Inchcock Today: Mon 29th Sept 14

Monday 29th September 2014


Gorrup at 0430hrs.


My ‘Inch’ was sore and painful again, took a peep and dried off the blood. Decided I’ll have to go see someone about this and get it sorted one way or the other.

Laptop started, kettle on.

Got going with me LOMM submissions and updates.

It took me until about 0820hrs to get ‘em finished. Which I did despite the old laptop going oh so slowly.

Pottered about on Facebook, some good comments come in on it.

Then posted some photo’s to My Walks of Nottingham and the LOMM albums.


Another cuppa and a biscuit or two

Then I went upstairs to pretty myself up.

As I was having a good all over wash and a shave, I spotted the blood dribbling down onto me foot!

It took about half an hour to stop it bleeding – so I  decided to go see the GP Dr Vindla to see if I could have a quick word with her for advice.

Got me things ready for the Warfarin tests at the hospital and donating to the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop, and set off on a hobble to the GP surgery first thing.

The receptionist phoned Dr Vindla, and I was in luck, she saw me straight away.

Anyone not wishing to read of such things please move on to past the Italic writing in red. Thank you.

Embarrassed or what? There she was toying with me Inch, while I silently whistled to meself.

It seems there is a lesion that goes about 2/3rds of the way around me Inch under the foreskin, and it was pouring blood as soon as she touched it.

She gave me a prescription for some cream and told me not to use the bandages for a week. I’ve to go back next Monday to have it looked at again. (She probably wants to take a photo of it for some Fetish site or other?)  Only joking!

She told me to get my INR level checked with the surgery nurse straight away.

I think I heard a chuckle as I left the surgery though…

Booked appointment with the receptionist as I left, for Monday next, and the nurse called me into her room as I did so.

01M04It is a new nurse, not seen her before. I wondered which nurse had left, Nurse Goebbels or Nurse Stalin? At least she had the decency to laugh out loud when I told her of me plight.

Bought a loaf and some cooked meat from the delicatessen shop.

Then I hobbled up into Sherwood to the Charity Shop.

Walked to the chemist and got me new cream for the ‘Inch’

Afterwards I caught a bus into town. Cause I wanted to take the QMC nurses their treats as wot I would have if the surgery nurse had not took me blood instead of them who I would have gone to first anyway… I’m losing this…

01M01Got to town and caught a bus out to the Queens Medical Centre, and gave the haematology nurses their nibbles, and gave em a laugh telling em about what had happened.

The journey was horrendous, I think the driver must have been a keen stock car racer. People were swaying all over the place – in fact one bloke 01M02fell on me! This is a picture I took when I got off the bus, if anyone recognises the driver, best not get on his bus on a Monday morning!

Caught a bus back to town, and went to the library to see if the nice lady who said she would help sort me out with the meals-at-home thingy was on duty. But she was not there, so I left it 01M03until tomorrow after I get me laundry done.

Had a little limp around the slab square then up to the bus-stop back to the hoppit.

I observed a new pay-day-loan type outlet had opened; Just what Nottingham needs that is!

Dropped off and walked to the flea-pit.

Made a cuppa, put me nosh away and updated this tosh.


The cream is called Clotromozole. The leaflet says it works by destroying the fungus and yeast which has caused the infection.

It is used to treat: Ringworm infections, Skin infections, Thrush and Nappy Rash: I’m not sure which I have got though?

Possible Side Effect: Irritation or a burning sensation – Itching and redness… hmm!

Well, time to get me nosh ready now, pork sarnies with Irish tomato sauce followed by an ice-cream filled lolly.

Must wash me hands well after applying me pain gel, dermatological creams and the Clotromozole cream three times a day.


Inchcock Today: Sat 27th Sept 14


Saturday 20th September 2014

Up at 0430hrs, WC, tended to the sore bulbous red Inch. No blood this morning thank heavens.

While doing so I remembered some of a dream I’d had, so wrote bits of the memory down to put on here, cause it was an odd one. (Aren’t they all though?)

I was in command of the German Kriegsmarine, and I realised that Germany would not win this war, so I hid U-boats under seashore locations, to use later, and stocked up with ammunition food, and Nazi Youth members.

It became the current time, and our unterseeboots were sinking all the ferries travelling from Europe to the UK.

Then we blew up France’s part of the channel tunnel.

I think we shot down some planes on their way to England as well.

That’s about all I can recall though.

After I get me food delivery, I’ll have to think about going into town and checking out the prices and availability of cameras I suppose. Might try Jessops methinks.

