The Nottingham Lads True Tales of Woe

Thu 2 July 2015: Inchcock Today: Another frustrating day – Hey-ho!

/ Inchie / 6 Comments

Thursday 2nd July 2015

01topa

Lousy nights kip – I was so drained and the feet knees and ankles were painful and swollen from all the walking I’d done yesterday, yet then the cramps started as well!

No sleep as such, kept waking up regularly in mini-agony… Tsk!

Got the things ready for the surgery and items in me bag to take to the flat and set off.

The nurse did me and we managed a little chin-wag in between her fondling, measuring and recording the findings of various departments of me body parts (Bless her).

I caught a bus into town and called at the virgin shop to be snubbed and sneered at by asking them for details of me plan I’d signed up for.

Then i called in Jessops while they have the Sale on for a couple of more days and looked at their telephones on sale. They had one with large buttons and volume control reduced from £25.99 to £15.00 cause it had no instruction book. So I bought that ready for tomorrow when Virgin come to set me up.

Then called in the Pound shop to get some mini-pots for me medications.

The bag’s are getting heavier now…

I went to the Nottingham Transport shop to see if I could get a timetable of the L8 and L9 bus service that covers the flats – couldn’t find one on the racks, so I joined the queue and asked the nice glaring at me face lady if they had any – she disappeared for a bit and returned to tell me no, it appears they have ran out of them. Hey-ho!

IMG_0009On me way to the bus-stop to see when the net L8 was due, I saw some sausage baguettes that looked nice, so I got one to nosh later at the flat.

The L8 was due in 35 minutes so I wandered around for a bit, taking a ‘Bling’ photograph for the TFZ gals and guys, and returned to the bus-stop – first in the resulting queue I was – but still got on last when it arrived ten minutes later as the others barged passed me. Huh!

The bus took a route all over several areas eventually getting me to the flats.

I called at the community shed first, there was a meeting going on, so I tried to push the letters I’d had delivered at the flat for the previous lady tenant under the office room door – a lady came out of the meeting and took them off me.

I made me way to Woodthorpe Court and got in the flat.

IMG_0010Took a photo of the doorway into the section of three flats – the red one on the right is my door.

Did a bit of fresh-air spraying and put the key for the balcony door back in the door.

Then put some bits I’d taken away with me… away like.

IMG_0014I realised the sausage baguette was on white bread and had garlic in it? So decided to give it away so someone might eat it in the Community shed.

Took a photo of the walk past the garages out into the Grange area where the student was raped in January.

Then set about deciding where to put Patti Bekert’s painting she did for me when I was down a bot last year.

I decided in the living room – not that there’s anything in it yet like.

The bedroom was too dark to give it credit like.

01topI cunningly took a close up photo as well and added it.

Then I tried the hot water taps again I’d turned on the heater when I arrived but no light came on it) and low and behold warm water from the bathroom tap.

Then I tried the kitchen tap – you see, I assumed because the red-spotted tap in the bathroom was the hot water one, that the red-spotted one in the kitchen would be the hot one – Silly me! the green on in the kitchen is the hot one. Don’t they make life awkward?

Did some more cleaning and disinfecting and cleaned the bath and sink that needed it on closer inspection with the light on. No window in the bathroom, or mirror or cabinet either yet.

Went  down and found the Community Frau Kommandant asked her if she knew anyone that might like the sausage baguette I’d bought, she snapped “I don’t sell residents foods for them! I told her I was giving it away, my fault for buying it without checking the contents first.

She put it in her bag with a gruff “I’ll find someone!”

Then I bravely asked her about the larger and recyclable waste disposal routine.

Before I’d finished asking her she shot the answer rapidly back at me in a booming voice that I could not understand – she really liked it when I asked her to say it again – oh… hassle to come from this Obergruppenführer in the future methinks?

She said in a slower but more baritone voice this time: with an expression that said “You should know this – moron!”, accompanied by possibly the most pompous yet effective sneer I’ve had thrown at me for years – “Put it near the caretakers refuse door!”

It got really sociable when I had to ask her where the caretaker’s refuse door was. Oh dear, one here to avoid if I can methinks.

I went back up to the flat and made sure everything was locked and turned off.

Then got me things to take back to the hovel. Must remember to take me new laptop back there with me in the morning – so if the Virgin men turn up they can get it going for me on their internet. Going to take some clothes as well – then I might stay in the new flat overnight, cause I can have a bath there now having taken the towels and hygiene stuff already, and change me togs too. toothbrushes and stuff should be arriving with the Tesco order – I bet the driver will be happy when he knows he has to ring to get into the flats, and then get all the stuff up me in 72 via the lift – oh dear, more hassle? Hey-ho!

IMG_0015On leaving I took the stairs down instead of the lift – so as to get to know them in case of any emergency at a later date.

