Inchcock Today: Tues 3rd February – Launderette Day

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Tuesday 3rd February 2015

Managed to get some much needed kip in last night.

Bits of dreams remembered:

Underground rats, feral cats and nurses in Victorian uniforms… soldiers lying all over the place but they were in Werhmacht uniforms and every one looked like the other in their faces… Dusty Springfield was the Sister and Hattie Jacques the Matron – I was in a line of patients waiting to be tended to along with soldiers who were headless, missing limbs, burned all over, eyes missing and all very thin in tatty blood covered uniforms – I had a splinter in my little finger and wondered why I was there at all.

Eventually an electric powered coffin on wheels arrived and they all started looking for me… I hid in a sewer and found Aneurin Bevan in there and we started to play cards and I lost every hand and seemed glad about this…?

Up and made a cuppa and took me medications.

Started laptop and visited the porcelain to check on ‘things’ – Much blood removed from the rear end – Cleaned it up again.

CreamHPrep H cream applied to the rear tenderness area, Phorpain Gel applied to my knees feet and hands and the rumbling grumbling innards were no worse thankfully.

I must get the laundry gathered and thing ready to take to the launderette with me, yer know… powder tablets, dryer balls, softener, cash, book to read dried seaweed to nibble etc I thought… fell asleep!

Coreldraw unstable again.

Went down and got the nibbles ready for the nurses and gals

at the launderette.

Washed and abluted, got missen dressed properly like, made sure I’d got me shoes and not slippers on, the right spectacles on, Free pensioners bus-pass, INR and Clinic paperwork with me.

0202skyGot the two bags of washing and set off to the launderette… the sleet and snow came down as I was locking the front door behind me… the kids passing by being taken to school thought it was marvellous… I wasn’t too keen.

Still, by the time I’d got to the launderette it had turned to dizzly rain.

Big John was outside having a fag. We had a natter and got on with our washing.

John soon finished his and I had to ask Mandy how to use the new soap thingies I’d got – apparently you have to put the pouches in with the clothes in the drum. I knew that really I just wanted to talk to Mandy.

Eventually I got the togs cleaned and dried and hobbled back to the mausoleum. Put the togs away and set off to the bus-stop on Mansfield Road – a little too wet for a walk into town this morning and time was pressing to get to me appointments.

Limped down to the bus-stop. The bus was full and I opened a pack of roasted seaweed and nibbled at some – the curious looks I was getting told me people wanted to ask what it was I was eating, but nobody did.

Dropped off in town and called into the Poundland shop and they did have some cheapo Lion Bars in, so I grabbed 3 packs of 4 bars at obviously a quid each. Ans some bits to add to the nurses nibble bag, then over the road to catch another bus out to the Queens Medical Centre.

Another conversation with a passenger ensued:

Inchcock:

Lady:

Inchcock: ‘Good morning’

Lady: ‘ I beg your pardon?’

Inchcock: ‘ Good morning!’

Lady: ‘Why is it?’

Inchcock: ‘Well I meant, are you having a good morning’

Lady: ‘ No… but you’ve cheered me up a bit asking me!’

Inchcock: ‘My pleasure!’

Lady: ‘I’m getting off the bus now… shame!”

With that she waddled off at the next stop – Confused a bit there I wus!

Still, by the time I’d got to the launderette it had turned to dizzly rain.

Big John was outside having a fag. We had a natter and got on with our washing.

John soon finished his and I had to ask Mandy how to use the new soap thingies I’d got – apparently you have to put the pouches in with the clothes in the drum. I knew that really I just wanted to talk to Mandy.

Eventually I got the togs cleaned and dried and hobbled back to the mausoleum. Put the togs away and set off to the bus-stop on Mansfield Road – a little too wet for a walk into town this morning and time was pressing to get to me appointments.

Limped down to the bus-stop. The bus was full and I opened a pack of roasted seaweed and nibbled at some – the curious looks I was getting told me people wanted to ask what it was I was eating, but nobody did.

Dropped off in town and called into the Poundland shop and they did have some cheapo Lion Bars in, so I grabbed 3 packs of 4 bars at obviously a quid each. Ans some bits to add to the nurses nibble bag, then over the road to catch another bus out to the Queens Medical Centre.

Another conversation with a passenger ensued:

Inchcock:

Lady:

Inchcock: ‘Good morning’

Lady: ‘ I beg your pardon?’

Inchcock: ‘ Good morning!’

Lady: ‘Why is it?’

Inchcock: ‘Well I meant, are you having a good morning’

Lady: ‘ No… but you’ve cheered me up a bit asking me!’

Inchcock: ‘My pleasure!’

Lady: ‘I’m getting off the bus now… shame!”

0203qmc1With that she waddled off at the next stop – Confused a bit there I wus!Dropped off at the QMC and as I was walking towards the entrance I glanced over the railings to the lower floor and saw two vehicles parked on the tatty yellow No Parking lines , next to a pedestrian crossing and the Emergency Ambulance entrance on – Naughty!

Still maybe with the shortage of parking spaces they might have let them off?

0203qmc2I got into the haematology – very very busy and was eventually seen to and gave the gals their nibbles, but they had no time to talk today – blimey never seen so many folk there.

Walked a different way back out and got lost for a while, but soon got me bearings again. It’s well sign posting there.