Food delivery arrived an hour late, 3 substitutes and two items missing. Tsk!


Went up to beautified myself; managing to acquire another nick on me mush.

Used me Colgate ‘Herbal’ toothpaste today, if you were considering using it, be warned it tastes horrible!

Set off on me hobble into Sherwood.

It’s getting harder and more painful by the day this walking lark!

Dropped me stuff off at the Nottingham Hospice Charity Shop.

Then I went out and to the bus-stop to catch bus into City.

It was an all-around the place bus, so I managed to get some reading on me football book done.

0603Dropped off in the city on Parliament Street.

Very busy today, that was when I realised it was a Saturday.

Took a walk around, and dropped into Jessops photography shop. A bloke talked me into buying a Sony DSC HX50 Camera, with a free carrying 0604case, an Intergral Multi-Card reader, and a Sandisk Extreme HD SDHC 8GB 705268387.

I managed to resist his attempts at selling me a 3 year extended warranty, pointing out I expect not being here in three years according to the doctors.

0605I’d sooner not think about how much I had spent.

Un-bemused at how I got conned into spending so much, I waddled through the crowds to the County Contact Point in the library.

Where I asked about the Meals at Home delivery day, because I thought it might on me hospital days, Monday or a Tuesday. The kind lady said they were closed there at the weekends. But if I could call on Tuesday as I go through to the Queens medical centre, she would call them for me. That was nice of her.

What are the odds that something will happen that causes me forget to do just that?

I hobbled up the arcade stairs to see if the second hand record man has had any luck with finding me ‘Acker Bilks Gotta see mama tonight’ recording on CD. He was closed. Huh!

0606I wandered painfully to Victoria Market for a look around. I asked at two book stall if they had any memories of Stalingrad book, no luck.

The market was almost abandoned, very sad.

I limped along and down the escalator, and out into the streets of my beloved Nottingham. (Cough cough!)

I popped into Waitrose to have a look around, but decided against it when I saw the queue winding down the shop.

I started walking towards Kings Walk that led to me bus-stop home, but ended up taking the long route to it after seeing a fight starting near the cafe there.

I got back to the dumping ground (house) and made a cuppa.

0607Updated this diary – then somehow managed to put the new camera on charge – I hope I did at least. I can’t find anything that tells me it is actually charging. The manual tell me it need a 24hr charge for the first one, so I can check in the morning I suppose?

I took a photo of the new camera on charge with me old faithful but dying a death old camera.

0608Back to the laptop, with another cuppa wot I made.


Remembered I’d forgotten to get some spread. So no sarnies tonight for me. Good job I’ve got some microwave sausages left to nosh.

I’ll watch New Tricks DVD later tonight methinks.

Take care all!

Inchcock’s Diary: Friday 26th September 2014


Friday 26th September 2014

What a mess this morning.

Following a bad night, dreams, waking ups and pain in the chest – I attended the WC around about 0430hrs to find; Blood and tender swelling from the Inch, blood from the haemorrhoids and new blood welt spots on my hands.

I must get to see the GP again.

I should get me letter with details of the Nottingham Meals at Home system today.

o535hrs: I cleaned myself up and came downstairs, wearily I might add, Put the medical stuff in a bag, took it out to the dustbin and moved it ready for collection.

Started laptop and put the kettle on.

WC both ends attended to.

Came down gingerly and made cuppa, then waited for the laptop to finish loading to update this diary.

Medications taken with me cuppa tea, then I sorted out the things for the Nottingham Hospice Shop.

05F02Titivated meself, managing to end up with a shaving cut under each eye, then got ready and set off on me walk into Sherwood to the Hospice shop.

Bit of traffic about today.

The left knee being so bad might not be such a 05F05bad thing yer know; because it takes away yer concentration on the pain from the right knee?

I dropped off the things at the shop and crossed the road to catch a bus to Mansfield. When it arrived, it was nearly full and I had to sit on one of the pull-down seats. I spent the whole journey hanging on for dear life… 05F04hehehe!

I arrived at Mansfield bus station and poddled down to investigate B&M and Pound Stretcher shops for any bargains they might have on offer. Got some cheapo little tins of ham and some nice looking honeyed ham slices from B&M, then got some biscuits from the Stretcher shop.

05F03Took a walk through the shopping centre, and boy was there some mobility scooters about or what! Still, I have to say, although nervous of ‘em, none actually attacked or blitzkrieged me.

I came out the other end, and waddled me way down to open market for a while… this is where I noticed the fine 0506array of mobility scooters on sale.