Some of the flights had Stair-lifts fitted others didn’t. Got down alright – feeling better than yesterday physically… oh, perhaps I shouldn’t have said that?

I got to the bus-stop for 1520hrs knowing the bus should arrive at 1530hrs.

Two ladies were sat in the shelter waiting and I gave them a friendly Nottingham greeting: “Ayup midducks are yer alreet?”.

All I got back was from one of them “Are you the new bloke then?”

“Yes” I replied, and that was that!

IMG_0017The bus arrived and confused me a bit by taking a different route to Monday when I caught it. It worked out well cause I dropped off near Mansfield Road, and dropped into the Polish shop and got a loaf and some Belly pork with peppers to have fer me nosh.

As I walked along Mansfield Road into IMG_0016Carrington a bloke passed me riding his bicycle in the road while having a black bull-terrier on a leash running alongside of him – then he turned onto the pavement at great speed.

I couldn’t get me camera out in time to clock him. but further along the road he came at me, dog in tow on  the pavement and I managed to turn around to get a photo of the pillock come toss-pot.

Got in to the flea-pit and found an email from the lady interested in taking the old fridge freezer off my hands. She’s going to try to get her brother to  fetch it on Sunday or maybe Saturday. I emailed her back saying okay.

Finished off this diary and made notes of what to remember for tomorrow… Mmm?

Made me sandwiches and watched a DVD while eating them. Took me medications too.

I just hope the lady doesn’t wake me up late about the fridge-freezer situation.

Nodded off for an hour and then sprang awake thinking it was tome to get up – then I felt the all too familiar warm wet glow from me lower regions. Got up and cleaned missen up – but could not get back to sleep for ages… and ages… Tsk!

Wed 1st July 2015: Inchcock Today: Still in a pickle…

/ Inchie / 10 Comments

Wednesday 1st July 2015

Still in a pickle!

CabH2

Woke 0410hrs – put the water heater on – then took me medications and laid there pondering on the day’s demands coming my way.

Lot’s to do again still. Get the things ready to take to the new flat – Steve coming at 1200hrs – Workmen coming to the flat ‘‘twixt 1215 and 1415hrs to look at the bathroom toilet blockage and the brown water coming from the cold water tap, things to sort in the kitchen packing away stuff… must talk with Steve about the sequence of things, so much to sort… got to get Fridge-freezer and cooker and internet connection… confused even thinking about it. by then I’m sure I’ll be ready to get me head down. Tsk!

A cuppa and some stuff out to the bins and got on with Facebook for a bit, then finished and posted yesterdays Diary, started this diary.

Had a bash at amending graphics on Serifdrawplus without any success, did it better in Coreldraw x7.

Sorted the things to take with me today (I hope) that I’ll need in the new place that I can a store in the cupboards so as to make it easier for the decorator to get his job done and the carpet layer who I haven’t even thought of sorting yet… Huh!

Steve rang, he will not be coming to pick me up but meet me at the flat with a volunteer Age UK helper Glendora.

Set off with two heavy carrier bags on me walk to the flat.

35 minutes later – bedraggled, burning feet and well knackered I arrived at Woodthorpe Court.

I put on the immersion heater. I was good and early and decided being as I’d taken some cleaners with the other things, to clean the windows. They are type you can turn around to clean the other side.

When I completed the turning stale rainwater flowed out of three corroded parts and I had a right mess to clear up. Luckily I’d taken a bowel and some basins and used them to put under the escaping water – unfortunately not before it had soaked me cap and crossword book and spilt onto the  power point! I left it in the open position to let the water drain.

A good start methought!

I found what I thought was a large smudge of Tippex on the living room window – on closer inspection it was what looked like a pellet shot hole that had been covered. Mmm?

I tried the water later but it had not warmed up at all after an hour?

Then some mail came fr the previous tenant. I put them in me bag to drop off at the community shed when I left.

The phone rang, it was Glendora arriving. A few seconds later I thought perhaps she did not know the way up – so I nipped in a lift and went down to the entrance area, as she was in the other lift going up, so I went back up and found her knocking on the flat door.

Nice lady I had met her once before when I first met Steve.

She started to ask me things and then Steve rang to be let in.

Things got a little hard to follow then as they were both speaking and it was hard to make out what was being said.

Then it got worse, the plumber rang for entry and started to toy with the pipes in the bathroom.

As Glendora and Steve were thankfully sorting out on the phone for me the Virgin internet setting up of, the plumber said all done mate and I asked him what the problem had been with the WC – “Wot problem?” he asked. I pointed out the Do Not Use wrapper around the toilet seat – he looked down it and pulled the chain saying “Nowt wrong wi that!” So all this time I’ve been unable to relieve missen, it just needed the chain pulling? I noticed he flushed the sign telling me not to use it down sharpish like. Tsk!

