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This may sound odd (but not to me), but it is true.
For most of today, I’ve felt like a malcontent, grinch, drag, miserabilist, doom-sayer, inconsolable and pitiable, sad, comfortless, inadequate, mardy, shameful, irrational, and an old self-deprecation-ridden misfit with the mopes.
Moments of depression like never before.
And yet, there were moments of almost the reverse. I’d lose the prophet of Doom mode entirely. Finding myself singing, unworried, accepting, almost uncaring of what was happening?
Naturally, these sessions of freedom were in the minority.
But, so welcome while they lasted.
Concentration and confusion seemed to intertwine.
After a Caregiver called, I had an hour of uninhibited, sod-them-all pleasure. Up to now, I’ve only had two photographing sessions. Hell, it’s raining again, as it did earlier. I’ll get the camera out and go on the balcony again. See if the mudslide in the third car park has started yet.
It’s been a befuddling day. I feel that something is going to happen shortly that will be life-changing. E.Q. tells me this will not be a medical or physical problem. He’s rarely wrong, and I get a ‘within 48hrs warning from somewhere.
This does not bode well.
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Back to darker again.
NUFFIN!
I took a series of Kodak-2 shots from the kitchenette window.
The first one shows mist in the distance. The M1 motorway is just out of view over the horizon.
The second shot is not a good picture by any means. A smidge on the blurry side. But you can’t win them all, can I? Hahaha! The third effort taken, I zoomed in on the Nottingham City Hospital, which brought to mind the waiting list I’m on for the
For a bladder check-up, I’ve forgotten the name of the procedure.
Then, there is another close-up of the local dwellings nearby.
Finally, I took a shot down to show the Chestnut Way front car park. Or at least part of it.
I hit my head, closing the window. Hard to believe, I know!
Made a start on the blog updating.
Raining shots with the spare camera.
From the balcony this time.
Another no evacuation evacuation.
A little more rain.
An early, tasty meal.
Obviously, the blanks and seizures were rampant. Thus, there are no details or exciting bits to add.
Did anything I miss happen today?
The photos are 85% skies?
Still, the state I was in could be worse.
Ah, missed the sun on its way down.
It didn’t get through often today.
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Constipation Conrad was still in full charge of the evacuations. I had to do the ablutions so late at night that I had to contain the urge to howl out with the pain! Before things started moving, I had a go at the crossword and got four answers. 👌 
And I had a cut-less shave! 
👍🏻The showering had a couple of dodgy moments, but no 
or 
.
The only bit of farce was when I was trying to reassemble the catheter contraption. I struggled with the strap; I’d threaded it in okay, but when I stretched the retaining strap to tighten the grip, it shot out of my hand, through the plastic buckle, and straight 
into the WC!
The medicationings went well. Well, not applying the Daktarin cream to Little Inchys Fungal Lesion, but that goes without saying, really; Every morning and night, I have to go through this, although short-lived, agony!
I took this snap from the kitchen window after the ablution session. It took me 95 minutes; it was well past midnight. I opened a can of lager shandy and got on the computer to finalise this blog. I might even finish it and post it.
My involuntary anticipatory anxiety remains strong.
I’m nervous. Worried. Unsettled. More than usual. Tsk!
TTFNski!
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Up late this morning, and still only got 5 hours kip.
Great healthy colouring!
A blurry first photo.
Later and lighter.
With the moon lingering?
Brew and computering.
For the next three hours, yet bits I recall very well. Carer Marie arrived and helped me search the flat for the missing laundry bag that I felt had not yet been returned
To the left. The suspected cannabis growers dwellings.
Straight ahead. Showing the house that had been having improvements done now for about eight months on their roof extensions. A rare sight to see any workers working, but one saw one today.
To the right, behind the beautiful tree copse.
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The optimum words for describing today’s events:
Excellent coloured urine in the night pouch.
Tried to take a better morning view.
As Carer Kara say’s the new reading glasses will take some getting used to. She was right!
Gave up and continued with the
Just three 
. A semi-tumble in the shower, leading a hal-hearted head butting of the left grab bar.
I met a resident and chatted with her on the forecourt. She pointed out that Carer Kara was giving me a wave from a high window in Winwood Court. ♥
Got to the bus stop and realised I had a time top wait.