I ambled my way back up to the bus station, and caught the bus back to Nottingham, dropping off at Carrington. I walked past the car I often looked at as I did so, a Bedford CA van… it’s burnt out now, and the wheels have gone?

Tried to take a photo of it, but the camera would not work, it just took blank shots? Oh ‘eck. Summat else dying? Tsk!

Got into the flea-pit, well tired again and made a cuppa, some ham sandwiches and took me evening medications – then head down and hopefully some decent sleep.

Inchcock Today: Thurs 25th September 2014



Up at 0545hrs.

All through the night the porcelain was visited for both activations, bit worrying that.

Bit of blood from the ‘Inch’.

Down and started laptop, kettle on, did the pots, back up to the WC.

I am feeling nervous for some reason this morning, left knee giving gip again.

Updated this diary, then spent 4 hours finishing graphics for the ‘Inchy causes Nottingham Job Centre Disruption – by smiling’ post and posted it. Reacting to four calls to the porcelain during its creation.

Went (slowly) up the stairs, and did me ablutions…

At this point, I was weary of stubbing me toes like wot I‘ve been doing recently. Shame I hit me head of the cupboard door.

Everything assembled (I hope) I set off on me limp into Sherwood, to the Nottingham Hospice Charity Shop first.

Then I caught the bus into town. Called into Tesco and got a Cornish pasty and some bread for the ducks in Derby.

04Thur03Then caught bus into Derby. Had a walk along the Riverside, fed the ducks and dicky-birds.

Suddenly feeling drained again, I caught the bus back into Nottingham. Took the scenic routed bus.


A few lurking in Derby

Once the bus got into Beeston, it slowed to a crawl due to the Tram works, which let me have a good read of me book, and nibble me nosh.

In town, the place seemed busy, but I could not see any mobility scooters; skateboarders and cyclist on the pavements yes.

Walked up passing Brain Clough’s statue, where some yobs were fighting with each other, no signs of the constabulary about.

Caught bus back to Carrington, limped back to the flea-pit, just made the WC in time again.

Started laptop, made cuppa and updated this tosh.

Yobboes lurking on the street…

Inchy Causes Nottingham Job Centre Disruption (From 2010)


Riot0001Chaos erupted earlier today at the Nottingham Job Centre on Upper Parliament Street, reports coming in from Nottingham Evening Liar Gazette correspondent Mike Steeden. Now released from prison on a the technicality that he was fitted-up.


Juan Inchcock. claimed he was not smiling at all!

Juan Inchcock, a plain living but highly confused 65 year old (then) claimant, made redundant through no fault of his own, was spotted on the CCTV smiling while waiting for his JCP investigators interrogation.

Emergency action was taken, and the JCP management placed the entire office immediately into Defcon-One status.

This involved:

An emergency call made to the local investigative unit.

Who responded with great alacrity arriving on site within 6 minutes of the call.

The local constabulary were informed but took a while to arrive due to lack of officers available.

Group4 security asked their control room to increase the number of officers without delay.

The centre was evacuated, and staff removed to the safe room.

This left the 65 year claimant alone in the offices, apart from two armed police officers with their dogs and a supply of tear-gas and two members of the investigative team.

Both sets of officers were being given cover by Police snipers from across the road at the Chinese restaurant.


Artists impression of the kerfuffle when Juan Inchcock was arrested

Unfortunately the simple and indeed non-aggressive natured duck feeding 65 year old claimant was unaware of what was going on, as he had removed his hearing aids in an effort not to look so unemployable at his interview.

The investigators, covered by the armed police officers, approached the 65 year old, and the officers spread eagled the short portly-built Juan Inchcock on the floor – causing him much consternation and fear for his angina, stomach ulcer, and arthritic knees… Juan became confused his biggest mistake was greeting them with a Nazi salute that he thought they Riot02would appreciate.

They searched his carrier bag and person for any offensive weapons, they were suspicious of his ear-wax-remover-spray and his tube of full-strength painkiller gel, and both were taken away for forensic testing.

Riot01They confiscated his walking stick, and removed his packet of seaweed.

They interrogated him about his reason for the unacceptable actions of appearing happy within the confines of a job-centre-plus establishment… and demanded to know why he had carried out this sacrilege.

He explained that he was not actually smiling, but he was suffering from tooth-ache, and this might have distorted his face somewhat.

He accepted a verbal warning from the authorities, passed wind and was allowed home. But it being so late, he could not use his bus-pass so had to walk all the way.

