Cameron’s Letter to Agony Aunt (Updated)

Agony Aunt for the ‘Lesser Endowed Gentlemen’s Weekly Gazette’

Dear Gertrude,

The constant voices in my head are forever chattering away, it’s driving me decidedly crazy.

I even questioned my own brilliance, cunning and competency last week. A rare lapse in my usual superlatively confident personality.

I prefer not to mention this to my Harley Street Doctor, as I hold a rather important position. Perhaps I am concerned because I got the job through skulduggery illegal and unethical means?

Luckily my only genuine competitor for the job, is unfit and far too lacking in spirit, ideas and gusto.

Perhaps I have lost a little edge though lack of genuine competition?

Although UKIP seem to be doing well and starting to cause me a slight cause for concern.

But my overseas investment and offshore accounts have increased exponentially due to the backhanders from my lodge member friends who I am slowly and stealthily selling off the NHS to. No problems there.

I would prefer it of you did not mention or reveal the contents of this letter.

If you can help me with my problem Gertrude, I can assure you of a liaison of a physical nature with any of the members of my cabinet, a handsome cash reward via their expense claims, and a new caravan in Chelsea.

Yours Unfaithfully:

The Right Honourable David William Donald Cameron

Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland

First Lord of the Treasury

Minister for the Civil Service

Leader of the Conservative Party

Member of Parliament for Witney

Descendant of King William IV

Raised in Peasemore, Berkshire by father Ian, a stockbroker, and mother Mary Fleur, a retired Justice of the Peace.

Eton College at the age of 13

First class degree in Philosophy, Politics & Economics (PPE) at Oxford

Brasenose College, Oxford, from which I graduated in 1988 with a first-class honours degree.

Git with Distinction

10 Downing Street, London SW1A 2AA

2 thoughts on “Cameron’s Letter to Agony Aunt (Updated)

  1. Marissa Bergen – Burbank, Ca – This blog is a semi auto-biographical view of my life, beginning as a rocker chick from Brooklyn, moving on to playing in a punk band on New York's Lower East Side, to my current lot in life as a working mother of two, now living in Los Angeles. I love writing because you can be whoever you want to be when you write. Therefore, I would never want to pigeon-hole myself too much in my blog. However, I don't think I will ever deviate too much from what is innately in my blood, that being humor and sarcasm. Recently I have been turning more and more to poetry. I like poetry because it let's you say so much more with so much less, so much more about so little, and it also distances you from the subject matter, making you much less likely to offend someone, which I would probably otherwise do on a daily basis.
    Marissa Bergen

    This story sounds disturbingly familiar!

    • Inchcock – Nottingham. UK. – 73 years of age, pretty ugly, short, bald, pot-bellied, in ill health. Decaying physically and morally. Metal ticker, Duodenal Donald, Saccades-Sandra, Arthur Rheumatoid Itis, Hernia Henry, Hard of Hearing Hank, Bad eyesight Boris, Reflux Roger, Peripheral Neuropathy, Nerve Neurotransmitters Not-working Wendy, Bladder Cancer Chris, Stuttering Sandra, Haemorrhoid Harold, Shaking Shaun, Dizzy Dennis... there are others, but I've tired myself out, now! Hehehe! Oh, then I had a stroke! Now awaiting Cataract & Glaucoma operations. Tsk! Failures, Accifauxpas and Whoopsiedangleplops are my Forte... Hehehe! I love making folk smile when I can. TTFNski!
      Inchcock

      It do too!

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