Inchie Today: Saturday’s Waffle & Odes20th June 2025

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G: Ayup, midduck, yer looking rough…
I: You would be if yer had my unlucky stuff,
G: Complaining again, always moaning,
I: I’ve got cause for bemoaning & groaning,
G: Have I upset yer yet again?
I: Nae, I’m sorry, everything’s going wrong,
G: Yeah, tell that to every time I come along,
I: I always have bad luck attacking, with increasing unsolved problems amassing,
G: Yeah, I know that, obviously…
But helping you cope could be tricky,
I: All you do is take the piss out of me!
G: Can’t blame me if you’re off your trolley,

I: Do yer mean sort of mentally?
G: You’ve lived too long, yer going bonkers!
I: Nae, I’ve been that since the sixties,

G: Yeah, also a worthless bupkus…
I: Hang on, bupkus, what’s that? Tell us!.
G: Man of no value, significance, or substance!
I: Why are you making all these besmutches?

G: You were caught wearing bodices…  
I: I was only four, they were my mams’
What’s all this to do with my problems?
G: Don’t get upset if I get carnaptious…

It’s what happens to your soul that matters,
I: You’ve come to add it to your collections? 
G: Oh, aye, we Reapers are also clavigers,
I: Blimey, more rare words, go on tell us…
G: We’re your soul’s caretakers, custodians,
I: I’ve lost your plot, worra yer saying?
G: It’s compassion that I am relaying…
I can return your soul as you get buried…
So you must avoid being cremated…
See? I can have you resuscitated!

I: And I can live again? Sort of reactivated?
G: I guarantee you’ll not be disenchanted,
I: Reincarnation? Makes me feel dejected!
G: Typical answer, I expected!
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THE DAWN OF ANOTHER DAY
Saturday 16th June 2026
Terrible night again last night, but at least the crippling mind and body failures of Friday have not affected me at all this morning. I’m curious as to what caused my problems yesterday. But so glad that Carer Ejaz made the first call. To take good care of me, I appreciated that.
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I finished off yesterday’s blog, turned off the computer, and settled in to watch a series of three World Cup Matches. But, fell blistfully asleep. For the longest period of the night. About half an hour. Then Carer Andrew arrived and woke me up, much to my discontent.
Medicines taken, legs Cetraben-creamed, Shaking Shoulder Shirley & my back was Phorpain gelled. After the lad had gone, I felt sure that sweet Morphius would enfold me again.
He didn’t. For the next five hours, I kept nodding off, but only for a minute or two, and sprang awake accompanied by various elements,   and  a few times in a “Where-the-Hell-am-I” mode. 
My intentions to get up were prompted by the arrival of . But at least I got up today without falling back down again. That was pleasing. I pressed the ‘Booster button’ on the meter and sat at the computer for a further hour or so. hoping the water would heat up. 
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I replied to an email from Jenny, then went to check the heat of the water from the tap. It was not exactly hot, so I had to boil a kettle of water for shaving. Sorry that I bothered you now. I made a terrible job of shaving. Not realising until after I washed & brushed up. How I didn’t notice before, I don’t know. A check on my Bic razors revealed they needed dishing and new ones using, but I didn’t do either. They were clogged up. 
Then I had an incident with the toothbrush that, if filmed, would have been a prime recording worthy of being sent to You’ve Been Framed. I leaned to pick up the toothbrush, with the toothpaste in my other hand.

Bear in mind, this all happened in about 12 seconds. The brush shot out of my hand and hit the wall. bounced back shooting by me, rebounded off of the top tray, I managed to grab it, and dropped it straight away, and it fell into the WC.
While I was smiling at this, I realised that during the battle to control and retrieve the toothbrush, I’d squashed the toothpaste from the tube. You would not believe how much shot from the tube, spreading all over the wetroom mats, floor, sink, the WC, and down my overgenerous belly, left leg and foot, and on my testicles.
A bugger to clean up as well! Humph!

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I did my best to catch up on sleep. I actually drifted off. 

