It can now be revealed – that Aliens have indeed landed on earth on the 7th June 2014, at Scarce-Crumpet Village, in Nottinghamshire, UK.

 

The aliens, friendly in nature, declared their intention of saving earth species at risk of extermination. Although too late to save the Dodo and others species long gone from earth, they first met and informed the Nottingham City Council Litter Picker, Juan Inchcock 69, who they met in the municipal latrines of the Crankmore Cemetery, of the intended species they wanted to save for posterity when the humankind kills itself off in 2017, and keep them in a museum on their planet. As an example to their own species of how to self destruct without trying.

* The 3 Honest Politicians left on earth. (Now two actually as one of them joined the others since the list was compiled and fiddled her expenses)

* The Lib-Dem Party of the UK, and its 14 supporters. (Although they were a tad concerned that they may infect their own species with the madness rampant within the Cleggite supporters, so decided to take and preserve them in suspended animation, which of course is their usual state.)

* The honest lawyer who lives in Outer Mongolia.

* Both of the honest car mechanics in the UK. (Especially the one in Nottingham who actually checked all the required features of the MOT and did not ‘invent’ any faults and was sent to Coventry by his colleagues)

* All of the five police officers who actually go on patrol in Nottingham. . (But with cuddly Cameron’s further cuts this was now down to three)

* All three of the English footballers who can pass a ball. (But especially the one who can pass a ball accurately.)

* The dentist who did not enjoy in 1975, causing pain to a patient.

* The plumber who did not overcharge a pensioner in October 2011.

* Both Roofers who actually repaired a roof.

 The Aliens showed their great regret at being too late to save any Honest Estate Agents, Taxi drivers, or Security Guards, as all were already extinct on earth now.

Mr Inchcock passed on the message to the Nottingham Constabulary, who promptly arrested him and sent him to the Happy House Asylum.