Riot04The alert status was returned to Defcon 3, and the emergency services retired, leaving a warning that the 65 year old if the ear-wax-remover-spray or pain gel turned out to be anything dodgy, they would return.

The 65 year old, now a 69 year old is no longer looking for work today in 2014, but still develops a nervous tic when he hobbles passed the Job Centre Plus, and thinks he can still see Firearm officers in the Chinese Restaurant across the road when he hobbled by?

Inchcock Today; Tue/Wed 23/4th Sept 2014


Tuesday 23rd September 2014

Awake at 0410hrs, chest pains rampant.


Down at 0505hrs. Laptop went through same procedure as yesterday; When it was supposed to have been loaded fully, a blank white screen. I cried a bit. Then ran the mouse over the screen, and as I did, the stuff came back on as I ran it over where the icons should be?

I fear I’m going to lose everything soon.

I must remember to put the camera batteries on charge.

Made a cuppa and took medications.

I wrote down some notes for an idea I had for a humorous post – but was not so sure it would work. I’ll take another gander after I get back from the launderette this morning.

Did me ablutions, and set off with me bag of washing. (With me knees twinging rather persistently).

Bought a very interesting ‘Nottingham Bygones’ paper to read on the way. There was many articles worthy of a good read in it.

The big Polish gal was on duty at the launderette, I can’t pronounce her name, so I’ve Christened her Bertha.

Big John arrived to do his laundry. Had a good natter about his holiday in Cornwall.

I departed with me now clean laundry back to the flea-pit.


Laptop started, kettle on, up and put the togs away, WC again, came down and made a cuppa, took me midday medications… then the laptop had loaded itself at last.

Had a look at the notes wot I made earlier about a post idea, and decided to work on it, then create some graphics to support it.


Wednesday 24th September 2014

WC visits more regular overnight, and have continued this morning.

Inch bleeding again. Tended to, sorry I forgot to mention this to Dr Vindla yesterday now.

Left ear-hole blocked, I must have slept a bit on it. Dropped some olive oil in both lug-holes as usual and pain-gel applied to knees and hands.

19 8 001aDown at 0525hrs. Took rubbish out to bins, checking for any yobs about first.

Laptop on, and made cuppa and porridge with added honey. (By gum I live well!) Took me morning medications.


Updated this diary.

Received my Anticoagulation Therapy Record dosage from the hospital.


Apparently my target is NRI 3.5 but I’ve never got that yet. I’m on 5.0 this time. So that explains why I’ve been feeling so cold lately? Or does it? I think the higher the IHR is, the thinner the blood is.

Better try not to cut myself! I might bleed to death, but at least I shouldn’t get a blood clot taking me out. Hehehe, you’ve got to laugh yer know.


Remembered to take me card today

I must get me things ready to take to the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop later. I’ll do it now; back in a bit…

I’m back… oh dear, WC beckons, I’m off again…

Must get myself beautified for me walk, and hope it isn’t too painful today.

0840hrs: Back later folks…

03W041205hrs: I’m back, and it was painful; but not too bad it would stop me hobbling about today.

Walked into Sherwood and dropped me stuff off at the Nottingham Hospice Charity Shop. I asked the lay there if 03W03ashe knew where I could get a “Reacher/picker” from. She told me to try the Mobility Scooter shop about half a mile up the road. So I did.

As I approached the shop, I was nervous in case any of the deadly mobility scooter drivers appeared out of nowhere… as they do tend to do to me yer know.

03W04bNone about so I went in. They only had short ones in, so I got one for £10.

Walked back into Sherwood and caught a bus to town.

Limped to the second hand music shop to see if he had managed to get me Acker Bilk’s ‘Gotta see mama tonight’, but he hadn’t.

Walked down through the arcade and went into the Library Contact point and asked them if they knew where I could get details of the Meals at home service. A very nice lady called them for me, and handed me the phone. They are going to send me details through the post.

03W05I wondered through the Slab Square, where I noted, that they had now got G4 security doing the mobile cameras.

I saw two people of the many people sat around the square, were not using a mobile or ipod thingamajig.

Took a picture of the Council house.

Hobbled up and through Victoria, and came out the other end and went into PC World/Curry’s to have a look at their portable DVD players, but they have stopped selling them?

Took an extra painkiller with me midday medications, cause the left knee had started to get worse again.

Staggered to the bus stop and caught bus back to Carrington.

Called in the local Co-op to get some of their special prices Warburton Thins, but the queue was so long, I decided not to bother.

