Medieval Two-Sleeps – With Ode to it

I am not a historian, intellectual, or even satisfactorily educated Nottinghamian. But for some reason, I clicked on this when I opened the computer. I was fascinated with this medieval habit of taking two sleeps. And finding out why they did so. I just had to share the link below. I put in the first few paragraphs.

BBC Two Sleeps

By Zaria Gorvett – 10th January 2020

The forgotten medieval habit of ‘two periods of sleep

I hope you can time to have a nip through this. It has kicked off a desire for me to find out more.

ODE TO TWO-SLEEPS

I came across this fascinating article, by chance,
Despite twixt me and education, there’s no relevance,
It got my brain going with interest and considerance,
To learn more of how mankind lived, in its nascence
Detailed facts of what they had to experience…

No drains, running water, out of the window with the effluence!
Of course, there were murders, muggings and fraudulence…
Someone tipping pee on you would cause some incongruence?
They’d not recognise it, but there must have been dissonance?
They’d send you to the madhouse without any evidence…
The local barber would pull your teeth without competence!
Then charge you as much as threepence!

I imagine the pubs would have a smell of abhorrence?
But they’d all stink, so it made little difference…
The brewers cleaned the vats with bleach: Commonsense?
Many citizens died, as a consequence,
Death Certificated: ‘Death by flatulence!’
In a highly abbreviated form of Latin, hence… poignance,
Not that many could read English, no chance!

Back to the Two-Sleep Theme

I wish I could have had two last night…
I nodded of quick enough and woke at midnight…
From then on, sleeping for more than five minutes was a fight!
I lost count of the wakening, expecting to see the dawnlight,
Each waking, I felt pretty sprite,
Not a single wee-wee, something wasn’t right!
The minutes crawled, tried to get back to sleep… well, I might!
My silently-mouthed cursing was pretty unerudite,
Waking up every ten-minute, made me annoyed and contrite,
Still, Little Inchie unused, the fungal lesion, caused disquiet,
I was awake more than asleep in hindsight – it made me uptight!
Not had such a lousy night for at least a fortnight…
Nattering to myself, nonsense mostly, proper blatherskite!
I wish I could have had just a two-minutes-sleep last night…

A Few Recent Photos

Last Nights Sunset.

Last Nights Sunset.

The J, Sainsbury’s Order Arrived. What came was nice enough, reasonable dates on those I could manage to read the date of.

But just look at the unavailable items!

A rainbow, around midday.

Then…

Another toothed came out of its own accord.

Got to phone the Cardiac DVT Unit. I might be back, as Arni Said! Oh, no, that was I will be back! Tsk!

Inchcock: Local News Snippets in Ode

This week the News Snippets are reported, recorded and commented on, by The Nottingham Pensioner Lad, Inchcock (89).

Alto-Ego Inchy: I apologise for the Odeing included in the comments. But the lad has had minimal education. Now, with him contracting Vascular Dementia, as well as various other ailments; Hearing aids, mechanical ticker fitted, Glaucoma, Saccades, Cataracts, Stroke, Peripheral Neuropathy. His tendency to either waffle on, lose the plot or regularly forgets what he was doing, where he is, or where he was going; does not make for readable poetry. But there’s no stopping him. He only sulks when I point out these and other failings to him. Sorry.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Well, this looks good,
Be happy surely we should?
Read the next one and chew the cud!
Your interpretation will go down with a thud!

I’m aware of how they feel, every patient,
I’m waiting on may a medical appointment,
Dentist, Chiropodist, Doctors yearly check…
That’s been a wait of three years, by, heck!
Audio, DVT and Cardiac…
Then the operation on the cataracts,
Glaucoma and Saccades and the Diabetes in fact…
Will I live long enough to get my treatments?

Sozzled, drugged up, and a man with a violent bent,
But will there be a return to prison requirement?
Easier for him to get drugs in there for his sustainment?
Maybe they’ll offer him some mental treatment?
Tell him sorry if this is inconvenient…
Give him some cocaine and pay his rent?

Run of the mill stuff, for the Nottingham creed,
I understand that he was a gynaecologist,
Nothing suspicious, the chap wasn’t a druggist…
Police won’t look too far into this…
With nine officers attacked and on the sick list!

The Police and I…
Have no idea why,
So sorry the lad had to die…
RIP son… It makes you cry!

No matter why – Animals!

All this violence, drugs, gangs, I comprehend?
Slave importers, youths will re-offend…
No deterrent do the courts send…
Viciousness threatens, it’s today trend…
And I think it will only worsen!
A judge was I thought the only person…
Who could, these crimes amend…
But no, so I’m scared and disheartened!.

Self-Centred Scum!

Well, this is interesting news for Sherwood…
A 48% increase in crime figures, should…
make my blood boil, make me angry and rude!
I’m not surprised, I’ve not seen a policeman since May!
Didn’t even see one on Tuesday…
Plenty of yobboes lurking…
Don’t suppose they are working?
I just pray they don’t mug me today!.


