Graphics
Ironclad Lightning Fast Black Mini-Biting Beetles attack Nottingham Pensioners Flat: Defence Commander Inchcock’s Report
The Attack of the Ironclad black biting mini-beetles!
His battles to try and rid his beloved Nottingham City Homes flat of the infraction invaders have all proved to be abject disasters. Causing the man’s aboulomania to increase. Resulting in non-success, defeat and frustration. Thereby increasing the old chaps kakorrhaphobia.
The few times he has had a little success (And I mean few times) in ridding himself of a few of the Ironclads, a sort of abiogenesis takes place, and there are always more of them to tackle within hours!
He’s tried talking to them of course. Hypnotising them, squashing them (but by the time he gets his old limbs and joints to permit him to get down on the floor to them, they have been long gone, they are like lightning at running!), getting back up from the floor is not easy for bald tubby short chap. He’s tried bleach, fungal mould killer, fly-spray, his mallet and prayer – no luck yet!
Saturday 11th August 2018: Report:
Maybe the mini-ironclads are shutterbugs?
Ah, well!
Inchcock Current Views On Life – In rhyme… of sorts!
No claims to sanity, logicality or social skills are claimed here!
♫ How do you solve a problem like Marie ♫ Picture Gallery!
♫ How do you solve a problem like Marie ♫
You don’t! Just enjoy knowing her!
♥ ♥ ♥
I do!
Graphicalisations of TFZer Entertainers
Graphicalisations of TFZer Entertainers
Dun me bestest to create some humour and fun in these.
Hope they like them.
Created in support of other pensioners who ain’t
up to much this Boxing Day morning. Hehehe!
TFZer Food Related Funny Graphics
TFZer Food Related Funny Graphics – Wot I dun
The first 2 are of TFZers who ar poorly and need our best wishes.
The next 20 or so are new, just completed. The other are old ones to view again and hopefully raise a smile or two for me and you! Hehe!
♥- – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – -♥
New Ones
Older Ones to smile over (I hope)
The Brexit Negotiations Continue… I see? He-he!
Many thanks to the cartoonist of the original. Sorry I could not find it again to grant him him/her their respect.
Words of Wisdom from Algernoon Epaphroditus Inchcock 1894 (Gerry’s great great Grandfather) In Rhyme (Of sorts)
Go fortheth with caution as you begin life,
It’ll be full of hum-drumness, with trouble and strive,
Keep yourself fit for your maidens, perhaps soon, your wife,
But getteth as much rump-pumpy and nightlife,
And sexual encounters aplenty, nightly or twice,
No work tommorow? them make it thrice!
If you seek the young flesh of a buxom lass,
Gereth in there, be as bold as brass,
Treat her reet, and fill her wineglass,
Don’t rush the removal of her girdle,
Caress her as you manipulate her petticoat,
If it’s the bosses lasseth though, beware,
Do not let him catcheth you both sweaty and bare!
No keyhole peeping at the bosses maiden,
Whetheress she’s big, little, celibate or even single,
Cause ifeth the chief catches you, with passion ladened,
And the pair of you about to comingle,
You’ll getteth the sack for your intermingle,
They’ve been know to kill servants and bury them in the dingle!
If you show your remorse, throw yourself in the Master’s lake,
Then beggeth his forgiveness for heaven’s sake,
You show you are regretful and afternoonified,
A smile and gigglemug you should adopteth,
Or he may have you flogged, or even toppethed,
Quoteth the Bible, mention forgiveness and Jepheth,
Offer to take lower wage, 3 pence a week down to a peneth!
Afore you join the other servants to be at mirth, it must be agreed,
Make sure you can handle botheth the wacky-baccy and Mead!
Before ale intake makething sure, you have pee’d,
Enjoy your yearly dayeth off, and Godspeed.
If you getteth ill, visit the local apothecary.
Inchcocks Graphical explanation of his current ailment situation.
Update on Inchies Ailment Situation
You’ve got to laugh, surely?
Hehehehe!
Virgin Media Goes Down Again. An ode from the Nottingham Pensioner
The Virgin Internet has gone down again.
So, feeling a tad sad and depressed,
The Nottingham Pensioner wrote in rhyme about life. Oh yes!
Why has his Virgin Internet gone down he did bemoan?
His frustration and infuriation had now grown,
Inchcock thought he’d do a poetic verbal moan,
Why when born his mother wanted to him disown?
Why so ugly, and doesn’t he know the meaning of homophone?
Why at five into the canal he was intimidatingly thrown?
Why is he Whoopsiedangleplop and accident-prone?
Why Mummy ran away leaving him and Dad alone?
Why his brother went into the army, his sister went off to Rome?
Why his Dad always refused to buy him a gramophone?
Why is romance to him, almost unbeknown?
Why since 1970, has his hair never grown?
Why in later years he never tried methadone?
Why he didn’t know, what was a pheromone?
Why does his deafness make other folks tut and groan?
Why he likes the sound of the clarinet and saxophone?
Despite his musical ignorance he seemed to like the tone,
Why he never got fed food that was home grown?
Why he didn’t realise he’d no garden just grey stones?
Why his falling in love Cupid had to postpone?
Why he did he not understand what is the ozone?
Why didn’t he like tripe, cow-heel and any currant scone?
Why was it him that always grazed his shin bone?
Why does he look like a weasel and not Stallone?
Why others used him as a stepping stone?
Why is he short on testosterone?
Why for misery, he’d make a perfect cicerone?
Why he had no spare cash, pounds, dollars or krone?
Why for morbidity and depression he’d become best-known?
Why, how has he become the perfect boring drone?
Why he had become pathetic and he hadn’t known?
Why he’s no longer the girl-pulling cyclone?
Why is he in pain from knees, fingers, shoulders & hip bone?
Why could he not have realised and foreknown?
Why can he not resist a chunter and miserable groan?
Why doesn’t he swear like others instead he says, ‘I’ll be blown’?
Why self-survival skills the idiot couldn’t hone?
Why when deaf does he have an old basic mobile phone?
Why does he live a solitary zombie-like life alone?
Why has his maturity just never grown?
Why in an aeroplane has he never flown?
Why is he a wimp without any backbone?
Why does he think he’ll one day be well known?
Why, unlike Galileo, he will remain forever unknown,
Why he isn’t destined to fame or to sit on a throne,
Why has he never tried and tasted zabaglione?
Why his emissions of wind are so very well known?
Why for his past failures he cannot atone?
Why confidence and ability, he does not own?
Why he fears reincarnation or someone making him a clone?
Why he lacks social skills and has no backbone?
Why he seeks a social outlet microphone?
Why he wants someone to adopt him or take him on loan?
Why do they keep attaching him to an Osteophone?
Why cyclist on pavements he just cannot condone?
But, why he’s cheered up now is not known… Yes, it is!
Virgin Internet’s back working & he’s on his WordPress Zone!!!
