Inchcocks Local News Snippets in Odes

Welcome to the Local Nottingham News Snippets Selection. Chosen this week, with many crime reports omitted; Cause I thought you’d be getting fed up with reading them. Ahem!

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A 19-year-old lad, the police suspect of violence,
Part of a gang of yobs, who fractured a lads skull,
Arrested and out on bail as a subsequence…
I hope he’s learnt his lesson… what a load of bull!

Cases down by 7.5%, this should make us hopeful,
Nae… almost glad, nearly joyful…
Then I see this snippet below…
Mmm, what do we know?.

And then…

Jonathan, the criminal, impervious to the right thing to do,
Yet people fall in love with him… desiring him it’s true!
The women want to meet him, and pas de deux…
And some fellas fancy him too…
Well, I’m jealous, and I admit to you…
When sentenced, I hope they deport him to Timbuktu!

So, the robbed family, and all others too…
To keep safe, here’s what you must do…
Be Vigilant, get burglar alarms and CCTV,
Get monitored ones, although it’ll be a high fee,
Ten cameras should do, to keep a good view…
Mayhaps a double-barreled shotgun, or a few?
Should it be sufficient to make the burglars Depardieu?

May they be spotted by a policeman on his beat?
What am I saying, a PC on his beat… they are obsolete!
Get a suitable spray to get them with… spirochaete?
Bribe then not to rob you; ecstasy might be alreet?
Buy a taser, but please do be discreet…
Just for the taxman, ask them for a receipt!

Killer Matthew Farmer, who smiled and winked to police after stabbing his ex-partner 21 times, has been given a life sentence for this murder in his absence. There is a minimum term to serve 29 years before an application can be made for parole.

So, murderer Matthew Farmer turns into an Angel wannabee?
I see the ploy of his solicitor, whoever he may be…
He wants to prove remorse to people on the jury?
No, too late for that; it must be the Parole Board, you see…
To impress the virtual killers by setting them free early!
So when he applies, it may go in his favour… Lordy Me!

Shame he couldn’t kill himself as he did his partner so easily…
If the turd wanted some help, he should have asked me!
So three decades, no tax to pay, better off economically?
Do prisoners have poll tax or rent to pay? Surely…

It would only be right and fair that murderers should do?
Let them earn it, give them hardships; it’s overdue!
If one wants to die, he has the right; indeed, that’s true?
Ban luxuries, give them a book written in Hebrew,

Let them keep their smuggled in or prison-grown weed…
And then, in suicide next time, they can succeed!
I’m not calling for hanging or the use of a thumbscrew!
I just pray that murdering discontinues.

Well sorted, Sir!

I fear this blight is World Wide, seemingly…
The so-called artists, ignorant, are sickeningly…
Uncaring of the damage and ugliness they bring,
They all have a humanity and compassion deficiency,
There is no solution; the law is fiddledeedee!

When my carer read this out to me,
Although it’s happening is sad, you see…
I just couldn’t help bursting out with a “Hehehe!”

YourArea Scratch Card

Three tries this week to find three green houses.
Not doing very well, am I?

The Nottinghamshire Police are gathering injury after injury,
They get little support from judges or the jury…
Parole Board pillocks freeing prisoners early…
No wonder the officers are so grumpy and surly…
Arrestees think the courts are like a matinee!

Another murder in Nottingham then…
Saying nowt about this one, I’m not in the ken,
Little to report other than violence again…
It may get better… but when?

Horrendous!

The very cheek and impertinence,
No insurance, no tax, and no licence,
No MOTs either; he didn’t want the inconvenience,
He was bailed under his own cognisance!.

There is no detail of what offences are marked on, nor the time or date. Be interesting to see one v the present day?

Inchcock’s Local News Snippets in Ode