language was coarse, of course.
Then I needed to use the Porcelain Throne. Believing this might be a good thing, a sit-down and a calm-down moment? Huh! At least it was different
to the last few days, Trotsky Terence controlled messy affairs. The complete opposite! No idea how long it took me to get the stunted evacuation to start again, but it was a bloody and painful experience!
And still the ablutions had to be finished!
I had a good body scrub-up. During this, a visitor arrived. Then, I started on the Medicationisationings. The agony of Germoloiding  Haemorrhoided Harold, and Little Inchies Fiungal Lesion… didn’t bother me in the slightest.
, was still here, you see! He’s like a medicine to me. Unfortunately, his call was a brief one, and almost as soon as he departed… well, you can guess ! I dropped the olive oil dropper putting in the ear drops, but the bottle didn’t break. The eye drops didn’t run down into my mouth. So despite Darius, the medicationing went well, although my mood was grumpy. And although I had to peel the top catheter strap from the dried blood, I seemed cool and calm about it all.
What’s going on? Came to mind.
As I was Phorpain gelling things I could get at, I distinctly recall coming on, and made a note of the happenings on the wetroom pad. And started singing; Frank Ifield’s ‘She Taught me to Yodel’!
Then the task of putting on the new protection pads. Usually, it is a risky and semi-dangerous job. I kid you not, I sailed through, kept my balance all the time.
Adjusted the straps on the catheter contraption, wiped of the blood… I was wondering at the time, am I still asleep and dreaming or what?
I moved on to humming ‘The Shadows Stars fell on Stockton’, B-side to Wonderful Land, 1962. I couldn’t do the whistling anymore, not enough teeth left.

I brewed a pot of tea and sat by the computer, taking this photo. I heard Ejaz as he left, saying I’m behind time. And noticing he said this around 08:00hrs. Later, when I put the picture on, I realised that I must have been in the wet room for just under three hours! No wonder I don’t wash often, I can’t find the time between Carers calling. Then with food deliveries. Emptying the day bag. Check calls, telephone calls, emails, and calls of nature. The nurses will do the legs and change the catheter. INR Warfarin blood tests. Hospital appointments, Dentist checks. How do I find time to do the blog? I stay up into the morning, mainly to catch up. Being deaf, Cataract Katie is back again. Lymphorrea Leslie, Fractured Knee Frank, Bad Back Belinda, Shuddering Shoulder Shirley, Toothache Tiffany, Peripheral Neuropathy Pete, Doreen Dementia,  Obstructive Hydrocephalus (water on the brain), and Reflux Roger, Mechanical Aorta Alan. Not to mention the Seizures… Oh, I just did. Hahaha!
This morning really got to me, but things calmed down in the afternoon and evening.
The only thing that tested me apart from the wetroom farce was Horis and Darius making so many calls, in sync, one then the other.

A close-up of the City Hospital
They did my mechanical aorta heart op, prostate cancer, and food poisoning treatments. 🤎
City Hospital in the distance.

Bit of nothingness here, (I’m good at that.
Top pen Deeper black, £2
Bottom pen, ordinary black. 45p
I can’t see any difference between them,
nor can my Carer, Elaz.

Earle evening.

Sundown, early this time of year.

2 hours later, what colouring!

Wow!
I double-clicked, Tsk!

Well, Carer Ejaz just arrived.
After which I went to WP Reader, then to the comments; at this moment in time, neither of the mood swingers, nor is with me… It’s lonely. Haha!

I enjoyed this one!

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TTFNski!
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– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
All my life I’ve refused to accept disorder…
I’ve never committed a crime or misdemeanour,
My upbringing? High-quality, premier,
Excellent, I couldn’t have been luckier!
With the girls, this made me ultra popular,
Scored 100 goals a season in school soccer,
Had the best sex ever with Grizelda,
Came top of my class at school: Grammar,
Postgraduate certificate & level 8 diploma,
BSc, MSc, PhD, then a Senior Scientific Researcher,
Went to Australia, became a cattle drover,
Millionaire at 30, 4 Rolls-Royces owner,
Had a marriage proposal from Elizabeth Taylor,
Affairs with Diana Rigg, Judi Dench, & Jane Asher,
Gave advice on the moon landing to NASA,
Helped find the Titanic as a saturation diver,
Retired, & went crocodile hunting in Toowoomba,
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Once again, I was so reluctant to get out of bed.
I lay there, discovering that Little Inchies’ fungal lesion had bled… The ontercom burst into life at the thought of getting out of bed, and to the panel in time; Dark, Dank, Depressing Darius was with me.
I didn’t make it in time, and the Carer called again. I mumble some sort of half-hearted apology, and I admitted him into the prison… no, the building.
I was not with it at all. The first minutes of the Carers call were a jumbled mix of memories.
The Carer issued the medications, and after taking them, I was slightly more compos mentis with things.
The lad talked me through what I needed to make my Bombay potatoes taste better, then left me a confused Inchie, as we said our farewells. I don’t think he is doing any more calls on me today.

