Inchie Today: Saturday’s Waffle & Odes20th June 2025

21/06/202621/06/2026 / Inchie / 4 Comments

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G: Ayup, midduck, yer looking rough…
I: You would be if yer had my unlucky stuff,
G: Complaining again, always moaning,
I: I’ve got cause for bemoaning & groaning,
G: Have I upset yer yet again?
I: Nae, I’m sorry, everything’s going wrong,
G: Yeah, tell that to every time I come along,
I: I always have bad luck attacking, with increasing unsolved problems amassing,
G: Yeah, I know that, obviously…
But helping you cope could be tricky,
I: All you do is take the piss out of me!
G: Can’t blame me if you’re off your trolley,
I: Do yer mean sort of mentally?
G: You’ve lived too long, yer going bonkers!
I: Nae, I’ve been that since the sixties,
G: Yeah, also a worthless bupkus…
I: Hang on, bupkus, what’s that? Tell us!.
G: Man of no value, significance, or substance!
I: Why are you making all these besmutches?
G: You were caught wearing bodices…
I: I was only four, they were my mams’
What’s all this to do with my problems?
G: Don’t get upset if I get carnaptious…
It’s what happens to your soul that matters,
I: You’ve come to add it to your collections?
G: Oh, aye, we Reapers are also clavigers,
I: Blimey, more rare words, go on tell us…
G: We’re your soul’s caretakers, custodians,
I: I’ve lost your plot, worra yer saying?
G: It’s compassion that I am relaying…
I can return your soul as you get buried…
So you must avoid being cremated…
See? I can have you resuscitated!
I: And I can live again? Sort of reactivated?
G: I guarantee you’ll not be disenchanted,
I: Reincarnation? Makes me feel dejected!
G: Typical answer, I expected!
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THE DAWN OF ANOTHER DAY
Saturday 16th June 2026
Terrible night again last night, but at least the crippling mind and body failures of Friday have not affected me at all this morning. I’m curious as to what caused my problems yesterday. But so glad that Carer Ejaz made the first call. To take good care of me, I appreciated that.
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I finished off yesterday’s blog, turned off the computer, and settled in to watch a series of three World Cup Matches. But, fell blistfully asleep. For the longest period of the night. About half an hour. Then Carer Andrew arrived and woke me up, much to my discontent.
Medicines taken, legs Cetraben-creamed, Shaking Shoulder Shirley & my back was Phorpain gelled. After the lad had gone, I felt sure that sweet Morphius would enfold me again.
He didn’t. For the next five hours, I kept nodding off, but only for a minute or two, and sprang awake accompanied by various elements, and a few times in a “Where-the-Hell-am-I” mode.
My intentions to get up were prompted by the arrival of . But at least I got up today without falling back down again. That was pleasing. I pressed the ‘Booster button’ on the meter and sat at the computer for a further hour or so. hoping the water would heat up.
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I replied to an email from Jenny, then went to check the heat of the water from the tap. It was not exactly hot, so I had to boil a kettle of water for shaving. Sorry that I bothered you now. I made a terrible job of shaving. Not realising until after I washed & brushed up. How I didn’t notice before, I don’t know. A check on my Bic razors revealed they needed dishing and new ones using, but I didn’t do either. They were clogged up.
Then I had an incident with the toothbrush that, if filmed, would have been a prime recording worthy of being sent to You’ve Been Framed. I leaned to pick up the toothbrush, with the toothpaste in my other hand.
Bear in mind, this all happened in about 12 seconds. The brush shot out of my hand and hit the wall. bounced back shooting by me, rebounded off of the top tray, I managed to grab it, and dropped it straight away, and it fell into the WC.
While I was smiling at this, I realised that during the battle to control and retrieve the toothbrush, I’d squashed the toothpaste from the tube. You would not believe how much shot from the tube, spreading all over the wetroom mats, floor, sink, the WC, and down my overgenerous belly, left leg and foot, and on my testicles.
A bugger to clean up as well! Humph!
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I did my best to catch up on sleep. I actually drifted off.
For about half an hour, the Carer crept in and woke me up. This time, I literally jumped awake. Setting off, Shaking Shoulder Shirley. Carer issued the drugs, Porpain gelled the shoulder and legs. And was soon off, he was running behind, he said. I tried putting the TV on, which usually works, when I can’t get to sleep. But it was of no use; back to just dowsing and involuntarily adopted a sort of, well, a Give-It-Upperdness, and got on with creating the second Inchie Ode At I5:00hrs. I got nearer to falling asleep than I had all day, doing this. They do not flow easily when one is struggling to concentrate & has not slept for 4 days.
I paused to ask Google for advice on this.
I wrote: An 80-year-old imitation male, under stress, cannot sleep despite being tired.
SLEEP & AGEING
Insomnia is a common sleep disorder, characterised by a persistent difficulty falling to or remaining asleep, despite the opportunity to do so. People with insomnia also experience excessive daytime sleepiness and other cognitive impairments while they are awake that directly stem from sleep loss. People may have sleep-onset insomnia, which causes difficulty falling asleep, or sleep maintenance insomnia, which causes difficulty staying asleep. Some people with insomnia experience sleep onset and sleep maintenance issues.
According to current estimates, 15-30% of 70-year-old and older adults live with insomnia. Older people are more susceptible. Attributed to a few different factors. Seniors are at higher risk of medical, psychiatric and neuropathological conditions. That can lead to insomnia symptoms, as well as other sleep disorders. Breathing or restless legs syndrome. Our internal circadian clocks and sleep-wake cycles can also change as we age, and these changes affect how long – and how well – we sleep.