Steve told me he’s sorted Virgin internet connection to be done Friday between 1300hrs and 1800hrs. With Tesco delivering Friday as well twixt 1200hrs to 1400hrs that fitted in nicely.

Thursday (Tomorrow) is Doctors at 0900hrs, nurse at 0930hrs and possibly a trip to the clinic depending on what the nurse thought of the state of me bleeding little lesion?

Steve produced a blow up mattress for me to use until I can get a new one – nice of him I thought!

Much talking of things I had to do, things not to do and things important and those less important followed – I’d gotten confused by then with it all, and was feeling really drained, happy, but drained.

We had a 30 second thunderstorm then. Gosh the thunder sounds loud when your high up in the sky – Hehehe!

Steve and Glendora left and I checked everything to make sure it was safe with nowt left on like – the hot water was still cold in the kitchen when I turned off the heater after four hours? Locked up and made me way to call at the community shed to drop off the letters on me way back to the flea-pit.

The shed was locked-up, hey-ho!

It took me 30 minutes to walk back to Carrington and when I got to the Co-op store me mobile rang – but I couldn’t hear what was being said due to me deafness and the noise of the traffic.

Got some milk and made me way back – and the phone rang again – it was someone from the flats asking me to be in the flat Monday between 1200 and 1700hrs to be spoken to about the intercom?

I got back in and so tired and weary and the door lock would not lock? While struggling with it, getting nowhere Steve rang – it seems when I tried to ring the first caller back I’d dialled his number in mistake. Huh! He said he would be passing my dump in about five minutes and would call in to see if he cold help.

The INR results had been delivered and I had to get the next one done on the Monday. Steve kindly rang the surgery to make an appointment for me on Monday morning – because of the need for me to be in the flat twixt 1200 and 1700hrs for the intercom thing whatever it is on Monday. The receptionist told him there were no free slots on Monday at all – but could make it on Tuesday at 0930hrs, Mmm? And yet last week when I asked them to make it Tuesday instead of Monday, they insisted if the hospital say Monday, then Monday it must be!!! Confusing innit?

Too tired to make owt fancy I had microwave sausage sandwiches and me medications for nosh.

By gawd me feet are aching and stinging now.

Here are the photo’s I took before it got hectic at the new flat today:

 IMG_0003 IMG_0005

IMG_0004

TTFN all!

Inchcock’s Welcome to his new Home ‘Pack’ Courtesy of Nottingham Homes.

/ Inchie / 11 Comments

 

Inchcock’s Welcome to his new Home ‘Pack’

Courtesy of Nottingham Homes.

IMG_0230

I managed to finally get around to perusing the paperwork I was given in me ‘Welcome to your new home’ pack from the nice Nottingham City Homes people.

There were a few leaflets and pamphlets included in the pack like…

01topaFree Points for Paint:

“We have awarded you 50 decorating gift points to spend in the catalogue given to you by the lettings officer.

Fine, I got three tins of paint and a steel tape measure ruler. courtesy of Steve from Age UK ordering it for me. I await its arrival and the pleasure of paying the Age UK Decorator the £189 to slap it on for me (Fair price though) – as I am incapable of doing this simple task nowadays due to me ailments like. Tsk! Most appreciated gesture.

Customer scorecard:

To be filled in with your response to the services provided on a 1>10 basis for each service. With stamped addressed envelope to return it in too!

How to get the most from your electric heating and hot water system:

A rather confusing leaflet with guidance on how to manipulate the controls – being as the controls on mine have worn away through age and use – it is no wonder I was a tad confused!

Ways to pay your rent at Nottingham City Homes:

Direct debit ticked from the list of seven ways to pay – with a Rent reference number, an Occupational Therapists telephone number? and a number to call the kind Council Tax people so they can charge me double tax one for this dump and one for the new dump. Bless them!

Immersion heating scalding – tenants deaths:

Kindly pointing out the danger signs of immersion failure to watch for:

Excessively hot water coming out of the hot taps – Excessive noise or bubbling from the hot water cylinder – Hot water coming from cold water taps – Cold water cistern splits emptying its contents through the ceiling of the room below. Thanks for that I thought.

General Health Safety and Security:

If you carry our any work without the written permission of the Nottingham City Homes we may insist you put it back the way it was, and carry out the work ourselves and charge you for it.

ID Cards:

Always ask workmen for identification.

Scaffolding:

Please do not work yourself from our scaffolding.

Condensation:

This is caused by damp air touching a cold surface.

You can reduce condensation by: Closing kitchen and bathroom doors to prevent steam from going into colder rooms – Open bathroom and bathroom windows when cooking or washing – Not using paraffin or liquid gas heaters and Not blocking air-vents. Well the bathroom I have has no window, and the vent in the kitchen is awaiting repair by Nottingham City Homes?

