Inchcock Today: Friday 24th October 2014

05 01

A lousy night, I kept waking up for the WC and worrying about me lack of graphicalisting prospects and me dying laptop.

Laid there thinking for hours – maybe I thought, I could go to thei could call computer shop in Sherwood, they advertised used laptops for sale. I could call when i go to the Nottingham Hospice Charity Shop perhaps, and see if they have a laptop for sale with Vista on it, and I could get the memory increased and RAM too – then I might be able to install my old Coreldraw9 on it? I decided to try for it. The prospect cheered me up for a bit… not for long… but for a bit.

0445hrs: I came down started the laptop and prayed, made a cuppa and got me medications taken.

05 b

Christmas lights up in Sherwood – notice the massive crowds out this morning?

Two people contacted me this morning on the Windows live thingamajig.Trev Baverstock me old mate who lives on the South coast with his rather attractive better half first. He suggested I go to PC world and get the details of laptops available with sufficient power to handle coreldraw – of course I can’t get a copy of the new Coreldraw anywhere? I said I’d would. And he offered to ask his brother if he would go with me to PC world so i don’t get conned again.

Can’t really afford either, but if I do go in that direction I think I might as well get the bigger memory one… of course I’ve changed me mind several times while typing this. Tsk!

Then a cyber-buddy from la France contacted me and asked for my phone number, he is going to ring me in the morning. I thought that was really nice of him.

05 04

Gloomy Nottingham this morning

I potted about trying to get Coreldraw to save a page, but without any luck. When I ry to save one it either freezes or turns itself off. Hard work.

I gave up and ablated missen and got the things ready fer the Hospice shop and set off on me walk into Sherwood.

As I passed the Computer shop on the other side of the road I noticed it had its shutter down – maybe it opens later me thought. I carried on to the Hospice shop, then crossed the road and walked back down to the Computer shop – still not open.

Ah well, I caught a bus into town.

05 02Taking another photo of the old BBC building they were knocking down.

Called in PC World and a half hearted youth pointed me in the direction on laptops strong enough. There were two: An Isus Intel Core i5 processor – 4GB ram at £500 and a Toshiba 8GB ram a6 £600 with the same processor. I’ll pass this on to Trevor later.

05 03Came out a bit dejected again and wandered into town, not many folk about yet. noticed they had started to put the Christmas lights up.

It was drizzling with rain and I took a picture of the Council House in the gloom for your perusal.

I remembered about the Alley Cafe 05 05and I said I’d try to get some photos of it – so I did.

The tiny entrance to the Alleyway, half-way up the Alleyway and the Cafe – it was Closed! (Huh!)

Then I had a brain-wave (Careful!) and called at three of the er… where they give you a loan and sell yer stuff 05 05bwhen can’t buy it back like… I’ve forgotten what they call them. Ah, one was called a Cash Converter. The first one opposite the Alleyway was asking £299 for their used Laptops, and they were not good spec either.

So I poddled to Exchange walk to the shop there, they were even dearer!

05 05cI walked to one on Upper Parliament Street and the same there, expensive crap me thought – so another idea I’d had gone to pot.

05 06c

No luck at the Computer shop then…

Ah thought I again, I’ll get the bus to Sherwood and try the Computer shop again. So I caught the bus to Sherwood and the Computer shop was still shuttered up?

Dejected once again I walked back to Carrington, just missing the rain as I got in the flea-pit.


Started the laptop, managed to get some graphics done before Coreldraw packed up on me again.

Updated this load of bol… by the way, did I mention that there was no blood from the ‘Inch’ again today? I’m desperately searching for some positives this week.

05 07

Looks like a spider dunnit? Ah well…

Blimey what’s that noise… hang on folks…

It is a police helicopter right above the street, I’ll take a photo of it if I can…

Hello, police cars now…

Ah well, it’ll keep the yobs away.

Inchcock’s Medical for the British Railway Job, and its findings

BR 02

Part of the Nottingham Lad’s True Tales of Woe Series

BR 01I’d applied for a job as a British Railways Goods Van Guard, and somehow got through the initial interview, possibly with my Dad’s guidance as he worked for them as a good delivery driver and had done for donkey’s years starting as a horse and dray goods delivery driver. He later moving to the articulated goods delivery Lorries.

