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SATURDAY 10th OCTOBER 2026
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Sorry, but today was even more nightmarish than the last few days. I was told my favourite biscuits were arriving, so I did nothing for a two-hour delivery window. I waited in the foyer for the delivery. As the intercom wasn’t working, I feared I’d miss them, or they would leave them downstairs in the foyer. I hoped they would arrive earlier rather than later. However, while waiting, I met some folk I hadn’t seen in many months. Had a natter with Cynthia, and she kept watch while I nipped up to empty my Catheter pouch and double-check I’d got the timing right. Bless her. I saw the van pull up outside and got ready to dismount the chair I’d settled into… and the driver swiped it with his own swipe? Checked the flat number & name, and he carried the boxes up to the flat for me. The computer was occasionally doing its own thing. Several times, dizziness incapacitated me for long periods. Not sure what the cause was.
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Jenny called and emailed, pointing out that I hadn’t completed the template message to the Carers asking certain Carers to service me. She also pointed out that my landline was giving her inaccessible messages.
I just did not get a chance to do either.
With two sleepless nights this week, my loss of concentration, confusion and tiredness took over.
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Falling asleep on the Porcelain Throne cost me I don’t know how long; but I’d boiled the kettle for a brew before diverting to the loo… and the water and kettle were actually cold when I got back to make the tea.
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Computer foibles continued.
The Catheter not filling, fur in the tube.
I’ve never felt so confused. Worst day ever for this.
I’m often doing, or even saying or thinking something and at any break, diversion, or change of subject, and I forget what I was doing or saying, let alone what the other person was saying, face-to-face, even on the phone. Which is most annoying and embarrassing.
When I’m alone, I constantly talk to myself out loud.
Mostly, self-aimed curse words and lambasting.
A perfect example of self-annoyance today, tragically a very common scenario for me lately: getting to the toilet too late and having unintended escapages. I cannot explain how angry this makes me. I know what may happen, but say I’m typing something (Ie: making up the Email to the Carers), and feel the motion coming on, yet still have to finish the paragraph in fear of forgetting what I was going to put. And knowing the possible result this delay may incur, I still do it! Today I forgot I was even on Email when I got back after cleaning up the mess I made. The bending gives me a backache and dizziness. So why in Hell do I do it? But I do. I don’t know.
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I wrote the above in the hope that someone who can help will read this. When the Alzheimer volunteer visits, they may be able to help me cope with these failures. I’m trying to understand & accept the inevitable myself.
It’s not easy, naturally. I feel so much for the poor souls in a similar but more advanced stage. I imagine they went through this sort of semi-awareness and suffered the anguish of knowing what is to come. 🙏🏻💗
Enough of my moaning, sorry. A few snaps taken.
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Delivery window
Driver carried the extremely large parcels up to the flat for me, dropped them in the doorway, & shot off.
A Busy lad.
The boxes were both crushed
I feared broken biscuits… But no!
Despite holes in the outer box, the
biscuits seemed okay. It was the
amazing inner box protection used
that saved the day; well done to
whoever packed them up!
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Later than usual nosh
No butter, buttered milk-roll bread,
yellow & red tomatoes, beetroot,
Strong soft French cheese, four
min pickle-topped pork pies, &
Overcooked battered chicken.
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