Gas and Carbon Monoxide:

If you smell gas… There is no gas connected to the block of flats?

Get a Carbon Monoxide monitor fitted in your home.

Protecting Your Home:

A full colour booklet – Common sense really.

Tenancy Agreement: 27 page A4 full colour booklet:

Unless you are transferring form a secure tenant, or an assured non-short-hold tenancy with a registered social landlord which has lasted for more than twelve months you will start as an ‘Introductory Probation Tenant’.

Your tenancy will last for one year, unless you were an assured short-hold tenant of a registered social landlord or an introductory tenant of another property immediately before commencing this tenancy.  :

In the event of our taking action to extend or to end your tenancy you will usually have the opportunity to: Discuss matters with your housing patch manager or an officer from Nottingham City Homes Central Rents team.

A page about Reviewing decisions and where to appeal to.

Information for secure tenants.

As an Introductory Tenant you do not have the right to: Buy your home – sub-let part or all of your home – Take in a lodger or Apply to change your home.

Full rent includes:

Flat rent. Support charge. CCTV. Communal lighting. TV licence. Communal facilities. Care-taking. Reference number.

Your Rights as a Tenant – Sub-letting – Lodgers

Three A4 pages of confusing legal claptrap. As a 

What you must do as a tenant:

Not applicable pages to me – I’m only a ‘Introductory Probation Tenant’

Smoking in your flat:

‘Smoking’ refers to smoking tobacco or anything which contains tobacco, or smoking any other substance. For your safety, always ensure any smoking materials are fully extinguished before leaving a room.

Smoking in communal areas, on grass, enclosed corridors, stairwells, lifts, entrance area is illegal and as such if prohibited.

Decorations and cleanliness:

You are responsible for keeping your home clean and in a hygienic condition. Free of refuse and to a reasonable standard of decoration.

If you fail we will enter your home t carry our necessary works and charge you the costs incurred.

Conduct on your home:

You or anyone residing in or visiting your home Must Not:

Take or abstract electricity from the mains illegally.

Tamper or damage electricity supplies, meters, smoke detectors or any other equipment.

Store or use inflammable or explosive liquids, gases or tools in your home.

Store motorbikes or mini motorbikes in your home or communal areas.

Run a business from your home.

Use your home or neighbourhood for any illegal activity.

Allow your home to become overcrowded by allowing others to live there.

Allow n accumulation of personal property in your home, that may obstruct an inspection by or on behalf of Nottingham City Homes, cause structural damage to the property or pose an environmental risk.

To do anything that causes a health risk and/or safety risk to yourself or others.

Well that covers anything and everything I think?

Antisocial behaviour, nuisance, harassment, racial harassment and domestic violence, drugs: 

Three pages of what not to do. (I wish they had put illegal drugs though)

Pets, Extra Condition for Flat tenants:

You must use the rubbish chute or refuse bins provided for normal household waste.

Do not try to force large items down the chute or leave them in communal areas.

You must make proper arrangements to dispose of medical waste, needles, syringes or sanitary items.

You must not keep a dog or dogs.

You must keep balconies clean, free of obstructions and debris.

You must not cause nuisance, annoyance or disturb neighbours in any way.

You must not leave items in communal areas to your block or place items on your balcony.

IMG_0227You must not let animals deposit faeces on your balcony of communal areas.

You must not throw anything out of the windows or from your balcony.

You must not smoke in enclosed communal areas, stairwells, lifts or entrance areas.

You must not maliciously sett off or interfere with anything provided for your or any other parsons health and safety: including but not limited to smoke detectors, fire alarm systems, fir extinguishers, dry or wet risers, fire doors or door closers, emergency lighting, door entry or sprinkler systems.

Section on additional services you can pay for:

Furniture:

What the council may do if you break clauses 3.6 to 3.14:

Your right to live in your flat:

Termination:

If you breach any of the obligations set out in this tenancy agreement, the actions me may take includes, but is not limited to: sending you a warning letter, court action against you of which we will issue court proceedings to seek an order for you to pay the costs.

There was another five sections, and five more booklets… but I’m too weary now to bother… Tsk!

Oh, and a Direct Debit receipt.

29 June 2015: Inchcock Today: GP Surgery – Meeting with Council Officials – You wouldn’t believe how Hard it is to get A Fridge-freezer and Electric cooker delivered!

/ Inchie / 2 Comments

Saturday 29th June 2015

I believe today’s Diary is indicative of how me life is at the moment!

01top

Woke 0530hrs – put the water heater on – then took me medications and started this diary off.

Thought I’d better do it now as I didn’t know how the plans would go for the day.