I painfully limped the last leg of the journey home.

Got in, and rushed to the WC. (Just in time) Unfortunately in the rush, I banged me knee on the side of the bath… I believe I said something like; “Well fancy that!”

It’s still stinging now. (Tsk!)

Got the laptop going and updated this tosh.

Aye up… WC.

Started work on graphics for the posts.

Home Workshop Manual for 29 Tools: with users’ advice


To the uninitiated, the workshop can be an intimidating place, full of tools you may not know what to do with.

To help, here’s a helpful explanation of common tools and their uses, followed by some DIY tips provided by Mike Steeden Construction and Demolition expert.

1: Socket-Sets:

A definitely much needed tool. You’ll always lose the one you want to use, but the nearest width one can always be utilised to chew-up the bolt heads.

2: Drill Press:

A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted vertical stabilizer which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

3: Allen Keys:

Highly losable. You can keep them on a key-ring, for you to sort through them to find the size out of the 60 you have on the ring isn’t there, more easily.

4: Multi-Pliers:

Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowners belt to make you look macho and increase testosterone levels.

5: Wire Wheel:

Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, “Oh shit!”

6: Halogen Light:

A work-light that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you’re working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.

7: Electric Hand Drill

Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

8: Cordless Drill:

A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool. Guaranteed to lose your power when you need it.

9: Skill Saw:

A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

10: Pliers:

Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters. These have been known to mysteriously increase a man’s cursing vocabulary.

11: Belt Sander:

An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refurnishing jobs.

12: Hacksaw:

One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

13: Vice-Grips:

Generally used after pliers have failed in the task. To completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hands.

14: Welding Gloves:

Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hands.

15: Oxyacetylene Torch:

Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your workshop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing taken out of.

16: Table Saw:

A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

17: Hydraulic Floor Jack:

Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

18: Eight-foot long Yellow Pine 2×4:

Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack- handle.

19: Ease-it-out Bolt & Stud Extractor:

A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.

20: Band Saw

A large stationary power saw primarily used by most handymen to cut good aluminium sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

21: Two-Ton Engine Hoist:

A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

22: Phillips Screwdriver

Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to mangle-up Phillips screw heads.

23: Plain-flat headed Screwdriver

A tool for opening paint cans. These are often used to convert the common slotted screws into non-removable slotted screws.

24: Crow Bar:

A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50p part. Also useful during burglaries and street riots.

25: Hose Cutter:

A tool used to make hoses too short.

26: Hammer:

Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit with it.

27: Stanley-Knife:

Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door. Works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund cheques, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

28: Swiss Army Knife:

Can always come in handy as a substitute for the tool you need, but you cannot find.

29: Dammit Tools:

Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling “Dammit” at the top of voice. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need at any given time.

Advice for the Handy-Man:

If you can’t find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it becomes an improvised screwdriver.

Try to work alone, an audience is rarely any help and only takes the piss out if you when you get it wrong again.

Despite what you may have been told by your mother, praying and cursing are both helpful in home repair… but only if you are working alone.

Work in the kitchen whenever you can… many fine tools are there. It’s warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.

If it’s electronic, get a new one, or consult a twelve-year-old.

Stay simple minded, Plug it in, Get a new battery, Replace the bulb or fuse, See if the tank is empty, Try turning it to the “on” switch. Or Just paint over it.

Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have healed it.

Regardless what people say, kicking, pounding, throwing, and shaking sometimes does help.

If something looks level, it is level.

If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.

Above all, if what you’ve done is stupid, but it works, don’t toy with it any-more!

Inchcock Today: Monday 22nd September 2014


Monday 22nd September 2014

Got up about 0445hrs.


Been dreaming about something that must have been good, ‘cause me stiffy Inch was sore and bleeding again. Tsk! Still, there were plenty of bandages and pure dermatological creams at hand and were put to use. I must tell the doctor about this when I go later.

Now what have i got to tell her I thought, so wrote the things down there and then so as not to forget later.

* About me new chest pains that are very sharp when i sneeze or cough vigorously.

* Arthritis in me left knee very much worse, so much so I mo longer look forward to me walks.

*My Inch bleeding overnight.

* My right ear-hole bleeding.

Gingerly I tackled the going down the stairs bit, and started the laptop and made a cuppa.


The poor old laptop played up this morning. I had when it was supposed to have loaded fully, a blank white screen. I cried a bit. Then ran the mouse over the screen, and as I did, the stuff came back on as i ran it over where they should be?