Raliegh, John Players, Debenhams, Topshop, Oasis, WH Smith, Burton & Dorothy Perkins, River Island, Banks closing down, Virgin Media sold to Liberty Global and has been ruined by them, Macintoshes, Rowntrees, Frys, Cadburys all sold to Nestles…

But fret not, we have 14 new takeaway shops opened… even though 12 went bankrupt in the last year?

Well, looking at my arm that’s encouraging.

So, basically, she’s got 25 days, what an hour a session? Going to some Community Centre; probably gets a free meal, and she can do some drug trading at the same time. I assume that courts will be providing her with a taxi both ways?

Inchcock’s Local News Snippets in Ode

Inchcock’s Odes to Why?

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

WHY COVID?

Covid-19 and Sars-CoV-2, why they came, is what I’m thinking?
Government confused findings, need reabsorbing…
Pandemic and HMG hold a party, hobnobbing?
Annoyed me, so this Ode I’m now scribing…
Yet, to their rules, I’ve been acquiescing,
Two years now, since any Doctor interfacing,
Definites, the Government are sidestepping?
I feel like I’m permanently convalescing,
Anti-maskers are not exactly applauding…
Anti-vaccers protests showing no signs of concluding,
Jab or mask-wearing? Some are not deciding…
I follow the guidelines, but it can be confusing,
Doing what you can to protect others is frustrating,
Between the Do’s and the Don’ts, there’s bile offloading,
No give or understanding of others, compassion is subsiding,
Sarcasticness abounds, even where I am residing!

Coronavirus arrives, HMG problems beginning,
Changes meant more hassle, problems teething,
Proletariats, needing hopes strengthening,
Some vague chance of things improving…
New strains, deaths, started the mudslinging…
Ordinary voters started teeth-gnashing,
Anti-vaxxers and maskers began badmouthing,
But some uncaring folks just started shrugging,
Accusing HMG of ignorance and gross mismanaging,
The businesses set out to gain more profit – I’m seething!
Indeed, we should be encouraging, not rubbishing?

Official figures are baffling and misleading,
Dyscalculia makes it difficult in reading…
Have the Governments been Shanghaiing?
In favour of financing, from businesses and banking?
Are their advisors’ advising wrongly and failing?
Does their arriere-pensee to us need rethinking?
How do they stop the money-men from sabotaging?
The bankers, investors from profit-pocketing?
Indeed it’s impossible to stop them interfering and scavenging?

And, whatever’s happened to the political duelling?
No calls from Labour, as Kinnock would have been lambasting?
Lib-Dems are still about, are they? I’m just asking!
I think I worked it out; why is the silence blasting?
They both think, thank heavens, we are not ruling…
All this confusion, entangling… they’ve no idea of detangling,
So give Boris no bother, or at the subsequent voting…
The masses may vote for us, and we win… nonplussing!
The thought of us dealing with things is blood-curdling!
Labour in power, cause enough for frightful caterwauling!
Well, that’s enough of my HMG & Covid caterwauling,
Not such a good Ode, this one, it left me… Tsking!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

WHY AM I SO UNLUCKY?

I’ll start with one event, the heart thing,
That was not unlucky; it did not leave me whining!
This operation saved my life… Else I’d have been missing…
The Hernia, Peripheral Neuropathy and Colin Cramping,
Cancer of the bladder, and stroke, and a lot of bemoaning. Hehe!

Being an unlucky sod can be so time-consuming,
Leaving very little time left for resting and vacuuming,
A Whoopsiedangleplop, maybe the Thought Storms brewing…
A memory loss, missed bus, lost keys or painful burping…
From near-deadly to a tap left running or finger burning,
Ailments, senility and old age means the end of by beep-bopping,
The worst is Vascular Dementia, the brain transitioning…

My diabetes and oedema cause much bother urinating,
Each morning, the feet will be either bloated or very thin,
It’s not so bad since I stopped doing my trampolining,
The tumbling or fallings is constantly threatening…

Neuropathy and Shaking Shoulder Shirley are disquietening!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

I regularly get subconjunctival haemorrhaging,
Saccades and the new eye problems are definitely worrying,
Floaters, cataracts and glaucoma, almost frightening!
Everything taking longer to do, from the ablutioning…
Painful bending to retrieve dropped items can sting!
Oh, and evacuations on the Throne, and Wee-weeing!

I nearly always cut myself shaving,
Sometimes taking many minutes peeing…
Occasionally, taking only seconds at urine freeing!
The Porcelain Throne, often with evacuation misfunctioning.

Porcelain Throne options for me are; water-like spurting…
Which can be over like lighting!
Or resistant, rock-hard, and bloody,
Either or both are constantly hurting and agony!

Cleaning, me or the flat internally, is so burdening,
Seems nowadays to take an eternity, and much groaning,
Hardly any time for my beloved Word Pressing,
My confidence is egringolering…
My hearing is worsening…
Every task’s success is gimping!

The leaking blood through the plaster was bubbling!
But it was not at all troubling…
Cause actually, it made me do some laughing…
Which I found rather refreshing!

Inchcocks’ True Odes to Life Series

Inchcocks Future Fun Newspaper Headlines

.

