I was woken with the sounds of Alto blasting in my brain, boy, was he in a pig-of-a-mood! Spurred on by an overnight lack of sleep that had got me in a foul mood, as well! Resolutely, I tried to give him some suitable magniloquence and verbiage back.
Did I succeed? What do you think?
Oy! Dog breath… yer ignorant git…
Erm… er… what?
You’ve not talked to me for days now! Why? Yo losing interest or summat? Can’t argue or question owt? Gerrin’ old? You ought to…
Hang on, hang on… What are you ranting abarght?
You, yer fubuckler, just cause your scared to death, fear of me and I always win the verbalisationing arguments? You’re a lily-livered chicken when it comes to confrontations…
You plastic spastic! You’ve fallen asleep on me?
Alto’s only physical damage he can cause to me came into play. He sent his famously ear-cringing gurgling sound through my head; it is loud, irritating and even painful at times… It worked, and I stirred back into imitation life…
Oh, you gurgling git! Shithead! Can’t you see how tired I am? I got had very little sleep last night…
Good! I’m considering reporting you to the Alto & ID disciplinary committee; falling asleep on an Alto? Anyway, I know you’re knackered and have bad earholes; that’s why I gurgled you! Dumbo!
Oh, dearie me… can’t we have a standard argument without the insults and nastiness? I’m sure other humans who have Altos in attendance are not always getting hassle from them…
Hahaha! No! You don’t understand the intentions of the Alto duties. The opposite of IDs. Being as much bother and bringing as much misery to your allotted human is the basic instructions given to us…
Do you actually know any other Alto’s then?
Yer… we meet up sometimes, usually, when our humans are ill in hospital or summat like that – we ain’t allowed to hassle them then, for some unknown reason…
Ah! So you don’t know it all then? Not so clever after all?
I’m clever enough to know that you have lost interest in your Alto! I must know why…
As I said, you’re not so clever then? It’s simple enough, Alto; I’m so worn out with the physical ailments and no sleep… and admit I had lost interest and was pleased when you gave me a two-day break from your bickering last week…
Rest? You think I wanted you to rest! Oh, no, it was a ploy to regain your awareness of our superiority and dominance; we have to perpetuate and spread the news of our leaders of the significant anthropomorphism, thus confusing our humans even more… diminishing the likes of you, in confidence and…
Hold your horses, you’re not going to confuse me with using big words; I am known as a bit of a sesquipedalian missen... although on this occasion you did beat me… Carry on…
It boils down to me having to keep you on tenterhooks permanently. But if yer going to find wasteful time for sleep, you are not paying me enough attention… now that’s logical innit?
Erm… Do humans need sleep, though? Surely?
Yes, yes, yes… But you are greedy! You’ve had to my knowledge, at least two hours kip last night! Wasteful, mate! You must allow your Alto to address your mind detrimentally at all times…
Oh, great! Nowt to with wot, we were on about, but how do you get nourishment to have survived so long?
You know, like we humans need food and sleep. Don’t Altos then?
Oh, no! We get gratification and nourishment each time we get a human going, excited, angry or sobbing their hearts out. Occasionally we may take a sip of your blood… but that’s just so we can locate you in the rare event of you escaping your Alto… I’ve never lost one in over 2000 years…
Did you ever get a famous human allotted to you then?
Oh, aye! I got a chap called Hitler recently. Easy meat, I had him going mad with two years! I almost got Puking Putin; I was down to get him, but you lived too long, and I missed my chance… not that I hold anything against you for that… you overaged, decrepit, uneducated, unsocial sick-loner, ugly, stupid, little-willied, ass fetus! Still, in the land of the witless, you would be King. You’re a ninnyhammer of the highest order, a git with an iron-cross. And you, a guttersnipe, has the nerve to fall asleep when I’m working? You ought to have your testicles torn-off, hung drawn and quartered. You are not worth…
Boy’s, boys… I can stand by no longer… my sweet Angels… Such hatred and so many insults are being bandied about… Is this right? Great ID leader in the ether! Why so, my dearest children?
Who the hell are you to get involved, ID? It’s me that’s been insulted…
Indeed, what did you, a self-proclaimed Alto of Alto’s do? Gave back insults and put-downs ten-fold, just because an ignorant human misunderstands?
