Nicodemus’ Neurotransmitters failing

Inchy: Sunday, 6th April 2025

/ Inchie / 4 Comments

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That’s the lot concerning photos and graphics. Sorry. I was allowed to save just the first of the many pictures and graphics made and taken. I had some I could use again in the WP Gallery. All that time and effort was spent, too. I had some cracking Kodak Tim 2 snaps as well. The computer problems just have me beaten!

I gave up, deciding then not to, and tried again. I cleaned the computer yet again, all of it and put it back on again. Now, the only way to get a photo or graphic on is one at a time, and you have to rename the old image and save the new one using the same name. This cost me hours and hours, so long, I gave it up as well. If I tried to carry on getting photos on, it’d be such a long job, I’d still be doing it on Tuesday! At last, I can put some on, at least one.

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This morning, I may have wassailed,
But, in a tumble, my head was whacked,
I felt weirded and wrongheaded,
My bonce was bruised and wounded,
All a part of my life and my world,
Accifauxpas, to me, are well-founded,
To get back up, I struggled & wriggled,
The catheter leaked, so I widdled…
I laughed; at the same time, I writhed!
Falling back down on the walker…
My neck was sort of whiplashed,
I swore and cursed, but I only whispered,
The Carer arrived; he was wheritted…
Got me up, in pain & urine-wetted
I cleaned & medicated, just as I wanted,
But my confidence by now had wilted,
Anne Gyna joined in, I wearied,
I had a private stocktake, worded…
Me and my brain witwantoned…
For a solution, I waited, & waited,
Peace of mind is what I wanted…
I prayed, hoped & wittered,
Eventually, I just whimpered…
So depressed; Is this life warranted?
My prayers were so wholehearted,
I felt even more withdrawned,
The realisation of failure wrangled,
I can’t recall when I last womanised!
The last time I was pleasantly wooed,
The loins moved, and I was wowed,
Then my leg lesion wheeped…
The fate Lucifer on me has wreaked…
Satins Curse blew & wuthered!
Another seizure, the brain whirled!
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I’m handwashing again. I laundered two Kaghoules and some socks, hung them in the wet room, and turned on the heater. 

Bamboo socks

ABLUTIONS
The teeth & gums bled. However, that shave was better, with only one tiny cut!
Hoovered the hallway.
I took some boxes with the sorted waste bags to the rubbish chute without bothering anyone.
Medications went okay, well all apart from the fingal lesion, but I soon stopped the flow.

Carer Ahram arrived. The diabetic socks were put on, the medications were taken, and the daily catheter pouch was changed. It’s all good!

MY LONGEST-EVER SEIZURE!
I think Ménière’s disease brought on this type of seizure. I stop doing things when I get this type, but I am reasonably aware of what’s happening. I just can’t get involved until things are clear. But I could be wrong. This has been known regularly daily. I should think maybe nine or ten times a day, at least, and possibly more.
Alright, it’s a gusstimate! Haha!

Carer Joe came while I was out of it, but I knew he had been here. He also did the teatime call. 
Medications and little natter of which U could take part. I like it when that happens.

I investigated what was available for my evening or morning meal in the fridge and freezer. There was much to choose from.
The fridage has never been fuller. This is due to my expert skills and ability to carry out, repeatedly; 
after . By way of doing food orders that I can’t even remember doing. Usually, I end up throwing food I can’t afford to away weekly. As I cleaned the microwave, I often started one job and went on to another, forgetting the original designs I had started with.

Then, I wander off to do something else. The annoying part is when I realise I’d left the hot water tap running, the window open, the fridge door open, even the oven left on – in any combination! I once did them all on the same day. The hot water tap twice!
Sure enough, I wandered off and decided to open a can of water chestnuts, slice them up, and add them to three jars: one of pickled mushrooms, one of sweet and sour sauce, and one of black bean sauce.
I mixed and shook the jars and put them back into the fridge. Then, I had to nip sharpishly to the . A affair.
I cleaned things up.

Then, I returned to the computer to continue my Ode Creating task, which is one of my favourites!

CONTINUED...
An hour or so later, I felt doubts come over me. Thinking I may have left the hot tap running, I checked the wet room and kitchen. 
All was good with the taps… but I’d left the fridge door open! .
The fridge had spewed out water down the freezer below onto the floor. Cleaning it up, I could smell vinegar. Huh!
One of the jars I’d just made up had a crack! Fancy that, I suppose I must have caused it; I recall struggling to get the mushroom and chestnut jar into the fridge. I moved it to the top shelf.
I had to clean each shelf in the fridge, the inner of the door, the outer of the freezer door, and the floor!
. I cannot believe today’s rate of mistakes, Whoopsies, Accifauxpa, cock-ups and sheer bad luck!
I was well weary, depressed, self-condemned, and self-denigrated. Self-disparagement. Self-ridiculed. “I’m afflicted with a proclivity for self-criticism whereby every blemish is revealed in all its unredeemed ugliness.” Angry at myself too!
It’s not easy mopping and hoovering with the stick, mop, bucket, and hoover, especially in my current state: back angina, Glaucoma Gladys fading, and fogging my eyesight. Which is typical for this time of day. Usually starts to fade around 17:00hrs

STILL CONTINUING...
I got back to the computer. Again, the fear that I’d left something wrong in the kitchen made me investigate.
Nothing was left on or open.
However, I had still not cleaned the microwave. As I moved it to clean underneath, I found these tablets.
Wonder how long they’ve been under there.
The tablets got me looking at some from the medical draw to identify them. They were clean-looking. I didn’t get around to cleaning the microwave! I must have lost similar tablets before cause this photo above was found on file, showing the worktop under the microwave. Angst and depression increased!

I am so tired and frustrated, and at this moment, I am full of pathetic self-pity and something awful!
I did not want to make anything to eat until the last Carer call. I’ll have to go at the WP reader & comments until he/she arrives.

Carer Ahmed came. Socks off, painkillers given.
I won’t attach the night catheter bag because I will cook a meal. I just hope it lets me use it in the morning. Cheers!

I got the photo to go on late Monday morning.
MONDAY MORNING: What a start that was!
One for the annuls of medical history!
Worth reading. You might not believe it…
But it was how it went for the first two hours.