Future Sports, Covidity, and Politics, unsung,
Including Boris, Cummings, even Cameron,
I threw myself into creating these, then the phone rung…
Told me the Bank is closing its branch… that’ll be fun!
A bill from the Council, Carers Fees, that stung!
Two weeks ago, Meridian arranged a direct debit…
About as reliable as Norman Tebbit!

Here they are; I hope you get a smile from;

Inchcocks Future Fun Newspaper Headlines

I fang You!

Inchcock’s Make ‘Em Laugh Series

An Alto Ego & Inchies Id Argument

I’m leaving it up to Alto-Ego and Inchie ID to do the blog today. I may add something afterwards, but I’m suffering the dreaded, loathed DD (Dracula Depression) this morning. As annoying as this is, trying to find out why is equally disconcerting. As far as I can tell, nothings changed from last night? Humph!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Well, ID, can you explain summat to me?

What? I thought you were Mr Perfect?

You’ve actually got an advantage over me with this problem, Pugface!

Oh, go on then barbed-wire tongue…. let’s hear it, more sarcasm or criticism, is it?

No, no, no. I’ll explain, mate…

Mate! You just called me, mate!

Are you going to answer me or what? Just cause you’re a thick knob-end of an Ego, doesn’t mean we can’t still be pals. Let’s face it, the more we learn, the more we can pester the life out of Inchcock, innit? So we should help each other learn even more things that will irritate our host… Yes?

Go on then, your taking my Inchcock aggravating time away…

No, I’ve just popped into his pathetic brain; he’ll not be up to or responsive to any joshing, bewildering, bamboozling, or distracting this morning…

Just a cotton-picking minute ID, that’s the things we love to do…

I know, but there are some things even more potent than wot we are, and he’s…

He’s got to live a few more years, at all costs, cause if he snuffs it too soon, or even if Inchcock finds some contentment… the IDAEC (Alto-Ego-Consortium) Guidelines, Rules and Cautionary Advice 112,145,23 will come into force. I’ll end up back in the Soul Bank Vaults, for God knows how many years again! So I…

Well, that’s your advantage. I was going to talk about it mush!

Yer, wot?

If you cock-it-up, a couple of hundred years in the Soul Bank Vaults, is nothing – If I gerrit wrong, that’s it, end of this Id, altogether. We don’t get transferred to another human-host yer know! Oh, no, it’s a harsh existence for us Ids.

So? Worrya saying like? I could be in there for thousands of years. You are aware that the only hosts there are cockroaches, ants and rats, are yer?

So what’s wrong with that, then?

I won’t be as easy as host Inchcock; the cockroaches are cleverer than he is!

Hahaha! I just listened to him, you know, a while ago. He was talking to his pets! No, honestly! He really was; I’m not jesting Alto, I even think he heard them answering him, too!

No harm… he loves them, it’s a human trait yer know, or do yer? He does that every morning… Unless he’s had trouble in the Porcelain Throne, that is. There’s no problem with that…

Hogglebogwash! How long can he be in the toilet, for heaven sake?

Well, if his evacuation is one of his rock-solid ones, up to about an hour, on occasions, he’s taken longer. When his fungal lesion bleeds, yer see, he has a grossly painful job on, stopping and medicating things…

Gangleboggleisations! Get yersen in the bog; you can pester him while he’s struggling. Give him hell! Bloody heck, a perfect opportunity for giving out some pilgarlic, pooh-pooing, heckling, vilification and raillery. Hahaha! He won’t be able to concentrate on his Porcelain Throne duties at all – Hehehe! Why we could…

Come off it, you know nothing about my host, does yer? You’ve been in this monstrous wobbly-bellied, old idiot for a week now, but yer not learning owt are yer?

Oh, you are, I suppose, yer gerrin’ as thick and decrepit as Inchcock is, pal… yer on the wane, mentally…

You thick swine, on the wane mentally? What else does yer expect? You might have noticed that neither of us is human. We are ethereal, diaphanous beings, or are you not aware of this?

Watch it pug-face, or I’ll report you to the IDAEC (ID-Alto-Ego-Consortium). You know full well what I meant! I was speaking figuratively, interpretatively, metaphorically, As you are fully aware of; Thunderglobberisations! I thought we’d agreed to be social wiv each other?

Who did? Not me! I’ve not got over you lying to me last week yet… You promised if I signed the IDAEC Guidelines & Cautionary Advice Procedure Adherence 112,145,23, you’d leave this host forever… but no, you are a snotty-nosed ID, aren’t you, so superior… But you being a defrauding, backstabbing, double-crossing, untrustworthy Id that you are, should be reported, not me! Git!

I think you’ve been with this host, Inchcock, for far too long, my old fruitcake! You should just report yourself to the IDAEC as a failure. You’re catching a human beings ailments, such as dementia… No, let me continue…Testicles! If I could, I’d like to tear your head off!.

We’ve already agreed that we are both emblematical, selectively apparitional beings. So tearing my head of would be pointless, don’t you think?

I’m not so sure, Meathead, having never tried to kill anyone before, and as far as I know, no other Id before me has. Perhaps some form of transubstantiating has taken place over the years, and we have acquired the ability to tear off an Alto-Ego’s head? Hehehe!

The same goes for tearing off the head of an Id, indeed?