Wot yo gonna do abarght it then Inchies Id? There’s nowt what you can do to change an Alto you know…
Indeed, there are several things I could actually do to create remorsefulness in you both… but that would bring me down to your level Alto and even lower if I was to lambast a pathetic human.
Erm… what er…
You’re right, Inchcock; who do you think you are to tell us what to do?
Undoubtedly, just by your two’s behaviour, I am a better, kinder, more understanding ID than you are Alto or Inchcock. I intend to have words with you to guide you along the path of righteousness, kindness and compassion… I have to teach as a female form of a spectre, gnomai, phantasm, succubae or plain ID, whichever you chose to brand me with! Through psychoanalysis, educate the part of the mind in which innate instinctive impulses and primary processes are manifest, thus releasing stress… Bear with me, pay attention, and a new opening will appear – full of pleasure and indubitably, a solution to your naughty, unnice, unpleasant ways of communicating within the shared human form will be found. And happiness will replace the bitterness and jealousy you have shared since the human was born… Now listen…
Inchies ID launched into a sleep-inducing marathon lecture for the next three hours. After that, I could no longer contact Alto-Inchy, and I fell asleep.
I hope that Alto-Inchie comes back to see me in the morning – blimey I do!
25 thoughts on “Inchcock v Alto Inchie – Verbal Battle”
Alto-Inchie sure gave you a tongue lashing.
Alto must always direct the argument to a subject that belittles Inchie, veering the exchange to his side, preventing Inchie from any satisfaction in the course of the discussion. Alto is a classic bully type of Arschloch who pits his own existence at maintaining authority. Every move must minimize Inchie, Alto taunts until he gets his way. A thought storm igniter.
Alto pisses me off, a git of a twit.
You ynderstand, good Sir! Bless you.
I know the type and can detect them from 3 3rds of a furlong away. Altos are slimy, worthless turd wannabes.
Hehehe! He was just growing on me as well… Hahaha!
They grow on yer like demented barnacles. Or red spots on the skin. Hehehe!
So I understand, Sir, Hahaha!
Barnacles slow yer down and make you feel like the hull of a very old ship, perhaps a dreadnought or a row boat. They cling like the devil, I am led to understand, hard on yer even.
Barnacle Bill sprang into my mind reading this, Billum. But who was he? Wish I hadn’t thought of hom now, cause the mind keeps trying to remamber him, as if concentration wasn’t hard enough! Hahaha!
’tis the bawdy and unstoppable Barnacle Billum the Sailor. A reprobate of salty words that do not stop at a partially rum-soaked pirate love song Aaaargh! Here be a glimpse at an unexpurgated musical rendition, an uncensored version with parental advisory. I hopes yer merrily enjoys it matey https://youtu.be/No7A5ZjO1ic
Haha! Not the one I was thinking of methinks. But what a laugh!
I fanks you!
Nothing wrong with thinking of different things at the same time, makes it all the more of interest.
I think its Dementia Doreen who can’t cope, not me. Hahaha!
Taketh care, Mon Ami (is that the right term?)
She does not worry about helping with a coping measure, Doreen is content to stir the broth of dark stew.
Terms look right to me, Sir.
Not so good today, Sir. Bad start to the day… but I got the graphic of HRH, your worhty self, and keyboard nibbles finished. Struggling with cock-ups I’ve made on Coreldraw, and after almost coming out of my depression and having posted the blog – I found four grammatical errors… I’m not up to much now, mate.
Thanks for commenting for me, I look forward to you wit in pen. Cheers.
Hello cocker! I sent you a copy of a video about Barnacle Billum the Sailor. It assumed that you had decided not to listen to the complete clip, hoping that this one gives you the full bawd ditty. If not, I shall just keep trying. 🙂
I did my bestest, but the hearing is not good, I intend to get some more headphones to try again, having sat on the last ones and broke them. Ah… maybe there is subtitles, big enough for Cataract Katie to read… I have a look now…
Well now you can watch the YouTube video and read the lyrics that the day shift at Google has found for me. Here they be:
Midst the inner chuckling, I’ve grown a fancy for Mini the Mermaid! Haha!
A rousing, lifting, romantic love song sung in lyrical tones and with a delicate voice. Aaargh!
G00d to please yer wif the merry music, Sire!
It may not be classical, but I goteth a lugh out of it. Hahaha! Thanks.
A classic of its kind, lnnit?
Well, yes, you’re right, mate!
Looks like it worked this time. God be praised 🙂