Additionally, certain medications used to alleviate symptoms of geriatric medical conditions can, in fact, cause more sleep disturbances.
Glad I asked for advice on the problem.
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Self-faults that one has detected…
Situations that one has diffused,
One’s capabilities… now disintegrated,
Awareness of being disprivileged,
Dreams, hopes, now devastated,
The air we breathe, spiked, defiled…
Promises, compassion are disparaged,
As truth and decency are disavowed,
The poor demotivated & denigrated,
Violence, wars, Oligarchs delighted…
The balloon-of-hope is now deflated,
Death disregarded, water disconnected,
Innocents dehydrated, decapitated,
The world has never been so divided,
Commoners lives & deaths disacknowledged,
Lifetimes of pain for the disadvantaged,
Millions of colaterally-damaged, destituted,
Our new HMG has already disintegrated,
Sadly, these facts do not deprehend!
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Inchie: 24 May Sunday-Agony Catheter flowback, Ambulance, Nurses, 16 tries to get tube back in

25/05/202625/05/2026 / Inchie / 6 Comments

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Meal Photo that reappeared on the SD!
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Today started at 00:00hrs, as it would, I suppose.
But at that time, I was battling with CorelDraw headers, and the irascible habit of CorelDraw 26 combined with Windows 11, causing frozen screens and programmes, turning itself off, and losing work done, repeatedly.
Irritating and annoying, I agree.
Then, as with the other mysteries of Woodthorpe Court, with the hobgoblins, spectres, gnomai, phantasms, ghosts, the grotesque succubae, extraterrestrials, ectoplasms, spirits, or the Fata Morgana, that have been sent to taunt, irritate and terminate my already limited saneness of mind, which is losing its marbles; for the third time this year, the bladder, kidney & Catheter pains started. I checked the Catheter bag, I’d drunk 2 litres of spring water in the past 2 hours, and the urine bag was empty.
The pains grew stronger, especially in the kidney area.
Ah, a medical emergency, as the nurse said later, and I phoned the District Nurses. Got through on the second try and explained my problem. Initially, she asked if I had checked whether the tube wasn’t trapped. Adding: was it you who had this problem two weeks ago, and were the nurses fitted with another Catheter? “Yes, I did, and am”. She said she would ring for an ambulance. I pointed out the pain that I was in. And she decided to send a nurse to see me. I thanked her very much for this.
As the last nurse suggested, to help ease the pain, try to keep active and concentrate on something before help arrives. Which I did. I saved the work, shut down the computer, and chose what I could do.
I got the mop and bucket, and mopped the kitchen floor. I think my concentrating on doing a good job actually helped me cope with the agony emanating from the blocked bladder & kidneys. The newer pains from using the mop & bucket, and bending seemed less than usual.
No nurse yet, so I wiped the inside of the fridge without dropping anything. I mention this, ’cause I’ve had both causing me endless bother lately. But now this time.
I went to the wet room to clean the bucket and mop, and got my teggies cleaned at the same time.
On leaving the wet room, the intercom chimed; it was two nurses, a man and a lady. I let them in and awaited their arrival. A long, frustrating time lay ahead of them, but of course, we didn’t know this at the time. The nurse got me onto the bed (that sounds so appealing).
The pains varied over the next hour or so. The two nurses tried and failed to get the tube back into Little Inchy sixteen times. Each time, I had to wriggle my toes and cough nonstop. It didn’t look good. One nurse phoned their HQ. Afterwards, they asked me if I could get to the City Hospital, the Trent Cardiac Centre, Ward 2. This includes recently upgraded, state-of-the-art Catheter laboratories (Cath Labs) for cardiology, as well as specialised renal care, including dialysis. I told her I cannot go out on my own, in case I get a seizure. They exchanged dubious looks, and the man said, “We’ll try just once more.”
Great! He got it into Little Inchy!
They fitted a new pouch, which later fell out during the day while Carer Ejaz was here, and he refitted it.
I got it with no pain from the Catheter afterwards.
Finally, at 0430hrs, I climbed into bed.
Ejaz arrived to wake me up at about 07:15 hours. Medicated me in bed. I was so tired. And departed.
I had to shortly climb out of the bed, in response to my innards gurgling, I made an imitation of making the bed
and limped to the wet room to use the Porcelain Throne.