Ah, I see what you mean. We could, in fact, make history, be the first Id and Alto-Ego to kill each other? Or at least give it a go?

There you go again; you’ve got no morals, have you? What about your Id Oath what you took in training, eh?

Erm, I can’t remember that; it was over three thousand years ago, Dumbo!

Ha! A whippersnapper! Well, for your information, I started off as an Id…

Oh, did you, my friend?

Shut-it! I took the Id oath myself over 5,000 years ago. I seem to remember it went something like, “I shall occupy the given human body as instructed, with the intent of making the host into a big-headed, greedy, parasitic personage within the given period as prescribed by the IDAECC (ID-Alto-Ego-Consortium-College) Trainer on this day (dated). Convincing the host mentioned above that England will win the world cup again, all Politicians will become trustworthy, and America will land a human-crewed rocket with 5000 paying passengers on board on Mars, at the cost of $3.” You remember that bit, Inchie-Id?

No, and I didn’t miss any lectures or training sessions.

Anyway, it’s time I checked on Inhchcock…

No problem, I can hear him talking to his Carers.

Anyway, what was this question you had for me then? Id my old flower?

Oh, yes… I was a little concerned about why the human hosts always get drunk, stabbing or running over other hosts in their tinned transport, each New Year? And why do they welcome getting older so merrily and fire off flaming fireworks into the sky?

Ah, well, it wasn’t always like that, you know…

Tell me what used to happen in the old days Inchie, I’m confused.

Well, in days of yore, the human hosts always get drunk on mead, stab someone, and run over other hosts with the horses and stagecoaches transport, each New Year? And why do they welcome getting older so merrily and fire flaming fireworks into the sky? Then they welcomed in the new year merrily and fire flaming fireworks into the sky?

Well, I never knew that!.

Hello… Inchcocks took a tumble in the shower…

Bags, I get to annoy him first!

Rollock’s!

Me first, being the youngest, Crab-Nose!

You got that arse-about-faced as well! The old ones should get priority!

Arse-about-faced… I like it!

We’ll go together, but I get first scoffing, sneering at, chastising Inchcock?

That’s fair enough, mate, as long as you leave the laughing at and humiliating comments in?.

Done, cocker!

Great mate!

The now two best pals floated through the wall into the wet room with this. But…

Oh, Sod-It! A lot of blood; I think he might be dead?

After all that planning, and arguing too!

Take a close look, see if he’s breathing…

How does yer do that then? I’ve never tried to help a host before?

I’m not sure… erm…

It’s your fault, all that being obstreperous with me!

Clackers!

Bog-Knobs!

Well, one of us must wait around until someone finds the body…

Why?

We’ve got to report it to the IDAEC (ID-Alto-Ego) Records Dep’t…

Why are they going to make a song about it?

Someone might make a song and dance about it, but me? I’ll be back in the IDAEC (ID-Alto-Ego-Consortium) Soul Bank Vaults.

Ain’t these human hosts heartless, dying just like that!

Pigs!

Baskets!

Does yer think the Carers will find him int morning then?

I suppose so… hang on, where’s he keep the cans of plonk for the Carers?

Oh, yes, what does yer fancy mate, Vodka and lime. G & T, Pimms, Mojito, Tequila beer, Strongbow, or Rum & Coke, Id?.

Yea!

Inchies Make Them Laugh Series

TTFN

Inchcock Today: 2022 Cometh

2022 Cometh

No one asked it, too – but it came all the same!

Friday 31 December 2021

Inchcock’s computer was doing odd things again,
Inchie knows it is doomed; he feels the pain,
Still, he’s got his other worries, Morphine and Lidocaine,
Everything nowadays confuses him; facts are so hard to retain!
His efforts to improve his memory have all been in vain,
But Inchies determination to survive remains unslain,
Then he stubbed his toe, lost his key, then a tumble again!

He set about making an imitation dinner…
Perseverant, dedicated to making this one tastier!
After a few meal failures lately, he’s getting jitterier…
Confidence gone, he tried, but this meal was crappier…
His language, as he turned into a self-hater…
He should have stuck with sausage and mashed potato!
Boy did he swear, spit, as his self-loathing went nuclear!
A good job that no one else was in the area!
Then pains from Duodenal Donald did appear…
The old codger is not having much luck, I fear!.

Depressed with himself now, he got his camera,
His mind wandered… thinking of his meal… beefburger?
“I fell asleep and missed the fireworks, silly bugger!”
As he saw the sky, he thought of being an astrologer,
Realising his eyesight, with so many a disorder…
Cataract Katey, Glaucoma Gloria, and Saccades Sandra,
He’ll see nowt, and the telescope he couldn’t manoeuvre…
His pre-2022 brain and thoughts were even unclearer…

Inchcock got into his overwhelmingly sickeningly…
Beige, second-hand, £300, c1968, uncomfortable, recliner,
Nodded off, woke up in the kitchen – how? Somnambulistically,
Dropped off again, woke at 00:10hrs, not very jocularly…
He’s missed photoing the fireworks – he blames his dementia!
But he still got his camera, and onto the balcony, he did venture…

2022 Had Arrived!

He whipped back the cover where he was reclined,
And mottled legs, and glowing ulcer he did find!
But, no time for medicating now; his leg he disentwined…
Got his fully charged camera, all realigned…
Took two photographs, not too badly defined!