The traffic island was in a bad state.
When I got into the city centre, this is the first photo I took – and unfortunately the last. Despite my thinking I had taken several more, about ten I think of different area, for some reason, and I can’t figure out why, none of them were on SD card in the morning? The when I got back to the flat ones and later were though. A mystery as to what I’d done wrong?
I made my way slowly to Woodthorpe Court.
Part of Winwood Court.
Paved walking area between courts.
Got inside and made my way up to the flat.
More beautiful puffer clouds on the horizon again.
Got the shoes off, they seem to have gelled to the feet. Hehe!
The pouch had soon filled up again after I emptied it when I got inside the apartment. Come think of it though, I had started guzzling the soda water again, the get the bladder going, as instructed by the medicos.
Aha, at the last of the day(2nd) mug of Glengettie tea!
This little lot for the eyes cost me £64!
Much needed after what was for me, a hectic, getting upright and annoyed with things day! I think I must have looked a little mentally and physically battered, cause the care didn’t stay as long as usual… not that I can recall much of the visits.
started, and knowing that this blog would need updating, I made an early start – and 
has only been down once up to now!
So I’m glad that I started early (03:30hrs )while the internet was behaving itself for once.
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Iceland Delivery
Naughties?
Blimey, it’s brightened!
Morrison Delivery
Chips (Limited to one pack!) and.
More naughty treats… Tsk!
Woke to the sound of the door chime ringing out, 
Announcing the arrival of 
.
How sad!
It did its bestest.
.
A distant shot, and at that, I nearly missed it off of the frame altogether. Not one of betterer photographicalisationing efforts.
Ah, this one’s a little betterer!
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Two morning photos were taken between the multitude of messy, spongy, gooey 
visits suffered.
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Teatime rains
Around 19:30 hrs. Wonderful sky!
Well, fancy that!
at the thought of it!
Fiona left reminders for me about things. I can’t remember what they were at the moment. They were for the carers as well, I think.
Did the late call on me. Checked the Meds, taps, and cooker. He wrote a message in marker pen on the fridge door, as he knew I was abbot to cook my belated meal of the day, to remind me to turn off the taps and cooker.
Very nice, too, it was.
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mode comes to one! This, I think, was because they usually ring me to confirm the day before – but, of course, I was out yesterday at the quacks, so so not know if they tried or not. Indicating to my perilously inept mind that perhaps I got the day wrong… or did I? Ah, it was Esther who called for me to book the 
lifts, wasn’t it? Yes, they should be coming today… He says…
I got the blog updating done and posted Tuesdays off to WordPress. Took me a few hours, but I got there. I was going to get a brew of LGengettie. But, I 
done before Carer Richard arrived. I rushed doing them, so I hope I got it all right.
No time for me to worry about this big increase up to the Hypertension – Zone Two, Red area.
FOLLOWED! NOT A GOOD START!
I went into the kitchen, taking last night’s plate tray and cutlery to wash and get the kettle on. Having my hand on the tray and the other on the walking stick, I popped the things in the sink and ran the hot tap, then turned to put the light on… Flash, flicker… it was blinding! I can tell you that 
was not impressed, and 
all but had me on the floor, but I turned off the presumably dying tube in time.
. 
!!!
Now I was in trouble! How do I get a shave and wash using boiled hot water from the saucepans and kettle… more seriously; is how do I carry them with the walking stick and no lights on in the kitchen? Will 
will cause me to lose my grip, or as he has been known on many occasions, not allow me to let go of things? 
And; where do I stick the torch, then? No! Don’t say that! Hehehe! It was getting lighter now, so soon I’ll be able to get on with the ablutions.
The lad even wrote this on the back of the whiteboard and left it on the Carers table, where I’d be bound to see it.
. Finally, escaped the flat… but was earlier than I realised.
Out into the floor lobby with the trolley and into the lift (elevator).
were flighty this morning, now.
After all that faffing about and fretting, I’d still got half an hour to spare before the Easy-Link bus was due to arrive at Winwood Heights Prison… No, no, no, Flats. I got the crossword book out and had a go at it. 
I departed out into the pouring rain. (Again! Every time I go to Bulwell, it seems to rain)
with one hand. The rain hit me smack in the face. Within minutes, the shoes had acquired enough water to fill a small goldfish tank.
