The Internet Health & Safety Monitoring & Investigation Unit head-honcho Gaztop and Lennie are looking into claims of the last remaining relative of the elderly incontinent bald blogger Inchcock Chambers, of Nottingham.
They are claiming that Inchcock suffered a setback in his cardiac recovery programme, caused by the site being down, and the decrepit pensioner being unable to dispense his usual rubbish for others to pretend to read.
A spokesman for Shirley Blamey-Others Solicitors said: “It is so sad, that due to the negligence of WordPress Incorporated that my client Inchcock’s sister, has had to take this action on behalf of Inchcock, as he is in no state to pursue any actions as a result of his suffering from ‘Withdrawal from Internet Blogging Syndrome’.
Dr Mike Steedenski (A fellow sufferer) of the BBC (Blogger’s Buggered Consultants) took time out from treating a patient with a broken finger nail and explained: The symptoms of this incapacitating malady include: Spousal mistreatment, Cat and Dog kicking, Temporary selective Tourettes Syndrome, Cramp in unused fingers and Twitches. Leading inescapably, to total insanity.
It didn’t help when the hospital got a little confused and took Inchcock into theatre for a Forced Caesarean birth! Luckily Nurse Marissa Bergen spotted something was wrong when she had a grope to find a little something that should not have been there.
They all had a laugh then returned Inchcock to the ward, thanking him for the little entertainment he provided.
Giggling ensued in the nurses canteen.!
Inchcock’s Sister commented: “Fair enough, I’ve not actually seen him for 5 months, and it’s no good phoning the pillock because he’s deaf! But when I eventually heard of how the dustbin-man found him in the back yard chewing on the remains of a pigeon, I just knew something might be wrong!
I sent my husband down to see what had happened, and he found the laptop on – with a message on the screen saying that ‘Google Chrome cannot access WordPress.com’, and several tabs open on various Shemale sites, so then I knew that something had sent the idiot over the top”, naturally any money we are granted I’ll use to look after for him at reasonable costs until his funeral. There are plenty of cheap rest homes to pick fr.. er.. Dr Steedenski now tells me he is getting better! Huh!”
Ambulance men reported that they were worried, as they found the house to be in complete disarray, untidy, dirty, and bereft of any food.
Inchcock’s only neighbour 96 year old Wilhelmina Witherinshaw who talks to him said this was normal.
As they took him away, he had a strong tic in his left cheek, was shaking his head, passing wind, muttering unintelligibly, with his right index finger stuck up his left nostril.
The Police Officer in attendance said: “This was normal and is to be expected from anyone with Blogger Withdrawal Syndrome!”
Nottingham’s Queens Medical Centre hospital porter Danny-boy London said Inchcock was being treated for Angina, high blood-pressure, incessant Gobble-de-gook, Bladder leakage, Haemorrhoids’, Impetigo, Arthritis, a lump on his head, and his having swallowed pigeon feathers.
This is to be updated as and when we can get back on the site again.
I seem to be suffering from similar symptoms as I can not seem to be able to access WordPress through my iPhone! And, by the way, those doctors and nurses….who hires these people?!
Sorry to hear about your difficulties gal. Tsk!
I think that Gaztops does the hiring of staff. Hehe
I wouldn’t doubt it!