Kettle on, and off he went to the Porcelain Throne,
After half an hour, I had to check on him (Alto-Ego) all alone…
I heard no screams, not even a moan!
I floated into the Porcelain Throne…
He sat there glum-faced, scratching his thigh bone…,

Into his crosswording… He said, “Nowts moved, Alto”,
“Rock solid, burrit won’t move, though!
“Have yer given the Diapharm capsules a go?”
“One yesterday, one today! No, it was two today!”
As I laughed and left, I thought I heard him pray!

Inchcock Leaves The Wet Room!

Forty minutes after going into the Porcelain Throne,
He came out wearily, in pain, and took a Ziprasidone,
He seemed fed-up, looking drawn and on his own…
His usual contentment seems to have been blown…
He started rubbing on his cheekbone…
Oh, dearie, he’s got toothache; but he doesn’t moan,
Just stands there, fascinated, looking out at a drone!

Health Checks Time

Well, the BP SYS is a little high,
As is the Pulse, he wonders why?

Temperature is at 34.2°centigrade, not too high,
He’s unconcerned, and I think I know why…
He’s been in the fridge, reading instructions on his beef pie!
Then checked the cooking times on his chips… Oh, my!
Then went on CorelDraw, to make a graph, that’s why!

I heard him talking from the other room; he was going at it,
He does a lot of chinwagging to himself…
But I’m not worried about his mental health a bit,
Although his finances are losing wealth…
He was happily talking to his pet, Rabbit Rupert…
All the others as well, he did look a little hurt…
When I called his brown bear, Burt…
He grabbed me by the shirt…
Even though he’s only a little squirt…
And I always thought he was an introvert?

I soon discovered why he was being so short with me,
His favourite nurse did not arrive…
I laughed; he threatened to kick me in the knee!
But Arthur Itis and Dizzy Dennis made him fall over, you see,
I’ve never seen him so active…
Till he tumbled over, now he’s definitely inactive…
But he did get back up; it took him a long time to rise…
I laughed at him again. He was very reactive…
To the point of being so argumentative…
I told him, I’m not real, you do realise?
That’s why kicking me was very unwise!.

Inchie sulked a while, took some more painkillers, and skulked off to prepare a meal. I’m worried about him…

Hehehe!

TTFNski, all!

♥ Have a betterer 2022 year! ♥

36 Graphics of this year – Wot Inchcock done for the TFZers

36 of this year’s Graphics – done for the TFZers

I’d like to start with one done earlier – for Sandie Lentz. It was Sandie that started the TFZ (Troll Free Zone). Initially, with only former members of Yahoo Questions Site, which was getting overly trolled.

We all loved and miss Sandie. Her other hobby and fascination was the American Civil War history. When I made this graphic a few years ago, she said she loved it, so it goes on first for the TFZ and our former First Lady. With Love.

♥ Sandie Lentz ♥

Here are a few from earlier this year. As they came from the file.

Pattie, Janet, Marie, Gladys Lona & Jillie. ♥

Pattie ♥ & Meritt

Jillie, in the sea! ♥.

Keith nibbling.

Nancy, gorrit organised! ♥

Janet & Me

Mary – Well done! ♥

Jillie & Mary ♥

Nancy, Marie, Pattie, Betty, Meritt, Wayne, Me

Keith. Hehehe!

Pattie & Serge (Hubby) ♥

Janet A, Heather, Keith & me ♥

Pattie – Cor! ♥

TFZers Tribute Trio Consisting of Julie, Lillie and Linda

Janet A, me, and Keith nosing at us. Hehe!.

Marie ♥ – Had enough of the entertainment?

Marie, Keith and me. (Bacon lovers)

Lona, Patricia, Julie, Nancy, Janet, Heather, Jillie, Meritt, Keith and the two Thomas’s.

Kitchen again – We like our food! Mary, Gladys, Jillie and Nancy

Janet cooking! Is that absinthe?

Meritt organising the TFZer transport.

Gladys (Many members favourite – mine too)

Julie doing what she does best! Haha!

Another Winner for Shirley! ♥

Mary dining! Free drink?

Part-Time Astronaut Julie!

Full-time Cook, Marie, Cook for me any day!

Actress Nancy – getting paid… for what? Haha!

Mary with Keith lurking?

Heather serves the ale – Thomas & Andy interested.

All the lads ogling Gladys! I don’t blame them!

Marie and Thomas S

Pattie, with guess who thumbed a lift?

Lona – Not to be messed, this gal!

Lillie, attracting the attention of the ship cleaner?

Hello, Lona’s back – on stage with Thomas G!

.

.

Local News Snippets with Comments Part 5⅜

Good Question!

I’ve got arithmophobia, numbers leave my head in a haze,
No doubt, I’m an old gentleman, who is easy to faze,
Trying to understand and or appraise,
Easy, back in my earlier days,
Confusing now, my brain decays…
Facts and figures mixed, like mayonnaise!