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TTFNski, Each!
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Inchy Today: Wednesday 2nd April 2025 Audio Clinic

/ Inchie / 10 Comments

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Let’s see what’s on today’s agenda…
If allowed to by my aprosexia,
First, try to avoid anoxia,
Getting worked up into dysphoria,
Ignore my graphomania,
Prepare for the hereinafter,
Get through the pain of my dyschezia!
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A speedo or an accelerometer,
I’d call it a speedometer,
But unsafe speeding; I’m an abnegator,
I’d sooner get there later,
Not in hospital on a ventilator,
Not that this is exactly ataraxia,
The food is not exactly ambrosia!
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I was born with things homuncular,
And misshaped things testicular,
It didn’t bother me particular,
It did later, howsomdever,
Girls interested in my hylomania,
They drove me into habromania,
Now I use a haemacytometer!
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Soon, henceforth-in future,
As I get more ancienter,
I meet more with the Grim Reaper,
Not like the expected harbinger,
He’s no shyster, or defrauder,
Just a long-dead, soul collector,
Trying to make your death pleasanter!
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I take-not in anything jentacular,
Porridge, cornflakes, grits, Ergh!
I was told not to by a medical advisor,
He was found to be a drug-abuser,
He became the prison beekeeper…
I don’t understand either!
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WEDNESDAY, 2nd APRIL 2025
I had even fewer jumping awakes last night.
Thought Storming Steve was the culprit for the majority of these almost nightmarish events. Although the tormenting, mocking, blame-apportioning flood of self-abuses and guilty past actions were vivid in my mind each time I was woken up, they faded swiftly, in time for me to regain my state of slumber. TSS started over with, I think, different bits of guilt-giving and blame over my past errors & bad choices.

After sorting the waste bags and getting the night catheter removed and classified as a ‘5’ on the NHS scale, I went through the same things I had yesterday when preparing for the Audio Clinic lift, which I’m sure will come today.
Ablutions and medicationalisings are done. I was on the computer when the Caregiver arrived. He issued the prescription medications. I had to ask him for Peptac, and Ahram used some Porpain Gel on the right catheter, which had given way on me while Ahram was here. He got the socks on for me and asked me if I needed the shoes on, which I did.  
A good job that he remembered!

The computer allowed me to save the top two graphics and nothing else.

I checked the bag I was taking with myself; everything seemed to be there. Then, I visited the Porcelain Throne and checked the contents of the three-wheeled walker again. I will have to add my reading glasses.

I got readied and entered the ground floor foyer with the three-wheeled walker.
I met my friend Jenny’s other half there and chatted about old age. We found we had many similar annoying age-related problems. Haha!

A little late, but not a lot—merely a few minutes—the EasyLink minibus arrived with no trousers on to make access to the catheter bag easy. As I went through the door, the wind blasted up my privates something awful. Hehehe!
An accident had delayed the lad. He got me up the lift and settled in, but I only had my last tenner to pay him, and he had no change. So, he told me to pay for both journeys when I got picked up at 13:00 hrs. We had to go to West Bridgford and were taken to the same place. The traffic was delayed due to road works in West Bridgford.
I went inside the waiting room and waited. 
But once I registered, I was summoned in a short while. I went to the treatment room with a pretty young Asian girl who could not easily understand my Nottingham accent. She got both hearing aids working again within ten minutes or so. She changed the tubing on them, and now it sounds like everyone is shouting at me. Har-Har!

I’d got an hour before the pick-up time. Luckily, I’d taken the crossword book and a pen with me.
I snuggled into a chair and fell asleep!
At one point, I mentioned my many nodding offs to a receptionist if she had seen anyone with an EasyLift uniform on. She hadn’t.
But I dare not sit down again. I saw the sunshine through the door windows and decided it would be safer and less chance of missing the lift if I went outside to wait for EasyLift. I’d only got twenty minutes or so to wait. The bus arrived after 40 minutes of wind blowing anywhere and everywhere it could, and the catheter was filling up later.

There was another accident in the City Centre, and buses were rerouted.
The driveress did a grand job of getting me back to the flats. I was a little worried because Carer Joe said earlier that he would call at 0130hrs when I should be back by then.
After parking, paying the bill and getting off the bus, Joe approached us. Very understanding, he half-expected us to be late with the news about the accidents and road works on the news.

He took the laundry down and put it in the washer. He then returned to the flat and checked an email I was dubious of.
Joe started sorting out the junk room one. He got a lot done in half an hour. He went down to collect the laundry from the dryer, pointing out that he’d have to bring it up part-wet because he’d done his time. I asked him to leave it and that I’d fetch it later. “Don’t Forget To!” he said. With the hearing aids now working, I heard him.

Amazingly, I remembered to. The sad part is that not one was allowed to go on file of all the photos I took in the laundry room. There is definitely Something Wrong Here!

I pressed on with the day’s blog.

Then, I hand-washed a Khagoule and hung it to drip dry from a coathanger in the wet room. But I made the mistake of forgetting I’d put the heater on to help it dry. I did, but that was hours later and a few quid less in my pocket! Humph! Thanks to Starmer stopping we pensioners’ fuel allowance and allowing power charges to go up by 40% since he cheated and lied his way into office!

Suddenly, it was almost time for Joe to make his teatime call. I was getting hungry now. But I’ll wait until the chap calls. I think I’ll have a microwave meal and some bread to fill me up. Or maybe choose the much-loved potato cakes and a vegetable pastie.

I doubt I can use the photo, but I’ll try again tonight with the potato cakes and vegetable pasty.

Back in the morning, I hope.

Back with the bad news of the potato cakes and vegetable pasty feast…
Depressed, sick & tired of bothering to do anything, but why, you ask (I hope), I’ll tell and show you…

I put the feast in the oven to cook for 25 minutes and returned to shut down the computer, which promptly seized up on me and granted me a blue screen of death! It took me a lot of time, over three hours, to toy with the unknown and risk getting it back running. I do not know what I was doing, but it worked after I rebooted. I had to sign into everything again and check on CorelDraw to find that most photos had magically disappeared again!
Anny Gyna gave me her first nasty attack of the day… and as I was searching for the mended hearing aids to put in…
I became aware of the burning and a little smoke entering the room.
The food had dried hard & mega-crispy.
When I squeezed one of the potato cakes, it turned into a little stack of black crumbs!
Very disappointed with myself. My self-lambasting and lousy language flowed. I wanted to spit!

