Words of Wisdom from Algernoon Epaphroditus Inchcock 1894 (Gerry’s great great Grandfather) In Rhyme (Of sorts)

Go fortheth with caution as you begin life,

It’ll be full of hum-drumness, with trouble and strive,

Keep yourself fit for your maidens, perhaps soon, your wife,

But getteth as much rump-pumpy and nightlife,

And sexual encounters aplenty, nightly or twice,

No work tommorow? them make it thrice!

If you seek the young flesh of a buxom lass,

Gereth in there, be as bold as brass,

Treat her reet, and fill her wineglass,

Don’t rush the removal of her girdle,

Caress her as you manipulate her petticoat,

If it’s the bosses lasseth though, beware,

Do not let him catcheth you both sweaty and bare!

No keyhole peeping at the bosses maiden,

Whetheress she’s big, little, celibate or even single,

Cause ifeth the chief catches you, with passion ladened,

And the pair of you about to comingle,

You’ll getteth the sack for your intermingle,

They’ve been know to kill servants and bury them in the dingle!

If you show your remorse, throw yourself in the Master’s lake,

Then beggeth his forgiveness for heaven’s sake,

You show you are regretful and afternoonified,

A smile and gigglemug you should adopteth,

Or he may have you flogged, or even toppethed,

Quoteth the Bible, mention forgiveness and Jepheth,

Offer to take lower wage, 3 pence a week down to a peneth!

Afore you join the other servants to be at mirth, it must be agreed,

Make sure you can handle botheth the wacky-baccy and Mead!

Before ale intake makething sure, you have pee’d,

Enjoy your yearly dayeth off, and Godspeed.

If you getteth ill, visit the local apothecary.


6 thoughts on “Words of Wisdom from Algernoon Epaphroditus Inchcock 1894 (Gerry’s great great Grandfather) In Rhyme (Of sorts)

  1. This is an outstanding set of graphics and frisky penmanship of lusty words of wisdom from your dear old great great grandaddy Epaphroditus Inchcock. The last image reminded me that when I worked for a cabinet maker in the late 70’s he liked to tell stories, and told me that when he was growing up on a farm in the midwest, whenever he got a chest cold, the remedy was to make him lay in bed with a fresh, warm cow patty and camphor on his chest. I always thought he was full of cow patties myself; although, apparently cow patties can be quite useful as I’ve had more than one cowboy tell me that when they need a plate for their beans, they just hollow out a dried cow patty. Anyway, cow patty or not, I remember old folks talking about having to wear camphor bags around their necks when they were kids to ward off colds and flus. This really is a Fantastic post. Fun way to start the day Sir!

    • Damned civil of you say so Sir.
      “When they need a plate for their beans, they just hollow out a dried cow patty!” Hehe! Blimey, never heard that one before.
      This tale reminds me of Dad used to tell me. He said when he was delivering using the horse and dray, he never got a cold at all, but when they moved to using lorry’s, he was never without a cold. Possible connection there methinks?

      • I can imagine the exhaust from the lorry gave him all kinds of issues. Horse farts are benign.

      • He actually used to like to clean the stables when he got to work to collect his horse and shackle it up, (I think that’s the word) to the dray. Hence his contact with the poo. Haha! He had no bother when out delivering, cause everytime shire made a deposit, some kids would run out and pick it up to sell to those who had an allotment or garden. ?Thanks cocker.

Leave a Reply