. Some chocolates for Christmas gifts. Plain caramelised and shortcake biscuits (For me, me, me!, Hehe!). Oh, and some nuts.
Paid my dues, and outside, got soaked, and ducked into the Heron Food Store. where more bank-manager-worrying transactions took place. Vegetarian sausages, vegan pie, cakes and chocolates for the treats shelf. Kitchen towels, three different brands of BBQ sauce, and three cans of ready-mixed drinks I’d never heard of. Got the last two cans of Martini & Passion Fruit, which sounded posh, and the last one of Vodka Raspberry & Rhubarb. So, there’ll be no more on offer, folks. Come over and see me! Hahaha!
Found the checkout and paid the lady. Then I went to the cobbler’s stall that Richard told me about; to ask the price of watch batteries. The leery smart-alecky manager stood there with his hands on his hips and answered with a smirk when I asked him: “Well, that depends if you mean for a Rolex or (some other name I didn’t recognise)
I realised I had to make my way back to the Medical Centre in the rain, so ambled alongside the river Leen, passing the yobboes-delight free-scooter base.
or were they stolen, mayhap? Just a thought!
So that was the end of my hopes to ask for help with arranging a lift for the hospital and surgery, one for next week, the other for January at the Nuthall Brain Disorder Hospital. And, with understanding the eight double-sided A4 pages of instructions, the three guide booklets are too small in print for me to read. Oh, and I was going to ask her to ring Maintenance, as they told Richard this morning for me to tell them I got back
Esther came up with me to the flat. She kindly rang the maintenance people. Here she is, giving me the dagger looks. Hehehe! The lady on the phone told Esther they would be here within 24 hours. That could be difficult for me. Having to get anything done like cooking or cleaning in the darkness, using a torch. But it can’t be helped. Thanks to Esther. Anyway, they may call earlier.
I started to unpack and store away the purchases. Those in this photo: The Skinny treats are for the ILCs, and any left for the Carers treat stand.
Definitely just for the old man these are. The new Wilko tongues are next to the old ones that have started to fall to pieces (the red plastic bits fell off).
Aha, now I’ve got a few bottles of BBQ sauce. The Crucial ones were very cheap, but you never know, I might like them.
I was going to get something to eat before the darkness fell. But, No! I got into updating this blog, and the rest of the world did not exist for the next six hours. I was frustrated and embarrassed, I was making so many errors grammatically, and the most common of words kept hiding behind that witch 
.
with things but just pressed on, hoping for the best.
Ooh, the legs have suddenly gone all cold? But why? I’m not sure. Hello, 
on the move now!
on the right foot is suddenly giving me pain. No 
either?
The rain is still coming down out there. I took this photo when I was taking a rest from the computer and making a mug of Thompson’s Punjana tea. 
go 
. I’d still got the camera in my pocket, so took this shot of the blueish scene on view.
Carer arrived. It was a new starter, a young man, who introduced himself as Ty. Who got the medications sorted out. He 
.
Then, I had a lump of good luck! Oh, 
He got the tube changed in no time. I asked him to take a treat from the selection on show.
Then that the 
kicked off. Around and around! I had no chance of getting things sorted out then, so they’ll have to wait until mind-boggling thoughts have ceased. 
I trapped the burnt index in the window when closing it. Which was most painful (I can’t understand why this particular wound hurts so much – worse than any of the others did?) But it seemed to kill off the darned 
Woke up. (Well, it’s something to do, innit?) Got the waste bags made up
contents. As you’ll have noticed, the mind was a smidge wayward and wandering this morning. 
Made the brew of Glengettie and took it with me to the computer, and… a Panic Mode was engaged. What had I done wrong here? The time on the computer was an hour different to all the other clocks. I checked on the mantle top one, the kitchen clock, the wristwatch, 
Class One – Grade A – Docility-Status, Frustration and Self-Loathing modes briefly attended as well.
Josie’s meal prepping next.
sauce, tomato passata, onions and some ch
were also kind to me. I may be laughing here, but it’s Worrying this is? Hahaha!
Finally, and proudly on time yet again, 
.
I woke up, and darkness was falling.
and much of the gated Leicester cheese! 
