Inchcock Ode To Saturday

I’d hoped that today would be something of a breakthrough…
The end of two days of Accifauxpas & Whoopsidangeplops, too!
Although the cock-ups today have been less, by a few,
And my panics, worries, I have managed to subdue,
The expectancy of more bother dwells in every sinew!
And the Thought Storms still rage; it’s a mental stew!

The postman called, told me that £10.50 postage was due,
A parcel from Amazon, underpaid, so it must be by you!
Well, that’ll leave me with little monetary residue…
It was only a jug of sauce too – Hickory smoked barbecue,
It cost about a tenner, for Amazon’s revenue!…
Now I’ve paid £20 quid plus for it, should I sue?
I’ll get it wrong, whatever I try to do…
Amazon, double the cost, so much for their value!

I sometimes wish that I was in Timbuktu,
I wish I still had my beloved Justy, a Suburu,
I wished I’d learnt how to play the didgeridoo,
I’m glad I bought diabetic socks, made of bamboo,

I wish I had less bother when taking a poo-poo!
I wish it wasn’t so painful when using the loo,
Taking a leak so often is another issue…
Haemorrhoids are bleeding, well, that’s what they do,
Always with a mess to clean from the residue,

Still, I’ve got over my last tumble well, Phew!
I like to think I’m a man of virtue,
I should look up what it means, I ought to,
Peripheral Neuropathy problems continue,
As the Doctor said, ‘There’s nothing we can do!’

Enough of this self-pity and feeling blue!
Time to cheer up… I know, I’ll put on my pink tutu?
Make a mug of Glengettie, it’s made my Typhoo,
No time left to be depressed at this venue…
Contentment, hopes, laughter, I shall imbue,
Next week, flue jab, dentist and Audio clinic too!
I hope I get to them on time, when due…
Note to self: depression you must discontinue!

How, you ask? Well, let’s have a review…
Imagine you’re out in the sunshine at the bayou,
If you were there, what’d you like to do?
I told myself, have a bowl of jelly or Irish stew…
Then have a pipe of Erinmore mixture, honeydew,
I answered myself, that’s daft, baccy’s been barred for you!
Jelly’s too sweet, and Irish stew is fattening for too!

I was getting fed up with myself; an argument was due…
So, can I eat yoghourt or tofu,
But I ignored myself and withdrew…
Went off to the Porcelain Throne set-to…
Now, if the end to this ode confuses you,
It does me, too… am I missing a screw?
Thank You!

Part Of The Inchcock Today Make-Em-Laugh Ode Series

4 thoughts on “Inchcock Ode To Saturday

  1. I’m missing a screw. The damn thing fell on the floor and I can’t find it anywhere. £10.50 postage is like highway robbery. That’s what it cost to send you your photo of your lovely vampire. Another excellent ode.

    • Haha, you screws sond like my pod peas. Tim, excellent escape and hide artists. Hope you find it.

      It didn’t say what the original cost was, just that Amazon had underpaid them, hang on ‘ll have a look at the envelpope. Now, where did I put it… somewhere for safe keeping, I know…
      Blimey that took some finding. No postage on the package after all that. Humph!
      Cheers to all!

  2. An outstanding ode that I shall send off to the New Yorker tomorrow morning. Would send it to Punch but they seem not to be around to accept it. Dratasonical Daydreams!

    My favorite stanza:

    I sometimes wish that I was in Timbuktu,
    I wish I still had my beloved Justy, a Suburu,
    I wished I’d learnt how to play the didgeridoo,
    I’m glad I bought diabetic socks, made of bamboo,

    Keep a watch for that missing screw, yer never knows when it might be a step or two askew, and end up in yer toe. I shall inform you if the missing screw show up over here, Perhaps as a result of a magnetic attraction that is strong enough to attract items from another continent or two, doncha knew?

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