Going to GP surgery at 0830hrs – in the hope that the nurse can do me INR test and redress me skin cancer wound early enough for me to get to BJ’s house and then up to Woodthorpe Court to meet with Steve Age UK for the Council Officials meeting about the flat.

Had a wash and brush up, and got missen ready for the days rather daunting tasks.

IMG_0207IMG_0209I set off slipping the pigeons some seed as I poddled to the doctors surgery.

I noticed two posters on St John’s Church fencing as I passed it, for the Sherwood Art week (Last week). Too late for me now to go see the Burlington Jazz session – I’d have liked to see them too. Huh!

IMG_0210Walked over the road, just managing to avoid being hit by one Nottingham’s Pavement Cyclists as he free-wheeled down the hill. The Swine!

Arrived at the surgery spot on 0820hrs as suggested by the nurse for an 0830hrs rearranged INR session.

All locked up – the sign read surgery starts at 0850hrs!

I waited until they opened up and was first in the queue.

Got seen to by the new nurse Nicole who also took off me dressing from me wound. Left some nibbles for the staff and set off on me walk to Sherwood to call on BJ.

IMG_0212 IMG_0213We had a natter and then set of in BJ’s car to the flats.

Lovely morning, I had a wander around and took some photographs while we waited for Steve from Age UK’s arrival. Steve phoned while I was taking the shots to confirm it was still on.

We found the lady representative of the Council. Her voice was loud but not clear and Steve had to keep answering my questions about what she said. Tsk! 

Nice lady. I filled in many forms, bank details etc. and signed them.

BJ and Steve found things that needed attention – and she listed them to get them sorted. Brown water coming from the tap in bathroom, drawer front in kitchen hanging off, and a window needed replacing also in the kitchen – there were more, but I can’t remember them all now.

IMG_0214I took a photograph from the living room window – shame about the bird nets innit – that’ll cramp me flipping photographicalisationing style!

Steve said he would apply for the bath to be replaced with a level shower. The lady said this would take some months to get done – so Steve said he would make the application for me today.

Appaently I’m a ‘Probationary Tenant for the first Twelve months, Mmm?

Then I signed the contract and was given the entry swipe and keys to the flat.

Steve suggested I get a fridge freezer and cooker delivered first.

IMG_0211We parted outside and Steve shot off to another client and BJ ran me down onto Mansfield Road where I caught a bus into town.

Having to dodge yet another Nottingham speeding dangerous Nottingham Pavement Cyclist as I approached the bus-stop.

Another Swine on wheels!

Luckily I had me free bus-pass with me.

I got into town with me mind racing about all the IMG_0215things I had to do – first I thought I’d walk to John Lewis and have a look at their cookers and fridge freezers like…

Then thought I’d try a few other afterwards to compare the prices and products yer see?

Well… what a farce come cock-up that was!

01040104aI eventually caught the attention of an assistant after looking over the products and choosing the cooker, very nice and not too expensive, with a small oven, just the ticket I thought. Also a Hotpoint fridge freezer just the size I needed and frost free too!

My first questions were can these two be delivered at the same time and how much would it be for delivery and fitting please.

“No problem with the delivery Sir, between 0800 and 1400hrs” on Friday (I thought he was going to fall asleep on me at this point). “The freezer is plug and go so no fitting needed, the cooker will cost you £20 for fitting and the delivery for both will be £20.”

Fair enough I thought. Gave him all the details he asked for, bank details address etc… then he said “It’s not letting me input this…” And called over to a colleague to ask if he knew why. He returned to me and told me the Fridge could be delivered Friday but the Cooker could not be delivered until Tuesday… I stopped the conversation here (Foolishly thinking another company could supply me both products at the same time – Huh!). I started to explain that this is not acceptable due to me many medical appointments that arise at short notice, so I can’t guarantee being in. Let’s forget it! (Sorry I said that now!)

0104dWalked over to Curry’s PC World main store on Milton Street. They didn’t have either product in stock!

Oh dear…

0104cSo, over the road to another store, House of Fraser.

Even if they had got anything in I liked, I couldn’t have afforded the prices they were asking…Tsk!

0104bNot having me reading glasses with me I had the most difficulty in reading their catalogue.

I was amazed to see their prices were higher for cookers and fridges than anywhere I’d looked. Next day delivery would cost a good bit, delivery within 3 days or five days was cheaper. But with the upcoming appointments I have no chance of being at the new flat for delivery over a period of three or five days?

Oh, I do feel irritated with missen now.

Caught the bus back to Carrington, made a cuppa and did this diary.

Feeling a bit down now, despite getting the keys to the flat.

So tired again.

IMG_0219Made me nosh, Pork pie, chips, cheesey potato mash, pork loin and pickled beetroot.

Very nice.

Rated this one 7.9/10.

But me eyes were too big fer me belly again.

Launderette in the morning.

