Inchcock’s Local News Snippets – Part 33⅓rd

Inchcock’s Local News Snippets – Part 33⅓rd

Seems to be a question over which part this is? Haha!

Breaking News – Deadly Caterpillars found in Nottingham!

What with swine fever & poisonous insecticide…
Covid, Putin, bird flu, which is worse? You decide!
Drunk drivers, murderers, and a shortage of cyanide…
We’d better sort out the best choice for suicide…
Jump off a high building, shoot yourself, or use Fungicide?
Easy for me, I’ll take 10 Warfarins and a few Furosemide
The kids would be heartbroken if their dog died…
But would self-immolation really be justified?
Maybe, cause Putin’s war will soon go worldwide!

I’ll try to catch the court case to see the sentence,
Unless the lily-livered judge decides on his innocence,
All he’ll have to do is show the mock judge reticence,
The judge will bring up some 1895 jurisprudence…
See that the lad didn’t mean to kill, using grandiloquence…
The beak congratulates the lawyer on his great defence…
Fines the lad £50 and pays his court cost expense!

I keep seeing in these reports; the word Sherwood…
Me living there midst of the violence and blood…
Means I don’t feel safe, as any innocent would!
I think I should have left, absquatulated…
Mayhaps the miscreants are misunderstood?
Whatever happened to an eye for an eye, blood for blood…
Christs, it’s dangerous living in Sherwood!

An Angel of Mercy came to the rescue,
Gave no name, a white van driver, too!
Would you think he was from Nottingham, do you?
Probably from Wales, Devon or Crewe?

According to the court records, (a chap here works there). This animal has had 91 convictions for 41 offences. He’s awaiting trial for four fraud charges, attempted robbery, carrying a knife in a  public place, and demanding money from several taxi drivers! There are another 44 charges that were ‘dropped’ through lack of evidence (that seems a lot?) and domestic abuse. Five years and five months, with eight months for the eleven fraud charges. I need a mathematician here… how long did the scumbag get for each crime he committed, please?


We’ll trace the suspects earnestly!
No doubt, using their renowned synergy,
And cunningly concealed sagacity…
And scribble a note on the back of the hand!

By pure default.
This man’s a dolt!

Parole Board idiots let him leave clink early,
They should be prosecuted and sued, clearly…
They got it wrong yet again, then surely…
There are not up to the job, pathetically!
As Hughie Green said, ‘I mean this sincerely’…
The Parollers should be sacked and fined, but severely!

Mayhaps in prison, Brown could train…
The Parole Board idiots again…
Tell them they are thick, nonsane!
Freeing scumbags early is transmundane,
They’ll commit crimes again, fly off in a plane…
Laugh at them, call them names profane!

A murderer, drug dealer and a crackbrain…
They have been freed this year, have they no brain?
Everyone who was freed and committed a crime again!
I’ve proved at catching runaways; you are inane…
Parole Boarders have no morals to maintain,
Freeing murderers to kill again is inhumane!

Parole Boarders are as guilty… of this, I am certain…
Off the crimes committed by the freed-early lurdane!
Are the idiots’ drug addicts, or do they use enflurane?
Cause the arseholes free killers again and again?

We (UK) have 246 Parole Board members. It’s agreed,
The highest-paid member gets £166,560 indeed!
The Prime Ministers’ pay, this does exceed!
Justice for the innocents killed by Murderers freed…
The wife, husband or child victims’ families…

Guilty Parole members should be locked up or sauteed,
On bread and water, with the occasional fried centipede,
I wouldn’t say I hate or loath those that intercede…
Indeed one or two must-have accurately refereed?
Too many freed killers kill again! For revenge or greed!


Got Him!

Fair enough!

21 thoughts on “Inchcock’s Local News Snippets – Part 33⅓rd

  1. I read about a couple that were tried for some horrible crime in Nottingham recently, but I don’t remember the details. The end of the world plagues. We have drought. You have deadly caterpillars and Putin threatening to nuke you. A nuking might take care of those caterpillars.

    • Hahaha! Thanks, Tim. You’ll be pleased to know that I am keeping up my record for taking tumbles, today be the forth one in the trot! I burnt my knuckle, got a hickey on my finger using the tongues out get the potatoes out of the slow cooker, and even lucky enough to see and recognise the black growths on the inside. Then, getting the imitation pork on the plate, I found string in it? Got some photos of that to post.. if the reader will let me.
      I do hope you get some rain soon, mate. Would a few of Putins missiles bring it on? Har-har!

      • Ah, you’re right. Paying for the ones I’ve got is getting the bank balnace diminithing… diminishing. I can’t even get what the cost will be if the send a carer to hopistl with me, and stayu at the flat for 24 hours after the cataract replacement is done. If I do not arrange this fiest, they will not do the operation… I’m buggered either way now! Humph!

      • Buggered is right. You don’t have to be stooping. They have you bending over for another bloody buggering.