Depression Darius was making up for his absence yesterday. I found it hard to instil any interest in things at all this morning. I reckon that Mind-Mangling-Malcolm was present for the majority of the day.
I had a chat with myself, self-lambasted me for a while, asking why I am in this mood? I got no answer.

I sort of went through the motions for most of the morning. The usual drifting off whatever I was doing, ended up with five or so plans started, none getting completed. And I’m angrier with myself.

I did get some photos done, though.
Stupidly, I went out onto the balcony to take my regular shot of the end-of-the-road car park. I took it through the window, so it came out pretty awful.
I got back inside as quickly as I could, by gawd, it was so cold out there.
Tripping over the door runners and clouting my right shoulder on the doorframe. A couple of curse words later, I closed the door and trapped my finger as it slid closed. I added a couple of stronger words, and Darius deepened his grip. Why? Yesterday was such a pleasure, too.
Irritable with myself and probably the world as well, I went into the kitchen to take a window view. That came out a little better.

I got the computer started, and took a snap of it for some reason, I left the flash on and caught it on the photograph. This would not have bothered me in the slightest bit if it had happened yesterday. But it wrangles me, and although impossible, I know, cause he’s not real. He is in my neurologically-affected mind, but I imagined that was mocking and laughing at me.
“Bonkersness is not essential for survival, but I do think it helps sometimes.” Inchies’ Words of Wisdom.
I can’t believe the change in my attitude today.

I’m getting irked, nettled, piqued, narked, and even disturbed at the slightest thing that goes, or to be precise, that I do wrong. S The going and doing wrong is a daily practice for me, it has been for a year or more now. Yesterday was the best day of the year for me. I was calm… maybe not in control, but let’s not ask for miracles, eh? I’ll be wanting world peace next!

The first day of the year that fooled me, caught me on the hop, and rekindled a hope long unused. That things might be getting better for me…

I took another snap from the window. To my right, that didn’t cheer me up either. The state of the poor tree copse, the jobboes have been at it again.
About midday, I got the computer on. And a Carer called as I took this snap, hearing aids and batteries, vaseline, heart-failure shot if needed, olive oil for the ears, drops for the eyes, Toothache Tiffany spray, and with the ‘Cool’ clock-calendar on view.

The Carer, Dilan, asked me for Codeine, Peptac and Paracetamol. He then asked me if I needed Paracetamol, Peptac or Codeine. We still find it hard to understand each other. I asked him for an effervescent Paracetamol. I broke open the capsule, added it to my spring water bottle, and took the Codeine with it. Then helped myself by grabbing the Peptac bottle and taking a guzzle of it. Off Dilan went on his round.

Back to start on the computer. Launched CorelDraw, and began to upload piccies from Koak Tim 2’s SD card…

CorelDraw then disappeared from the screen, leaving the desktop showing. I handled this situation calmly…Well, I think I did. The normal expected first response expletive that rhymed with hollyhocks. But with the keyboard playing up, I felt confident I’d hit the wrong combination of keys, or one had stuck as I did it (Ctrl+I). I pressed the CorelDraw launch button, and it came back on. 

Late afternoon.
I’m not sure if it is the sun or its reflection from over the thingamajig, the whaddocallit, erm the owsyerfather… Horizon!
I made another brew of Extra-strong Typhoo tea.
I thought about having a packet of the Bombay Potatoes for nosh tonight.
Changed my mind later.

18:00hrs: I just had an epiphany… I’m sitting here doing the blog, and the realisation that I am free… he’s gone  has disappeared!
A lightness came over me. The fear of his return, of course, is present whenever he isn’t with me.
I’m now singing aloud. Currently on Cliff’s ‘The Young Ones’. I know all the words to that one. Now, Frankie Vaughan’s ‘Green Door’… Hello, hello, hello… Carefree time, I hope, stays with me.
Nat King Cole, ‘Unforgettable’…

Aha, Carer Ejaz called this time. Great to have him to call too. He sorted the medications that he’d brought with him into the drawer. Also, the early night doses and Peptac were given.

I was pleased with the shot I took from the kitchen window. Came out well this time, for a change. About time I made a decent job of taking a snap.
I got the rushed, simple meal cooking, and decided to take another shot, this time of a different direction but lower down. Another reasonable shot. This effort turned out okay. Then, as I served it up, I decided to try for a third in a row decent photo of the meal.
So much for going for a hat-trick. What a horrible outcome for all my efforts.
A little disappointing, putting it mildly. Tsk!
Get the pots washed then.

The last Carer call of the day was Dilan.

I must get back on this site and catch up with WP reader and comments. So, I did!

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Came late, but he was precious!
My only defence against Darius.
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