I got a Sweet & Sour ready meal from the freezer and microwaved it.
I ate it with some slices of Milk Roll Bread and dunked it in the sauce. Which were the highlights of the meal.

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Thanks everyone!
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Inchy Today: Monday 31st March – Nurses Visit Cancelled

/ Inchie / 8 Comments

– – – GRIM REAPERS DELIGHT – – –– – – STARTED WELL! – – –
– – – Calendar Changed – – –
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– – AXIOMS WARNING ODE – –
I selected my lifelong axioms,
Since which there’s been ablations,
The occasional abstentions…
Some short-lived additions,
After some cerebrations…
Many more reconfigurations,
Now not looking like my intentions,
More like pseudo-inventions,
This gave me mental-contusions,
To mingle in with my confusions,
Did I opt for these delusions?
A list of unwanted dissentions,
Life should come with enchiridions,
With specific instructions!
Beware of HMG’s cacodemons…
Politicians who talk in idioms,
Caution with HMG’s maelstroms,
Dating ovolactovegetarians,
Eating together? Prognostications!
Put oligarchs on your pogroms,
Learn from quinquagenarians,
Fear the con artists’ clarions,
Dementia attacks parts of the cerebrum.
Check for correct reflections,
Fear not Government defections,
They think they’re all phenoms,
Anticipate political desertions,
Believe not their tergiversations,
Recreancies, disloyalties, deceptions,
Their deceit, lies & fabrications,
Codology, slyness & defraudations
This is the same for all Nations!
To survive, you’ll need patience…
Sufferance, fortitude, & resolution,
Armageddon, there’s no solution!
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I spent the night more awake than sleeping, which is not different from the last few nights, following the massive 5 hours of sleep I got four nights ago.
The mini-seizures returned this afternoon. I wonder where they disappeared to so suddenly?
The feeling of fatigue is still with me. I have kept feeling I need to sit, rest, and sleep all the time recently. Sometimes, I can nod off quickly, but within a couple of minutes, I’m shooting awake again without any tangible. A bit like when nothing had changed from when was with me. No questioning the facts. That was winning the mood stakes again this Monday. What things will be like tomorrow worries me. I’ve got to get up early to do the ablutions, or maybe do them tonight when I should be catching up on my sleep. Might be best for me to leave the nocturnal pouch on until it is near the time for the lift, and make a list of things needed to take with me. I dread having to go all through the process of booking appointments at the Audio Clinic, and then getting the lift sorted for when I’ll have to go back to pick-up to the clinic to pick up the refurbished or new hearing aids weeks later.

Thank heavens that Carer Joe sorted them out for me this time. I’ve got on the list; Cash to pay for the lifts, Reading glasses, crossword book and pen, Bank Card, and remember to take the non-working hearing aids with me with the others when I leave the flat. Oh, ‘eck! I just remembered. I’ve got a food order coming in the morning, too. Well before the lift is due, but I might have to do the ablutions and medications very early in the morning or tonight.
I’m sure I’ve missed something on the list.

I know the chances must be zero, but I’d love to see the lady I spoke with last time I went to the Audio Clinic. I listened to her problems, the lady has as well. I could have cried for her. I think she enjoyed being able to talk to someone non-medical about the problems she is having. Of course, I knew how she felt. She said that she told the doctor about some of the things that were happening, and she was sure the doctor just didn’t believe her. I didn’t get her name or number, but I might be brave enough to ask her if she is there again in the waiting room. She told me it took the medics three years to diagnose it.
I just looked it up on Google; In the UK, an estimated 50 to 100,000 people are affected by Functional Neurological Disorder (FND) in the community, with about 8,000 new diagnoses per year. The annual incidence is estimated at 4-12 per 100,000 people. 
My doctor is in denial about me having it and is putting it down to my .
I waffled a bit there, and now I’m even more behind with the flipping blog! Sorry, I have to rush!

This first photo saved alright, but I lost several others.

Two hours later.

Another half-hour.

After sunset shot. Nice!

More photos off into the ether, and four joined them when they disappeared from the file! Arrgh!
Including the beef in black bean meal photo.

I’m unsure when or why I took this one. The bladder waters. It is possible that it is an older photo that was missed or that it was used earlier.

Worried about Tuesday’s trip to the Audio Clinic.
There will not be much on Tuesday’s blog. This one is already terribly short on photos and detail.

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ODE 2: TIPS (Part 2.143)
Seek not what you fancy,
But what to you is needy,
Definitely owt urgently,
Try to live amenably, amiably,
Things happen accidentally…
Which can affect you mentally,
Living cheekily, cheerily, chirpily…
Sounds wonderful to me,
This ode is wrote circumlocutory,
I’ll let you know about my catatony,
When I read it up in my dictionary!
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Hahaha! Cheers Each!
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Inchy Today: Sat-Sunday 29/30th March 2025

/ Inchie / 10 Comments

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The Carer took shots of the much-improved Vasculitis-Vanessa’s right leg and ankle.
Improving nicely now.
Although the ankle is still resistant. I decided not to ask the lad to put any squabs or bandages on tonight.
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I had a good meal last night. I gave it a 9/10. As I watched the Brighton v Nottingham Forest FA Cup Match, Sister Jane reminded me of it being on TV when I phoned her. While eating and watching the match, I kept falling asleep. Dagnab it! But the Carer came and woke me up, then the surgery telephoned me. Then the water alarm activated. Then I had to empty the catheter contraption, return to the chair, and doze off while the match was on. I decided to give up. I was just too tired, and I thought I might get a decent night’s sleep in for once. Hahaha!
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>>>>>Starmer Ode No.325¼<<<<<
He’s a Scrooge-like abrogator…
Cut fuel help for every pensioner,
A Labour Party principles nullifier,
Ignores the core values of Labour,
Fuel and food prices get higher,
He takes many an illegal backhander,
Proletariats’ futures looking bleaker,
Takes the maximum self-paid bonsella,
Checking MPs’ expenses is not on his agenda!
I worry for Keir’s mental-cenesthesia,
As he seeks freebies at his many colloquia,
He may not be farceur, but he is farcicaler,
Politically, a liar, deluder, and deceiver,
A Labour supporters faith-severer,
The Labour voters own derogator,
What happened to nationalising power?
And British Rail’s return… he’s a fibber!
He’s Europe’s finest thimblerigger,
I would willingly handle his vivisepulture!
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Another repeated waking-up with jumps nights sleep. I had a long verbal and then physical tussle to convince the brain to get the reluctant body out of bed. This took a while and some discomfort.