But I always wanted to be a Goods Train Guard and nothing else really.

So excited I was sent to Derby Train Station to have my medical carried out there.

I arrived at the Station, locked my push-bike to a lamppost, found the Medical office easily enough, entered, showed them my appointment letter, and sat waiting to be called in to see the Doctor for my examination.

As I waited nervously, but with no fear that I would fail the examination at all, I glanced around seeing the notice on the wall telling us which Doctors were on duty that day…. they were Dr William Stroker, and Doctor Robin Banks.

I amused myself with thinking, that means I might get a Willie Stroker, or a bank BR 03robber doing my tests!

I hoped for the crook as a preference.

When the examination was about half way through the two hours they said it would take, I was placed in a darkened little room, with a stool, and a desk with a monitor and two push buttons on it. I was told that they would close the curtain, and each time a double beep emitted, I was to press the left button, and when a red light appeared on the screen, I was to press the right button!

It seemed simple enough to me.

He closed the curtains, and I sat in the darkness waiting for the red light to show up, or the double beep to sound… and waited… and waited… I jumped as the curtain swished open, and a perplexed looking doctor said; “Shall we try that again?”

I’d had no idea up until then that I needed spectacles, was colour blind, and required two hearing aids, or that I had a hernia!

I failed the medical for the job, and got a puncture on the way home.

I was shattered.

I often wonder how life might have been different if I’d got that job…

Inchcock’s Depressive Poorly Rhyming Outpourings

05 01

Here are a few thoughts the idiot has had this morning

When I was told Mother greeted my arrival with “Throw it in the Trent”,

That 3lb bundle of blood covered flesh had started life in torment,

That was the start of my enthusiasm and hopes rapid descent,

She’d keep running away and that cheered me up just a tad,

But I had to do the shopping cleaning and running after our Dad,


I didn’t mind because he was a firm but very fair man,

When Mother returned was when the stealing and hassle began.

I was bullied at school and Dad told me I had to fight back,

I lost so many teeth I didn’t have to worry about dental plaque.


To those at school education it was a mythical creature,

By those at school, I mean each and every teacher,

At about 6 I got thrown in the canal, always been afraid of water,

I’m sure when eventually rescued I was three inches shorter.


Left school at 14 as thick or thicker than a plank,

Met Big Ruth who was built like a pretty tank,

She taught me things that she called a prank,

After that I walked with a bit of a swank.


Mother got arrested and Dad moved house, I went into a lodging house,

There was a bloke lived there name of Peter Klaus,

Who introduced me to the local Home Ales House,

Where I would learn to give my liver a regular dowse.


Years of alcohol abuse followed, but many a happy time was had,

Eventually I realised that this was expensive and for my liver bad,

Of course I was still a seeking adventure young lad,

So I applied to join the Army and off to Aldershot, was I raving mad?

They threw me out for medically it was me liver, and that was sad.


When working in Security, I became their only officer to get shot.

No sick pay with them, I nearly ended up in a squat!

Made redundant years later, working for an employment agency,

They kept underpaying me wages, for the hours that I’d worked,

I left because I was angry annoyed and irked.


Haemarroids grew from me bottom end more than a bit,

The ticker-valve packed up, took em months to find it,

Arthritis in the hands and knees and then cancer I could spit,

Duodenal ulcer, hernia, two hearing aids, and high BP hit,

Then came a judicial writ.


They replaced me aorta valve with a mechanical one,

Then me reflux valve was sticking, the son of a gun,

My penis became enflamed and apparently rotting it would seem.

But they got it under control with the use of Dakacort cream.


No one visits me at home nowadays at all, don’t blame them though,

If you saw my hovel, it’s somewhere you wouldn’t want to go,

Depression is possibly the worst of my ailments you know,

Then the definite worst I suffered a day ago…

My laptop is dying and Coreldraw corrupted,

That is unquestionably the worst you know…