For about half an hour, the Carer crept in and woke me up. This time, I literally jumped awake. Setting off, Shaking Shoulder Shirley. Carer issued the drugs, Porpain gelled the shoulder and legs. And was soon off, he was running behind, he said. I tried putting the TV on, which usually works, when I can’t get to sleep. But it was of no use; back to just dowsing and involuntarily adopted a sort of, well, a Give-It-Upperdness, and got on with creating the second Inchie Ode At I5:00hrs. I got nearer to falling asleep than I had all day, doing this. They do not flow easily when one is struggling to concentrate & has not slept for 4 days.
I paused to ask Google for advice on this.
I wrote: An 80-year-old imitation male, under stress, cannot sleep despite being tired.
SLEEP & AGEING
Insomnia is a common sleep disorder, characterised by a persistent difficulty falling to or remaining asleep, despite the opportunity to do so. People with insomnia also experience excessive daytime sleepiness and other cognitive impairments while they are awake that directly stem from sleep loss. People may have sleep-onset insomnia, which causes difficulty falling asleep, or sleep maintenance insomnia, which causes difficulty staying asleep. Some people with insomnia experience sleep onset and sleep maintenance issues.
According to current estimates, 15-30% of 70-year-old and older adults live with insomnia. Older people are more susceptible. Attributed to a few different factors. Seniors are at higher risk of medical, psychiatric and neuropathological conditions. That can lead to insomnia symptoms, as well as other sleep disorders. Breathing or restless legs syndrome. Our internal circadian clocks and sleep-wake cycles can also change as we age, and these changes affect how long – and how well – we sleep.

Additionally, certain medications used to alleviate symptoms of geriatric medical conditions can, in fact, cause more sleep disturbances.
Glad I asked for advice on the problem.
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Self-faults that one has detected…
Situations that one has diffused,
One’s capabilities… now disintegrated,
Awareness of being disprivileged,
Dreams, hopes, now devastated,

The air we breathe, spiked, defiled…
Promises, compassion are disparaged,
As truth and decency are disavowed,

The poor demotivated & denigrated,
Violence, wars, Oligarchs delighted…
The balloon-of-hope is now deflated,
Death disregarded, water disconnected,
Innocents dehydrated, decapitated,
The world has never been so divided,

Commoners lives & deaths
 disacknowledged,
Lifetimes of pain for the disadvantaged,
Millions of colaterally-damaged, destituted,
Our new HMG has already disintegrated,
Sadly, these facts do not deprehend!
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Inchy: Thursday 2nd January 2025

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My medicationing & ablutions were completed,
My hands looked blotchy, bony, extravasated,

Cadaveric, but I wasn’t bothered or over-wherrited,
Suddenly, my Grim Reaper visited,
What we discussed, we both quadrated,
Aren’t you ready yet, Inchy? he obsecrated,
I smiled at him, and he nictated,
I asked him if
dying was time-obligated…
How’d you like me to go: Run over & be mangulated?
Grim said it didn’t matter, perhaps being lapidated?
Well, I said, I’ve spent already being dilapidated,
We laughed when I  said I wanted to be cremated
Grim said, Supposed you’ll die fully intestated?
Grim asked, had I managed to get trothplighted,
I replied, no, I’m still waiting to be dated,
I reminded him of the ailments I’d collected…
Grim asked; Have you become hypocondriated?
Inchy: No, but my ailments had escalated,
Grim: Well, you are getting on and dated!
Inchy; All tellurians do that, I elucidated,
Grim: Yes… You’re right, they all get elided,

Inchy: I reckon it’s time to die, I Wikipediaed,

Grim: I’m sorry, you’re not due to snuff it yet!

Inchy; Oh, how much longer then will I get,
Grim: Your life should really be revered,
Inchy; It’s been failures & mistakes punctuated! 
Grim: Yes, St Peter may get you relocated…

Let you try again; that’d be splendid,
Inchy; No, I want that idea permanently suspended,
Grim: You’re still depressed! I thought you’d recovered.

To Be Continued…
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Not a lot, but very dark.

Food Delivery.

Morning sunshine.

Afternoon.

Afternoon.

Early sunset.

I didn’t wake until 0630 hrs. The intercom chimed out as I lay there waiting for my brain to engage. It was a JS order.