My mind wandered as I sat there on the Throne. Tomorrow is the Audio Clinic appointment. I must prepare everything needed beforehand. The following shave was a bloodless affair. Yes!
Apart from forgetting to put the cream on my ankles, tummy, Germoloid groin, and grapefruit-sized right testicle and apply the eye spray, it all went well. Haha! Oh, I did stop the bleeding , and I used the ultra-stinging Terbinafine to stop the bleeding. Went back in the wet room to olive oil my earholes and other missed medicationalisationings. 

The young Caregiver arrived as I was finishing making up the waste bags. No leg bandaging needed. Joe issued the Medications. Then he checked the taps, fridge door, and stove and trotted off.

I turned on the computer and started this blog, then worked on the Ode for Tuesday in Word.

12:45hrs: I finally got the order to transfer, but now the photos are not being moved!

I’ll keep trying and surviving, and possibly start crying!

FOOTBALL ON TV
The Carer arrived. He said he would look at my emails later tonight.
WEIRD SEIZURES: This did not happen due to sudden fatigue. Not a seizure as such. I nodded off and woke repeatedly until 03:15 hrs, when I suddenly woke up and stayed awake. I was in a confused picklement. No memory of a carer calling, but they had been because they’d fitted the nocturnal night bag, and I could taste the Warfarin. The last call, I remember bits of, the diabetic socks coming off, I think I may have dropped the tablets. One was on the carpet when I eventually got up.

Piccies that I managed to save later.
Not sure if the day is right.
I think it was an afternoon shot, so I must have got up sometime after the fatigue set in.
I’m not sure if I got the meals in order.

The Weirdest Day of March!
Sensations like never before. The sudden falling of fatiguedness, so few seizures (as I recognise them). 
I genuinely think I nodded and woke dozens of times throughout the late afternoon, night & morning.
I somehow felt only weary, yet not overly tired or exactly poorly. Manifested mightily and toyed with my brain throughout. It was a bizarre, eerie, idiosyncratic, schismatic, almost other-wordly insanity-inviting day!
Half in depression – half in la-la land.

Loosing My Grip on Life’s Sinking Ship!
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But I’ll not give up… Oh, No! (Well…) Hehe!

Inchy Today: Saturday 29th March 2025

/ Inchie / 2 Comments

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Seizures increased – Falls decreased!
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ODE WRITTEN MIDST MULTI-SEIZURES
I’m awaiting my next seizure, unobjectively,
Hoping for a mini-one, prejudicially,
But to me, even more essentially…
Depression’s bothersome, fundamentally,
The crux of the matter, that drives me potty,
It can be instant or come on accretionally,
The reason & cure leave me in abstrusity,
I get the feeling of being blameworthy,
Self-hating, ashamed, definitely guilty!
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I can last for minutes or a marathon,
My neurotransmission can worsen,
They’re in the hands of the neurosurgeon,
But who can help with my depression?
Or is that too hopeful or a silly question?
I’m developing self-opprobrium,
Life’s a struggle, a daily ordalian,
Depression hits, I change into a chameleon,
Into a terrible bellyacher, curmudgeon!
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Depression Duncan brings inner-anger,
He’s a sulking, self-pity, inferiority inflictor,
A mind-impinger, thought blocker…
A Peace, rest, concentration inhibitor,
I can’t help but to feel I’m inferior,
Depression Duncan, so frustrating… Grrr!
Comes & goes at his leisure…
No reason or logic whatever,
I’ll not be free of him until I pass over!
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Will Duncan still be with me (shiver)?
That’s the first thing that I’ll inquire,
When I’m interrogated by St Peter?
I hope not; I don’t know the answer,
It’s peace that I need to acquire,,
I’ll cope with Anne Gyna & PN Peter.
Not Depression Duncan’s hellfire!
Death for me has just one bother…
Will I go to Hell with Starmer?
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After five hours of waking up from broken sleep, I nodded back off for another full hour. I woke up with depression—Duncan in full flow. It took a few hours for him to give up getting at me. When I rang Sister Jane about the Nottingham Forest Cup Match being on BBC 1, I realised he had gone.
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After over an hour of Ccleaning, deleting photos and graphics, the computer allowed me to save what I’d done on CorelDRAW and pictures from earlier. I came across this snap of a meal—with grading already done. Fair enough. I’m not precisely sure what day it was from because when I deleted the photos to make space, I got in a tangle timewise with them. I think it was yesterday or thereabouts. It was almost certainly taken this year.
I remember not cooking the lamburgers anywhere near enough, but thought I had, but no. I’m beginning to feel it was last night now, but…

The clock calendar was changed; better late than never. Then, the Porcelain Throne was needed.

Messy!

Again, but only for a couple of hours, after the Carer’s firsr visit, Duncan departed, and took over for an hour, or so, until once more and profound depths of misery and an uncontrollabe irascibility, self-petulance and testiness, were suffered. Deeper than yesterday’s, I think. But then, how would I know in my state?
Care Joe removed the dressing from the right knee’s wound and then put a fresh one on for me. It’d been leaking thinned blood(lymph fluid, I assume). I’ll inform the district nurses on Monday. Why does this always start on a Saturday?