0204GUMCaught the free hospital to hospital bus to the Nottingham City Hospital and the G.U.M. Clinic – having remembered to take me daily swabs of blood with me. Superior mode adopted here

I had gloved hands where no man should have them poked – samples taken and instructed to ‘Carry on as I have been doing’ the results are expected in 7 days and I will be contacted then.

0206bulbusI thanked them, and uncomfortably waddled out and caught the bus into Bulwell.

The rain had almost stopped now.

I wandered over to the river Leen to see if the Mallard ducks were about and they were.

0205BulpSo I went into a shop and bought some bread for them and returned to the river bank and fed the little mites – I love seeing them squabble and contest for the food, and for some reason their quacking doesn’t annoy me at all I like the sound of them.

Then I fed the pigeons some seed and earthworms before walking over to the Bulwell Market Place.

0207MS01The danger was the Mobility Scooter mad drivers… and many of them today there was as well!

One was having beer brought out to him on his Mobility Scooter outside the pub – and sounded very 0207MS02verbal… it really should not be allowed drink driving whatever the vehicle surely? I suppose he might have been a bit tipsy?

Another, a woman who might I think might have been suffering from Tourette’s Syndrome, she was not arguing with the market people at all, but won’t half using some choice vocabulary with ’em.

Then the big bloke with the bobble hat was much interested in going where he wanted as fast as he could and sod anyone in his way!

All a danger to pedestrians especially the less nimble ones… like wot I am…hehehe!

I poddled into Fultons Food store and had a look see if they had any of me favourite backcurrant/ice cream suckers in… but no. I’m getting withdrawal symptoms I think?

They did have some pots of buttery instant mash in, about the size of a Pot Noodle at 30p each, so I had to get some to try them like.

0208cycleWhen I came out of the shop two young gits on a push-bikes nearly had me – like lightning I got me camera out and shouted at them – well they were in a pedestrianised area… what one of them shouted back hangs between men’s legs! The other added a word that rhymes with Tanker!

I woddled to the bus-station and caught one back to Carrington – I know I’ve said this before and I suppose I will again, often – but I do so appreciate the free pensioners bus-pass!

0207MS03Read the weather forecast for Nottingham on the bus for Thursday – the only day Sister Jane and Pete can accommodate a visit from me:

“Rain Storms!”

Am I just lucky or what?

0209CarringI dropped off the bus on Hucknall Road and thought how beautiful the sky was – so took a photograph of it from the hill top – which on reflection was not a good idea.

Why you ask? (I hope)

Because when I turned away after taking it, a… nearly swore badly there, A git on the pavement on his bike came so close to hitting me I felt the draught!

But luckily these things don’t bother me like…

WWarnLie

0210SherbRdSo onward back to Flea-pit, and as I was walking down my street I took a photograph of the Mount Beulah Apostolic Church – I see it seems to have light spots on it? Wonder wot went wrong there?

I hope the camera isn’t playing up. I’ll take another photo now and see how it 0207MS04turns out… hang on…

Mmm. no white spots of lights this time – but a bit shadowy?

Oh dear…

I keep catching this bloody touch-pad and all sorts of things keep happening on screen, Tsk!

Anyroad I got int’ house and attended the porcelain room urgently – no blood, but well sore in the rear department.

Made a cuppa and started this Diary.

Brewed another mug of tea and took me medications – then the search began for me mobile phone.

Found it eventually in the pyjama pocket I was wearing… I know… sad.

Had a pot of potatoes and a beef pasty for nosh, followed my two mousses and later a Lion bar.

Took ages to get to kip again…

Inchcock Today: Mon 2nd Feb 2015 – Confused

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0101Monday 2nd February 2015

Lousy night again – it seemed every of the few minutes I managed to get any kip was dream filled but I can’t recall any of them.

Felt rather confused when I awoke to visit the porcelain and had a wobbly (Dizzy spell) then realised I could hear the wind outside… and I have the Iceland delivery then I want to go to see about the camera-pens and go to the Nottingham Hospice shop with some bits… my mind was racing with nothing really. Bit worrying at the time, calmed down now.

Laptop on, medications taken with water and set about doing the posts for the WordPress, Inchcock diary and to LOMM site.

Even got a wobbly when on the laptop then… Tsk!

Did some graphics and Facebooking.

Got ready to go for a bus-ride using me free pensioners bus-pass of course, instead of a walk into town in case the dizzies return later.

Caught the bus into town and had a hobble around the shops for a good while. Took some photos of interest.

I called into Jessops camera shop to get a new SD-card… why? Because I realised I’d took me camera and had not got the card in it… Tsk!

The chappy-fella put init the camera for me and I was off walking all over Nottingham taking photo’s of bling, buildings, trams, cyclists on the pavement, Nottinghamian citizens crossing the traffic lights on red etc.

Really enjoyed doing them, and no dizzy-spells either – good stuff.

Then I hobbled to the Menkind shop and found they had some Camer-watches on sale at £50. One for later after spending on me SD card, I took a photo of one with me old camera.

After walking around for a while I called in to get me Lion bars and they had sold out! Swines!

Hobbled up through Square and took some photo’s of the pigeons and two CPO’s holding hands?!?!

0102Caught the bus back to Carrington, slipped the pigeons some seed on me walk back to the hovel and kettle on, visit to the WC and upstairs laptop on and got me SD card out to transfer photo’s to Coreldraw9 to use here… message came up that told me the SD Card had to be Formatted before use… so I lost all me photographs wot I’d painstakingly taken all day, apart from the one of the watch-camera – and that came out horrible on the old camera!

