Inchcock: Currently Up For Adoption


Would You Adopt Someone Who Listens To Music by Ivor Novello?

A slightly sub-standard, bald, 75-year-old, born in a bordello,
A life-long Nottinghamian, with an IQ of barely above zero,
A recovering alcoholic, stroke and cardiac victim, and dipso,
A short chubby, well-bellied little thing has his own yo-yo,
Hoping that someone can show him how to use it, you know!
Inchcock has a thing for Marilyn Monroe, although…
His doing anything about this have long gone, thus his yo-yo!
He can cook, drop things, walk into them, oh, and he’s a Virgo!

He Falls over frequently, but with help, gets up, giving it another go,
In many ways, he plods on with his ailments; he’s a bit of a hero!
At least the last time we spoke at the hospital, he told me so,
He’ll tell you of when he climbed to the top of Kilimanjaro,
But in reality, it was a steep hill in Ludlow,
And, he drove up the mountain, in his Triumph Toledo!
Vascula Dementia confuses him; I think he still has some gusto…
For the ladies, but sadly, his desires have long been fallow,
But he does like a pot or slice of cake or a limoncello.

His momentary spells of reality sadden him; he feels low,
What’s happening to him in old age, he doesn’t want to know,
Back into his deep mental haze, he’s a semi-contented fellow,
Talk to him gently, and he’ll get the message, Roger-Wilko,
Owt you want him to do will usually follow,
Even if his words seem bewildering and hollow,
There will be times when he seems bright and tally-ho!
Don’t miss his medications whatever you do, though!

Ablutioning-wise, especially shaving, the blood will flow…
Neuropathy diagnosed, amazingly he can be a cheery bloke,
Occasionally, he thinks he’s Clint Eastwood or El Zorro,
His neuropathy has shaken his right side since the stroke,
He tries to stay calm and can start the day being mellow!

He still cooks, using black bean sauce and BBQ, even Tabasco,
Now he knows the firemen by name, Colin, Brian and Joe,
Please, don’t let him run-free in Aldi, Sainsbury’s or Tesco,
He’ll panic if he can’t find you and may freeze, ipso facto!
Please forgive any of his mishaps or unintended peccadillo.
If you do misplace him, just call the police or a medico.
But operating the TV remote control, he’s messy & ultraslow,

His confidence is getting low; of course, it will not regrow,
Like certain body parts that hang below…
At least he’s stopped wearing his bra and using eye shadow,
His new Protection Pants have saved many a fiasco!
He uses his picker-upper to retrieve things dropped below,
And is contented to on DVD, his 1960’s TV shows!

He’s harmless to anyone else, this I can guarantee,
Making others happy and smile is his forte,
He shows no signs of toxicity and has congeniality,
He can’t help forever going for a wee-wee…
And he would like someone to adopt him, desperately,
He realises this would not come for free…
But has a limited amount of money,
Which he doesn’t find very funny,
He is totally free of hate and is never sarkie!
So, if possible, can you help and make him your adoptee?
He makes a great mug of Glengettie tea!

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Inchcock’s Make ‘Em Laugh Series

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4 thoughts on “Inchcock: Currently Up For Adoption

  1. I would love to adopt you. We would make two of the Three Stooges. It’s better a young caring lass adopt you.

    • Maybe I could instigate an Adopt-A-Grandad Day? Maybe not. Hehehe!
      I’d never be able to rest over there, Timothy, I’d probably get though a camera a week with all the furries and pets, not to mantion the sceenery that would deamnd photographicalisationing! Getting one of your red moon would be one of my targets, methinks. And the cats, well, I’d be in clover there!

  2. Good luck on the adoption circuit, kind Sir! HRH Lisa adopted me when I was 45. All I’ve had to do in return is dote on her every whim, keep house, and fetch treats from the ice cream shoppe at any hour of the day. Otherwise, you would likely find me at the animal shelter, trying to outperform a mongrel muttish cur. Adopteeship ist ein hartes Brot.
    Interesting to find that we are both Virgos. What a surprise that is not. Too many commonalities to be anything other than a Virgo, innit the truth? My mother was a Virgo born on the same day of the month of September. So it appears that you are near a full year older, as is my oldest sister. My youngest sister is 16 years my junior and is only one year older than
    HRH Lisa. How old is Janet? She is older than you as I recall.
    All good wishes from useths to youeth 🙂

    • Ah, that was good adoptionalisationing one there, Billum! Well done!
      I think the hard bread, is tough cheese over here in the little island, Sir. Hehe!
      As Sister Jane said: We have similar sences of humour, and wit.
      Coincidences abound.
      HRH Lisa: Jane was born in January, me August – the end of August, no I think I got that wrong, numbers again confusing me. Jane’s a year older than I be. She doesn’t look it though.
      Back yo youeths, I’d like to send bestest wishes, and good fortune, starting in one hour form reading this comment!
      Nothing like being precise… Hahaha!
      Cheers ♥

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