After the Carer’s second call, I took snaps of the view from the kitchenette window.
Straight ahead
To the right, catching the balcony
To the left, with darker clouds

Not well, bleeding and seizure have really kicked off.
I’ll do a catch-up, hopefully tomorrow.
I’ll call for help now.
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TTFN
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Inchy Today: Saturday 22nd March 2025

/ Inchie / 12 Comments

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I was feeling sorry for myself, quintessentially,
Dementia, loneliness, seizures lurked parlously,
A large bottle of cider persuadingly,
My brain was acting preoccupiedly,
Depressions, psych-asthenias, never free,
The cider was more prepossessingly,
Mentally, things buzzed peculiarly,
I should worry about things pecuniary,
I hadn’t a lot; now, no perspicuity,
My life is turning proverbially…
Am I going pseudo-hallucinatory?
I really don’t feel tensed or querulously,
Moments of genuine highs, then reality,
Inner visions of tangibility, palpability,
Then I lose this fantastic ability…
I accept this annoying fait accompli,
Life returns to being recessionary,
For just seconds, I react angrily,
I look again at the cider, splenetically,
I must address my shortage of specie,
A seizure grips, yet subconsciously…
I talk with myself untrustingly,
I see, hear nothing, turn sycophantishly,
Was I in a state of spatiotemporally,
Should I have bought cider or saki?
I bored myself, tautologically,
With the brain, I had a long tracasserie,
Self-hate, haughtiness & pomposity,
Nastily, offensively, vitriolically, but only to me,
On a downer, life’s a travesty!
Tonight, it might be cider instead of tea!
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Sleep is not good…
Seizure rife…
But I’d not moaning… Oh, No!
6½hrs Kip! Not a lot…
But much better than the last four days.
No domestic help again.
So I spent most of the day cleaning.
Not much was done.
Sorry about that.

The nocturnal bag rating was a four!

First photo of the view.

I did my best, but things tarted to bleed. I gave up.

Ablutions & Medications; I dropped the razor shaving. It’s not worth saying, but only two nicks.
However…
Retrieving the razor, I trapped my arm amidst the trolley as Cartilage Chloe gave way. Just as well, I did cause the entanglement stopped me from going down and hitting the deck. Nice one! Got back to the computer and took this snap as I battled to understand what the messages were about that came up on booting. I still don’t know. I gave up.

Started the hand washing and airing.

What a hue the sky had changed to!

I noticed that somebody in the flat had not changed his c176 clock calendar date! Hehe!
So, I did!

Doing the cleaning as a mammoth job that did for me! It took me so long to get so little done!

Teatime delivery from Ocado.
Costly!

Got some chips in the oven for the evening meal.
Oven chips in the oven.

At last, a meal I enjoyed!

Sandra’s Mini-Seizures kicked off, and she stayed for a few hours. I wanted to try the computer again, so I left it until the morning (which turned out to be Sunday night) to try and get it finished.

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Cheers Each!
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Inchy Today: Tuesday 18th March 2025:

/ Inchie / 6 Comments

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Head full of thoughts as I started this preamble,
My witty ideas turned into confused psychobabble,
I wanted this to be impartial and parochial,
Ignore the inane, the drivel, and the twaddle,
Determined to avoid things that are piffle!
>>>>>>
Doreen Dementia: she can be so Machiavellian,
Brain ridden with misinterpretation, misacceptation,
Misconception, fundamental or a machination?
Where did we come from initially? Were we Martian?
HMG? It’s like a cripple running in a marathon!
Reassuring Muzakk from Felix Mendelson.
>>>>>>
Waring countries refuse to negotiate,
Compassion being replaced with hate,
Innocent civilians run, absquatulate,
Earth’s future; It’s not easy to contemplate,
Proletariats can do nothing but wait…
Life or death, which is to be their fate?
Life’s that bad; I don’t give a toss, mate!
>>>>>>
Life: once a pleasure, but now, too astringent,
Can it be eased? With a cuddle and liniment?
When, where, & how did we become inconscient?
The same questions to my being incontinent,
Can humans ever become rejuvenescent?
Individuals in solitary confinement,
World leaders, clueless, impercipient
Faiths, most of them ignescent!
>>>>>>
Living costs ever-increasing,
Heat or eat pensioners, more dying,
Starmer gets free shows and dining,
The rich are good at political backhanding,
Suddenly, we have electric motoring…
It’s naughty to be diesel car owning,
Electricity prices ever-rising,
Starmer’s lies are unrelenting,
No ill will, but I’d like to read of him dying!
>>>END<<<
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I knocked myself up something awful. I had to do more handwashing and then the laundry. After which
I got to see ILC (Independent Living Coordinator) Oberstgrüppenfuhreress Warden and Primo Ballerina, Warden Deana, and ILC (Independent Living Coordinator) Generaloberstess, Ice skating champion, desk-top-dancer, florist, and Warden Julie to explain my difficulties in getting help that I’m paying for with laundry, financial checks, and domestic service. They will investigate for me. Bless ’em!

Quickly due to spending so long handwashing and laundering, And paid the price, pain & weariness.

Nocturnal waking shade.

Morning view

Handwashed.

Laundry duties.
Titivated the room while waiting.
The washer filter was in a bad state.
I cleaned it and found the mesh had
been split. I returned the washing,
Really annoyed Anne Gyna while I
was hanging the clothes.

Back down to report to the commandant’s office.

Henceforth, I was done for. Carer A and then Carer J visits. Seizures were rife in the morning.
By the afternoon, they eased off, but I kept falling asleep all the time? Of course, these may have been mini-seizures, but there is no way of knowing. I assumed I fell asleep often because I felt drained after running about with the laundry and hand washing.
So many couples of minute sessions spent in the land of nod. My tiredness increased, and I had to give up on the computer hours before I usually would have. However, I was almost ecstatic about who never really got me as profoundly or as far as he had been doing over the last week. A blessed relief, that was!

I settled to sleep, and sure enough, I was soon with Sweet Morpheus, Blissfully. The only real sleep I got from then on for about an hour. The Carer arrived and let himself in, and I do not know much about what happened during this visit. My medications given.

I was back in dreamland within seconds, but the ailments tormented me terribly. Thought-Storming—Steve was assisted (not that he needed any) by Anne Gyna and Neck-Twitching-Nigel.
I desperately needed sleep, but only the first hour in the c1968, tatty, scruffy, unkempt, uncomfortable, virus, microorganism, bug, bacterium, bacillus, germ, parasite producing, and disease-fermenting second-hand, eyesorely-horrendously grungy beige-coloured, £300, charity shop bought, crumb-retaining, moth-eaten, non-working, itch-encouraging, incommodious, Haemorrhoid Harold testing, catheter tube yanking, recliner, oddly, granted me. The Carer made his last call, so there is no need to wake me up this time. Tsk!
He got the diabetic socks off of me. We chatted about the new plans for the laundry duties. He said they would be weekly, not when and if needed. I appreciate Carer’s input very much. Thons are coming together now. It can’t be an easy job taking a new old man on. Great job. They are to start doing the laundry from tomorrow. Thanks a lot, lads! A great feeling.

