Inchcocks Attempted Escape Ode – It failed, of course!

Inchies Attempted Escape Ode

It’s Not Easy, You Know!

Getting out, that’s something of a rarity!

The preparation for escape overall, schmeered,
Is something that is trepidatious and feared.
But have to be, they have to have persevered,
Painful, dangerous tasks have to be furthered,
Here’s s graphic of some jobs needing to be completed…,

This Mornings Palavas

A smidge high, the body temperature today,
Nowt to fret over, it’s often been this way,
The sphygmomanometer gave 168/71… Hey!
Pulse 97 – blimey! Hope they go down, I pray!

Mike Fries CEO Liberty-Global – Virgin Media

Got sorted out, and low and behold,
Onto the computer, and I’ve got all frampold…
Liberty-Global Virgin Internet – went down six-fold!
My view of this crap firm must remain untold!
Or I may pass my anger-management threshold!

So Much For Taking One Of These!

To the Porcelain Throne and on the seat…
Passing the evacuation was an uncomfortable feat!
The runny gooey mess was finally complete…
Had to clean everything; I hope there’s no repeat!

I took the above morning medications…
None of them caused me any addictions!
Stubbed my toe, causing many ululations,
Noticed on the legs, more even vesiculations,
Such is life, full of irritating tribulations!

The prescription toothpaste a bit sour?
Eight dropsies shaving, three in the shower,
New soap today, scented with elderflower?
Dropped the sponge, bent, hit my head, Wowser!
Against the wall box that giveth the power.
Didn’t half hurt; it made me swear and cower!
It was still hurting after over an hour!

Ah, blood runneth from my private region!
Yes, it was from Little Inchies fungal lesion,
I’d not caught or banged it – what’s the reason?
Ointmentating hurt had to have an intermission!
At least the boils on the bum are in remission!

Humph!

Now to apply the Germoloids ointment,
Harold’s Haemorrhoids, ah, now so evanescent,
And the escaping blasts of wind were now conticent,
Oh, that Germoloid, it really is heaven sent!.

Now to use the soothing, mild Germolene cream,
On the stomach folds, eases the itching like a dream,
Another cream, with results I hold in esteem.
Nowt in this product to make me scream…
Not like Dakacort, that gives me agony I can’t redeem!m,

Saccades eye drops; next, you know…
I miss target often; it runs down my nose…
Cheek, then though the moustache it goes,
Into my mouth, how it’s not poisoned me, I don’t know?

Ear drops, well, Olive Oil,
No, bother, sweat or toil,
Hello, I’ve just found another gum boil!
Just doing the ablutions nowadays is a droil!

Into the PP’s, and freshened and dressed,
Suddenly felt at my embarrassingly awfullest…
Took me so long to get ready again…
I’d missed the bus; it’s such a pain…
I’d lost my desire a zest…
The bus had gone, too late, what a bain!
I now accept it… I’m going insane!

Part of The Nottingham Lads True Tales of Woe In Rhyme