I rang BJ to ask him if I could get some stuff, saucepans, kettle etc from Asda with him tomorrow and if he could lift it and some more stuff to the new place for me. He was too busy to talk – and I forgot to ring him back! Pillock!

Sun 28 June 2015: Inchcock Today

/ Inchie / 2 Comments

Sunday 28th June 2015

HeadSun

Woke around 0400hrs, and noted bits of me last dream down to put in this diary later.

DSCF0039I plodded down the stairs and put the kettle on.

It was dark dank and damp this morning, but not cold with it.

Took a photo as I popped me head out of the door to see if any of the pigeons had come down for their breakfast like.

The noise in the distance was of emergency vehicle klaxon’s – sounded like there were a few of them nearby?

DSCF0040Only one of the pigeons came down to nosh, so he feasted on the seeds.

Had me cuppa and took me medications. The wound was stinging a bit this morning – the reminded me that I had to get the dressing off today, how I can get behind myself to reach the gigantic plaster I didn’t know like.

I think I’ll ask the GP nurse to remove it in the morning when I go for me INR Warfarin blood tests. Then she can check it out at the same time?

The rain is coming heavier now.

Got carried away with doing some graphics in Coreldraw and Corelpaint to use later.

Finished me “It’s Been a Funny Life – Part 4” off and posted it.

Then felt the warm wet glow from me little Inch location… oh dear… went up to the bathroom to check it out. Boy was it bleeding. Wot-a-mess! Took me ages to get it to stop, I was nearing the stage of calling for help when it slowed down – no wonder they can’t get me INR levels right is it? Huh! Must remember to get some more pads soon.

Made another cuppa, the last one went cold. Tsk!

Started this diary off. Then looked at me notes about the dream:

I was on a boat on the Thames and had a water-pistol that looked like a stun-gun and was trying to row near enough to the Houses of Parliament to squirt the water at it?

Suddenly there were loads of attacks on me from helicopters, a submarine appeared nearby and fired their deck gun at me, a hurricane fighter dived at me machine-gunning and firing rockets at me, divers appeared at the side of me boat with their guns out, an aircraft carrier appeared in the distance approaching me, snipers from the roof were firing at me… in the middle of all this an air-ambulance dropped down telling me that I’d missed an appointment at the clinic – the then started throwing loaded syringes at me?

None of the attacks hit me, they just bounced off the frogman’s suit I was wearing?

Norman Wisdom was suddenly at my side singing something or other, then led me down some steps under the boat… not sure what happened next, but I found myself in a giant cave with a stream running through it, with giant Centipedes, each playing several guitars at the same time?

I became aware that I was wearing me old TA denims.

Odd, even for me this one was…

Started doing some shredding and sorting.

DSCF0041Weary now, I made me nosh and got me head down really early.

Baked tatties with butter and Himalayan pink mountain salt, ham sandwich, bananas, and a mini-roll – followed my last tub of strawberry & vanilla ice-cream.

Rated it 7/10.

Inchcock in Prose – It’s been a Funny Old Life… Part 4

/ Inchie / 7 Comments

It’s been a Funny Old Life… Part 4

GCPram

It started getting confusing, when I was born,

To mother I was unwanted, a bit of a thorn,

So she kept running off, not that it made me mourn,

I thought at first it was due to me, and felt forlorn,

Then the Police called to see her one morn,

Regarding a Christmas club funds being overdrawn,

But she’s gone hours earlier at the break of dawn!

~

The chase was on, thus her reputation did aggrandise,

They caught her 9 months later, and believed her lies!

Dad took her back in, even I saw that was not wise,

Things kept disappearing, before our very eyes,

She was repeatedly off again, someone else to victimise,

Everyone she conned liked her, hard to realise,

They just trusted her, and that was very unwise!

~

Many callers over the years wanting to know where she’d went,

Loan sharks after money they had foolishly lent,

Lawyers, Window cleaners, neighbours giving vent,

Bookmakers, grocers even cobblers where she had overspent,

All seeking recompense to some extent,

Disappointed and sad they were as they went!

~

When I was fourteen, I started work and earned some cash,

She was back in our midst, quick as a flash!

Of the massive £3.3s.3d a week I earned, not balderdash,

She only charged me £2 for board, I was taken abash!

Shame she nicked me clothes, LP’s and any spare cash!

It didn’t matter where I tried to hide me stash,

She always found it – and flogged it quick as a flash!

~

Finally, many years later, she was up before the beak,

Conning the judge and jury whenever she did speak,

She walked from court without giving a single pique,

A richer woman, new flat with rent paid every week,

No compensation to pay, Gas paid and benefits increased,

Went straight to the bookmakers tongue-in-cheek,

Bet on the second favourite, that won by a streak!

~

But despite all her misdemeanour’s, and folks she did screw,

Those she’s conned lent her more money, yours truly too!