  2. It is hard to decide who should receive the prison terms the most, those called criminals and those who absolve the criminals of significant time behind bars. The viler the perpetrator, the more likely is he to go free — but not without a gentle slap to the wrist.
    Confound it all to heck and back.

      • If mankind had not ‘invented money, things would be so much betterer today. Big cats captured to use the urine nad body parts, elephants for ivory and of all things, umbrella stands… Grr! Fur for the rich and showy. Oysters, feathers, and I’m working myself up here… THere would be no money-mad Red Wig as President… surley he can’t get in again? Please!
        HRH is strugglng with her sleep again, I am too, but it is nothing compared to what Lisa is going through. I shall try to send sleep-healing thoughts to her.
        Indeed, some will wend there way to the Not-Red-Spooted Professor Scientist, who is busy working away in lab 29 at the Monor… I may be wrong… on his water powered Mark 173.34 and ⅞ths, two-way time machine at this very moment.

      • Rhinos being killed solely for their horn, to be ground up to sate the aphrodisiac market in China, to name but one. Lisa and I recently viewed a movie from the 1940’s where one of the stars wore five or six minks draped around her neck. Fortunately, the fur trade has dwindled as the horror becomes known. Wishful thinking on my part perhaps.
        We both thank you for those sleep-healing thoughts. They seem to be working at this very moment.
        Meanwhile in Lab 29, work on the Mark 173.34 and 15/16 ths is making much progress. A few teams are working on making the machine look as Jules-Verneian as possible.
        Wishing you einen guten Montag bzw. Dienstag!

      • You should do some reports for a newspaper, Billum, have your own column? That’s wot I fink!
        It’s possible is it not, that Putin will start the end of mankind, and the creatures that survive will eat on the rancid bodies of the few survivors? I like that idea, if you do, Sir, get in touch wiv a studio wuickly to get the film made about it, before its too late. Hahaha!
        Much appreciate the effort being made in the labs on the upgraded versions, by the way.

      • I have thought about launching a YouTube presence, HRH thinks it a worthy idea. It could involve just about everything I write about, and everything I have not written about.
        Vultures would enjoy Putin’s follow through on this. Mankind has done everything but attempt to limit its population, which has quadrupled since we were born. Even Pope Francis once said “We are not rabbits.” Something that his flock just might not approve.
        The labs keep things up-to-date. Their apocryphal existence makes updating easy too.

      • No rush with the Utube, Billum. I’ve stopped watching TV now, and n videos as the eyes get worse. Struggling a lot with computing to. When the eyes are sorted, Glaucoma Gladys the Saccades Sandra, the ears them teeth will need sorting… I waffle again… sorry.
        They in power cannot see what we are doing to the environment yet, some Civil Righters are opposed to any kind of limitation being put on the citizenry in Europe; but it must be obvious to anyone, it is needed, if tellurians are to survive, which of course we will eventually, not. I fink.
        The Manor’s Laboratories may be fictitious, but real in my mind, mate. Hehe! I love to hear about them. Yor relatings are so good.
        Bestest wishes to all the Manor flock! ♥

      • I think your waffles are interesting and enlightening. Closed-captioning is indispensable, the ears have to discern too many words. Fortunately, captions are available on many TV programs and on a bunch of YouTube channels. If I do not see CC at the bottom of the screen, I move on to a site that does. Reminding me that the Latin word video means “I see.”
        Tellurians are very adept at making poor decisions and having lousy leadership. Trump was searching for a way to extend his administration indefinitely, Putin has effectively made himself a new Czar. I imagine that one of his daughters will take the throne.
        I imagine the Manor’s Laboratories as actual existing entities, all 97 of them. It pleases me greatly to read that you find them to be as good as real, if not betterer.
        The flock sends you their very best, as they hurry back to their respective lab duties. 🙂

      • Ah, would those captions be done by ICI? Hehe!
        This very morning… well no it wasn’t, it was last night, I saw a link to simething about Red-Wig on Facebook. You wouldn ot believe it, someoneh as aske, what are things that you love about most of all about him’. Crikey, His honesty! His compassion for the American people, 41,844 replies, all of the same mould! I had to come off of it. I wanted to write something, but I had to join a club to do so. Oh, one mentions 2044 and his assured return?
        Putinesses on the Throne. Argh!
        Love them returning to the lab duties. Hahaha!
        Stay safe, mate and matesses! ♥

      • Honesty and compassion are two character traits that Trump and Putin do no possess. And, yes, Trump’s fan club is enormous and is worldwide in scope. So far, there exists no one in the Republican Party not fully loyal to Trump. They should change their name to The :Party of Trump.
        Putin has two daughters who are well known in Russia. Perhaps a variation on the Hapsburg imperial lot may develop. And you heard it first right here on Inchcock Today, the leading voice on all things everyplace.
        The Labbers are presently out to lunch. 🙂
        May safety reign in Flat (and Lab) 72. ♥

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