Pee’d off then.

Decided after downloading it the search for the old SD-Card began, and within an hour I found it on the stairs behind a bottle of sauce – Don’t ask please!

I put the formatted card in the new camera and couldn’t get it out again – after much angst I had to use a screwdriver to gently encourage it to come out. Huh! Back to the shop tomorrow for advice.

No INR level checks this week, they have given me a fortnight.

Then the search for the new camera started – I knew it must be in the bathroom cause I’d used it minutes before!

At this stage I began to question whether or not Alzheimer’s was approaching a little faster than expected?

After searching upstairs downstairs all rooms (There’s only four), clothes and shopping bags, depression frustration and suicidal tendencies grew stronger… had I lost it all together today?

Not giving up eventually I found it… it had fell behind the toilet porcelain on the floor. Oh dear! Being deaf I never not heard it fall see?

So well annoyed with everything I started this diary, then the light bulb blew!

Fetched the spare bulb, step ladders and returned with them – treading on me reading glasses as came back into the room…

I swore.

Well and truly had enough now!

Changed the bulb without any mishaps, picked up the beyond repair spectacles and made another cuppa and took me medications.

Tomorrow may be a busy day I thought – Laundry, the Clinic, Back to Jessops, to the Opticians… good job the INR level tests were cancelled by the NHS I say, oh and the Dentists, blimey let me check… no that’s on Wednesday 1200hrs.

Sandwiches tonight… if I ever get time to make em that is – got some cheapo smoked ham from Friday wot I got to use up.

Remembered to put the new camera on charge.

Must do some Facebooking now. Too tired to do the planned blog I wanted to.

Huh, what an ‘orrible day!

Inchcock Today: Sun 1st February 2015

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GCgazeSunday 1st February 2015

Got some kip at last – but the dreams were ever present and I can only recall bits and pieces of them again.

I actually forgot more as I was writing these down on the laptop – using the free Apache Open Office package. Which I can recommend to anyone.

  1. I was in a muddy field I think after chasing after someone – clothes were torn and dirty – found a head (skull) and kept throwing it at someone far away who was shooting at me… each time I threw it another one appeared and I threw that…?

  2. Again in a cargo ship of some sort, massive it was, had cities in it. Kept getting lost and killed by various occupants, think I was shot stabbed, blew-up, bayoneted and a woman tore me head off at one time and I was looking up at me body that was then floating in the sky with eagles and vultures attacking it?

I forced missen to gerrup cause it were time fer me medications and I had to pay a visit to the porcelain rather exigently.

Made my cuppa and took me medications – noticed no snow yet, but the wind was vicious

WC’d again – no blood from the rear-end this morning, Arthritis is bad in knees and feet, but fairish in the hands and fingers also Anne Gyna is not too bothersome either.

Finished off and posted me diary for yesterday on WordPress blog and Facebook.

Did many hours creating graphics, posted a few.

Started this diary then started a new post for WordPress.

Tried out the new art packages, but couldn’t get into them so went back to try Coreldraw9 again.

Did some graphics until Coreldraw9 started freezing again.

Had me braised beef and garden peas in onion gravy with a bit of bread and yogurt followed my a Lion bar. (Gordon Ramsey? Phwert!)

Back and tried to do some graphics on Coreldraw9 again.

It again froze and I lost some more work… Gnash!

Went to visit on the porcelain again and the piles were bleeding – by now I was getting a touch fed-up with everything seemingly going wrong.

Cleaned missen up and listened to some Billy Fury music while I gave it another go on Coreldraw9.

Took evening med’s and devoured me nosh.

Struggling to get to sleep again.

Tsk!

Inchcock Today: Sat 31st January 2015 – Sleepless night…Tsk!

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Saturday 31st January 2015

Spent the night trying to get to sleep without any luck at all?

Gave up and made a cuppa and took me medications – then fell asleep!

Had to rush about a bit (Well I say rush… hobble rapidly is more like it) to get things ready for me visit to Sister Jane, she is not one to cross by being late believe me!

Had a shave and got missen spit and polished – got the things to take with to get Pete’s birthday and pay him a visit and I set off… then returned to change into me shoes from me slippers and set-off again…

0601

I caught the bus into town to save time being as I had got a little behind this morning (They can’t touch me for it… can they?).

I got off at the Victoria bus station and took a photo of the Victoria flats (Apartments) and the sky that held clouds that seemed to be travelling at great speeds across the sky, I half expected the picture to come out blurred. Hehe!

0601aI walked through the bus-station and into the top-level of the shops – sneaking some seeds to the pigeons on my way through – and I made for the Menkind Shop, after a look around I chose some pressies for Brother-in-law Pete that I thought he and Sister Jane would both like.

I opted for these three here like wot I photographicalised.

They both seemed to appreciate the humour in the first two, and the novelty and practicality of the ‘pen’.

I made me way in the wind and rain to the bus-stop for the West Bridgford buses and caught one quickly. Just avoiding being clouted by a cyclist on the pavement as I joined the queue – Git!

The bus was well crammed with passengers and when it came time for me get off – the left knee was restrained by Arthur Itis and I missed the bus-stop. Tsk!

Hey-ho, not too much rain when I alighted and started the short 10 minute walk to Jane’s posh house.

Mind you some of the pavements where no sun had got to needed a bit of careful manoeuvring along, due to the reattainment of the earlier snow making them a little slippery in places and the knee still not to enthusiastic about being used.