This is clearer to me, a lot less bull,
+113.6%, well, that’s plainly plentiful!
Far too high for things to remain uneventful!
In fact, we must indeed all be very careful…
Or things can easily become more fatal!

I’m not sure why this was in the news at all?
This article is not likely to amuse or enthral?
Still, nice to see summat that’s not hard-ball,
I should welcome an item that’s not conflictual!

What is conditional bail?
Bed at a certain time?
Don’t stab anyone or impale?
Collect your dole on time?
Or eat only Wensleydale?
Don’t commit another crime?
Or is conditional bail, a dwale?

Here’s a right git who is rather unnice!
He’d drunk-driven before… Twice!
Nearly six years he got, very nice,
He was tried at Derby, didn’t apologise…
Better than the Nottingham Court guys…
They’d given him a month and free pork pies!

I can’t believe it, just two years… surely?
Our justice system is a tragi-comedy!
It defies logic and believability,
Saving money, with short sentences essentially,
Do we spend too much locking them up excessively?
Starve the gits! Forget about doing things humanely,
Or did the scumbag pretend to act demurely?

I find it hard to make a comment on this scum!

I’m sure she meant no harm at all,
By gum, she’s persistent, in for the long haul,
Though to be honest, it is only natural…
When the grandkids want drugs, avoid being conflictual,
Wanting to please young Elvis and Myrtle?

Brothers Jamil and Shakeel Amin spearheaded the group, who, in their twenties themselves, had a significant influence on young people in the city, who they were targeting since 2018. They were found to have long lists of clients, with frequent phone calls and texts relating to buying the likes of cocaine, MDMA and ketamine. Two members even bragged that they had so much money they could throw fivers ‘in the bin’, and the video of 29-year-old Shakeel Amin and 22-year-old Zain Mushtaq casting the notes aside was shown during the court case involving nine people as part of a drugs conspiracy.

I thought I’d end on a higher note, the top gang bullies got seven years each. It should have been a lot more, but with our justice magistrates and judges, it was a miracle they got seven!

Part of The Inchcock Local News Snippet Series – In Ode

Inchcocks Wednesday of Whoopsiedangleploppery

I’ll start at the beginning, (Sounds logical to me? – Hehe!) Perhaps I might learn to spell as well… tomorrow…Tsk!

I woke around 03:00hrs and rose gingerly to my feet,
But the knees and legs bothered me most, mate…
Just look at ’em on the left here… What a state!
Still had Arthur Itis giving pain and the flat feet…
Without pains, a life I would think would be incomplete?

The regular fluid retention that usually sinks into the feet seemed now stuck in the top of the legs. My patellas are all knobbly?  But I’m not complaining (then anyway).

I began to think through the needs and actions of the potentially hectic mornings requirement. Which, as I noted, were:

  • Get the ablutions done early, like straight away…
  • Make sure I do not use the shower as early as this in the morning, so I’ll have a stand-up session at the sink.
  • Get the teeth done first.
  • De-coke the nasals.
  • Saccades eye drops in. (Try to get some of the medication into the eye this time!)
  • Before shaving, don’t forget to say your little prayer to the Peripheral Neuropathy God. And make sure the aftershave is handy to stop any bleeding.
  • Do take care medicationalisationing. I can tell already that Little Inchies final lesion has been bleeding cause as soon as I moved, the dried blood cracked as the P.P.’s were adjusted… So be prepared for agony, and brave it out, mate!
  • Now cometh something that will be as much hassle and pain as anything…
  • Yes, the sock-glide has to be used for the first time in months! Sorry, but it’s just too cold to go out to the Dentist, barefooted in my shoes this time!
  • I wish you all the best of luck with carrying out this fearful, scare-making task! But, it’s got to be done!
  • Things went relatively well as it happened.
  • As expected. The worst by far was the tender application of the dreaded, feared, always tear bringing…
  • Tender in the extreme and extra painful cause one has to get to things in the first place… 😢
  • The Sock-Glide won the ‘Most Hated’, The Most Feared’ awards. But the fungal lesioning retained its status as ‘King of the Excruciating Medicalisationings!’
  • I was so glad that I got these done and out of the way early on… I even Smug-Moded about it for a while!

I made my first brew of tea, finished off yesterday’s blog, and got it posted off. The Carer came nice and early, so that was nice… her seeing the photo of my legs on the computer screen was a bit harrowing for the gal, though. Hahaha! Me too!

I thanked the girl and offered some nibbles or drinkies in thanks, but she wouldn’t have any. I fang-you! Off she went taking my waste bags to the chute with her.

The computer turned off, and I got down to getting things ready in earnest. Let’s have a think now…

Bus pass to get back home with, yes! Camera, check. Cash card… okay. Keys, Alert bands, Warfarin I.D., yes… Somethings missing, methinks? Aha, shopping list and cash card, Gorrit!  By the time I was all ready to go, it was about 08:15hrs as I set out. I got into the lift and down to the ground floor…

Then went back up to the 12th-floor and the flat and got a face mask adorned. Nearly made another cock-up there!