Gave her furniture, money to pay for her electricity, it’s true,

Despite her utility bills being paid by benefits she did accrue!

Crime doesn’t pay? It did for one, I can tell you!

~

Yet fond memories remain of those bitter days,

Of Mother and her strange odd ways,

She was much loved by waifs and strays,

She’s give them 6d of her last shilling in many ways,

Just a shame the shilling was nicked… oh happy days!

Sat 27 June 2015: Inchcock Today – The best laid plans…

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Saturday 27th June 2015

Inchcock’s Plans are…

FordZ

Woke around 0400hrs – convinced I’d had a jolly good dream ridden sleep – but no recollections at all?

Arose and made a cuppa and took me morning medications.

Finished off yesterdays diary and got it posted.

DSCF0037Did some Facebooking and then started off this diary.

Took some rubbish out to the bin.

Fed the pigeons.

Then started in earnest to sort out the paperwork not needed and which of it needed shredding!

Stopped to have a cup of tea and take me midday medications – Turned out a bad idea – I fell asleep for hours!

Oh dear!

DSCF0038Sausage bacon and herb tomatoes, a banana, me medications, wholemeal bread followed by iced-lolly.

Rated this 8.1 on the Nosh-scale.

Got the right blend of basil and oregano in the tomatoes for once – quarter teaspoon of each.

Hope I don’t have any bother nodding off tonight.

See you later folks! Take care.

Fri 26.6.2015: Inchcock Today

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Friday 26th June 2015

HeadFri

Sprang awake in the early hours, with part of a dream vividly lingering in my tortured brain – I wrote some bit down, and am now using them to prompt me memory to recall the events – but much of the notes wot I wrote, meant nothing to me this morning?

I felt I was in Dresden during the horrific bombing – fear, chasing around trying to save people, to get them into a cellar – hundreds of people in the cellar, wounded, dying, old, young and a football team in kit? A referee showing people cards which indicated if they would live or not?

The cellar filled with poisonous gases and everyone started to fall into their last sleep, leaving only me alive?

Then I was back in the present, being chased around abandoned offices in a tower block – I decided not to run any more but face my pursuers – so I got hold of a giant banana and waited for them to catch me up? When they came into view, each of them had a gun of some sort – As they shot me and threw me out of the window I was very calm – on the way down I started singing Gossip Calypso by Bernard Cribbins?

For some reason the fall and bullets had not killed me – a paramedic arrived and started to kick me violently while telling me not to miss another appointment at the clinic?

Weird stuff!

Managed to nod-off again for another hour or so.

Sprang awake in a sweat and panic – no idea why though?

DSCF0033I forced missen to get up and went down, cleaned the pots, made a cuppa, took me medications and sorted some rubbish to the bin for todays collection by the hygiene operatives. Fed the pigeons as I did.

Got a box ready for the shredding later. The place looks worse than it did before I started trying to clear it in readiness for me move.

Felt a tad sorry fer missen with all the medical appointments destroying me plans for the move and other things that need doing. I wish I had a family now. Hey-ho!

Did some Facebooking and then got on with some sorting and shredding – a never-ending task! Hehe!

Getting close to me appointment time fer me wound to be examined again – tried out the camera on me laptop – not very good, but I made a little adjustments and posted it on WordPress as… ‘Good day from Inchcock’.

DSCF0035Set off on me walk to the GP surgery to have me wound looked at and redressed yet again by the Obergruppenführer nurse.

She was pleased with the wound this time (A lot less redder she said) and decided I could remove the dressing and plaster she had just replaced the old on with in two days time.

The questions of how I can physically do this, not being abe to reach up me back to take off the giant plaster and dressing didn’t arise?

DSCF0034As I made me way to Lidl three pavement cyclist belted by me – I caught the third one here.

The swine!

If they are too scared to go on the road, why should they be considered less a danger to pedestrians on the pavements?

Got me bits from Lidl and hobbled back to the flea-pit.

So tired again now.

DSCF0036Made me nosh.

Perhaps it was because i was so tired and drained, but I didn’t enjoy this nosh, even though it smelt and looked nice enough.

Rated it 7/10.

Couldn’t get off to kip despite me tiredness so I read a bit of me book and that did it.

TTFN all.

Thu 25.06.2015: Inchcock Today

/ Inchie / 2 Comments

Thursday 25th June 2015

HeadThurs

What a busy, messy day!

Good sleep in last night, must have needed it.

IMG_0203Arose made a cuppa and spent an hour or two doing some sorting. BJ coming today around 1100hrs.

The wound was less painful this morning, but the angina is nasty and later when moving some bags I’d filled the wound started stinging again Huh!

Not in good spirits at the moment.

Not sure why?

Started this diary off and created the header.