0601bI arrived at their dwelling and was greeted and was given a cup of tea – I mentioned it was a bit weak and Pete said it was the tea-bags I’d recommended for them because they were strong ones, Glengettie brand. I said I couldn’t believe it it was so weak. With a smile Pete added “Probably because he’s made three cups with one tea-bag! Tight wad! Hehe.

0604I got Pete to take some head shots of me so I could doctor and use them later in me graphics, oh and one of me and Sister Jane to put on Facebook for the TFZ gals and guys.

When Jane viewed the photo on the camera she said:

“Ah, the dimple family!”

0605Then I took one of Jane and Pete that I thought came out alright.

They were wearing red because they were going to the Nottingham Forest match against Millwall later – that is why I had to visit them earlier than usual.

0603Oh, I almost forgot, I took a photograph of Fooey – in his usual position in his favourite chair – sleeping!

He’s getting on now, like all of us and I have always felt an affinity with him – he’s old, friendly, poorly, deaf and pretty ugly bless him.

We had a natter for a while (Jane Pete and me that is, Fooey doesn’t yer know… Hehe) and then I walked to the bus-stop with Pete who was going to the shops and I caught a bus into Nottingham.

0606As we walked into West Bridgford centre Pete pointed out some Mistletoe growing high up in a tree. So unusual I took a photograph of it from under the tree. Never seen that before?

Then on to the bus-stop where Pete carried on to do his shopping.

Again the bus was crammed full but I was just glad to be travelling for free

with me bus-pass, particularly with the knees playing up so.

As I got off the bus in town at an early stop to have a little walk around, the wind was getting stronger although it was not a cold one.

I wandered around for a while and called into an Asian store on Goosegate got some seaweed and blackbean sauce.

0607As I came out of the store I noticed several vehicles parked on the double yellow lines near the DG Cabs HQ.

Naughty!

As I limped towards the bus-stop for the Carrington buses, I espied another dangerous cyclist-swine crossing the traffic lights and onto the pavement – 0608again!

By the way, when I was in the MenKind shop – I saw they were selling although they were out of stock today and were unsure when or if they would get any more – A pen camera! Must look again there, might get one to record the naughty cyclists on Nottingham pavements?

Back in Carrington I remembered I’d forgotten to make an appointment with the GP. Tsk!

Popped in the Co-op to get some bread. On the shuffle back to the dump I sneaked the pigeons who massed around me some seeds.

Got in and WC’d and the rumbling continued from me innards, but Arthur Itis was more bothersome today, and the rear-end piles were bleeding again. Still, yer don’t like to complain do yers?

Decided to have braised beef and instant potatoes for me nosh… ended up having beef sandwiches and microwave chips.

So tired now, hope for some sleep tonight.

TTFN all.

Inchcock Today: Friday 30th January 2015

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Sorry about my absence recently folks – a most regrettable series of unexpected events having taken place and testing my patience to extremes.

Dentist problems, Arthur Itis, Anne Gyna, laptop dying a death, medical appointments – bought a new second-hand laptop that was as much use as a ‘Fart in a colander’ wouldn’t let me use coreldraw or let me on the web at all – got another one, this let me on the web and install and use Coreldraw (Fair enough Coreldraw still crashes regularly though), feeling so low about it all. Then of course could I find the unsaved passwords and user names?

Then I could not load Word so had to use the free Apache word processor. Luckily it gave me the option of which programmes to link to it. After some farcical fa-lingering (Is that a word… it should be!)

Not a bad little package either, I like it.

Downloaded AVG antivirus and installed it on new second had used laptop wot I’m using.

I wish I could find a way to disable the touch-pad though – I keep making errors and faux pas with catching it when typing or mousing and finding myself faced with complicated pages from deep within the laptops secrets asking me to choose options I have no idea about?

What a palaver!

Friday 30th January 2015

0503Up at 0500hrs

Lousy night full of dreams of which I can only recall odd bits of:

I think I had become a judge or dictator and was passing sentence on cyclists who drove on the pavement: 6 years… without medical attention, food, 0502visitors and locked in their cells for the duration?

Bit worrying that…

Forced myself down the stairs (carefully) and noticed how light it was – t’was the snow that made it so!

Made a cuppa and took me medications.

I must try to get out later to the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop, snow permitting and get a walk in.

Started this diary passed wind and visited the porcelain again. I thought I’d got rid of the rumbling innards but back it comes. Huh!

Had a go at trying to work out how Serif Art works… gave up.

I wondered how the pigeons and mallards were doing now the snow had returned – hope I can get to feed one or the other of em later.

The arthritis and angina are not too bothersome yet today, the innards might keep me from getting my walk into Sherwood and bus to town though – I’ll do some graphics and see how they brew.

Coreldraw9 crashed and I had to force close and go through the starting instructions again. Huh! As I was about to close the laptop – Windows updates came in, so I ticked download. Taking so long I left em installing.

Took myself down to the kitchen to have a wash shave and titivationing as the tap twister in the bathroom has fell to pieces. Am I lucky or what? Hehe.

0504Got changed and the bits ready for the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop and set off, sneaking the dickies some seed as I departed.

The snow has all but gone now and I felt in decent spirits as I set off up Mansfield Road into Sherwood.