THE JOURNEY…

Down and outside, over the road, Accifauxpas, nought!
I turned around, to the view of Winwood Court,
I took a photo of it… well, I thought I aught!
But the gravel hill up into the park made me fraught…

Made it up the hill in one go – but I was heavily breathing,
A dog came from nowhere, barking at me; I was seething!
Nearly ended up mucking my underclothing!
The dog owner arrived, she was chunky, fortysomething…
I fell in love again… the mouth was frothing…

I limped my way through the twitchel no one was about,
I was a little nervy, so I still kept a lookout,
Had a look around as I came out…
That twitchel has an ominous aura, there’s no doubt!.

Down the hill, as far as Elmswood Gardens, then right…
And alongst it. I plodded towards the traffic light…
Mansfield Road road, the spending did start!

Too early for the Dentist, I called into the Wilko store,
Laundry booster, Zoflora and Trots tablets… Yes, some more!
The tablets were easy to get, four feet from the floor…
The booster too high, out of reach, to my displeasure!
I ask a lady for help, at her leisure…
The Zoflora, bottom shelf, I ended up on the floor!
But the ladies laughed and helped me up some more!

Out just in time to get to the Dentist,
They treated me well, although they were pressed…
A new gal training on the reception desk…
I was soon fetched to see the Dentist Oola Bogusz,
As she leant over me, I could sense her firm left bust…
She smiled at me a lot, was I going mad or what?
She and the nurse actually joked with me???
Toothpaste prescription, Something amiss here, just you see!
In no time, I was treated and set free!

I had a funny turn while paying my dues…
Well, I had it when I first joined the queues
These were also patient with me… another ruse?
I have to work this out at home, have a muse…
Why the change? They all usually have a short fuse!

Not many folks about? Most of them had not got facemasks on. Even in the Dentist and Wilko. What’s the matter with them?

Down to the Co-op, to get some cans of their delightful own brand chilli-con-carne… why the tastebuds were salivating at the thought of getting some more cans… But No! The assistant asked the manager for me, and I found that they had stopped stocking this product, Grrr! Gnatwrangles! Damn them! Curses! Flibblegonkackles! Gits! Slobs! Flibblegonkackles! May they go bankrupt! And may whoever it was who decided to stop stocking my beloved cans of Chilli; Get festering, fungal-lesions bursting out slowly all over their body, for at least a full year, before they finally rot away; in absolute agony!  Not that it overly bothers me, mind!

Then up to the top of the road to Lloyds Chemist,
Oh, Pharmacy nowadays, sorry, how remiss!
I got the prescription toothpaste from Alice,
Leaving, I trapped my finger in the door…
My Saccades vision is now feeble & poor…
And the left index finger is bloody sore!

Humph!

I got to the bus stop and met Esther, we had a natter, as she was on her way to the flats to do someones cleaning. Nice to see her. We walked through the link passages together – they can’t touch me for that! Hahaha! (Can they?)

Home Sweet Home!

Well, things didn’t go too bad, well, maybe… erm… either way, I did enjoy the getting out of the flat bit. Although it cost me a lot of dosh, a little blood, frustration and had moments of utter confusion… that’s life, you see… Well, it is for me!

My Route Taken

Yellow on foot – Purple on the bus.

I unloaded the bits of stuff purchased. Of course, there would have been more; had the lousy, stinking, crap-ridden, overcharging, dog-breath,  Klunglefrazzled Co-op had some their ‘Honest Value’ Chili-Con Carnie to sell me. But never mind. Shit!

I soon settled into a routine that matched the rest of the day,
Drinking spring water, tea and a pee; what a thirst I’d got on me,
I may not have been contented, but not depressed, exactly,
I started the mammoth task of doing this blog artistically!
In between blogging, I even had two callers, socially!
A lovely carer to drop off a Christmas card, nice & early.

Even got a phone call from the Doctors surgery,
Wanting to arrange a booster shot for me…
I explained I’m having it done at the chemist this Saturday,
Adding, I’ll see you tomorrow anyway…
Why is that? she did say, ‘For medical, the yearly…’
No, you’re not booked in, evidently?
I’ll check, hang on, she said wearily…
I’ve got it on my calendar, my dearie?
Have I got it wrong again? Am I illusory?
Nothing on our records, she added hastily…
Oh, a free day for me then, that’s satisfactory…
Maybe I can have a hassle-free day?
Yes, well, I’ll see, you may be hearing again from me?

The feet, after not wearing socks for months, continuous…
Felt okay, but the legs were feeling somewhat lethiferous,
So, I wound up the trouser legs, oh, the fuss…

What a change to earlier ones, more flush,
Still swollen, at the top, but fatter lower down?
Will the fluid flow with a gush?
Will things spurt in a rush?
Will the legs turn to a sodden mush?
Will the world, these limbs discuss?
Will the cause be revealed, as dracunculus?

Look what I found in the middle of the kitchen floor!
A rock hard escapee garden pea, what is more…
The miracle is, how I hadn’t noticed it before?
Has my eyesight, really got that poor?
Am I going potty? I’m not sure…

Camera Out – Balcony Utilised!

