Marissa Bergen, the new Manager and Incontinence Nurse to the newly formed and ever changing Retirement homes ‘Zimmer Frame Squeaks’ pop group spoke with ‘Entertainment Today’ roving reporter Shirley Blamey-Much.
Shirley asked Marissa how things were going with the launch of the Rest Home for Insanitary Sufferers new senior citizen band ‘The Zimmer Frame Squeaks’ début performance.
Ms Bergen explained: “It’s not that easy at all you know. Six of the seven in the band have conked-out this week alone, 
I went to visit him yesterday to tell him of the changes I’m making and to increase my percentage payments to 40% of the takings. In future I will not be allowing any of the residents over 90 years of age to join the band, sensible as their age would not allow for a long term career for them anyway would it?
The newly formed The Zimmer Frame Squeaks has only four members in it now – I explained that any more would eat into my earnin… I mean their earnings if too many of the old codgers were needing to be paid.
I’ll get them on X-Factor first, assuming the waiting will not be too long of course, don’t want to lose any more of them before the show eh? So I’ve banned then eating cream cakes and from having carnal practices until after their first recording is made and released.
So I called to see him again and took him in the alley and we had words.
He soon saw it my way and I told A&E on the way out where to find the body.
So the New Zimmer Frame Squeaks will be performing next week at the 
I’ve hired fleet of mobility scooters for them at a very reasonable charge.
“You bet Missy!”
And off they went and got paralytic.
More news to follow when Shirley goes to the Nursing Home to interview Inchcock before he croaks out!
Well I see you’ve come to your senses. I told you, I’m going to make you people stars!! By the way, is it okay for the first line of your contract to be ‘I, Juan Inchcock, being of sound mind…’
Well yes Marissa, but only if I’m wearing both hearing aids with fresh batteries at the time of course.