The sky was beautiful – then I was advised by my grumbling innards that it would be a wise move to find a toilet ASAP! Despite the pain in me knees I sped as fast as I could to the Sherwood Library – just in time. Luckily my EQ had made me carry a toilet roll in me bag that came in very handy as the WC there had only those little tiny shiny postage stamp size sheets!

I came away cleansed and proud of my foresight! I felt like stopping someone and telling them… but I resisted.

The constant involuntary wind emissions as I hobbled up the hill to the Hospice shop had me a tad worried, but all seemed okay.

I dropped off the goodies and caught a bus into town. The emissions of wind stopped as fast as they had started – until I was stood up waiting in the queue of folk to get off the bus – the ensuing involuntary blast that escaped will probably result in someone writing to the local paper about it… it felt like it lifted me up – and the pain with it!!!

So off to the Victoria Shopping Mall toilets, I didn’t need to guess, the haemorrhoids were bleeding badly after the nuclear explosion from me rear! Tsk!

So it took about 40 minutes from my thinking how well I was doing and feeling confident to becoming a nervous wreck! Hehehe.

Cleaned up and refreshed again… I had a poddle through the shopping mall taking some pictures for the TFZ gals in the market.

I called in the cheapo shop for the 4 for a quid Lion bars wot I like – they had gone up in price! Damnations curses and sadness ensued!

Nipped into Tesco and got some Cox’s apples (Best tasting in the world yer know when fresh), and special offer microwaveable buttered potatoes.

Had a wander around and ended up in Trinity Square, where I sneaked some 0507seeds to the pigeons. I’m really must stop doing this before I get caught and fined, but there is one pigeon who has lost his foot and hobbles around bravely getting beaten to the food by the others usually – and I just can’t help feeding him.

The shopping centre apparently built the sides of the building sloping to 0506prevent the pigeons roosting – hehehe!

I took a photo from the gallery walkway over Upper Parliament Street, no shortages of buses today in the City of Nottingham… fair enough they were not moving mind but…

As I walked back to the bus stop I 0505espied two mobile food outlets next to each other – Joe’s Burger and chips and Ali’s Lamb / Chicken kababs and doughnuts. It makes me wonder how these chaps make it pay. They’re both with a few hundred yards of McDonald’s, Burger King, Kentucky Fried Chicken, two independent cafés and a gigantic cafe for the less well off.

It amazes me, especially as there were only three customers at one of the stalls?

Any road, I made me way to the bus-stop, but didn’t make it, I had to divert into the public toilets on King Street hastily – again just in time. Oh dear, getting fed up with with this now! I must call and make an appointment with the doctor.

Back to the bus-stop, searched fer me bus-pass which I knew I had earlier… found I’d dropped it in me bag somehow. Huh!

Got back in the hovel and paid a painful visit to the porcelain. Creams applied!

0508Put me bits away and checked on laptop, the windows updates had finished at least. Kept getting message from AVG that the initial full scan had failed and needed doing urgently – went into AVG and it told me I was protected?

Started this update and Coreldraw9 seemed to acting okay.

Had the mash with franks and bread, followed by yoghourt and a lion bar.

Got to get out early in the morning to get so see Sister Jane, but could I get to sleep… huh! 

Inchcock’s True Security Guarding Tales of Woe – The Victoria Hotel

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Inchcock’s True Security Guarding Tales of Woe

The Irish, Scottish and English Security Guards and the Moonlight Dip!

I’d been working nights as was usual, guarding the old Victoria Station hotel on Milton Street in Nottingham that was being refurbished, along with my colleague ‘Mad’ Mick, for about a month.

Vic01

We had suffered with the antics of drinkers coming out of the nightclubs in the early hours, and the client had added an extra guard.

Control sent us Andrew, thus making up The Irishman, Mick, the Scotsman Andrew, and the Englishman, me.

The assignment instructions required one officer out of the security cabin at all times, and inside patrolling the building.

Another patrolling the frontage and one in the cabin at all times.

This particular night, it was my turn to be based in the porta-cabin with the RT, Andrew to patrol the front of the the site.

Mick had gone into the building on patrol, and we had agreed he was to return to the cabin at 1100hrs, to swap with Andrew. By 1115hrs, with no response to my calls to him on the RT, I informed control, and Andrew went inside to check on Mick’s status.

Half an hour later, no contact with either officer, I asked for back-up from control. (None available)

Now I was in a dilemma! If I left the frontage to go in and search, I’d leave all the equipment and tools at risk, if I called the police, control would not be happy… As I pondered my response, Andrew turned up, telling me that Mick was in the swimming pool in the basement, having a whale of a time.

So I thought, (bravely) it was my duty as site supervisor, to fetch him out and bollock him.

I told Andrew to stay at the front and keep his RT on, and I wended my way down through the maze of narrow stairs to the newly built heated swimmng pool.

I found a broadly smiling Mick getting back into his uniform after his moonlight swim. I stood staring straight ahead at his belt buckle which was at my chin level (He was a big lad) and pretended to tell him off.

The RT burst into life. It was Andrew, informing us that the Night Manager had just turned up!

At that precise time, a loud crack was heard from the cellar at the back near where the train lines ran.

I informed Andrew on the RT that we were going to take a look.

Mick and I went to investigate, we saw steam as we approached the door to that cellar, I tested the door for heat with the back of my hand, then gingerly opened the door… to be confronted by three balaclava wearing intruders who had just broken through into the cellar, bursting some hot water pipes en route.

Gulp, phwert!

Whether we were more surprised or they were, I cannot say.