When I started the BT web and WordPress, it was mighty twitchy and slow. So I closed it and re started it, and it seemed okay…

Then I posted me Monday’s LOMM stuff in case it conked out later.

Did some graphics on Coreldraw9, but it was hard work, it kept freezing.


Went back up and beautified missen as best I could, the right ear-hole was bleeding again, I stubbed me flaming toe on the sink pedestal, and me gums started bleeding when I did me taggies.

Had a feeling this was not going to be one of my better days like.

I made the treat/nibbles bags up for the GP staff, girls at the Nottingham hospice shop and the nurses at the Warfarin check at the QMC. Remembering to put the stuff to donate in one of me two bags. Then made sure I’d got me hearing aids in, bus-pass in pocket, attack alarm in jacket pocket, and mobile phone with me.

Then I struggled with the bags, as I set off from the flea-pit to the GP surgery.

As I arrived at the doctors, I realised I’d forgotten me camera to record me adventures. Double Tsk!

I reported to the receptionist, Frau Goebbels I think her name is. Sat down and got comfortable to wait, and three seconds later Dr Vindla appeared calling out my name to go in to see her! (Perhaps I’d got the time of the appointment wrong? Not like me… cough cough!)

She greeted me cheerfully, and told me how well I was looking? Then asked what she could do for me.

After an embarrassing few minutes searching me pockets and bags for the list I’d made and left in the bathroom back at the dump, I managed to remember some of them.

She had a peep in me right lug-hole, and informed me the skin on the outer bit had ruptured. If I left me right hearing aid out for a few days, it should heal on its own. (How long before I get ran over due to not hearing traffic or the deadly motorbility scooters coming I thought?)

The different pains in the chest she said was not due to my angina, but the wounds from the heart operation? (After all this time… I said nothing to her in response… me being a born coward like)

She had a good look at me left knee, and seemed to enjoy manipulating it. She would make an appointment for an E-ray to be done on it, but there is a long waiting list.

I forgot to tell her about me Inch problems… Tsk!

She asked about the yobs and housing situation bless her.

Then she took me BP, and as concerned at how high it was. I explained about me getting agitated over the BT Internet treatment I had to go through.

She then told me to make an appointment for my Flu jab, as I am high priority/risk for them.

So I offered me thanks to her, and approached the receptionists to make the urgent appointment.  Wednesday 8th October booked.

I left the surgery, and hobbled, and I mean hobbled painfully into Sherwood, to leave me stuff at the Hospice Shop. I forgot to give em me number though… huh!

I caught the bus into town.

Typical, just when I forget me camera, there was a fight going on between three alcho’s that I could have recorded. Never mind, better to forget me camera than medications I thought.

Then I realised me midday one’s were due, so with the help of a little bottle of orange juice, I took em.

While on the bus to the hospital, a kind lady banged into left knee with her shopping trolley, hey-ho she didn’t mean to.

No fire-alarms at the hospital today. As I approached the entrance it dawned on me, I had forgotten me Anticoagulation Therapy Record log, do had to walk up two flights of stairs to the Anticoagulation Unit and get another copy – they were very nice about it.

Worrying me a bit you know; the Doctor was very nice to me, the ladies in the Charity shop were very nice to me and now the staff at the Anticoagulation Unit were very nice to me. When I asked her about where I could get a new Emergency card to carry, as the one I had was wearing out – she just said, “I’ll do that for you!” And did too. Mmm?

I wobbled gently down the stairs to the Haematology Dept, and there was a big queue, but no bother for me, I took a ticket and had a go at me crossword book.

When I got into the room, there were many new faces to me, but they all knew who I was; “The man who brought nibbles for them every week” Fame at last. The girl who tended to me was very nice to me…

Afterwards I caught the bus to town, the limped to the bus to Arnold, where I tried to obtain some more microwave sausages, but they had none, and did not expect any-more to come in stock.

I almost cried.

Despondently I caught the bus back to Carrington. Taking the long route back to the hovel, to avoid some ‘Right ‘Erbert’ looking youths lurking near the Church.

01Mon02I got in, WC. And the laptop started first time, the new BT Infinity wasn’t too keen on starting and took a good while.

Feeling very tired again now, so I’ll microwave me box of chips in gravy along with me tin of cocktail sausages and get misssen summat to eat.

Might watch me Das Boot DVD tonight.

TTFN all.

Inchcock Today: Sat 20th Sept 14

Saturday 20th September 2014


What a state I was in this morning when I woke up at 0430hrs – double suffering!


