Inchcock Ode To Saturday

I’d hoped that today would be something of a breakthrough…
The end of two days of Accifauxpas & Whoopsidangeplops, too!
Although the cock-ups today have been less, by a few,
And my panics, worries, I have managed to subdue,
The expectancy of more bother dwells in every sinew!
And the Thought Storms still rage; it’s a mental stew!

The postman called, told me that £10.50 postage was due,
A parcel from Amazon, underpaid, so it must be by you!
Well, that’ll leave me with little monetary residue…
It was only a jug of sauce too – Hickory smoked barbecue,
It cost about a tenner, for Amazon’s revenue!…
Now I’ve paid £20 quid plus for it, should I sue?
I’ll get it wrong, whatever I try to do…
Amazon, double the cost, so much for their value!

I sometimes wish that I was in Timbuktu,
I wish I still had my beloved Justy, a Suburu,
I wished I’d learnt how to play the didgeridoo,
I’m glad I bought diabetic socks, made of bamboo,

I wish I had less bother when taking a poo-poo!
I wish it wasn’t so painful when using the loo,
Taking a leak so often is another issue…
Haemorrhoids are bleeding, well, that’s what they do,
Always with a mess to clean from the residue,

Still, I’ve got over my last tumble well, Phew!
I like to think I’m a man of virtue,
I should look up what it means, I ought to,
Peripheral Neuropathy problems continue,
As the Doctor said, ‘There’s nothing we can do!’

Enough of this self-pity and feeling blue!
Time to cheer up… I know, I’ll put on my pink tutu?
Make a mug of Glengettie, it’s made my Typhoo,
No time left to be depressed at this venue…
Contentment, hopes, laughter, I shall imbue,
Next week, flue jab, dentist and Audio clinic too!
I hope I get to them on time, when due…
Note to self: depression you must discontinue!

How, you ask? Well, let’s have a review…
Imagine you’re out in the sunshine at the bayou,
If you were there, what’d you like to do?
I told myself, have a bowl of jelly or Irish stew…
Then have a pipe of Erinmore mixture, honeydew,
I answered myself, that’s daft, baccy’s been barred for you!
Jelly’s too sweet, and Irish stew is fattening for too!

I was getting fed up with myself; an argument was due…
So, can I eat yoghourt or tofu,
But I ignored myself and withdrew…
Went off to the Porcelain Throne set-to…
Now, if the end to this ode confuses you,
It does me, too… am I missing a screw?
Thank You!

Part Of The Inchcock Today Make-Em-Laugh Ode Series