I think I spent more time awake than asleep after that.
Whenever Anne Gyna or Thought Storming Steve woke me inwardly, I almost cried to be allowed to go back to sleep. That did a lot of good!
Late Wednesday morning, I got as far as here with this blog. And still feeling drained of energy. But at least was absent. More to do;  handwashing, ablutionings, feet need washing and medicating, and a dodgy shave is required; when I miss a day’s shaving, the risk of cuts increases…

I checked the SD card to see if any earlier photos were available. Memory Mangling Malcolm is back.

Early evening view.

Milk Rolls Bread sarnies are made with lashings of the delicious Flora no-butter butter, and some Marmite was spread on the bread.
Morrisons onion rings (I don’t recommend these; they are a bit… well, very tasteless).
And some pickled beetroot. And tucked into the meal!
Other than the disappointing onions, everything was wonderful, especially the expensive Lemon and lime dessert, which was on special offer. Slurp!

Around 20:30hrs, after a particularly violent waking up, I can recall going to check the taps and fridge doors, unaccountably convinced I must have left something running! All was safe! I returned to fetch Kodak Tim 2 and took a snap of the Amazing Night View! 
A cloudless multicoloured sky!
This one was different!
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Cheery-Bye
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Inchy Today: Monday 17th March 2025

/ Inchie / 16 Comments

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– – – – CHOICES– – – –
Too much, too little, is there anymore?
Front, side, bedroom, or living room door?
Rich, impecunious, oligarch or poor?
Balerina, Waltzer, or mayhap a bebopper?
Loyal, lover, husband, wife or bedhopper?
Alcho, wino, smoker or a teetotaller?
Perishable, eternal, dead or maternal?
Colchester, Uttoxeter, or Westminster?
Mistake-maker, MP or a grammaticaster?
Veggieburger, beefburger, or Gothenburger?
Mechanical, agricultural, or an inventor?
Alfred, Timothy, Paul, Doug or St. Peter?
Tested, tried, angsted, depressional or infernal?
Jailer, janitor, justificator or justifier?
Undaunted, heroic, rock-solid or a dodderer?
Decisive, determined, a deluder or kowtowerer?
Executioner, killer, butcher or a lecher?
Rolls Royce, BMW, Robin Reliant or lawnmower?
Massive, mountainous, mightier, or miniature?
A mover, manoeuvre, monster or misnomer?
Negotiator, nominator, narrator or negator?
An optimiser, organiser, observer or objecter?
Procrastinator, profiter or prognosticator?
Take a sweetener, gratuity, or a backhander?
An aberration, dementia, or cacodemonomania?
Presumpter, hypothesiser, or outright liar?
Most choices would suit Herr Starmer!
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I had another night of waking-ups. Danged if I know what was causing the jerking awakes. As far as I know, there were no Eric’s electric shocks up the leg. Anne Gyna didn’t wake me. No Shuddering Shoulder Shirley or PN leg shakes. Can’t remember any movements from Twitching-Neck Nigel, either. It may have been Thought-Storming Steve, but I’d usually remember after he calls on me. Just another of the Mysteries of Woodthorpe Court, with the hobgoblins, spectres, gnomai, phantasms, ghosts, grotesque succubae, extraterrestrials, ectoplasms, spirits, or the Fata Morganas that have been sent to taunt, irritate and terminate my already limited saneness of mind, which is causing me to lose my marbles? I’m just crumbling physically & mentally!
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I surrendered my thoughts of getting any sleep – yet again, as the worries and concerns of my current position took hold of my brain cells. The needs of the day were pondered over. The Iceland delivery. Ringing the Social Lady about the lack of a laundry service, financial assistance, domestic assistance, and the Prescription routine that I can’t grasp, leaving me short of tablets. I had been hoping to get these services from the new carers. Lovely carers; I would have run out of Warfarin had Akmar not called on his way home at the chemist, who rang the Doctor and issued some, which he brought to me. Thanks, mate! Now, the daunting task of mopping the wet room, washing, and hanging some nightshirts and socks is not easy with Metal Mickey, the four-pronged walking stick, being used simultaneously. It was a blessing & treat that at least was not in attendance. So, I decided to wash some socks and shirts. The dressing gowns are too heavy for me to handle, and despite having about six gowns, five of them are still in the laundry bag, waiting to be taken to the laundry. What I’m going to do, I don’t know! Ringing the chemist and Social Services to plead for help is my only option. Finally, I forced myself out of bed and emptied the nocturnal pouch.
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I sorted the laundry bag contents. I took out the socks and long nightshirts, aiming to handwash them and hang them on coat hangers to drip dry. The socks were above the kitchen sink, and the shirts were in the wet room and hung on the shower rail. Three Kagoules on the shower rail, and then I went back to the kitchenette to get the socks done and hung, in the kitchen sing. On my way back, the left hand started with ‘cramps’, with Arthur Itis joining in when I returned to the kitchen. It was so painful, and it looked well-gnarled to me. I took a photograph of the hand. I’m not used to so much hand-wringing. I think that was probably the cause of the bother. Next, I had the pleasure of struggling with the Yoahoules and ended up with cramps and Arthritis in my left hand from all the wringing out. I got all three finished. I might add that it was, putting it lightly, painful. Hehe!
I got them hung up in the wet room on the shower rails. I don’t think I can cope with this handwashing. Well, I can, I suppose, but it’s not the easiest of jobs. At one stage, I had a mini seizure and got water over the sink, floor, and me! In three days, they will have to be done again. Using the immersion heater to dry the clothes must be costing me a fortune. Humph!
at the very thought of it. I rang the NCC Social to point out what I’m struggling with. I got a recorded message: This number is temporarily out of order.
Fancy that, me being unlucky! Humph!
Then, I had to clean up the mess from the spilt water, during which I splashed a little more, and the Water Alarm activated. I didn’t get a call from NCC Control, so I assumed it was because their phones were out of action. I just have to keep smiling and have a glimmer of hope in my heart! Grottleburgers & Huh!

I’m EPO now. Extremely Pissed Off!
I made a brew of Glengetti and dunked a large cookie while looking out the window and feeling sorry for myself. I’m doing a lot of that lately. And has still not visited me yet, today. Just an extended spell of several hours of . Grumph!

A house below in the view was pumping out steam or smoke. It didn’t last long, though. Steam, I think, cause it evaporated quickly, as it shows in the picture. I thought I’d taken another shot of the been-done-up house.
But can I find it? No!