Took these snaps of the views on offer from the kitchenette window. A view straight ahead first, and then a photograph of the bottom field with the new flowers bursting through, buttercups and daisies. 🌷
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Watched some TV. A
Pre-recorded Heartbeat episode, and tried to do some blogging. The new computer seems less erratic today. So maybe best to put to sleep?
Ejaz reattached the problem Catheter for me. 🧡
Carer Mizra did the last call. Nice to see him. The moment he called, I felt pains in my tummy. The Catheter was not filling again. And I felt tired and drunk. Not good. But, thank heavens, these pains were bearable. I showed him the meal I’d prepared. He had a look at the Catheter; there were a few sparse, tiny spots of urine in the top tube, but not enough to create a flow, so I’ll guzzle extra water.
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Had a frozen meal and added some spuds, and a spot of Tiryaki sauce on each (canned) potato. Running low on fresh food now. But it may prove to be a good job. Well, I think this is the right picture, but…
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A Memory…
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Sadly…
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Memory’s…
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Inchie: Friday 17th April 2026

19/04/2026 / Inchie / 4 Comments

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Sorry, no Ode – Sad that. Details below are a smidgeon teeny-bitlong-winded, perhaps. Sorry again.
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I have two pages of notes on today’s rather miserable day. With no sleep at all overnight. I was going to go shopping with Carer Mizra. But 9 hours of bladder pains with no urine getting through again, and this time it was far more agonising than Wednesday night’s performance. If you don’t mind, with it being fresh in my mind and no notes recorded of this period, I’d like to explain the Whoopsiedangleplops and Tale-Of-Woe of the Nottingham Lad’s Friday, well, agony, first.
This covers 2100hrs to 0630hrs Saturday.
The morning had little, if any, trouble from the Catheter or bladder. In the afternoon, things slowly got worse. The amount of urine entering the bag gradually decreased, and twinges and stabbing pains developed. Despite my slurping more water than ever, I was nervous of the night bringing what it did. brought.
21:00hrs; I added the Catheter Night Pouch to the day bag, and from then on, no urine flow. I managed to drink about a gallon of water. Until the pain increased, then overnight it got horrendous. horrendous overnight. I got a little sleep, for twenty minutes or so, just after midnight. I could not sit or lie down. Pottering about at first, in the kitchen, then the spare room, to get things done, in an effort to get the pain out of my mind. It didn’t work, of course.
I had to keep trying to take a rear-end phoo.
I took a variety of attempts, all but one were too painful to pass, giving my bladder a pasting of pain.
The last one, Oh, drearie me, I did not get there in time. “Another mess to clean up, which caused more hassle”.
I was suffering by the time I’d cleaned it up and myself. For the second day, I summoned the community nurses for help. They got the catheter working. But it stopped within five minutes of them leaving. But still… erm, er… forgot what I was going to say then.

