The constant voices in my head are forever chattering away, it’s driving me decidedly crazy.
I even questioned my own brilliance, cunning and competency last week. A rare lapse in my usual superlatively confident personality.
I prefer not to mention this to my Harley Street Doctor, as I hold a rather important position. Perhaps I am concerned because I got the job through skulduggery illegal and unethical means?
Perhaps I have lost a little edge though lack of genuine competition?
Although UKIP seem to be doing well and starting to cause me a slight cause for concern.
But my overseas investment and offshore accounts have increased exponentially due to the backhanders from my lodge member friends who I am slowly and stealthily selling off the NHS to. No problems there.
I would prefer it of you did not mention or reveal the contents of this letter.
If you can help me with my problem Gertrude, I can assure you of a liaison of a physical nature with any of the members of my cabinet, a handsome cash reward via their expense claims, and a new caravan in Chelsea.
Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland
First Lord of the Treasury
Minister for the Civil Service
Leader of the Conservative Party
Member of Parliament for Witney
Descendant of King William IV
Raised in Peasemore, Berkshire by father Ian, a stockbroker, and mother Mary Fleur, a retired Justice of the Peace.
Eton College at the age of 13
First class degree in Philosophy, Politics & Economics (PPE) at Oxford
Brasenose College, Oxford, from which I graduated in 1988 with a first-class honours degree.
Git with Distinction
10 Downing Street, London SW1A 2AA