The Mysteries of Inchcocks Mini-Ottoman

I can store stuff in there, like nibbles, out of site,

To retrieve them later, when I want a bite,

Usually, they are out of date by then, a mite,

Sell-by-date of Aug 1999, I found on the jar of Marmite!

_ _ _ _ _

I hid some cash in there once, but retrieved the fivers a little late,

By the time I remembered them, they were out-of-date,

I forgot some mandarins once, boy what a state,

Touched them and they crumbled, I had to wait…

While the flying dust landed and did abate,

I sneezed for ages without respite,

The dried mandarin dust flew, it gave me a fright,

I tripped over the Ottoman falling on the reading-light,

The injuries were painful, and the bleeding great,

The room looked like a flipping Bombsight!

 _ _ _ _ _

I went to retrieve a bottle of pop, the next night,

Dandelion & Burdock, if I remember right,

I struggled, but got it out of the Ottoman alright,

Then the cap shot off, hitting me in the eye,

I put on some antiseptic that made me cry,

I wondered how this happened, and why?

Then saw the price, that on the label did lie,

It didn’t really make any sense,

I/6d, yes, one and sixpence!

 _ _ _ _ _

But what does occur and almost every day or more often,

Is stubbing the toes on this Ottoman,

When I do this, my language is not like that of a churchman,

These words of warning of wot I’ve written,

If you have a mini-Ottoman

Sell it, throw it or give it to Oxfam,

Cause you’ll get yourself injured and fritten,

More painful than getting frostbitten!

 

It’s so hard to find steel-toe-capped slippers innit?

Just thought I’d mention it!

Written in Support of Suzies Podiatrist Services

Who I am currently Financing until I get rid of the Mini-Ottoman!