My eyesight is terrible.
I’ve had no sleep for several days.
The Catheter is giving me so much GIP, I can’t concentrate on anything. I’ll just do short blogs, if the computer lets me, for a few days.
Saturday was another “Why do I bother” day!
It is now Sunday. I’ll put some photos on, but I doubt I’ll remember what was what and when.

Morning shot of the balcony

The day brightened suddenly

List of things to get done on Saturday. Hopefully, Carer Mizra will be able to take me shopping. But only if the Catheter starts working properly.
Needless to say, I suppose, but this did not happen.

Nice night shots.

Carer Mizra asked if I wanted a meal done. But I could see he was running late, and declined the offer.
I made a cold meal, though.
Keilbasa (Sausages), seaweed. mushrooms,
and some ready-cooked chestnuts. Nice.

This is what can happen if your Catheter plug shoots open when you are in the kitchen… cause the pee started coming out, and it filled that quickly, and decorated the floor as I had to hobble through it with the walking stick, to get the mop and bucket!
Finding this mess, fallen twixt the non-working cooker and the floor cupboard, its door hanging off.

The sleep proved to be a third night of no sleep.
Even worse, it was not really painful, more like an excruciating, piercing, agonising, Insomnia-ridden, antsy one.

Instead of calling me, James Timothy Gerald, Percival, Algernoon. Luckless might have helped.

😖 TTFN 🤔

Inchie: Wednesday 15th April 2026

16/04/202616/04/2026 / Inchie / 5 Comments

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A lot of things were missed on today’s blog. Again. Time utterly defeats me. If it gets any busier, I’ll see if I can go back to working. Luckily, I managed to keep the snaps I’d taken. More snaps today, fewer wafflings, other than visitors and the results, and a little bit of moaning (Of Course).
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The events are out of sync, sorry.

Falls & Recovery Team member called.
Took a look at the wheelchair after our Q&A and assessment. She will refer me to someone, can’t recall who, for getting some help with the leg and foot grips so I can use it. This would be wonderful if it could happen. Great. Other things that took place have drifted into my mind’s vacuum section.

Morning snaps from the balcony.
The Kodak Tim-2 is now taking almost square pictures. I’ll ask a Carer if they can sort it for me.

Carer put one of the replacement letters on the keyboard as it had worn away. See it? Hehe!

Suddenly went dark.
Took this one through the window cause of high winds coming up. Got a bit of reflection from glass.

Then the sky brightened so quickly.
Then it darkened a bit again.

Nurde Maude arrived to examine my lower-front Little Inchy fungal lesion. She thinks the cut has grown much larger, which may be causing the problems with the Catheter not working. But there is nothing they can do to solve the issue. I thought that afterwards it might be best to use the pouch on my left leg? The Nurse sent a message to the Doctor to see if the strong painkillers the hospital gave me, the only one that has any effect when the bladder-flowback, Shaking Shoulder Shirley, Annr Gyne, or Kidney Keith kick off. Twice this week I’ve had three of them at the same time. Not nice! So I pray they will supply me with some more of them on the NHS prescription. Please!
Think I’ve made another mistake here… it was Nurse Maude who referred me over the wheelchair.

Confusion not only continues, but affects me so much more often since Monday; it has got worse.
I got in a tangle while working on the week’s blog templates; luckily, Care Mizra arrived and sorted me out. The Arithmaphobia and my eyesight is getting worse by the day. (Moan, over) Well, this one. Haha!

Jenny came to see me with her niece, or was it yesterday? Lovely lady anyway. Jen brought me a lemon cake, which was lovely! WE had a good natter. The Nurse arrived, and they had to go. They went without the bag of bits I was giving them for her charity. I decided to take them down to Jenny’s flat, to save Robin Hood Frank coming up. There was only one lift working. Managed to get there, and Frank took the bag, we had a sort of natter & laugh. Getting back up, I had to go down to the ground floor and back up to the 12th floor. By the time I got back in, I found that Anne Gyna had paid me a painful visit.