(I think?) came into the room. Being half-asleep and not having made any notes, I’m not sure if anything of note occurred during the visit, but have a vague idea she was asking me if I was sure I was okay? Just being so tired gave the impression. But I was fine otherwise… hope I thanked her for the concern. Sorry if not, Jodie… also I hope I got your name right too?
grew! I was sure that something favourite suspected, 
Luckily though, and for the first time ever, I hit my left shoulder on the door – thus, I avoided waking up or disturbing 
or damaging the right Covid booster arm, by clouting the right shoulder. Having semi-satisfied 
. I quickly pulled the belt to close the buckle – (bearing in mind these belts were only bought 3 or 4 weeks ago from Amazon). The buckle shot off, hitting the computer screen at the other end of the room, and the perfect trouser drop (Comedy-wise) was performed! I later found the buckle pin, three rivets and an unidentified metal ring on the floor.
This ended any of my enjoyment of or seeing the funny side of the occasion.
Kept down to just two mini-ones. Then under the shower. After today’s start with the trousers, somehow, I enjoyed the unrushed showering session greatly. Oh, and the showering, I kid you not, was 
free! 
On the memory pad on the side of the computer, it said, “Took photos” 
I finally got on with creating this blog – sounds so easy, doesn’t it? But, no! 
Oh, blimey, I’ve just remembered the mushrooms that I put in the slow cooker – around 15 hours ago! 
Sunday AM, late, very late, updated this blog.
Made the most belated meal; BBQ rice (microwaveable), with 7-Mediterranian roasted vegetable sauce heated in the saucepan. A lemon yoghourt. and got settled. No mushrooms, of course!
Bootiful moon. I had to lean out of the kitchenette window to get it. Had to take four shots to get this one that was usable for my readers. Har-har! Mother Nature at her finest! Sorry, I could not get a better photo of it; I dun me best!
Closing the window, I knocked a bottle off of the window ledge. Although it didn’t break, it landed on a soft part… my big toe that the foot lady cut yesterday! It had to be a heavy glass bottle, the Squid Vinegar. 
However, such matters… well, anything concerning the brains malfunctioning, mentally, like; is nowadays down to the Demoness Dementia Doreen, I’m afraid.
Trying now, looking back, to find any other reason or cause other than Doreen. I lay there this morning musing over this incident and my reactions to it. I know I had just had a lot of hassle with the Diabetes meeting going all wrong… The farce with the hearing aids and strangers trying to help me, well, they did, and that was heartwarming! But cataracts and deafness made it impossible for me to participate in the proceedings. 
Put the numbers on the NHS DVT page and got this graph up. Not the photo of me and writing. That was me trying to be creative.
Is kicking off early today. Blimey, it must be a big order; it’s 
been non-stop for ages. Nowt too loud this time, just sounding like annoying tap-tapping and scratching, scuffing sounds. Richard the Caring-Heart may have a rush job on… or not. He might be having a bath. Ha
Samantha came in, and I’m delighted to report she was patient and listened to my tale of woe, from yesterday’s Diabetes Lesson, the mind-blank, the punch-up on the Vale, the foot-lady trying to sever my big toe, patiently! Bless her cotton socks!
camera…
Success! Fishless fish sticks, chips, tomatoes and two oven-baked bread rolls. Not classy stuff, but it suits my essentially lower-class, impecunious, plebian, proletarian and bourgeoisie upbringing. I was ten before I had my first hot meal, and I had to toast that on the coal fire. 
I tell a fib there, not intentionally. I’d get home from school and do my evening paper rounds to find the chipped enamel off-white bowl on the homemade kitchen sink lean-to, with a couple of Oxo cubes and some mouldy bread. There would be a note left somewhere “Dinner on draining board” Happy days. So this was a feast for me. Waffled on a bit there, again. Tsk!
The eyes are getting tired sooner every day. I’m hoping cataracts can be done sooner rather than later. They played a big part in my getting into such a mess, frustrated, and in the end, having the memory blank at the Diabetes session at the Riverside.
Arrived; unfortunately, I’d just taken off my trousers. But Valerie always presses the doorbell, so I had time to get behind the door, wave my hand around it, asking her to wait a while. It’s job gerrin’ owd, innit! I’m not sure when Val is leaving, but I’ll miss her. She’ll miss me too; there may not be treats for her at the care home she’s going to work at. Hahaha!
