Inchcock Interviews a Time Traveller!

Bespectacled, aged, bald, hearing-aids wearing, short, plump, WordPress.com ace unpaid senile reporter Juan Inchcock Chambers, can now declare that time-travelling is happening today! He has met with and interviewed a traveller from the future, one Zip Vladimir Ivanovic Alonso, who he claims came from the year 2218. Doubters can contact Juan at the side of Trent Bridge near the railings at the fire bombed cafe. The very place where Juan met Zip as he materialised in front of him, and broke his bottle of meths.

The Interview

Inchcock: Why did you travel back to our time Zip?

Zip: Life was finishing on earth in 2044, and it was either £819bn for a ticket to the moon, or £102m for a one way trip back in time at the ‘Travel-back Arcade’.

Inchcock: When and where did you ‘land’ here, if that’s the terminology?

Zip: Same place, as it always is, in this time it was on the embankment near Trent Bridge in the Meadows area of Nottingham. Of course in my day, the Bridge had been long gone, no fresh water left you see, where I appeared if you like, on the steps of the river, was actually the same space as the Travel-back Arcade’s departure lounge.

Inchcock: What was your first thought on getting here Zip?

Zip: That our 2044 Government history tapes supplied by our Minister of Education Montague Abdullah-Miliband were all wrong, I saw you actually did have food available in 2014. Our tapes tell us only the rich were eating in this era, while the deficient, impecunious, impoverished, disabled, and inadequate ones had already starved to death, been fed to the few remaining cattle, or been used in experimentations”.

Inchcock: Would you like to remain and settle here in 2014 Nottingham Zip?

Zip: No, I wouldn’t fit in would I, and the names of the people, archaic names such as Smith, Danton, Williams, etc. No I think it best if I return to my own time once I’ve raised the cash.

Inchcock: Oh, er.. What are your plans now then?

Zip: To get myself ‘in’ with the predecessors’ of the families that will run the world, to make sure I can afford a ticket to the moon when it comes this time… do you happen to know how I can contact any of the Scottish Brown, Cameron, Bush’s or the Saudi Royal Family members, do you?

Inchcock: No, sorry…

With that, the time-traveller faded into the atmosphere and was gone, leaving Inchcock to lick up what he could salvage of his spilt meths.

By Inchie

78 years of age, pretty ugly, short, bald, pot-bellied, in ill health. Decaying physically and morally. Mechanical ticker valve, Duodenal Donald, Saccades-Sandra, Arthur Itis, Hernia Henry, Hard of Hearing Hank, Bad eyesight Boris, Reflux Roger, Peripheral Neuropathy, Nerve Neurotransmitters Not-working Wendy, Bladder Cancer Chris, Stuttering Stephany, Haemorrhoid Harold, Shaking Shaun, Dizzy Dennis, FND, ... there are others, but I've tired myself out, now! Hehehe! Oh, then I had a stroke! Now awaiting Cataract & Glaucoma operations. Diabetes 2, Leg-Ulcer-Ulrich, Cartilage Chloe & Carole and am flat-bound. Tsk! Failures, Accifauxpas and Whoopsiedangleplops are my Forte... Hehehe! I love making folk smile when I can. TTFNski!

View all of Inchie's posts.

5 comments

SoZ Satire – London – Freelance satirist, humorist and time-served pain in the arseist. London born and bred - a twist of fate brought about by the vile cavortings of my lust-fuelled parents

sozsatire says:

03/08/2014 at 10:47

Haha great stuff Inchmeister! Apart from the bit where you inferred that my name was archaic. It’s actually French tha knows lad. Sacred blue! Thierry Henri! Aix En Provence! …etc. 😉 Oh and I’m off to Lidl later if you need anything. The compressor’s are on special this week mate!!!