The Carer arrived. Medications & finance were examined.

Carer checking details of doctor’s letter.

Computer on. I spent four hours updating errors I found in my Ode word listing. Humph!

The morning, as far as seizures, Electric Shocking Sandra and even Anne Gyna, went well. Back-Pain Brenda, Cartilage Chloe, Toothache Tiffany & the Cracked Lips Leslie made up for the lack of pains. 

As the seizure kicked of, the District Matron arrived.
Body check and weighing: I shan’t tell you about the massive increase in weight. But I have to say, with my legs and arms so skinny lately, the mass is from the midriff and bladder, methinks. Told Jackie about my problems with getting the Catheter Contraption bags. She will order some for me. Lovely to see a nurse now and then.

Glady Glacoma started to blur and distort my vision. I was glad I’d got the Ode list updated first.

Carer Sam arrived; I told her about the two missed calls over the holiday, not making any issues. I remember what it was like every Christmas and New Year when staff did not come in when I was a security controller. A nightmare scenario for me then and others now.

I totally lost about two hours. But I seemed to carry on with the blog, and when things cleared, I lost another hour sorting out the mistakes I’d made. It still puzzles me how this happens.

I lost the long-distance spectacles.
Although I can’t clearly recall doing an ablution, I knew I had, for I was smelling nice and in a different dressing gown and hat. And no Protection Pants, which tells me one or other, Chloe or Carol’s cartilages must have been playing up to prevent me from getting them on. Some unwarranted idea that I had taken off the glasses all that time ago made me investigate the wet room to see if I’d left them there. Another nagging semi-thought was that they are always kept in the main junk room near the TV and computer, but I had no luck finding them.

Carer Christopher arrived. 
Med’s given a little natter and drinkie.

I was looking forward to these beef sausages.
I went to great lengths to get them cooked just how I like them; well done. Just sausages and bread, with pickle-flavoured tomato ketchup to dip them in.
Oh, yes, I used the new mini oven.
Funny, isn’t it? How many mini-things do I have? Mini-Seizures, a mini-cooker, a mini air cooker. Take TrZmini tablets, have a mini bank account, and an ultra mini-appendage. 

I ate most of the sausages, which smelled good but did not taste very pleasant. I will not rebuy them.
He says, confident that he’ll remember not to.

TTFNski, Each
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Inchy is visited by Alto-Inchie and Thanatos

Alto-Inchie: Ayup Inchy, I’ve come to cheer you up!

Inchy: Christ, that made me jump, you plonker, fancy materialising when I’m on the bog!

Alto: I’m surprised missen, when I call on yer,  yer usually always on yer blog! Hehehe!

Inchy: ‘Ow, come you’re talking in my Nottingham Meadows accent then?

Alto: Well, I’m gonna miss yer when you clock out, kick the bucket, snuff it…

Inchy: Just hang on a second here… do you know summat I don’t about my departure from this miserable mortal coil?

Alto: Well, yer… I was talking wiv Thanatos, formerly known as Azrael, and better known to humans as the Grim Reaper. The personification, embodiment, and spirit of Death yesterday…

Inchy: He’s real, then? What does he do?

Alto: He collects humans to carry them off to the underworld when the time allotted to them by the Fates has expired, and recaptures souls escaping from the underworld…

Inchy: Owd-it, let me clarify this: you are an Alto-Ego that goes around getting into humans’ minds just to annoy them. Is that right?

Alto: Spot on dog-breath! You might have made a rotten stinking mess of your earth life, dumbo, but I reckon you’ll make it in the underworld; the surreal is more palpable to you than reality is… I don’t blame you, really…

Inchy: You don’t blame me, really. For what?

Alto: You’ve gone through a lot; yer one only a handful of humans that have ever recognised an Alto-Ego when we visit, and you know that it actually you, you’re talking to!

Inchy: Well, that comes naturally, dunnit?

Alto: Not to anyone who’s sane; it doesn’t…

Inchy: Meaning, insinuating?

Alto: Let’s look at the help you’ve had over the years, shall we?