Mick was struggling with one of the men as I got a clout on the head with something hard, a bar of some kind I think it was, then thank heavens Andrew and the Night Manager arrived on the scene, quickly followed by the police with a dog.

One of the very few times we were actually able to assist in the capture of any criminals.

I had to refuse the kind offer from the ambulance man to take me in for a quick check-up as the client was en-route and was not pleased apparently the Night Manager told me?

We came out of it with flying colours, and Mick and Andrew each got a commendation from the Chief Constable. (Why not I? I’ll never know!)

I hate to think what the outcome might have been if Mick hadn’t taken his moonlight dip!

More tales of security Woes to follow…

Inchcock Today Thr 22 Jan 15

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Up at 0400hrs, WC’d and tried to remember dreams but no luck.

Started laptop and made a cuppa and took my medications.

The arthritis and angina were no worse this morning, thankfully, but the haemorrhoids had been bleeding again. Tsk!

Finished off yesterdays diary and posted it, then the innards started again a-rumbling – oh dear please not again! Oh yes indeed – four visits in three hours… Tsk!

Started working on an idea that Mike Steeden gave me for a post – but could not concentrate enough to get it right and gave up.

Then the sneezing and coughing started. That reminded me of Sister Jane being poorly so phoned her to see how she was – a little better gladly. Her hubby Pete has done me a wide photograph from Trent Bridge to use as a header later bless him.

Forced missen to gerrup and have me ablutions and got ready to take a walk with me stuff to the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop in Sherwood and then bus to town, tram out to Bulwell and see if any of the shops has me blackcurrant ice-cream lollies in stock.

0401More than ever I appreciate me pensioners free bus-pass.

I set off and as  turned the corner of the street on me walk to Sherwood the sky looked threatening a tad – it was gone 1200hrs and still dark?

Onward to the Hospice shop, and dropped me bits off for em.

Then out to the bus-stop (Even had a look to see if I might find me zip end that flew off there yesterday – no) Not that I could have done owt with it if I had…

0402

The Nottingham Hospice shop is next to the one on the corner with the scaffolding, and my Detention centre… sorry, I mean Dentists is to the immediate left.

As I was taking the picture the bus in it gave me a fright as it belted passed. Hehe. I’m amazed the photo wasn’t blurred?

When my bus came it wasn’t anywhere near as full as the one yesterday thankfully. Mind you two teachers with about 15 ankle snappers got on at the next bus-stop and all piled upstairs.

0403I got off at Victoria Centre and had a poddle to take some photographs of the ‘Bling’ in the Jewellery shop window in Trinity Square for the TFZ gals.

Then walked down to the Slab Square to catch a Tram to Bulwell on my mission to find me favourite iced lollies.

The lady with the white hair in the photo conducted a short confab with me, she turned to me as the camera flashed and said: “Why did you take that?”

“For my cyber-friends to show them the new trams” I answered.

“Huh!” she quipped and that was the end of that conversation?

0405I arrived at Bulwell station and alighted avoiding the mobility scooter, two prams, 4-wheeled shopping trolley and step-ladder bearing geezer with the painful adoption of agility on my part I thought.

Walked to the bridge over the Leen and took a photo of the only few Mallards there were at the shallow end, there was a Coot with them today. Not too good a photo cause they were far away and I had to use full zoom on the new camera.

0406I poddled through where the non-working wishing well was (Say that when you’ve had a few – hehe) in a little patch sectioned off in  memory of some councillor or other and at first was amazed to the flowers in full bloom in it?

As I took the photograph I realised they were artificial ones – Tsk!

Had a walk around the shops, Fulton’s, Heron, Iceland and Farm Foods but none of them had any of me lollies in stock. Huh!

0407Got the bus back to Carrington and WC’d, laptop on and made a cuppa and took me medications.

Surprisingly few people on the bus?

The cough still there and the gurgling from me innards seemed to have returned for another bout of ‘Let’s Annoy Inchcock Againism’. The piles have stopped bleeding but are a tad painful – but the arthritis was fair, angina bothersome.

Had a bacon cob (Microwaveable of course) cuppa and yoghurt for nosh – but couldn’t find the appetite to eat it all – and that ain’t me…

Did some facebooking between passings of wind, visitations to the porcelain, coughing and gasping for breath with chest pains and the occasional sneeze thrown in here and there.

In the event of me not posting owt fer a while you can take it I’ve kicked-the-bucket – but I’m in no rush like… blimey coughing agen now. Double Tsk!

Inchcock Interview planned by Radio Nottingham’s Shirley Blamey!

/ Inchie / 4 Comments

Nottingham pensioner Juan Inchcock (69) retired Sanitary Towel machine oiler and filler-upperer , well known locally for his hatred and ridiculing of cyclist on pavements, mad mobility scooter drivers and soggy chips has been invited by Radio Nottingham to be interviewed and have a chance to answer questions phoned in directly from Nottingham cyclists and mobility scooter drivers on the air.

Station Obergruppenfurher Mike Steeden had originally objected to the BBC management at having to include Inchcock on the show.

BBC0001

Marissa Bergen (Left) interviews studio Obergruppenfurher Mike Steeden. 