Did loads of shredding.

BJ arrived and loaded the shredded paper into his car, took a couple of bags of unwanted fodder and lifted me to the recycling bins on Mansfield Road.

I walked back to get some movement into me painfully stiff limbs.

Got in the flea-pit to find me INR results log had arrived.

They had informed me my next test is on Monday 29th June – a bit disappointing that, because that is me day to meet Steve at the new flat to do the signing and whatever else with the Council representatives.

Crap!

IMG_0204So I WC’d and walked to the Doctors surgery to see if they could do me an appointment early on Monday.

Called in the Co-op on the way and got a loaf and some bananas.

The only one they could offer was a 0935hrs – which meant I would not be able to get to the flats on time for the meeting!

Crap!

The receptionist said get a taxi – but I doubt if it would arrive on time (Having worked for a private hire company in the past like!), or get there in time if it did arrive on time?

Crap!

I rang BJ to see if he could pick me up from the surgery as he was going to come with me to the meeting. He could not give an answer as he was busy at the time, said he’d ring me back.

So I till didn’t know what to do about the INR appointment. The receptionist said it had to be on the 29th.

Crap!

Of course Steve from Age UK is away on holiday so couldn’t consult him either.

Crap!

Ended up booking the 0935hrs slot, as the only other one on the day was for 1545hrs, and I don’t know if anything will be required of me at or after the meeting yer see?

Crap!

So, up to now that’s Friday (tomorrow) Skin Cancer wound check-up at 1500hrs (Hopefully I can get some sorting/shredding done at last, pains permitting).

INR Monday 0935hrs – meeting re-flat at Woodthorpe Court 1000hrs.

Wednesday Clinic checks and decision hopefully to be made about me bleeding lesion on me Inch.

Thursday 2nd July CHD health check 0910hrs.

Plus of course any other Whoopsiedangleplops inspired new accidents, mishaps or cock-ups in between. And any extra INR tests needed if the level goes too low again.

Crap!

Sorry to sound so niggled annoyed and frustrated – but I am!

I’m doing me best to get things sorted and new pains, appointments and other frustrations are getting in the way of any progress all the time.

Crap!

So tired again now, and lost heart. (Poor demented clot!)

Going to have bacon sarnies and a banana fer me nosh.

Not one of me better days, started wiv me feeling under-the-weather and not knowing why, ended up wiv me confused, frustrated and a tad depressed.

Hey-ho, we’ll see what tomorrow brings though!

Took me medications.

Taketh care all.

TTFN.

Wed 24 June 2015: Inchcock Today: Busy again… but not got much done?

/ Inchie / 4 Comments

Wednesday 24th June 2015

Whoopsie3

Sprang awake at 0300hrs – mind racing.

So I got the old laptop on and did some WordPressing. I took my medications.

Eventually forced missen to stop and have a wash and change.

Made a cuppa and fed the pigeons as I took out the rubbish and did some graphicationalisationing and Facebooking.

Then got the nibble-bags ready for later. So as I could give them to the nurses at the clinic (1300hrs appointment) and staff at the GP surgery (1100hrs appointment).

Bit nippy this morning.

Spent a good while trying to get to copy rich text from Word  but no luck. I can from Apache, but for some reason the spell-checker has gone wonky on that and is not working. Tsk!

IMG_0200WC’d and spruced missen up, then set off on me walk to the GP Surgery.

It had brightened up a lot as I started on me hobble.

Got to the surgery and was soon in the Practice Nurses treatment room having me stitches removed.

I must say, the wound is hurting more now that it was before, but by disturbing it, I should expect that.

The Nurse did say she was not too happy with it – and booked me in to go back on Friday for another check of it.

IMG_0201Handed the receptionist the fodder bag and departed.

Not much  traffic about this morning.

Poddled back to the flea-pit and added the appointment for Friday to me diary straight away like.

Then off again with me bus-pass to the Clinic appointment.

Would you believe the doctor there said “I’m not happy with this lesion not healing”. Everyone seems to be telling me they’re not happy with some part of me anatomy today! Hehehe!

I was going to take a picture of a three vehicle ‘Whoopsiedangleplop’ near the island on the way back – but I’d left me camera at home in the other bag. Huh!

Gor back WC to the lesion (painfully) stood up and caught me flaming skin cancer wound on the edge of the door! Whoopsidangleplop again!

Turned off the latop and set aout doing some sorting – but it’s painful with the angina, arthritis, bleeding little Inch and me newly banged wound. Huh and Tsk!

IMG_0202Made me nosh early – Sausage sandwiches I think, too tired to bother with owt else.

But found some microwave chips so decided to have sausage and chip sandwiches instead.

Not so good the chips – the sausages were okay though.

Rated: 6/10 overall.

Feeling well drained again… Tsk!