Inchcock’s Visit to Sister Jane and Brother-in-law Pete

They just had to show off their new £499.99 ceiling lamp, and £249.99 portraits in material of Rams on the wall.

As you can see, I was more interested in one of their cats ‘Mr Fuey’, in human age he is 89 years old, and still going bless him.

Mind you, once I got down to talk to Fuey, it was the devil’s own job gerrin’ up agen!

They (Jane and Pete) made a big mistake though: they asked me how thing were going!

So I told them about me last kidney treatment session at the Queens Medical Centre.

Me new diet wot the GP gave me.

About me haemorrhoids (piles) situation.

My fear of going to the WC. The treatments wot I’m on, and how to apply them.

The arthritis in me hands.

The arthritis in me knees.

The arthritis in me feet.

The Duodenal ulcer, and the consequences of the change in medication wot I’d had, how painful it can be, and reminded them of when I went in hospital to have it removed.

The new aorta valve beating away in me ticker. The failure of the medications to control the Warfarin level.

Me weekly trips to the haematology dept for me blood checks.

Me hearing aids getting old and playing up, how I had to de-coke em, the battery life etc.

Me change in medications and the effect they were having on me.

My new spectacle frames going loose.

The aggressive nature of me new dentist.

How I fell asleep on buses, all nine occasions.

I explained how the new dermatology cream was better than the first one I tried.

My current situation with the local yobs.

How I managed to lose me walking stick in Derby.

How I can go for days without speaking to another person.

Then I explained what I thought were the root causes for me depression and loneliness, starting from when I was five years of age and got thrown in the Nottingham canal.

I then explained how I was managing to fail in search for sheltered housing wot I could afford, how who and when I tried to get some.

Told them about the state of me roof back at the hovel.

The damaged WC, taps that leaked.

What DVDs I’d watched over the last year or so.

Why I’d changed from Frosties, to having Grape-nut flakes for breakfast, and how much better they were for me, but far more expensive. (No offers of financial support were forthcoming)

How my new walking stick needed an end pad that would not make a noise on hard surfaces.

How I broke me bottle of TCP last month.

How I managed to pour boiling water over me hand while making a cup of tea.

How I treated the blister with Dettol antiseptic cream.

The horrendous nightmares I get regularly.

Why I do not read newspapers anymore.

My search for a certain book at Nottingham library.

My thoughts on nepotism and nihilism within politics today.

As their heads hit the table, I realised it was time to go home…