The legs were in agony – perhaps I’d been having cramps in the night? Applied some pain gel.

And as for me Inch – it was so painful, sore and swollen. I washed the little mite and put some cream on it. Mind you, with the swelling it had grown considerably, unfortunately so had the pain. It reminded me of a very tender mini Olympic torch.

0529hrs: Came down without ablutionising and started laptop, made a cuppa and took medications.

Found a message on me mobile from EE informing me I was near the end of my allowance – I can thank the money grabbing BT for that with all the time I spent waiting on the line for their so called advisor’s. Huh!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERANoticed some cones and a wheelie bin in the road opposite the flea-pit. Vandals or work to take place today?

Windows downloads arrived; I hope they do not stop me saving graphics in colour in Coreldraw9 later?

I’ll make a start on drafting this and doing graphics for it, then get missen 0707satready for a walk (hobble) into town to have a look at the War Life display in the slab square. Oh… and have a look for a hearing aid suitable phone.

Pain Report Update:

My Inch is easing a bit now, not so tender or bleeding. But of course I’m bound to catch it, knock it, squash it or bang it when I dress or bend…

Angina starting to get a bit bothersome, knees (Especially the  left one) giving me gip still. Had a shave, strip wash, applied me gels, creams and deodorants then changed into me walking togs.

As I was carefully coming down the stairs safely, I could not remember if I’d turned off the taps properly, so hobbled back up and checked. I had. But on me second trip down the stairs I had a little dizzy, and closed my legs sharpishly as I held onto the banister rail – I felt the blood running down me legs. And I said; “Well fancy that!” Or something similar.

Waited a while into the spell had cleared and went back up to change the bandage.

I very gently made my way back the stairs afterwards, and got me things ready for me hobble into town.

Remembering for once, just what I had to do on my ‘outing’.

Call at the BBC War display in town – Go to the Chinese shop to see if they had any plain seaweed – Call into the hearing shop to see if they had an assisted hearing telephone then go to Broad Marsh Centre to see if they had any cheapo DVDs I might like, cause then I could give em to the Nottingham Hospice shop on Monday.

Rather pleased with myself for remembering all this, I wrote a list to remind meself later. Good stuff this yer know.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI set off, fed a few pigeons on the green belt of Carrington (A patch of weeds near Mugger’s walk through to Mansfield Road).

As I turned right, I noticed the plastic box with the flowers in, and Carrington moulded on the side, had been cleaned up. Gone were the condoms, crushed empty beer cans and babies rattle from yesterday.

I was going to call in the launderette to see the gal there, but it was really busy, so I 0702satdidn’t call in the launderette to see the gal there.

Near the Forest ground i noted they had painted the wooden goose that advertises Nottingham’s upcoming Goose fair.


Photo of last years Goose Fair

They reckon that last year was the lowest for donkey’s years for arresting pick-pockets according to Radio Nottingham.

They didn’t mention the three stabbings, three muggings or the firearm incident on the Boulevard though.

I considered for a fleeting moment if I should attend it this year, as it might be me last chance like. But at my age I couldn’t get a mortgage to afford it.

I pressed painfully on, stopping a while to watch two alcoholics having an argument outside the shop that sells the high alcohol content ales of some sort… at ten in the morning like?

0703satOnward and into the City Centre to see the BBC display, but it had not opened yet.

So, avoiding an erratically driven disability scooter rather niftily for me I thought, I made my way to the Chinese food shop. But unfortunately they didn’t have the seaweed I wanted in stock. Shame.

Up Friar Lane and to the Hearing Centre shop – it was closed. Tsk!

I poddled through the narrow back streets and came out at the doors of Broad Marsh shopping centre.

I had a good wander through the cheapo DVD shop, ending up getting six DVDs for £10. (3 for a fiver like) Then I went to the 99p shop, where I got a neck cushion and some plates suitable for the microwave.

Out of the centre, down Bridlesmith Gate and down to the BBC War display thingy.

I was very disappointed with that, very much so.

0704satEverything was being run from monitors and the sound so echo like, I couldn’t hear much at all.

Took a few photos, and got away quickly.

As I walked up King Street, two blokes dressed as chefs on blooming great stilts passed me going down the street. 0706sat

By the time I got me cam0705satera out, they were way down the hill.

Got to bus stop, and caught one back to the flea-pit.

Dropped off at the Co-op to get some bread-thins, ‘cause I knew they had them on offer price.

Noticed a skip had been placed opposite the dump where the cones and bin were earlier. Took a photo (Higher up on page). Much to the displeasure of the bloke working there

I did some blogging, then opened the draw in the freezer, and it collapsed in me hand.