Back on the computer, needless to say, but CorelDraw gave me a lot of Duodenal Duncan pangs.

Then we had some rain.

Carer Ejaz did a visit. He’s a good laf to me.

Misra did the last call, he spread some bread for meto have with peas, beetroot, mushrooms, potatoes and a chicken leg with roast pork on the bread. Slurp!

Washing the dishes, I dare not leave them for Carer Rachid to do, even when he makes me a mug of tea, he leaves tea stains on the cabinet top and front.
I took these shots of the evening sky,

The first effort was accidentally artistic
The second was better.

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Inchie: Wednesday 8th April 2026

09/04/202609/04/2026 / Inchie / 6 Comments

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06:40hrs: I stirred reluctantly, as more visuous winds were already emanating from my rear quarters. Convincing me that I was going to have another chronic Constipation-Conrad struggle to free a gigantic torpedo, just like yesterday.
I was wrong! I got the Catheter night pouch removed ASAP, grabbed Willy the Wooden Walking Stick, and off to the wetroom. What A Mess!
Being so far behind with the Blog again, I didn’t collate any bins, didn’t make a brew of tea, didn’t wash the pots from last night, or even make the bed! I was fully dedicated. Committed to getting on with the blogging work.

Things did not go to plan… How Surprising!
Booted up the computer. 15sec.
Got Google to open. 12mins.
Opened CorelDraw….. 1hr 50mins. Yes, I’m not joking! After about ten minutes of working, I opened the import tab. Nothing happened. The mouse commands went unresponsive… Then, to add more mayhem, I tried to press the CorelDraw close button and instantly got a blank screen!
Mavellous… great! Sarcasm here.
A pandemonium of the sickening, depressing morning was not going well at all.
I assumed that CorelDraw had shut down because the working light was off, so I pressed the icon button to try to restart it. I t started and brought up the bare workdesk. After about an hour of waiting for it to start, another opening started, then the first working one showed up on the banner. Yes, I admit it, I swore and cried at the same time.
Good heavens, I’ve got three CorelDraws trying to open at the same time on a computer with so little memory that just one struggles. I decided my only option was to turn it off at the plug again! Then I thought no, I tried resetting when the desktop suddenly appeared as I was about to remove the plug… I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I took a chance to load via the bottom bar and see what happened – I was so deeply into this problem, and the intercom chimed out… to let the Carer in, I thought I’d pressed cancel, and went to let Carer Rashid in. Getting back to the computer, I was totally lost as to what I’d done and not done, done wrong, or what to do to get CorelDraw back working. The icons have disappeared from the screen, and all I could do was kill it at the plug. Carer Rashid did not seem bothered. He gave me my medications, I asked for Porpaining my shoulder, and he got on his mobile, toyed with the hoover, and his time was up.