ICELAND FOOD ARRIVED.
Many items are not available, but it is a Monday.
The driver took the bags into the kitchen for me.
Cleaning paraphernalia.
Another insane Inchy glitch!
The cakes were part of a special of 5 for £5.
I thought I’d ordered only one and four other items.
Another Inchy Whoopsiedangleplop there!
The six bags of Cheez-Its were stored away.

Great news. The clock calendar has got to cyber-friend Tim in Albuquerque. He sent this photo via email. I’m so glad he liked it. About time I could do something for him. Instead of the other way.

I repeatedly tried to reach NCC Social Care in the afternoon, but the phones were still down.
So I called the prisons… I mean, the flats ILC (Independent Living Coordinator), Oberstgrüppenfuhreress Warden and Primo Ballerina, Deana. , who kindly told me to ring back later if I couldn’t get through. I couldn’t get through two more times, so I rang her back. After explaining my concerns, she kindly said she would try another line and rang me back an hour later.
But I got it wrong somewhere along the line, and it was the Carer Company that she rang. So I still need to let the Social lady know tomorrow.
The lady told Deana that the laundry, domestic, and Financial assistance are all known to the caregivers, and the ones today knew nothing about them.
So, I’ve got to carry on hand washing until someone tells the carers. Still, these things must happen when they are hastily called to take me on. I’m not sure how they will manage them during the duration of their ten-minute calls. No doubt things will get sorted eventually. I’m just getting more profoundly in the poo with the bank and tax letters, the laundry, and the medications routine I need to do. No, the Carer’s boss said they are to do the medications; again, they (the Caregivers) know nothing about this. It may come out alright eventually or drive me to suicide… you decide. Hehehe! Only joking! If anyone wants to buy five dirty dressing gowns and a laundry bag, I can supply them with softener and laundry capsules at a fair price. Haha!.

I really must get something to eat now.
As Arnie said, “I’ll be back!” Har-har!

I snapped the meal, but it was not on the card or Camera Tim 2. It seemed to have somehow ended up in the ether again.

Photo from earlier.
Can you see the octopus?

I spoke with Carer Ahmed about the problem with the tasks I’m paying for not being done. We agreed that the medications I did last Monday would be taken over by him, and the chemist would be contacted each Monday starting next Monday. I will ask him if he can call the chemist if he calls while they are open so I can clarify what exactly needs to be done datewise, etc., and the timings.
I think we might be getting somewhere here.

It was very late by the time I got my head down for yet another ever-waking-up night’s lack of sleep. 

I’d not had a shower or shave, and this blog has much left to do. Tomorrow, it will be another late finishing time, likely in the afternoon. But no blame is being passed to anyone. The two carers who said they did not know of the Financial, domestic, or laundry requirements seem decent chaps. They are time-constrained. Is that the right word? 

Once things are clarified, I expect the Carers to start running more smoothly when we all know what’s what and arrange things so they have the time to get things done. I pray! Fingers crossed.

Tomorrow will be even busier, so less will be done on Tuesday’s blog.
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TTFNski!
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Inchy Today: Friday 14th March 2025

/ Inchie / 6 Comments

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Today started pretty well: it soon began turning,
Depression: In three minutes & it was leaving,
Then a seizure, after which my head was reeling,
The carer called; I can’t recall all I was saying…
Was I talking? Was he listening?
I thought I’d mentioned the washing…
But I’m uncertain, that’s the thing,
Depression Duncan had really moved in,
I didn’t even do any ablutioning…
Or any physical medicationalisationing,
It took me 5 hours to do this simple Odeing!
:::::
Even as DDDD left, my brain was busy,
I wanted to think of my ode’s lexicology,
But my thoughts spinning-changingly,
Past events, wrongs, what about the laundry?
The carer can’t get through to the pharmacy,
Happy Horis is back, albeit belatedly,
I can concentrate again, you see?
But still more to do, washing & medically,
There’s just not the time available for me,
I’ll just empty the catheter of pee…
And a heavy-duty visit to the lavatory!
::::::
Then a seizure did manifest…
A short one, for two minutes at best,
Already feeling at my wretchedest,
If DDDD comes again, I’ll feel aghast,
I feel bad-done-to today, badassed,
I’m not a believer, but my crucifix clutched
DDDD stay away, I’m not a hypocondriast!
You made my mind vague & overcast,
Please don’t come piggybacked,
You’ll get my spirits & hopes ransacked,
If you do come, make it short & fast!
It’d be better for me it if you hadn’t trespassed,
Still, if you do, I’ll try to be steadfast…
I pray your previous visit will be your last!
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– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
HMG spent £45m on anti-spyware,
Stored it in a warehouse, it’s still there,
Waiting for them to find the highest bidder,
It’s a toss-up twixt China & Russia,
This gives the taxpayers acroparesthesia!
Humans need to find more absorbency,
To live life happily, honestly & guiltlessly,
Accept that it’s fraudulent… I mean HMG,
Accept wars, murders, are Earthly,
How to do this? Don’t ask me!
::::::
Life’s changed, it’s gone all skewwhiff,
With depression and war, some us live,
They called an oligarch now, not a toff
Murder, bribery, drugs and Smirnoff!,
If you need help, others just scoff,
The UK PM is a dishonest caitiff!
::::::
Life can be confusing, adumbral,
Some disbelieving, others agnostical,
Some study things all aetiological,
These mysteries are inextirpable,
Most claims are agathokakological.
::::::
From ‘The Statue of Liberty’
Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled
masses yearning to breathe free,
Commoners, proletariat & bourgeoisie,
Things grew more criminogenically,
Now we have borders & Trumpery,
::::::
Life can yet become more scarier,
People can get more sneerier,
Good deeds, help, will be scantier,
Undoubtably less sincere & trustier,
Hopefully, the ladies will get sultrier!
::::::
Waste time worrying, of things imminent,
Carers, nurses, else solitary confinement,
Seizures, dementia, falls, being impercipient,
Ending up with a self-immurement,
Seeking a mental & physical demulcent.
::::::
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No time to get anything done in the first 10 hours.
In the dawn, and it was well gone 15:00hrs before. DDDD and the Mini-Seizures finally stopped.
The worst and longest-ever depression.
It’s now nearly 16:00hrs. And I’m going to get the ablutions and medications seen to now.
I spoke with the Caregiver about whether they are doing the domestic and laundry for me. It is not known yet. The Caregiver rang the chemist again for me but could not get through this time either. He said I was now deficient on Warfarin tablets. He returned later, after contacting the chemist, with a box of Warfarin. Thanks!

