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STRANGE FACTS YOU MAY NOT WANT TO KNOW,
Things that happened as I began to grow,
Dad decided that to the park we would go…
To watch the cricket, I thought, oh, no,
I get more fun looking at a Picasso,
Can I go on the swings, Dad?
This seemed to make him mad,
He said, keep quiet and be a good lad!
I sneaked off for a walk about a tad,
Carrying football boots, I saw a lad,
I went to watch their game, naughty dingwad.
Trying to open the gate, I was tugging…
Hearing Dad’s voice, I hid absquatulating,
He didn’t see me; I found that amusing…
But not the following crushing…
It was my thumb, and it was bleeding,
Dad came over, saying… What a state!
“Thee thumb ends chopped off, me mate”,
The lad who’d run his car into the gate,
I recall his language was articulate…
Apologising, so there is no need to altercate,
The ambulate arrived, its bell ringing,
They took me to the children’s hospital A&E,
Put me on a waiting hall trolley,
A nurse checked the thumb & bandaged me…
Said that she’ll be back shortly,
I waited and felt a little sleepy,
Took me to the treatment room swiftly,
Said, “We’ll have to sew it back on” curtly,
Which they did, and very neatly,
Back out into the hallway…
You’ll stay here as a cautionery,
“You have been fearless, not cowardly!”
So, I had coped with the calamity,
I turned to look for a lavatory…
And had another Whoosiedangloppery,
I fell off of the trolley,
It doesn’t feel like it, but apparently…
But that was back in August 1950,
When they got me up, I’d broken my knee!
The start of my run of being unlucky,
What have I done successfully?
I’ve about run out of currency,
Born with the world’s tinniest ever Willie,
Cancer, shot, Peripheral Neuropathy,
Glaucoma, Cataract, at 23 I became a baldie,
Being nearly drowned later made me a deafie,
Got made redundant when I was 63,
Then, they fitted a mechanical aorta in me,
Cartilages giving way, then Reflux Roger,
Then the devil infected me with Anne Gyna,
Haemorrhoids, colour-blind, then another catastrophe,
Ingrowing toenails, having to pay for chiropody,
Hearing aids, spectacles, & lost my mobility,
Taxed on my pension… Oh, did I mention…?
Starmer stole my winter fuel allowance from me!
I cannot claim to have been over-lucky,
I may need help psychosomatically,
Psychologically, I live abnormally,
I’m getting help, the falls team agreeably…
Will visit to aid my recovery,
They will help me significantly,
The Carers do, definitely…
But it’s all too costly!
I am a proper moaner,
Most of my ire is self-anger,
Leaving hot taps to run colder,
Doors open, fridge flowing over,
I’ve turned into a grammaticaster,
Many traits & skills that I cannot master!
No point in becoming a reprehender,
Starmer’s done well, and he’s a cheat & liar!
His father was a toolmaker,
That’s true; he made a useless one named Keir!
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Less time left than ever before after making this Ode!
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04:15hrs: I woke, removed the catheter pouch, and went to the wet room to get the cleaning up done &
sorted out. I was feeling, well, not perkier, but better than I have done for a few mornings.
I checked the computer email in case any of the medics had sent me an update.
I realised the snaps below, taken last night by Carer Ejaz, are rare. ‘Rain’ was missed in yesterday’s blog. I plead Guilty!
There were no cuts, and the bruised eye looked bad. Not really, but it made me sound brave! Hehe!
The ulcers and 
were far less vivid this morning.
Some new growths had appeared near DVD veins.
At teatime, I showed Carer Joe. There were new ones, and those in the photo had been leaking from a tiny spot on top of each one that had dried hard.
Another of the Mysteries of Woodthorpe Court, with the hobgoblins, spectres, gnomai, phantasms, ghosts, the grotesque succubae, extraterrestrials, ectoplasms, spirits, or the Fata Morgana that have been sent to taunt, irritate and terminate my already limited saneness of mind, which is losing its marbles?
Mini-seizures and doing the gloriously silly Ode above ensured I spent hours and hours slogging away, constantly getting slower. Several hours were lost.
A social team member (I can’t recall the name)rang me, reminding me to call the doctors to get an appointment with her – one might as well have called Putin and asked him to kindly stop killing people; the result is the same.
Apparently, the Doctor asked Matron Jackie to tell me to make one. Then, the Doctor requested that Social remind me. I can only get there with a Carer on a Wednesday. When Carer ‘Joe’ rang for me, he was told that the Doctor does her home calls on a Wednesday. After talking with the organiser, the best he could offer was for fifteen-thirty, on the fourth of June. But this is only protem. Carer ‘Joe’ said he’ll see if he can get cover or make changes for that day. He’ll have to ring them back to make it for another day if he can’t get things arranged for that day.
The costly nail cutter from the hair salon came up to do them at ‘ten minutes’ notice. This threw out my plots for the Ode and delayed me even further. Tsk!
I’d just had a mini seizure and was not totally compos-mentis. Nice gal. Hurt a bit on the ingrowing nail toes. In fact… ARRGH! Hehe!
I’ve got a potato in the oven to try making cheesy spuds. But, on a low light. It’s the last call of the day, Ejaz, I think it will be. He’s due over the next hour; I’ll not start eating until he’s gone. Then, the feasting will start. Hahaha! I’ll turn the heat down on the oven so they don’t burn.
Back with an update in T’morning’!
Good Morning!
Carer Ejaz arrived.
I took these snaps of the sun going down with my (donated) Kodak 2a.
Then, about a minute later.
The sun was moving down quickly.
The ready-made meal was shepherd’s pie, a baked potato, and two cheese-topped bread rolls.
Another tasty meal! Great!
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All the best of luck!
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I took this snap while checking the taps, fridge, and freezer in the kitchen to ensure I hadn’t left anything out of order. No doors are left open, windows are closed, and cookers are turned off.
This session took well over two hours. There were a couple of things that went well. I can’t recall them at this moment cause so many went wrong!
teeth and shaving. Which I did, and cleaned my painful, going rapidly-rotten teeth. My mistake was forgetting about the bowl with my feet in it and reaching for the Toothache Spray. I tipped the bowl, and water spread 
all over the floor! Still, I had clean feet. I also cleaned up the floor. It’s not easy with a mop, bucket and walking stick in tow. I also had a third stubbing of the toes. 
What can I say? Maybe Arrgh? 
I had to use them 
before starting the medicationings.
, well, there would.
I then washed, antiseptically cleaned, and applied cream to the affected area. Doing it over again with some Germoloid Ointment.
More precious time was lost. However, the washing and medications did nothing to ease my 
I did both eye sprays. Then, after cleaning the ears, I inserted the olive oil into each channel. A nasal spray was squirted up both sides
Needed the Barrier cream to be put on the right ankle. The left ankle was not leaking. A simple enough job – but reaching down to apply it was the problem. It was entirely overcome by my cunning use of paper towels dabbed, and the 
small plastic Picker-Upper was used to apply it. It wasn’t exactly pain-free, but it was bearable.
7:00hrs: I got two potatoes out, ready to go into the slow cooker later on. Of course, I forgot all about them; they had shrivelled a bit, and I threw them away, opting for frozen mini-roast spuds instead. I spotted the tubers on the counter around 21:00hrs.
The clouds grew thicker.
It got hazier.
Then, it cleared a little.
Brightened up a smidgeon.
c1951.
2025.
for me.
Approximately 21:00hrs.
Very nice, too!
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Kitchen safety checks, took this rainy kitchen view
Then I went to have a long session.
The full works. Hard work due to both cartilages and several mini-seizures during the two hour session.
Rain started, rain stopped!
Failures: I undercooked the potato cakes. Never have I bought fattier, greasier Golonkowa. The carden peas were taty, though. Unfortunately, I found some mould on the wheatmeal rolls!
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Do you usually take the bait?
Contrails in the sky!
Not a very good one.
Contrails gone.
That’s a bit better now.
The clock belatedly changed.
Early evening.
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Gave way on me.
.
Cloudless! But not for long.
Plenty to pick from.
First photo.
Second snap. Asda didn’t have two of the breads in stock, so it looks likely I’ll never buy a loaf of my favourite one, the sliced milk roll. Humph!
The fridge.
The freezer.
Top cupboard,
Bottom cupboard.
Doing it in the slow-cooker this time.
Cartilage Chloe, Arthur Itis Len on the left knee, and bashing my arm against the chair as I fought my way back onto my feet after the tumbled, offered as much pain as I ever want to handle again. 
on the corner of the ottoman. Aargh! 
!
Shot up the leg, as far as my groin. Fair enough, they eased off a lot, and were barely reaching the knee. Then the shocks cut out, and cold tingling sensation took over.
Bootiful Puffer Clouds.
And found the 
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I must have had a shake on when I took this one. But, it made for an interesting modern art effort?
I took this snap from the kitchen. I gathered all the necessary items for this morning’s whole ablution event at the wet room. No, that’s not true! Sorry. I’d ran out of clean Kagoules. In fact, I only had one left, that needed washing, cause I’d just taken it off.
So, I hand-washed one and hung it in the wet room to drip-dry with the wall heater on full.
to make sure the towel would be nice and warm after I’d done the ablutionings. I’m losing this! Hehe!
As I got in the room and bent down, I had a Seizure if sine sort, that lasted the three seconds or so it took me to tumble onto the aged, grotty-looking c1966 made, charity-shop-bought, horribly beige-coloured, £300, Harold’s Haemorrhoid-testing, non-operational, acne-giving, virus-breeding, rickety, recliner. 
After rejigging the Kaghoule with the towels again, I made a brew of Co-op 99 tea. Very welcome!
, I think she’s fallen out with me. I do hope this carries on. 
Beef in onion gravy, boil-in-the-bag. With Home
A cracker of a view!
Cooked pot of pork knuckle, beetroots, pickled black beans and water chestnuts, a giant potato pancake, two doorstep sized slices of bread, and a spot of BBQ sauce added. A cheap icecream cone to follow.
Parliament, all arguing. Starmer seemed oblivious to this, and carried on over-talking them. I wish I could recall more. But that’s all folks! 
To the right I think.
To the left I think.
Ahead, I guess.
Closer shot, ahead. (Brown now?)
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Well, he’s back another reactivation,
with his nit-picking and reminders of various mistakes and bad choices I’ve made over the years, I finally gave up his attack. I feell asleep for about an hour, sprang awake, waited for 
to stop trying to twist my neck off, and as he subsided, 
had her turn at dislocating my shoulder bone. No chance of nodding off again no matter how tired 
I felt, now. At 06:40hrs, I removed the night bag, and the need for the Porcelain Throne arrived. I could hardly feel the evacuation taking place. As I stood up, I couldn’t believe the amount of mass of evacuated product in the porcelain! I’ll say no more...
I prepared the meal for tonight.
More kitchen views.
Sunshine getting through.
Decent shots?
Amazing cloud formations
The days meal.
04:40hrs: As I removed the night pouch from the day bag, I noted how little was in the nocturnal pouch. At this time it didn’t matter, as there was no discomfort from the day bag.
I checked the taps, stove, etc. things were okay. I tok a snao of the morning view on offer from the kitchenette window.
I’d done the bleeding gums and teeth, and was about to start on the shaving, but had to divert to the Porcelain Thone with haste. Damned good job I was in wet room, cause I would never have got there in time. As yesterday, it started on its own. Phew!
I was feeling a smidge perky now! So, I got the waste bags into one, and placed it near the door.
I handwashed the wolly hat and towel and hung them in the clothes arer in the hallway.
He had to go, he had a lot to do this morning. When I got around to uploading the photo. I noticed that the top tube from Little Inchie was backed up full. The new catheter tube below was gin-clear!
The Iceland elive ry arrived. The man kindly carried the carrier bags through to the kitchen for me. Kind of him, that was.
The only frozen food I’d bought was the cheap ice cream cones. I got them in the freezer first. I spotted the giant potato waffle in 
there. I’ll have that today I think. Iceland has Gung Po sauce on offer, so I bought some. I couldn’t find them when
I searched for Gung-Po sauce.
While setting up the food cupboard things for this photo; I had the weirdest of seizures. I just stopped what I was doing and held onto 
while leaning against the door in the corner. 
How the hell did I know? 
Life now seems full of stupefaction,
were present every time I woke up. I was concerned about them both, having two nights absence. Huh!
Nocturnal Pouch. Rating 5
Clock calendar updated. Hearing aid inserted. Earholes olive oiled. Eye sprayed. Rear end washed and antisepticated.
The saving produced just two little cuts.
I hoovered the little hallway, not that I’ve got a large hallway, anyway. I didn’t need to say that, did I? I’m wandering all ready. Then, I prepared the necessary items to finish the chickpeas and store them in the fridge for later use.
The day was brightening. However, the sunshine never did break through the clouds today. 
The Kala Chan peas, Stubb’s liquid smoke (this is what McDonald’s uses in their smoked food). Mushroom liquid ketchup, Marmite, liquid sea salt, pickling vinegar, and light soy sauce. 
And I got it sealed and put it in the fridge. Then I opened a can of water chestnuts, and broke some up into the mix and vinegar. 
Back to the wet room. Urgh!
Andy really has expressions that almost seem to talk to you! He’s undergoing a lot of treatment at the vets now he’s getting older. All the WPers love him.
Made the nosh up. Minced imitation beef and grey, added garden peas, pickled water chestnuts, and brown chickpeas. Poured some Gung Po sauce over it, as shown in the picture above. Mixed it all up and microwaved it.
Loverly!
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An inferior shot of the sun on its way down, taken from the kitchenette window. I think I might have already posted this one yesterday.
Doorstep-sized slices of bread were dunked into the Bulgarian-made Compass brand can of sausage and bean Stew, with some Gung Po sauce and water chestnuts added. Very Nice! It claims
For an unknown reason, I decided to make up some laundry pots. I use bicarbonate of soda tubs to put the laundry pods and fresher in. I’ve got about ten pots done, why I would want to make more up, is just one of the many mysteries of Woodthorpe Courts hobgoblins, spectres, gnomai, phantasms, grotesque succubae, Whoopsiedangleplops, ailments, extraterrestrials, ectoplasms, spirits, Accifauxpas, rent increases, food price hikes, and the Fata Morganas, that have been sent to taunt, irritate and terminate my already limited saneness of mind!
The innards warned me to get to the Porcelain Throne in some haste. So, I did! I’m glad I did. Because it was a close call, I managed to do it just in time. The evacuation was completed within seconds of initiating the motion. Well, I didn’t start it really, it flowed on its own, before my coxic landed on the raised plastic seat. Pongy in the extreme! I knocked some things off of the trolley. Cleaning up took 30 minutes!
I made a brew of Co-op 99 tea, and got the computer on. After it had been on for a minute or two, I got this message appear on the screen. Narrator Keyboard. I didn’t knnow I’d turned on the narrator keyboard. Or what the flipping ‘eck it was or is for that matter!
01:20 hrs: “Carer Joe” rang the intercom; I pressed “Admit”, and he was soon in the room with me. Straight away, I asked him about the freshers and inquired where I, or we, had stored them during Joe’s make-more-room session. All done to make me safer and less at risk of taking a tumble, that we’d put them? Without hesitation, he pointed at the ottomans. Of course I did feel a fool anyway, but the moment he bent to take the first lid off, I remembered where we’d put them. Another mysterious blank had been solved! Hahaha!
The sun was well risen now. I’ll have to put my prescription sunglasses on soon. When the sun comes round and in through the balcony windows. I do this now, when the glare disturbs and upsets 
. My vision is severely affected, especially on sunny afternoons.
A can of beef and potato vegetable stew, plenty of Gung-Po sauce, added mushroom ketchup, and sliced pickled water chestnuts. Baked some round rolls of bread. I over cooked them a smidge. They turned out like I used to like them years ago; but the rotting teeth nowadays gave me a lot of pain. So I had to break them up and add them to the flavoured sauce to soften them slightly. Nice!
The first spotted smoke
Then Ejaz spotted another to the right.
Now he could see three!
. I assume I’d been having Nocturnal Seizures.