Inchy: Help? Me? Erm… all right then… worra yer mean like?

Alto: You had a rough childhood; no question about that is there…

Inchy: Suppose so, but it didn’t depress me, just took it as a normal life…

Alto: Exactly, Inchy! Despite the struggle to reach your teenage years and become a temporary alcoholic, you pressed on, gave up the drink, until your brain got infected…

Inchy: Infected?

Alto: Yer; starting with Dementia Doreen, I know you give each ailment a name, see. Then you got the Peripheral Neuropathy; I’ll not mention your being made redundant at 60. Then, you worked in Security, the only job you could find, and got yourself shot twice.

Inchy: Oh, kind of yer not to!

Alto: Next, you had the stroke, then confirmed with Cogniscent Impairment Iris & Dementia Doreen.

Inchy: Sound bad, dunnit?

Alto: It was and still is, mate! Yer now in yer Coffin-Expectancy-Years but won’t get one because you’ve prepaid for yer cremation funeral already. Not to forget your mechanical Aorta Valve heart operation of course. And going deaf.

Inchy: A long list innit Alto?

Alto: I’ve not finished yet, Inchy…

Inchy: Oh!

Alto: All the ailments mentioned have brought on Constipation Conrad, Arthur Itis, Cartilage Collapsing Chloe and Carole, Duodenal Donald, Lymphorrhoeas Leslie, Anne Gyna, Back Pain Brenda, Shuddering Shoulder Shirley, Reflux Roger, Bladder Belinda, and Prostate Paul. Cathies Catheter Contraption,

Inchy: Have yer done?

Alto: No! Left Hip Pain Hilda, Leg Papules leaking Fluid, Leaking Leg Papules Leonard, Colin Cramps, Diabetes2, Acne and Eczema, Ankles PN electric shocks, Harold’s Haemorrhoids bleeding, and giving you monolithic-moods of massive depressions! And your latest one, Non-Epileptic Seizure Disorder… he needs to be given a name yet, you know! What about Seizure Disorder Sid?

Inchy: Oh, you noticed? Yes, Sid is fine with me…

Alto: Had I been a human, I’d have paid to send you to Switzerland or Dignitas for active euthanasia years ago. Don’t use the  Samaritans; they’ll only try to talk you out of it…

Inchy: It’s weird, I know, but you seem to be in a caring, compassionate mood.

Alto: After my chat with Thanatos, the Grim Reaper, I got the feeling that he will be with you soon, and he will. He is excited and looking forward to collecting your Soul…

Inchy: Marvellous! But why? He must be so busy with the Middle East battles, diseases, and Ukraine and Putin’s Russian deaths; why would he bother about my demise?

Alto: As I said, he is interested in seeing how you go on in the underworld…

Inchy: Underworld? Is that hell?

Alto: Well, yeah! But an ethereal one, not like the Bible supposedly tells us.

Inchy: I don’t follow that…

Alto: I can’t tell you much about it, as Alto Rule 403320/b/death/keep.schtum prevents us from passing on any details you see. They don’t want any souls escaping and making hard work for the already overworked Grim Reaper.  

Inchy: Why?

Alto: Wiv all the wars going on again, the poor chap is up to the neck in ‘Soul-Collecting’…

Inchy: Well, he can miss me if he likes, it that helps!

Alto: Yer missing the point, mate. Yer Oligarchs, Politicians, Parole Board Members, Warlords, and the like, will not go to the underworld; it’s just pure hellfire for them.

Inchy: I like the sound of that!

Alto: I shouldn’t tell yers really, but, as I’ve grown to like yer…

Inchy: Yes, yes, yes…

Alto: The world ends shortly, as I mentioned to yer last month, but a new planet has been forming in the outer universe interplanetary space… Well, it’s being done by the unknown to anyone apart from the universe’s Altos and Thanatos workers. It should be a complete regenesis by August this year, which, as long as you are in the underworld by then, you will be able to start life again on a breathable planet. I am most intrigued to see how you get on with it… And Thanatos needed a good laugh!

Inchy: You’re pulling my plonker, ain’t you?

Alto: Yea… Hahaha!