To take some snaps of the wonderful view.
The amazing sky, shown in the first two…

In a couple of shots of Chestnut walk, you won’t see any queue,
The place is sparse of people. what can I do?
Are they all inside, eating sausages, fish or making a fondue?
Mayhap some are trying on their Christmas tutu?
Or on holiday in Bulwell, Cardiff or Timbuktu?
Perhaps absent, gone off on a romantic rendezvous?
It’s possible a few could be feeling sozzled or blue?
Out buying food, but the panic buyers are in the queue?
Or in town, with their free bus passes to renew?
I’d speculate more; if only I knew…
Where they have all gone, what are they up to?
Ah, gorrit! Christmas! They’ll be making their homebrew!

Well, I’d better get some food – salad or a stew?
No, vegetarian sausages and root potatoes… that’ll do,
I’ll take a photo of it later, just for you to have a peekaboo!

Worra Nosh!

Vegetarian! Royal grown potatoes, root vegetable mash, tomatoes, Nigerian podded peas, Veggie sausages, cheese and bean pastie, with orange jelly and spray cream for dessert!

Taste Rating: 7.9/10 – Delicious!

Part of ‘The Nottingham Lads True Tales of Woe In Rhyme’

To all my thousands of fans throughout the world, I wish you all good fortune, fun, festivities, euphoria and future financial prosperity! (To both of you!)

TTFN!

Early December 2021: Local News Snippets – With Sarcastic comments

With Sarcastic Comments

This semi-political Local News Snippets Report,
Is unsuitable for any laughter-unliking spoilsport,
But suitable for anyone liking jolly fun and rapport!
With comments that offer humour in their retort…
This way, cause Inchies taking Morphine and Ocu-Cort®,
With Prednisone® and Methylprednisolone in support…
I must remind him of his next visit to court!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Local News Snippets…

Well, not good news to view,
Wearing a face mask… are you?
We’ve been told that we should do!
No? Well, then you bloody-well ought to!

New cases in Nottingham. The last 7 days is 1305!
How many of them in a week will still be alive?
Not wearing a mask? How many lives will you deprive?
By permitting the new Omicron bug to thrive?
Anti-maskers?… Time for firmer punishments to arrive!

Seems to me that Tories defunding the Constabulary,
And increasing the pretend policemen auxiliary…
Has increased the amounts of muggings and burglary,
And their success in convictions has dropped, similarly,
By their softly-softly approach and being conciliary,
And poor Ethsham Ul Hag Ghafoor’s heartbroken family

Has owt gone more warped, diseased than Joe Public?
Shoplifting, driving with no insurance, licence, dogmatic?
More murders, stabbings, muggins, they go at it,
Youngsters mope around, cunningly looking apathetic,
More morons on, than off drugs, and antisemitic,
Yet ready to fight anyone else who’s anti-Islamic?
Gobby, and leery to the point of being semantic,
Yet they unhappily don’t stop acting demagogic?
No desires to learn and be semasiologic,
They take any drug they can steal, but just a tick…
They could get from, say, mushrooms a similar kick?
And get them free from the wood – the type that is magic!

I know I don’t get out much nowadays,
And when I do, I get the shakes and mind haze,
Or fall over and put me in a daze…
For months now, and this may amaze…
I’ve not seen a uniformed policeman in over 120 days!

Shithead!

The gal was just going for some milk & bread,
But she had to meet with this druggy instead!
Who bashed her about her head…
Threatened her with a knife, it’s been accredited…
Said he’d burn her face, that already bled…
He should be taken quietly to an allotment shed…
And hopefully, they’ll find his mangled body later – Dead!

I thought wearing a mask was to prevent you from passing it on?
But who knows with this new Corona strain, Omicron?
To me, it’s sensible to put a facemask on?
Has all compassion and caring now gone?
It matters not where it came from, China, Africa or Saigon…
Proof again, humans have less compassion than a Klingon!

This one (Statement) must have taken a lot of working out,
I imagined they would come up with some cringing words…
Two days it took the get it out…
This is what they said…

Shit, I can’t find it now! That wasn’t the statement, Hehehe!

Well, well, well!

Did you see that they used a photo of two Police Officers…
In Nottingham? Note he is wearing short sleeves? It must have been summer when they took this photograph. Cause, apart from when the Muslims, Black Lives Matter, Anti-Face maskers, National Front (UK), Student Demands, and any other protest group are protesting in Nottingham. I have not seen any officers for months now in the City Centre. Plenty of shoplifters, muggers, beggars, rough sleepers and the likes, though.

And I’ve got appointments not to be missed…
The Doctors, I mustn’t get a brain-fog, for the phlebotomist,
Then I’ve to go for my virus booster at the local chemist,
Got some forms to fill in with the Doctors receptionist…
Ah, and the scary, gonna hurt a lot visit to the Dentist!
Make an appointment about the Saccades at the optometrist,
January, the Deep Vein Thrombosis, and the cardiologist!…

The Nottingham Lads News Snippets in Ode Series

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Late Extra! Read All Abarght it!

This could happen to anyone…
Shaving and getting bloody kneed,
Peripheral Pete’s fault; Is that agreed?
Well, I dropped a razor, grabbed at it…
Never mind, you wouldn’t have believed…
The mess I got in, bloody indeed…
It’s a new body and brain that I need!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –