Nottingham Police Commissioner Steedenski Demoted!

Shock report from unpaid WordPress reporter Juan Inchcock (68) via champion ace carrier pigeon (Gaylord 2nd) just received in the loft of Inchcock Times Daily Gazette by editor Clivey-boy. Who despite there being no proof that the story is genuine, has decided to run with it. (Straight to the Sun. Where he sold it for a quick profit and bought Juan Inchcock a packet of Microwave sausage in payment).

Juan managed to try and interview Mr Steedenski as he came out of Police headquarters immediately after losing his job and asked him:

“I understand you’ve lost your position as Nottingham’s Police Commissioner Mr Steedenski? And after only two weeks in the job too?”

Mr Steedenski kept ultra calm in the face of this tigerish reporter’s questions. He clouted him around the head and replied:

“Little do you know Da da da, da da mate! I have not been sacked at all, I just wanted a change of duties that’s all mush!” He poked Juan in his left eye and pulled him one side down an alley…

When the ambulance arrived Juan was still in a state of shock and couldn’t recall exactly how he’s got the bruised ribs, black eyes or the inserted truncheon.

Being a rather persistent type of pillock; when he was released from the Queens Medical Centre Juan continued his quest for the truth and located himself outside the ex-commissioner’s home, and awaited his arrival so he could again attempt to interview him.

Three days later the postman saw Juan’s prostrate body in the bushes, dehydrated and called for an ambulance.

As they waited a barely conscious Juan asked the Postman Churchy if he had missed Mr Steedenski’s arrival. Mr Churchy told him he had got the wrong house, Mr Steedenski lived four houses up the avenue. He also questioned the parentage of Juan.

When Juan was released from the Queens Medical Centre he again ensconced himself in the grounds of Mr Steedenski’s real house though this time, and planned his entrapment of the ex-commissioner.

The commissioners wife came out of the house and cunningly smiled as she kneed him in the groin area, rammed his left arm up his back then dragged him into the mansion and deposited him unceremoniously in one of the state rooms, where Mr Steedenski was relaxing watching some women’s beach volley ball on his 46 inch screened television.

“Here Mike” she said to her husband “I found this lurking about outside near the Rhododendrons.” With that she flicked Juan around his ear-hole passed wind and left.

 Mr Steedenski laying in a luxurious chair with his feet up on pouf, glanced at Juan and said: “Alright mush, I can see yer ain’t gonna give up… I’ll tell yer the story.”

This perked Juan up, and he whipped out his pencil and pad.

“Truth is I was getting well fed up with taking all that responsibility and I asked em if I could become a Traffic Warden instead of Police Commissioner!”

 Juan looked a little confused.

“But” he added “With a bit more power like. Having the gun with me will help me to sort out the scumbag idiots who park in disabled bays yer see. And the wife can show me how to use the weapon safely and accurately like.”

Juan was still confused.

Mr Steedenski reached over his glass of champagne and picked up a photo of himself when he tried out his new uniform earlier in the day.

His wife returned into the room and asked Mr Steedenski if they were going to let this misshaped hapless reporter to leave or are they going to arrange for his disappearance like.

The fact that she was carrying a Glock pistol, and then pointed it at Juan with a knowing smile on her face concerned him somewhat.

Her other half thought about this for a while, then said: Yer, go on gal, enjoy yerself.

Juan immediately went into begging and pleading mode…

To no avail!

 

By Inchie

78 years of age, pretty ugly, short, bald, pot-bellied, in ill health. Decaying physically and morally. Mechanical ticker valve, Duodenal Donald, Saccades-Sandra, Arthur Itis, Hernia Henry, Hard of Hearing Hank, Bad eyesight Boris, Reflux Roger, Peripheral Neuropathy, Nerve Neurotransmitters Not-working Wendy, Bladder Cancer Chris, Stuttering Stephany, Haemorrhoid Harold, Shaking Shaun, Dizzy Dennis, FND, ... there are others, but I've tired myself out, now! Hehehe! Oh, then I had a stroke! Now awaiting Cataract & Glaucoma operations. Diabetes 2, Leg-Ulcer-Ulrich, Cartilage Chloe & Carole and am flat-bound. Tsk! Failures, Accifauxpas and Whoopsiedangleplops are my Forte... Hehehe! I love making folk smile when I can. TTFNski!

9 comments

  1. Marissa Bergen – Burbank, Ca – This blog is a semi auto-biographical view of my life, beginning as a rocker chick from Brooklyn, moving on to playing in a punk band on New York's Lower East Side, to my current lot in life as a working mother of two, now living in Los Angeles. I love writing because you can be whoever you want to be when you write. Therefore, I would never want to pigeon-hole myself too much in my blog. However, I don't think I will ever deviate too much from what is innately in my blood, that being humor and sarcasm. Recently I have been turning more and more to poetry. I like poetry because it let's you say so much more with so much less, so much more about so little, and it also distances you from the subject matter, making you much less likely to offend someone, which I would probably otherwise do on a daily basis.
    Marissa Bergen says:

    I think they demoted him after they read his blog!

    Reply
    1. mikesteeden – An aging old fool devoid of common sense and incapable of changing a light bulb. A ‘lefty’ at heart; an atheist by nature; I have no desire to be taken seriously! Certain quotes seem to sum me up I think! 'If its got a face I don't eat it!' - Paul McCartney 'Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?' - Douglas Adams (1952-2001) 'I almost cared' - No recollection of who said this! 'Man created God in his own image' - as above. 'UKIP if you want to; I'm staying awake' - one of mine!
      mikesteeden says:

      Oi….I heard that!

      Reply
      1. Marissa Bergen – Burbank, Ca – This blog is a semi auto-biographical view of my life, beginning as a rocker chick from Brooklyn, moving on to playing in a punk band on New York's Lower East Side, to my current lot in life as a working mother of two, now living in Los Angeles. I love writing because you can be whoever you want to be when you write. Therefore, I would never want to pigeon-hole myself too much in my blog. However, I don't think I will ever deviate too much from what is innately in my blood, that being humor and sarcasm. Recently I have been turning more and more to poetry. I like poetry because it let's you say so much more with so much less, so much more about so little, and it also distances you from the subject matter, making you much less likely to offend someone, which I would probably otherwise do on a daily basis.
        Marissa Bergen says:

        Who is this and how did you get access to this blog?

      2. mikesteeden – An aging old fool devoid of common sense and incapable of changing a light bulb. A ‘lefty’ at heart; an atheist by nature; I have no desire to be taken seriously! Certain quotes seem to sum me up I think! 'If its got a face I don't eat it!' - Paul McCartney 'Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?' - Douglas Adams (1952-2001) 'I almost cared' - No recollection of who said this! 'Man created God in his own image' - as above. 'UKIP if you want to; I'm staying awake' - one of mine!
        mikesteeden says:

        The hearing of a sleeping lion – that’s me……pardon Shirl what was that you just shouted in my ear with a megaphone…..didn’t get the drift.

      3. Marissa Bergen – Burbank, Ca – This blog is a semi auto-biographical view of my life, beginning as a rocker chick from Brooklyn, moving on to playing in a punk band on New York's Lower East Side, to my current lot in life as a working mother of two, now living in Los Angeles. I love writing because you can be whoever you want to be when you write. Therefore, I would never want to pigeon-hole myself too much in my blog. However, I don't think I will ever deviate too much from what is innately in my blood, that being humor and sarcasm. Recently I have been turning more and more to poetry. I like poetry because it let's you say so much more with so much less, so much more about so little, and it also distances you from the subject matter, making you much less likely to offend someone, which I would probably otherwise do on a daily basis.
        Marissa Bergen says:

        Right, well quite frankly, we are talking about a very reputable man named Mike Steedenski who happens to have fallen on some tough times and I really think you should leave your nose out of it!

      4. mikesteeden – An aging old fool devoid of common sense and incapable of changing a light bulb. A ‘lefty’ at heart; an atheist by nature; I have no desire to be taken seriously! Certain quotes seem to sum me up I think! 'If its got a face I don't eat it!' - Paul McCartney 'Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?' - Douglas Adams (1952-2001) 'I almost cared' - No recollection of who said this! 'Man created God in his own image' - as above. 'UKIP if you want to; I'm staying awake' - one of mine!
        mikesteeden says:

        Sorry Marissa didn’t quite get that…..ear trumpet in, glass of port at his side, bath chair nice and comfy now Svetlana brought him over the woollen blanket and, of course his fez and monocle…..all is well in world once more…..right what was that you said?

      5. Marissa Bergen – Burbank, Ca – This blog is a semi auto-biographical view of my life, beginning as a rocker chick from Brooklyn, moving on to playing in a punk band on New York's Lower East Side, to my current lot in life as a working mother of two, now living in Los Angeles. I love writing because you can be whoever you want to be when you write. Therefore, I would never want to pigeon-hole myself too much in my blog. However, I don't think I will ever deviate too much from what is innately in my blood, that being humor and sarcasm. Recently I have been turning more and more to poetry. I like poetry because it let's you say so much more with so much less, so much more about so little, and it also distances you from the subject matter, making you much less likely to offend someone, which I would probably otherwise do on a daily basis.
        Marissa Bergen says:

        Well, Inchy always calls you by the name Steedenski so I was just trying to separate the characters by referring to him as an honest man who just lost his way, and you as a complete lunatic who has no business being involved in this post…a joke of course. When all else fails, you can always laugh.

  2. mikesteeden – An aging old fool devoid of common sense and incapable of changing a light bulb. A ‘lefty’ at heart; an atheist by nature; I have no desire to be taken seriously! Certain quotes seem to sum me up I think! 'If its got a face I don't eat it!' - Paul McCartney 'Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?' - Douglas Adams (1952-2001) 'I almost cared' - No recollection of who said this! 'Man created God in his own image' - as above. 'UKIP if you want to; I'm staying awake' - one of mine!
    mikesteeden says:

    As it happens the telly is 52 inches and I was watching ladies synchronized swimming contemplating the point that if one of the drowns do they all have to drown…..so there!

    Reply
  3. Inchy – Nottingham. UK. – 78 years of age, pretty ugly, short, bald, pot-bellied, in ill health. Decaying physically and morally. Mechanical ticker valve, Duodenal Donald, Saccades-Sandra, Arthur Itis, Hernia Henry, Hard of Hearing Hank, Bad eyesight Boris, Reflux Roger, Peripheral Neuropathy, Nerve Neurotransmitters Not-working Wendy, Bladder Cancer Chris, Stuttering Stephany, Haemorrhoid Harold, Shaking Shaun, Dizzy Dennis, FND, ... there are others, but I've tired myself out, now! Hehehe! Oh, then I had a stroke! Now awaiting Cataract & Glaucoma operations. Diabetes 2, Leg-Ulcer-Ulrich, Cartilage Chloe & Carole and am flat-bound. Tsk! Failures, Accifauxpas and Whoopsiedangleplops are my Forte... Hehehe! I love making folk smile when I can. TTFNski!
    Inchcock says:

    I see,,,

    Reply

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