Hell of a job collecting the sausages, out of date microwave chips and dozens of ice lollies that dispersed themselves all over the floor and in every nook and cranny!

Gave up trying to mend front cover assembly from the drawer, and just crammed them all back into the freezer.

Well tired out now… kip beckoning…

Inchcock Today: Fri 19th Sept 14

Friday 19th September 2014

Up at 0130hrs Confused with why I’d got up at 0130hrs!

BT fibre connection coming on line today. I’ve got me new modem ready with instructions on how to set it up when they have connected it. Just hope it works.

Started the laptop, made a cuppa.

0145hrs: When I tried to get into Google everything froze.

Pressed and held start button and rebooted.

Got into to Google, selected email – and everything froze again.

Pressed and held start button and rebooted.

Got into to Google, selected email – and everything froze again.

Pressed and held start button and rebooted in safe mode with web.

Selected ‘System Restore option.

0245hrs: Got laptop going, didn’t go into Google first, but updated this diary in case I lost everything again when I try the web.

Then I tried Google… it was very very slow (everything on the laptop).

When I tried to open Coreldraw9, a message came up telling me that certain filed for Coreldraw8 were not on the system? I could not gain access at all.


So, I had to remove Coreldraw9 from the laptop, and reinstall it again!

By now it is 0505hrs, and still nowt done, and I’ve got the problem of the new modem to contend with later today – cor blimey am I uptight.

06Fri03I’m now going to try and open Coreldraw9 again…

It took three minutes, but it’s opened.

I fear I may lose the laptop soon, she’s lasted well…

Now to try Google…

Slow, but it opened and let me get into Inchcock to finalise and post this load of tosh.

And it only took me around four hours of hassle! (Good job I did get up early innit?).

Took me medications in celebration!

 Oh, by the way, some good news – Coreldraw9 working (slowly) again, and letting me post in colour! For now anyway…

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI hope to get to town today to take some photo’s of the war memorial displays – on the other hand, I might leave it until tomorrow, give me more time to try and sort out the BT modem and get i05Th02t working, else I’d be lost without it.

Coreldraw9 kindly locked up whilst I was in the middle of making a graphic, I’ll try again later, perhaps.

I got the new BT Home Hub 5 ready, and gingerly hoped I’d got all the plugs and connections in the right place, and plugged it in cross fingeredly. (If that a word? It should be)

Sure enough, it didn’t work despite my turning it off and on a few times, and reading through the minuscule manual provided.

06Fri01aI tried the inbuilt help for the old Hub, but 06Fri01it didn’t work despite it coming on, on its 06Fri02own.

Frustration rampant now, and as usual I began to panic a tad.

So I thought I’d try to phone em for help, this I did on me mobile because the landline has too much background noise for me hearing aids to be of use. 081114567 I rang… whilst I was waiting for an answer I made a cup of tea, went to the WC and tried the online old hub help again.

I got an answer eventually (After only twenty-five m inutes) an automatic answer where I had to pick options, and each time I made one (not certain if I heard then correctly), a different voice, often so low I could not hear it came on with another set of options. When I eventually got a real voice, her foreign accent and low voice made it very hard to converse both ways. Then she told me if I called 03301324567 it would be cheaper for me as I was using a mobile.

So I called it, and got an answer in ten minutes, but this gal was a whisperer with a Eastern accent. Eventually she told me I had called the wrong number! She said (I think) she would put me through the correct number 081114567!!!

While waiting for an answer again, the inbuilt helpline came to life and told me I was successfully connected to BT Infinity?

So I told the gal, and she said did I hear my landline ringing as she had just called me – I said no. I picked up the phone, and there was no dialling tone! (Cry, sob spit…) I said no. And gave up with her.


06Fri04When I got back to the computer, I had several pages open about my internet connection. Too confusing for words. I closed em, and signed into me BT home page in search of assistance on the web.

I still can’t get the Wifi to work on the hub, but was more concerned with me landline, had it packed up, or was it BT’s fault?

I eventually found a page where I could test me landline, so I did, it opened a blank page?

Further searching found another page where I could test it from – and ti informed me everything was alright their end.

I gave up, at least with the lead in i can use the internet.

Very tired now, and the angina is playing up again!

I hope tomorrow, to get into ton to see the war memorabilia display – and get a new phone. I’ll try the Hearing shop on Friar Lane, they might sell some which have a bass and sound button on them… more expense!