♫ Food Glorious Food… ♫
But no hot chocolate or custard!
I beginneth the Ode, with the tale from Tuesday,
With food being delivered from Iceland, I say,
Sainsbury’s, I wanted to use, as I would, ordinarily,
Could I get access to their site? No flipping way!
Hence, my disappointment today, Wednesday…
Sorting the food delivered left me in dismay!
I opened the first bags onto the server trolley tray,
Bananas looked nice and green, should last many a day,
But the potatoes had growths on them and use by this Thursday!
No faults with the orange juice, pasties Cornish and Cheesy,
The lamb shanks I’d not had for a long time (budgetary),
I’ll have a lamb shanks in gravy tonight, to myself I did say…,
The next load I put out on display…
The dates left this septuagenarian giddy!
No dates on either pack of tomatoes, hey!
Both lots were soft and beginning to decay!
Two loaves of bread, both expired today!
Sugar snap peas, they were safe until Friday!
The mushrooms one day left, Wednesday, today!
The other stuff’s dates seemed to be okay!
The last few bits seemed better by to review,
But the brown cob packs should have been two!
But they only sent one, which was dearer – Boo!
Fairy liquid was on offer, just £1… that’ll do!
Oh, and the sweet chilly Thai sauce was £1 too!
Then the old warped memory came into play…
I didn’t want or need the chilli sauce anyway!
Memory-Lapse – another waste of effort, and monetarily,
For I’d got a massive jar last week,
Pissed off with myself, so’s to speak.
My Biggest Gastronomic Disappointment Ever!
I got around to cooking the lamb shanks at last
I got around to cooking the lamb shanks at last,
Such a long time since I’ve had such a repast…
I could hear my taste buds as they clacked…
Remembering the glorious taste, from the past…
Assured the delightful flavour would be a blast!
My hopes were high; I intended to eat it all…
But my cheeriness had a great fall…
It was horrible! I didn’t like it at all!
Sweet and sickly, for lamb, not natural,
Disappointing and incredible!
The sweetness made it inedible,
Why did I trust Iceland? Incomprehensible!
For Iceland, it’s only typical…
Nowt to fret over, nothing unusual…
I’d buy them out and sack them all…
If I had the wherewithal…
Depressed! I pottered about in the cupboards
Stuff in the end cupboard, to be eaten…
Most unwanted substitutes from the heathen…
Wicked Iceland and Morrison’s: They are Rotten!
Unwanted crap I don’t like sent, all too often!
No shortages of seasonings, though…
Parsley, Chilli, BBQ, Pickles and Oxo,
Lea & Perrin sauce, Balsamic, Marmite,
The innards are rumbling… problems gastro?
Oh, dearie me!
To the Porcelain Throne, I had to go,
Shit! I’ve just stubbed me hammertoe!
I’m just not a lucky bunny, you know!
What was I odeing about a while ago?
The cupboards… vinegar, soups, beans, red, gungo,
Mulligatawny, black and white pepper, Go-Glow…
Go-Glow? Why is that in there? A mystery, though?
With flavourings galore! Core, my toe’s getting sore…
No meat hereabouts… A lamb shank for sure…
A packet of out-of-date marshmallows…
Ah, I’ve got the bean and cheese pasty in the fridge!
I checked the sell-by-date and found a dead midge?
I’m struggling here, just a smidge…
With this Odeing verbiage…
Hell, summat else out of date, a box of porridge!
The Door Chime, Chimed!
It was the Amazon delivery;
On the orders of cleaner Esther, I’d ordered an ironing board…
But another Whoopsiedangleplop had matured!
These and Accifauxpas for me, are assured,
There’s no way stopping them from coming; it can’t be cured!
Their perpetuity can be assured…
I think that can be said officially; rest assured…
Another cock-up, mistake or Accifauxpas will be sculptured!
They just can’t leave me alone; it’s such a bind!.
Thoughts At The Time
Is the ironing board a self-assembly one, then?
The box wasn’t heavy, it’s too tiny, indeed… Freakier!
Got inside and found they had sent; no snigger!
An ironing board cover? Another Inchy blunder?
Now I can see where and how and feel in despair!
Is that not a picture of an ironing board above there?
My lousy eyesight causing problems there…
I’m fed up and don’t think life is fair!
Inchcock’s Making The Best Of Things Series – In Ode
Ordering an ironing board cover instead of cleaner? I hate it when that happens. You do have plenty of food glorious food. No Scrooging around your place.
Plenty in if you all pop over, Sir, bring the furries as wel! Hahaha!
Cheers, Tim.
Fodder, Dismaying Fodder
They time deliveries to arrive a day or less before the expiration date, and substitute something you have never ever ordered. I imagine some demented criminals somehow incarcerate making wagers about who can substitute the acceptable product with the ungodly awful — such as those crazy lamb parts. How foul, browned cow? Answer: you certainly do not want to know. They have a database available for all the items you have ever ordered, or I suppose that is asking for too much. Here, we are able to click on a button and view recent items and their prices for purchased at Krogers, the largest chain of supermarkets in the country. Their headquarters is less than 10 miles behind me (to the North that is). I am thinking that Dominic Cummings may be a player in these outrages. Michael Fries as well.
The Amazon delivery was even more outrageous. Perhaps you could find a correspondingly sized board for it, or use it as a table cloth, a raincoat, a blanket…
Perhaps to use it as a face mask??
Wel worfrf, DSir Billum. ‘ How foul, browned cow? Answer: you certainly do not want to know. They have a database available for all the items you have ever ordered, or I suppose that is asking for too much.’ Too true! Haha!
Cummngs and Fries – Nicely slotted in there, Mon Ami!
Now there’s a thought Billum, I could keep one leg warm at least? Haha! The facemask idea made me laugh out loud.
Are you on the trip out yey, Billum?
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