Waking the next time, with the usual jerking and jumping, at 05:25hrs. My mind was confused before I got out of the £300 second-hand c1968 recliner to catch my balance; What day is it? Who’s calling today… is anyone. I think there is… As I rose, got dressed, and found myself in the kitchen, making up some waste bags?
I think I was talking aloud to myself as I suddenly decided to get the ablutions tended to. Off to the wet room with the towel from the airer… 
I hit my shoulder on the way through the door; my spatial awareness was obviously impaired this morning. Even as Shuddering-Shoulder-Shirley kicked off, I took this in my stride. Even started getting back interest and concentration. But the lackadaisicalness remained. I felt almost laid-back and unconcerned, accepted that things would happen, and saw no point worrying about something? (Not me, at all, what’s was going on here?) 
Oh, dearie me, what a messy visit to the Throne it was! Again, it felt like it would be challenging to get the movement started, so I got the crossword book from the floor cabinet.
I was now getting more flummoxed than angry! Changed my PPs (Protection Pants) Confusion Conrad was in charge.
I went back onto the computer and got some photographs loaded. The card reader working seemed to raise my up and down spirits a smidgeon when it let me get them on. This on the right is from last night; I got up at one of the spring awakes to take it.
What was going on with my mood swings? I didn’t understand. But I was whistling to myself as I took this snap of the end car park on Chestnut Way, just beyond Woodthorpe Court. I caught a moving vehicle today! Hehe!
I got the Blood-Pressure and temperature taken. Fair results on the Boot’s all Boot’s Sphygmomanometer, manufactured by ZDEAC (Zhongshan Daguan Electrical Appliance Company Ltd) in Guangdong, China.
My Chinese (Hong Kong) is made by Shenzhen Relee Electronic & Technology Co. Ltd™, contactless thermometer, showed a very low reading this Monday morning (Well. it would do, it’s Monday – Hahaha!), at 34°c.
I went to make a brew of Thompson’s Punjana tea, and ♫ Oh, Susana.. ♫ rang from the door chime. It was my new pal and Carer, Richard. I got him a cold drink to help him cool down; the lad has Diabetes, and sweats all the time, Bless him. A right pair we are; Richard is sweating while I am shivering. Hehe! He looked tired and said he’d not gotten much sleep during his couple of days off. Poor lad! He wasn’t moaning, just answering when I asked him how he’s been sleeping. Rich got the medications sorted and watched me take them, so I didn’t drop any. Then made the wristlet alarm check call for me. I wanted to natter away with him, but I could see he was all in, so I resisted.
I got myself washed yet again, freshened up the wee-wee-sprayed legs, and put the trousers in soak. On my removing the pants to put new ones on, what had happened became embarrassingly apparent. It’s a good life innit old age! However, I coped with it pretty calmly, especially compared to how things were earlier in the morning! In fact, I adopted a well deserved. 
The free Iceland delivery arrived. And the man out the carriers in the doorway for me. But, after getting 
them through to the kitchenette to sort out, I found a 
However, they also had no (6) sliced bread rolls (£1). But substituted rolls of four rolls that were 2 for £1, charging 85p! I think? Anyway, they also sent Moroccan tomatoes. That was my own fault (Doreen Dementia, perhaps?) for forgetting how foul they tasted last time I got some! I suppose I 
could put them out for the rats, but I’m not that cruel! The Strawberries, 3 for £5, two had a day’s life, the other today’s date! They had some beefburger cobs for Richard’s treats on the plus side.
The fridge was looking fuller now, at least. Some stuff is inedible, like the killer tomatoes from Morocco. You’d have laughed seeing me try to make room in the freezer for the potato chips to get in. I distinctly remember being dubious over which of the two packets above to buy, and at the time of my ordering, I realised that there would only be room for one. I thought I’d only ordered one of them… Dementia Doreen again?
Hehe! I took a picture of the evening sky before it started getting dark. Please tell me you can see an animal in the clouds… this was probably noticed with the help of Cataract Kathleen, with support from Glaucoma Gladys.
Got the nosh sorted out. I halved the potatoes I boiled earlier and got them in the oven to crisp off. There are a few crappy, horrible halved Moroccan tomatoes (Eurgh!), the last veg burger, and the last honey yoghourt. It was not too good. Taste 3.3/10.