Mr Steeden explained when our reporter Marissa Bergen interviewed him: “Due to the well known flatulence problems the old chap suffers with, his temperamental bladder, his uncouth appearance and lack of social skills, his falling asleep when one is talking to him, I can’t understand a word of his thick Nottingham accent…”

He paused to get his breath a moment and continued “If he falls down he can’t get up again – and he does a lot of that… falling down. A health and safety risk he is… He can’t hear what one is saying even with his hearing-aids in, he’s blind as a bat, wonders off at a whim, if he sees a pigeon we’ve lost him…”

Marissa squirmed and said: “You don’t like him do you?”

“Not a lot” Mike replied “He’s as thick as two-planks, uneducated and limps about Nottingham taking photos of pigeons, mallard ducks on the canal, cyclists on the pavement, what he thinks are dangerous mobility scooter drivers… in fact the twit is trying to get up a movement to get Government to bring in driving tests, insurance requirements, alcohol content tests for the drivers and is currently designing a ‘Stinger’ for them that he can and says he will use? He’s potty…”

At this point an assistant came into the room and handed Mr Steeden a note, which he read and pondered on for a short while, then told the assistant: “Tell the boss I agree.”

He turned to face Marissa and quipped: “Of course it takes all sort to make a rich colourful mix of citizens in Nottingham and I have to show a magnanimous side in the job – so I’ve decided to allow Shirley to do the interview with Inchcock, but we must get Inchcock in for a ‘Set-the-rules’ meeting. Any other questions Ms Bergen?

“Er… no.. I…” Mike left the room rapidly calling for his assistant as he left?

BBC02aA confused Marissa put her things back in her bag and noticed Mike had left the note brought in my his assistant on the table, so took a BBC001peep at it.

It seemed that Inchcock had promised goodies for Mr Steeden if he did the interview, including his collection of ‘Parade Magazines’ 1958 > 1962.

BBC02Mr Steeden and Ms Blamey arranged to meet Inchcock for the ‘set-the-rules-meeting and they took publicity photographs outside a strangers house for the press, because they didn’t want to show Inchcock’s house and him getting letters of sympathy from the public.

The discussion didn’t go well at all – Inchcock was so besotted with Shirley and passing wind continuously his concentration was non-existent. They has to hope for the best and arranged for Inchy to come to the Nottingham Radio station at a BBC01specific time for the interview.

Plans had to be made protect the staff there during the interview and they all met to agree on the best defence and Shirley came with a mock-up of a Swedish Anit-Germ Containment unit with a cardboard cut out of Inchcock in it to show her idea off.

They all willingly agreed to hire one on the day, nervously…

BBC03On the morning of the interview Inchcock arrived in plenty of time, but was unfortunately still wearing his pyjamas when he came into the office.

Much to the horror of Shirley and started his hands wandering where they should not be wandering, being unable to control his passion and desire for her.

Being the ultimate professional Ms Blamey belted him on the back of his head and threw him out, telling him to get back home and change into some normal day wear clothes. She arranged transport for him there and back to the studios. Kindly making sure he had his bus-pass with him first.

BBC04Inchcock looked a little hurt and sad as he wiped the blood from his wounds and left the building, head down to catch a bus home to his flea-pit.

As he alighted from his bus a mobility scooter very nearly had him over and an uncontrollable hatred raged as he dragged the driver from the scooter to give him a jolly good belting around his head and admonish him for his careless driving…

BBC05The man head-butted Inchcock, threw him over his shoulder onto the pavement and kicked him in the head a few times then hit him on his forehead with one of the two dozen bottles of 8.4 proof Apple cider from his mobility scooter shopping basket while cursing loudly.

The paramedics attending Inchy told the press that Inchcock would not be in any fit state to do any radio interviews for quite a while yet.

Shirley and Mike were cheered-up no end when they heard.

Inchcock Today: Wed 21st Jan 15 – Declorication and dentist concerns

/ Inchie / Leave a comment

Up at 0400hrs – WC, cleaned up the blood.

Damned annoyed at not remembering any of me dreams again this morning.

Angina and arthritis both playing up big time, went down to make a cuppa to have with me medications and found that a bit of snow had fallen overnight and had turned to nasty dangerous black-ice!

0302outsideI took a photo from the front door that creaked as the frost broke around it when I opened it!

I hope no more falls with temperatures this low it shouldn’t, but if it warms up a tad later I can see more snow descending. Tsk!

Not looking forward to the walk to the dentist at all this morning… but got to go.

Weather like this is Whoopsidangleplops inviting. Especially with Arthur Itis limiting my movements like wot he is today.

Trouble with Coreldraw9 this morning, freezing, crashing and importing work I’d done warped? Eventually after many restarts it  seems slow but working again – lost hours there. Tsk!

Looking out the upstairs window I saw many flashing blue lights of emergency vehicles in the distance on Hucknall Road I think. I’d bet the black ice had caught some poor sod out?

Finished off yesterdays diary and got it posted, then had the urge to write a ditty about the weather so I did and posted that. I lost the original plot in no time, but it seemed fairly funnyish all the same.

Must get the things ready for the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop because it’s only a few doors down from the dentist. Two jobs in one like – as the missus used to say.

Got missen cleaned up and set off for the walk to Sherwood and the Dentists.

It wor miserable out there, but the snow had all but melted by the pouring rain. Not cold at all now.

I pressed on keeping an eye on the time ’cause they don’t like it if yer late you know like. Got there in time and climbed up the high steps into the passage and down to the reception. A few questions answered and I took a seat and waited until she called me name in her Concentration Guard voice (Wrongly but no problem there); “Go up to treatment room one now!”

