Advice For Whippersnappers – Part 26⅙th

Advice For Whippersnappers

Part 26⅙th

Oddities whippersnappers may encounter, like leprosy,
An honest politician (Joking!), or water on the knee,
Have ten children; some are yours, at most three!
Go to Scotland for the whisky and to find Nessie…
Soon realise your sanity is becoming an absentee!

Cuddle up to and grope a gal, all nice and cosey…
Sweet words are shared, things getting lovey-dovey!
Then find out her name is Arthur and not Rosie…
No need to feel embarrassed, daft, or dozy…
Fake an excuse, rush off, and send him a posey!

One day you may become an abductee!
The kidnapper demanding lots of money…
Before he’ll think of setting you free…
But no one will pay; you’re not famous, yer see?
He’ll likely keep you as an adoptee!

You’ll eat strange foods, & plain foods, like onion bhaji,
Liqueurs, cannabis cheesecake, and beetroot coffee?
Pickled walnuts, fingernails, and chocolate garibaldi…
Even if financially up a gumtree…
Try anything, as long as it’s free!

Will you be an owner, manager, or employee?
Mayhaps a hippy with long hair and a goatee?
Drugged up to eyeballs, living in a fantasy?
Marching against bombs and nuclear energy…
Just like your Mam and Dad did in 1953!

No need to use a snickersnee or machete…
Wounding or killing is plain bizarrerie…
It could be you’ll need a necropsy?
All through greed and your bellicosity,
Finish now, with hatred and animosity!

Keeping on the straight and narrow takes fortuity…
To hide your weaknesses and frangibility…
We’ve only one life each, not an eternity
Staying honest and non-aggressive shows dignity!
At St Peter’s gate, of wrongs, you’ll need deniability,
It’ll be no good pleading for mercy, circumstantially!

When it comes to things financially,
You must avoid showing credulity!
Moneylenders, Bank managers, show crudity…
But do it to start with using misleading civility!
Muggers and robbers take your cash with audacity!

As you get older, you’ll go much more often for a wee-wee!
With little warning, you’ll rush to the WC…
But, you won’t make it in time very often you see…
I know, cause every day this is happening to me!
It’ll dribble or torrent, with no controllability…

The protection pants offer little comfort to me…
But less protection, as I increase my bellies adiposity…
Struggling, Little Inchie gets stuck in the zip… agony!
I wet myself; wetter than if on a water-skiers jetty!
It bleeds, I cry… this is ageing – it’s not very pretty!

Inchcocks tries to Make Them Laugh in Odes Series

By Inchie

78 years of age, pretty ugly, short, bald, pot-bellied, in ill health. Decaying physically and morally. Mechanical ticker valve, Duodenal Donald, Saccades-Sandra, Arthur Itis, Hernia Henry, Hard of Hearing Hank, Bad eyesight Boris, Reflux Roger, Peripheral Neuropathy, Nerve Neurotransmitters Not-working Wendy, Bladder Cancer Chris, Stuttering Stephany, Haemorrhoid Harold, Shaking Shaun, Dizzy Dennis, FND, ... there are others, but I've tired myself out, now! Hehehe! Oh, then I had a stroke! Now awaiting Cataract & Glaucoma operations. Diabetes 2, Leg-Ulcer-Ulrich, Cartilage Chloe & Carole and am flat-bound. Tsk! Failures, Accifauxpas and Whoopsiedangleplops are my Forte... Hehehe! I love making folk smile when I can. TTFNski!

View all of Inchie's posts.

5 comments

Doug Thomas – Alliance, NE – I retired from nearly 36 years in a factory that produces hydraulic and industrial hoses. That is the short of it. The most interesting thing I've done is serve in the US Army as a motion picture photographer. I was stationed in then-West Germany in Kaiserslautern, Kleber Kaserne, in the 69th Signal Company (Photo). I was sent all over western Europe filming military exercises and other less interesting things. This enabled me to become a "bier kenner", someone knowledgeable about beer. Haw! I was much younger then, and could handle the wear and tear. The most interesting thing that happened to me happened in 1980, the first day of the new year: I spotted a rara avis in my backyard. A phainopepla, a member of the silky flycatcher family! It stayed around for two months, long enough for me to photograph it through a garage window not more than 2m from a birdbath to which it came each day. The photos, sent to the state ornithological organization and their rare bird report committee, established me as the first and only person to have seen this particular bird in my state. Records for my state go back to Lewis and Clarke's western expedition, so that gives you the context and perspective through which other birders view my record. You should too! It was a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence. It lead to a decade of uninterrupted bliss, tracking down birds in the field with other people of a feather. The worst thing that happened to me is called Wegener's granulomatosis. Oh dear! This is where it becomes difficult! WG is a form of vasculitis that you have for life once it develops. It has no known cause, though scientists work as I write to try to determine why it occurs. My story is long and I am tired: More details later! It is a fatal disease without proper care. With proper care, people still can die! One last detail: a weggie (pronounced "wegg-ee"), is a person with Wegener's granulomatosis. It is an Australian construction, to the best of my knowledge, and suits me better than being known in perpetuity as a "WG patient". In 2016, a Wegener's flare mostly wiped out what kidney function I still had, and I went through a two month process of hospitalization and rehabilitation before I could return home to my two cats, Andy and Dougy. My neighbors across the lane took care of them while i was gone, with a childhood friend who substituted for my neighbors when they had to be out of town. The major change brought about by the flare: I now am on dialysis three times a week. Fortunately for me, my local general hospital has a very modern, well staffed dialysis unit. With a nurse-to-patient ratio of nearly one-one, it is the best of five dialysis sites I've been in. The recliners are even heated! Since these units are typically kept ice berg cold, you can see I feel like I am in heaven! (Well, not yet, but you get the idea!)