I left the computer to rest for an hour or so, before warily trying to start it again. During this period, the much-belated arrival of you know who fell. And I remembered that Carer Mizra will be calling this afternoon, to help me with the showering; a smidge embarrassing. But a necessity nowadays.
A mug of tea, and I got a Kaugoule and a dressing gown on the bed, ready to save time later. Amazingly, I think I expected the computer of die and did not lose patience or try restarting it too soon.
But then Carer Rashid was back for the midday call. And I’d still not started on the Blog at all. Rahid seemed in a more helpful mood,
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AFTERNOON: Things take a turn for the better!
I got the computer to open, with the usual time-costly refusals and delays from Google, and… wait for it… Honestly, CorelDraw opened! But it was so slow and jittery. Still, I finally made a start on the graphics, & rare photos I’d taken up to now. At last, I was getting on with the job.
I made a brew for a break and checked the emails and texts. Jenny had emailed me, and I got carried away and waffled a little in my reply.
Sorry, Jenny, my Angel. 🎀
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Carer Mizra arrived. I felt a breath of fresh air enter the room. Mizra & Ejaz often give me this feeling. Their ability to be more communicative than others is always welcome.
Yet again, I forgot to ask Mizra for a list of the new call times and days. Got an excuse this time, today was a busy one. Mirza really got stuck in with the plan we made. I’d remembered to get a kagoule and dressing gown ready for after the assisted showering session. Mizra cleared the thing out of the wet room to make space and, when I asked him to, shifted the carpets into the hallway without any problem, explaining that they get wet during showers because of can’t fully control the showerhead. He sorted some socks out that I’d forgotten to do, as I had a quick shave & teeth cleaning. Mizra moved the shower curtain to a better angle. Which was all helpful, and he realised that with the shoulder, back, Peripheral shakes, the possibility of a seizure, and Lost-Balance-Belinda, he made sure he did not leave me alone in the shower. I noticed and appreciated it so much. He washed the areas I have difficulty reaching. Never complaining, always asking how I felt. This was the best thing to happen to me for months. Embarrassing, of course, an old fart like me now needing help to shower. He helped me dry off the wetter areas, and as I assembled the medications needed for the body check that followed, Mizra cleaned up the wetroom and brought the bath mats back in from the hallway. He changed the Catheter Contraption’s lower sections, then helped me into the PPs, after the new Catheter was completed. Then got my slippers put on. We started trying to get help with the showering many months back, last year it was. Thanks to support from my Angel, Jenny, and financial checks, I’ll now have extra time on some calls to get this done without Jenny. Mizra, and Ejaz, I’m sure I could cope very well at all. XXX
Mizra explained he will take me shopping next Saturday, and I could get some cash from The Co-op, Ozrans, or the new food store, I can’t recall the name of, that begins with H, I think. Me being me, naturally, I expect the toenail cutter and window cleaner to call before I get the dosh. Hehe!
He will also check my stack of unopened letters that has been building up for about three months.
I thanked him muchly as he departed.
Somehow, apart from Jenny’s help, of course, without which no extra help would have arrived. 🤎 I felt a surge of satisfaction and felt semi-contentment for the first time in years.

Ah, yes, I just remembered, the store in Sherwood with the cash machine is called Herons! Jenny tells me the Post Office one is currently not available.

returned, along with a slightly, no, much more worried-about-things attitude.

With a rekindled enthusiasm, I got the potatoes out of the slow-cooker. Doesn’t it look weather-beaten? Hehe!
I cut some thick slices and put some of the Leicester cheese on them, ready to use. I covered them with foil, and when the oven heats up, I’ll cover the spuds with the cheese.
I’ve got green tomatoes to slice and have with them, and I can open the jar of Salatka green tomato salad. With shredded carrots, red peppers, and onions, in vinegar.
I’ve also got pickled mushrooms to add.
I’m beginning to feel hungry now.

Late-afternoon views taken through the open kitchenette window.
Immediately after taking this, and thinking I’ll check if the oven was hot enough to put the sliced spuds and cheese into it… that much I can recall. My next recollection was the upsurge of acidic reflux coming into my throat, nasal passages, and mouth. And, I was sitting at the computer? Another of the mysteries from Woodthorpe Court, with the hobgoblins, spectres, gnomai, phantasms, ghosts, the grotesque succubae, extraterrestrials, ectoplasms, & spirits. Receptive Aphasia Phyllis, Paroxysmal dyskinesia, Episodic ataxia, Ménière’s disease, Dark, Deep, Depressing Darius, Nicodemus Neurotransmitters Dying, Glaucoma Gladys, Stuttering Stephany, Lymphorrhea Leslie, Premordid Cognitive Impairment Inchie, Fractured-Knee-Frank, the damned seizures, or the Fata Morganas that have been sent to taunt, irritate and terminate my already limited saneness of mind. My faith, sanity, and logicality were already on the wane. Not to mention the deteriorating state of me physically and mentally.
Just thought I’d mention it, like.

As quickly as I could, I went back to the kitchen to check the condition of the oven, fearing I might have left it on high. Carer Mizra arrived as I was checking it. All was okay, and he helped me add the cheese topping and told me not to forget about it, check it every ten minutes. Which I did. Thanked Mizra.

Got the meal served up; my overall rating was a 7/10. This is due to the potatoes being tasteless. The cheese was alright, the fresh green tomato delicious, the pickled veg fantastic. The Polish sausage and pickled mushrooms were both the highlights of the nosh.
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