0300aSo I did – with difficulty as the stairs are a bit steep, so much so I took a sneaky photo of them – just glad I didn’t have to go up another flight to treatment room three.

I sat patiently waiting looking around and noticed a photo on the wall, just above the signs that told us we would be charged extra if we were late for appointments, and taken off their records if we missed an appointment – oh and if we want none grey fillings we must ask them and they will tell us if they can provide them (White ones) and how much they will cost to be done privately.

0300bI thought that the portraits of the Lions was most suitable for this camp… er, surgery.

Eventually the Obergruppenführer came in… I mean Dentist came in and ran through checking me teeth and commanded me to make an appointment with the receptionist for a half-hour treatment session on me two lower front teggies to try and save them, and shoved me record card into me hand..

I mumbled a few words in thanks and painfully nervously got up to go down to the receptionist, by which time she and her assistant had rushed off to treatment room two to see someone else… then I limped gently down the stairs. talking myself into being brave as I did so… to tackle the receptionist to get an appointment.

I handed her the card:

She demanded the payment for the checks just done and I paid her.

Inchy: “Thank you, the dentist said to make a half-hour appointment”

Grissly: “I am knowing this…”

I heroically interrupted her: “Any day but a Monday or Tuesday at any time will do, they are my hospital and clinic days…” I followed it up with a weak twitchy smile…

Grissly: “Humpf… let me to look, wait!”

I whispered back “Yes no problem.”

I sat down.

After a couple of minutes of her belting hell out of the computer keyboard keys she pointed her finger at me and bent the index one inward – this I took as a summoning and went back to the desk…

“You will be coming for treatment on Wednesday 4th February… Yes! This is alright with you yes?” It was an order more than a question.

“Fine yes thank you very much indeed”.

I got sympathetic looks from the other poor sods whose turn it would be later… I mean patients waiting her attentions as I limped out into the rain and sleet.

A bag of nerves by now I forgot completely about the bag of stuff I’d got to hand to the Nottingham Hospice shop a few doors away – such was my determination to escape Frau Goebbels. Actually I think they were Polish. Thus had to carry it around with me all day.

0303carringWhen I got to the bus stop to catch a one into town and take some photographs I adjusted me clothing and a zip came of me nice warm jumper. I tried to reconnect it and a bit flew off into the road never to be seen again.

“Ah well” I thought “I’ll call in Primark see if they have any in the sale still.”

The bus came and it was a case of standing for the journey into town so many people on it.

0304town1As it came towards the City Centre stop, I was caught up in a sort of stampede to get off the bus along with the polite mild mannered Nottingham people nudging and grappling to get off first. I wondered what was happening.

When I got to the pavement I thought my big coat had come undone in the mini-melee – but found that that zip was also broken beyond repair. Huh… what a day I was having and getting soaked in the rain to boot!

Hey-ho, onward down Clumber Street across the lights and right into the Primark store – now I was seeking a jumper and a coat. Tsk!

0W03Took me time and pottered around, took some photographs for the TFZ gals and eventually came across a jumper that looked nice and warm and was reasonably priced – but none of the coats were anything like what I was looking for even though they were cheap enough.

Not enough pockets yer see.

So I left and had a walk through the slab 0304town3square to M&S to cheer myself up with buying one of there admittedly expensive, but deletable braised beef with roasted parsnips that can be cooked in the microwave meals for one.

I foolishly thought before going to the food hall, I’ll pop up the escalators to the third floor and have a look at their coats on sale.

I fell in love with one that had plenty of pockets and looked nice and warm – but dare not tell anyone how much it cost… What a fool!

Now me bags were getting heavy, and me feet stinging as bit.

0304town2I poddled down to the food hall and got me meal for one, then limped back up and out of the store. I held the door open for a lady as we left and found the rain was even more heavy than it was before.

I couldn’t manage me brolly up and cope with me two bags at the same time. What a day!

0304town4I made me way back through the City Centre and up King Street.

Then round to the bus stop via Trinity Square, but no photographicalistioning of shop windows today, it was too wet you see.

A Nottingham Pavement Cycling nearly caught me off guard while I was concentrating on avoiding the worst of the rain but somehow he missed me by inches. I Christened him as loud as I could manage by 0304town5questioning his parentage with the use of one word.

He didn’t seem to notice and was off out of view within seconds… bless him.

I really must look into getting a clandestine camera to catch the pavement cyclists and send the photographs to someone who might be able to do something to bring this problem to the attention of the authorities who don’t seem interested at all in Nottingham, but find the time to prosecute people for throwing away a nub-end or feeding the birds?

0304town6The rain kept alternating with snow/sleet as I made my way to the bus stop and got on one without any delay.

I took a photograph through the bus front window as we moved up Mansfield Road. do you see the lighted little box on the right of the picture?

A God-send that is – it’s where we old-uns swipe of free bus-pass on entry to the bus.

I was soon back in Carrington alighting the bus and  popped into the Co-op because I’d forgotten to get any bread when in town.

I’d also forgot to get some hearing aid batteries from the Ropewalk clinic. Tsk!

0305carrAs I left the Co-op shop, the heavens really opened up and made me way as quickly as me knees back and feet would let, back to the hovel.

WC’d, put the kettle on, started the laptop then made a cuppa and put me things I’d bought away.

Certainly nothing to make me ecstasiate today!

Overall a day of frustrations, pain, embarrassments and failed good intentions – a normal day for Inchcock then!

Hey-ho!