Doug Thomas says:

09/04/2022 at 08:50

In short, dust under the bed because many days you’ll want to hide there! You might want to store some yummy snacks there and place a mini-refrigerator next to the bed for a night table and the cold, refreshing alcoholic beverages needed to wash down the under-bed terror control yummy snacks. Bon appétit und ein Prosit! It’s your life, young one!

Reply
Timothy Price – I specialize in daily art, documentary and promotional photography. If you have a special event such as a musical production, play, concert, etc. or have a product or fashion that you need photographed, or you are a performer, musician and artist in need of promotional photos please email me or call.

Timothy Price says:

09/04/2022 at 15:21

Excellent advice for the whippersnappers and the non-whippersnappers alike.

Reply
1. Inchy – Nottingham. UK. – 78 years of age, pretty ugly, short, bald, pot-bellied, in ill health. Decaying physically and morally. Mechanical ticker valve, Duodenal Donald, Saccades-Sandra, Arthur Itis, Hernia Henry, Hard of Hearing Hank, Bad eyesight Boris, Reflux Roger, Peripheral Neuropathy, Nerve Neurotransmitters Not-working Wendy, Bladder Cancer Chris, Stuttering Stephany, Haemorrhoid Harold, Shaking Shaun, Dizzy Dennis, FND, ... there are others, but I've tired myself out, now! Hehehe! Oh, then I had a stroke! Now awaiting Cataract & Glaucoma operations. Diabetes 2, Leg-Ulcer-Ulrich, Cartilage Chloe & Carole and am flat-bound. Tsk! Failures, Accifauxpas and Whoopsiedangleplops are my Forte... Hehehe! I love making folk smile when I can. TTFNski!
  
  Inchcock says:
  
  10/04/2022 at 07:08
  
  Haha! Thanks Tim.
  
  Reply
Bill Ziegler – Cincinnati Metropolitan Area – I am a former resident of Delhi Township. These are memories of my life and times in that community during the 1950s and 1960s. A time capsule.

Bill Ziegler says:

09/04/2022 at 22:51

Good advice for the whippersnappers. It is a confusing landscape that is tended by confidence artists from every direction, from the dastards on the street with weapons to the banks that offer no alternatives to the vast numbers of poor driven to payday loans with interest rates that the wealthy never countenance. There were no such “institutions” when we were young.

Reply
1. Inchy – Nottingham. UK. – 78 years of age, pretty ugly, short, bald, pot-bellied, in ill health. Decaying physically and morally. Mechanical ticker valve, Duodenal Donald, Saccades-Sandra, Arthur Itis, Hernia Henry, Hard of Hearing Hank, Bad eyesight Boris, Reflux Roger, Peripheral Neuropathy, Nerve Neurotransmitters Not-working Wendy, Bladder Cancer Chris, Stuttering Stephany, Haemorrhoid Harold, Shaking Shaun, Dizzy Dennis, FND, ... there are others, but I've tired myself out, now! Hehehe! Oh, then I had a stroke! Now awaiting Cataract & Glaucoma operations. Diabetes 2, Leg-Ulcer-Ulrich, Cartilage Chloe & Carole and am flat-bound. Tsk! Failures, Accifauxpas and Whoopsiedangleplops are my Forte... Hehehe! I love making folk smile when I can. TTFNski!
  
  Inchcock says:
  
  10/04/2022 at 07:22
  
  Ah, we did have local well-offs that handed out loans willy-nilly, and if I remember right, 50%, rising to l00% if any payments were missed. Which is another thing that Mother got in a mess with. A least tha family of rich did not employ gangsters to retrieve their cash. The police did it for them, hence Mummy being absent for years at a time. Tsk!
  The lenders are becoming prolific now that food, fuel… well, everything is getting to cost more and more. Folks in th flats now tell me that Covid was a banking ploy done in conjunctions with the big companies and Governments.
  
  Reply