Advice For Whippersnappers
Part 26⅙th
Oddities whippersnappers may encounter, like leprosy,
An honest politician (Joking!), or water on the knee,
Have ten children; some are yours, at most three!
Go to Scotland for the whisky and to find Nessie…
Soon realise your sanity is becoming an absentee!
Cuddle up to and grope a gal, all nice and cosey…
Sweet words are shared, things getting lovey-dovey!
Then find out her name is Arthur and not Rosie…
No need to feel embarrassed, daft, or dozy…
Fake an excuse, rush off, and send him a posey!
One day you may become an abductee!
The kidnapper demanding lots of money…
Before he’ll think of setting you free…
But no one will pay; you’re not famous, yer see?
He’ll likely keep you as an adoptee!
You’ll eat strange foods, & plain foods, like onion bhaji,
Liqueurs, cannabis cheesecake, and beetroot coffee?
Pickled walnuts, fingernails, and chocolate garibaldi…
Even if financially up a gumtree…
Try anything, as long as it’s free!
Will you be an owner, manager, or employee?
Mayhaps a hippy with long hair and a goatee?
Drugged up to eyeballs, living in a fantasy?
Marching against bombs and nuclear energy…
Just like your Mam and Dad did in 1953!
No need to use a snickersnee or machete…
Wounding or killing is plain bizarrerie…
It could be you’ll need a necropsy?
All through greed and your bellicosity,
Finish now, with hatred and animosity!
Keeping on the straight and narrow takes fortuity…
To hide your weaknesses and frangibility…
We’ve only one life each, not an eternity
Staying honest and non-aggressive shows dignity!
At St Peter’s gate, of wrongs, you’ll need deniability,
It’ll be no good pleading for mercy, circumstantially!
When it comes to things financially,
You must avoid showing credulity!
Moneylenders, Bank managers, show crudity…
But do it to start with using misleading civility!
Muggers and robbers take your cash with audacity!
As you get older, you’ll go much more often for a wee-wee!
With little warning, you’ll rush to the WC…
But, you won’t make it in time very often you see…
I know, cause every day this is happening to me!
It’ll dribble or torrent, with no controllability…
The protection pants offer little comfort to me…
But less protection, as I increase my bellies adiposity…
Struggling, Little Inchie gets stuck in the zip… agony!
I wet myself; wetter than if on a water-skiers jetty!
It bleeds, I cry… this is ageing – it’s not very pretty!
Inchcocks tries to Make Them Laugh in Odes Series
In short, dust under the bed because many days you’ll want to hide there! You might want to store some yummy snacks there and place a mini-refrigerator next to the bed for a night table and the cold, refreshing alcoholic beverages needed to wash down the under-bed terror control yummy snacks. Bon appétit und ein Prosit! It’s your life, young one!
Excellent advice for the whippersnappers and the non-whippersnappers alike.
Haha! Thanks Tim.
Good advice for the whippersnappers. It is a confusing landscape that is tended by confidence artists from every direction, from the dastards on the street with weapons to the banks that offer no alternatives to the vast numbers of poor driven to payday loans with interest rates that the wealthy never countenance. There were no such “institutions” when we were young.
Ah, we did have local well-offs that handed out loans willy-nilly, and if I remember right, 50%, rising to l00% if any payments were missed. Which is another thing that Mother got in a mess with. A least tha family of rich did not employ gangsters to retrieve their cash. The police did it for them, hence Mummy being absent for years at a time. Tsk!
The lenders are becoming prolific now that food, fuel… well, everything is getting to cost more and more. Folks in th flats now tell me that Covid was a banking ploy done in conjunctions with the big companies and Governments.