Reply
Inchy – Nottingham. UK. – 78 years of age, pretty ugly, short, bald, pot-bellied, in ill health. Decaying physically and morally. Mechanical ticker valve, Duodenal Donald, Saccades-Sandra, Arthur Itis, Hernia Henry, Hard of Hearing Hank, Bad eyesight Boris, Reflux Roger, Peripheral Neuropathy, Nerve Neurotransmitters Not-working Wendy, Bladder Cancer Chris, Stuttering Stephany, Haemorrhoid Harold, Shaking Shaun, Dizzy Dennis, FND, ... there are others, but I've tired myself out, now! Hehehe! Oh, then I had a stroke! Now awaiting Cataract & Glaucoma operations. Diabetes 2, Leg-Ulcer-Ulrich, Cartilage Chloe & Carole and am flat-bound. Tsk! Failures, Accifauxpas and Whoopsiedangleplops are my Forte... Hehehe! I love making folk smile when I can. TTFNski!

Inchcock says:

03/08/2014 at 12:13

I fink it wus ‘im, the traveller who indicated thut we would all be named Grzegorz, Malobodu, Abdul or something like that int future yer see, cause we got took over un ruled by others in his time. I fink any road.
Lidl might ‘ave some pots of porridge in, gerrus some if they do mate. Me Nottingham branch has stopped sellin’ em cause they were too cheap.
Cheers and TTFN, Inchy

Reply
Marissa Bergen – Burbank, Ca – This blog is a semi auto-biographical view of my life, beginning as a rocker chick from Brooklyn, moving on to playing in a punk band on New York's Lower East Side, to my current lot in life as a working mother of two, now living in Los Angeles. I love writing because you can be whoever you want to be when you write. Therefore, I would never want to pigeon-hole myself too much in my blog. However, I don't think I will ever deviate too much from what is innately in my blood, that being humor and sarcasm. Recently I have been turning more and more to poetry. I like poetry because it let's you say so much more with so much less, so much more about so little, and it also distances you from the subject matter, making you much less likely to offend someone, which I would probably otherwise do on a daily basis.

Marissa Bergen says:

03/08/2014 at 15:17

Inchcock should have begged Zip to take him with him.

Reply
1. Inchy – Nottingham. UK. – 78 years of age, pretty ugly, short, bald, pot-bellied, in ill health. Decaying physically and morally. Mechanical ticker valve, Duodenal Donald, Saccades-Sandra, Arthur Itis, Hernia Henry, Hard of Hearing Hank, Bad eyesight Boris, Reflux Roger, Peripheral Neuropathy, Nerve Neurotransmitters Not-working Wendy, Bladder Cancer Chris, Stuttering Stephany, Haemorrhoid Harold, Shaking Shaun, Dizzy Dennis, FND, ... there are others, but I've tired myself out, now! Hehehe! Oh, then I had a stroke! Now awaiting Cataract & Glaucoma operations. Diabetes 2, Leg-Ulcer-Ulrich, Cartilage Chloe & Carole and am flat-bound. Tsk! Failures, Accifauxpas and Whoopsiedangleplops are my Forte... Hehehe! I love making folk smile when I can. TTFNski!
  
  Inchcock says:
  
  04/08/2014 at 05:10
  
  I did Masrissa, but he was worried about taking infections back with him. Tsk!
  TTFN
  
  Reply
  1. Marissa Bergen – Burbank, Ca – This blog is a semi auto-biographical view of my life, beginning as a rocker chick from Brooklyn, moving on to playing in a punk band on New York's Lower East Side, to my current lot in life as a working mother of two, now living in Los Angeles. I love writing because you can be whoever you want to be when you write. Therefore, I would never want to pigeon-hole myself too much in my blog. However, I don't think I will ever deviate too much from what is innately in my blood, that being humor and sarcasm. Recently I have been turning more and more to poetry. I like poetry because it let's you say so much more with so much less, so much more about so little, and it also distances you from the subject matter, making you much less likely to offend someone, which I would probably otherwise do on a daily basis.
    
    Marissa Bergen says:
    
    04/08/2014 at 17:15
    
    Oh well. Next time perhaps you’ll meet a time traveler who is not so discriminating!