Computer problems again.
The seizures were all mini, I think, anyway.
I spent hours trying to get the photos on and gave up.
I deleted all the photos taken, and in the late evening, I tried again. The computer was slow, but in the morning I could save some! Not a lot, though.

I could see things (Seeing things in clouds, Pareidoliaing).
The nature of the clouds varied in this scene.

A Cornish pastie, beetroots and French fries.
And a lemon fool dessert.
Followed by some Cheezy nibbles, and a can of shandy. I can now drink from cans again. After giving up, due to the lack of teeth, more water was going on me and the surrounding area than got down the throat. The miracle solution, you ask? The dentist didn’t want to remove all my teeth and make me dentures, so I used a straw!
Can’t see how I’d not thought of this before. Haha!

Sorry, I don’t have much on, but I did a bonus ode.

I managed to get this after-sunset photo to go on in the morning. It’s quite a different aspect in this one.

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Today’s problems were eclectic,
DDDD made things so tenebrific,
Help from a carer, that was terrific👍🏻!
Seizures & DDDD were both horrific!
One call from , vitriolic,
DDDD makes me feel ‘Depressionaholic!’
I’ve never been less enthusiastic…
My thoughts confused, ever-changing, zebraic,
Carer ‘Joe’ helped me with matters urologic👍🏻,
one visit; can you beleive it!
When DDDD returned, it was dolorific.
Oh, and neurotransmitter shocks of electric!
One seizure left me soporific, almost hypnotic,
I told Matron Jackie I hope she looks into it,
I’d like them to give me a full mental audit…
With DDDD, life gets less etheric,
It concentrates on feeling depressic!
I must stop doing odes docudramatic!

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All The Best from Inchy & Inchie, Hehe!
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Inchy Today: Wednesday12th March 2025

/ Inchie / 7 Comments

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Is it a vacation, furlough, or holiday?
Today is tomorrow, or is tomorrow today?
Is it a vacation, furlough, or a holiday?
Are politicians & their oligarchy…
Mostly skilled in deceit, greed or quackery?
Increasing their lies, & show warmongery?
Politicians greet the world’s end with alacrity…
Life is the mystery; We might die painfully,
Powers without compassion, logic or astucity!
Stating, altering, and doing things contradictorily,
Decisions with hopes turning incandescently,
They need to be examined electroencephalographically,
Nothing will stop the coming catastrophe,
I forecast the end will not be pretty…,
That’s why I wrote this little ditty,
I show not fear or lachrymosity…
Humankind’s termination is not such a pity!
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WEDNESDAY, 12th MARCH 2025
Stirred at 05:30hrs. Had a decent sleep. Sorted the catheter out but did not empty it cause I wanted the new Carer to see & grade it.

Took these three shots….
from the kitchen window.
Then…
I made a brew & reset the antique-style calendar clock.

Oh, dear…

I didn’t get to finish them, as the intercom rang.
The new carer from Inner City Care arrived.
He was a pleasant enough chap. We had a quick natter. His name was Achmad or Achmed or… (I’ll have to ask him how he spells it on tonight’s call.) My medications were given. He’s not sure if a midday visit is booked yet.

Going back into the wet room to finish the ablutions and medications, an alarm went off. I think it might have been the alarm testing, cause it soon stopped/as did my brain. I never got back to finish the ablutionings! Wot a Clot!

I got on the computer and used the Ccleaner again to get any photos onto CorelDraw. Well, I could, but it would not save them to file. No reasons were given, so I assumed the storage space was too low again. That did the trick, and as I was uploading…
Three within a minute got to me. Seconds later, I was getting on with the job, happy as a lark.

Two more mini ones, this time they left me fuddle-headed and confused to a degree. At least I realised this and stopped working on the computer for fear of going into a deeper seizure. I turned the computer to sleep mode, and before I could stand up – I’d gone into a cracking long, I assumed, Absence Seizure. Cause that is what happened. I think it lasted a good few minutes. After which I was even more puddled and out-of-it!

Things cleared a bit, & I returned to the computer.
GLOBDANGLES AND TURDSTOOLS!
I had to use the Ccleaner again to work on the photos. 
Naturally, .

I lost a couple of hours, but I had been working on and making a mess of the Ode. There were no more recognisable seizures until 17:00 hrs, and that was of little bother; it was not too deep or long to get to me. The seemed lighter at times, before going into a nosedive straight into a mire of dour dejection. I’m hoping the Matron Jackie can inspire my Doctor into activity over this ailment. I pray!

Tesco order. Just three bags – £59!
Mind you, I got two bottles of cider. (Guilt)
Food, food, & food.
Medications, soda water, PPs & bleach.

Afternoon sky shots were taken over a couple of hours..
The weather was quickly changing today.
One.
It should be a balcony shower. WP or Google, although in the editor the proper photo shows, they keep shoving something else in, distorted snaps? I’m fed up with this.
What a variety!
Really dark at times today.

 Awaiting the tea-time Carer. Unsure of when he will come, I can’t finish my ablutions or get a meal sorted yet.

DDDD still lingering. I’m wondering if I told her about the mood swings when we spoke about this year’s telephone appointment last week. Sarcastic? Me?

My worst effort this year, I think.
Luckily, I had earlier refilled the cookie jar with Cheesies!
I then emptied the cookie jar of Cheezies! Well, I didn’t eat much of the poorly made meal! Hehe!

Last call, Carer, ‘Joe’ got the diabetic soaks off. No medications were inquired about, but I didn’t need any anyway. I’d taken a swig of Peptac earlier to free the wind and taste from the calamitous meal.

I asked both Caregivers if they knew if the laundry, domestic, and financial help was still to be done for me. The response was negative! No, yea, or nae. They knew not. That is, if they understood my question. Bad enough as my hearing is already, I’m sometimes struggling to understand what they say to me. So, my accent must be as challenging to grasp as theirs. Joe and Akram are nice enough, lads.  

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Patience, Please – The End Commeth! Hehehe!
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TTFNski!
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